Misanthropy is a persistent rejection of people, the habit of seeing only their shortcomings in them. The individual does not want to delve into the problems of others; it is difficult for her to understand the desires of loved ones, relatives, friends and acquaintances. Sometimes conflict situations happen just because you have to prove your point of view and be active. Misanthropy is understood by many people as an expression of strong individuality. But this is far from true. These people are completely focused on the negative, so nothing good comes into their lives.
Causes
Misanthropy is a disease that does not arise out of nowhere. Certain factors contribute to the accumulation of negativity and the formation of unpleasant attitudes. It will take a lot of mental effort to cope with the consequences. Hatred towards people is often a reflection of an incorrect lifestyle, the result of some unfavorable events. It would seem, where does hatred of people come from despite outward prosperity? They need to be understood in detail in order to notice the origins of the formation of obvious disadvantage. Sometimes people don't want to admit to themselves that difficulties exist. Such a game easily turns into self-deception, since the individual feeds his pride and does not want to concentrate on solving everyday problems.
Childhood trauma
When family relationships do not work out, a person often withdraws into himself. Strict parents sometimes cause significant emotional wounds, sometimes without even knowing it. The child is left alone with his sorrows. He gradually gets used to the fact that at the right moment no one will take pity on him, caress him, or say a kind word. The result is severe disappointment in people. It seems that since those closest to you deceive and betray, then in principle you can’t trust anyone. In this approach, a person seeks complacency and justifies his own inaction. Childhood traumas can live in the soul for a long time, poisoning life. Sometimes we are not even aware of them, because we are too busy with worries and selfish views. But how much we don’t notice! As a result, life is wasted, without joys, emotions and everyday good impressions.
Excessive sensitivity
There are people who are naturally hypersensitive. They often find themselves deeply impressed by the most everyday events. Excessive sensitivity affects how a person builds relationships and communicates with relatives and colleagues. One careless word can make a huge impression, contribute to increasing tension and the growth of conflict. That’s why one can read wariness in one’s gaze, and one can see aloofness in one’s behavior. Closeness in interaction is reflected in other areas of life: personal life does not work out, problems arise at work, numerous fears and psychological barriers arise. Coping with all this is quite difficult, especially when you don’t fully understand what exactly is happening.
Miseducation
If parents pay little attention to the child’s personal development, then he develops a feeling of personal insecurity. It seems that the world is cruel and unfair to the extreme. The result is wariness, detachment and reluctance to engage in conversation. When people focus too much on negative experiences, they end up getting nothing done. They lose the necessary supply of energy and stop believing in their own prospects. As a response, isolation, unsociability, and complete reluctance to engage in normal everyday life arise.
Developed intelligence
The smarter a person is, the more critical thinking he develops. Psychologists note this pattern. The ability to notice the shortcomings of others comes to the fore. An attack of misanthropy can happen suddenly and confuse you, depriving you of significant prospects. Developed intelligence manifests itself in the need to criticize, analyze and question every individual action. There is also a danger that a person begins to be proud of the education he has received, the things he has acquired, the fact that he knows several foreign languages and reads philosophical literature freely.
Dissatisfaction with your life
If you fail to achieve something significant in life, then a feeling of disappointment comes. It seems that nothing good will happen anymore, since external events are not encouraging anyway. Dissatisfaction with life is a good reason to withdraw into yourself and stop paying attention to how the people around you behave. Experiencing deep disappointment, a person often discovers a need to withdraw and stop reacting to events in the outside world. It often occurs to people to start blaming other people for their own failures. This happens instinctively, because there is no other way to act despite the prevailing circumstances.
Soul emptiness
Emotional problems greatly affect the ability to empathize. Spiritual emptiness leads to limited perception. A person withdraws from the everyday bustle and stops all communication with people. If someone turns to him with a request or advice, it only causes irritation. There is no incentive for action, there are no skills for social interaction. When a feeling of hopelessness gnaws at you, the need arises to run far away and never face aggravating conditions.
In the right place
Perhaps the reason for the lack of desire to work is an unsuccessful workplace. For example, colleagues and visitors are constantly scurrying past you, pestering you with questions. You get distracted all the time, can't concentrate, and end up not doing your job well enough.
Of course, your self-esteem as a specialist suffers from this, and the desire to work disappears completely. If you don’t have the opportunity to change your “dislocation”, try to at least better arrange your desktop - nice-looking trinkets, a favorite flower and a photo of children on the desktop will make the office atmosphere more comfortable. And, of course, get rid of clutter in your workspace. While you are rummaging through a pile of papers, trying to find the necessary document under the rubble, the desire to work may dry up.
Signs
Symptoms of misanthropy are visible to the naked eye. They cannot be ignored because strong hatred of people affects the way we perceive reality. There is an immersion in one’s own world, a strong fixation on any situation. Clear signs of misanthropy are presented below.
Human vices irritate me
A person feels that hatred for other people fills his heart. You have to constantly get irritated, act as a permanent opponent of everything and everyone. People around them are seen entirely in a negative light, as if they have no merits. Irritating lies, drinking, smoking, the need to protect oneself under any circumstances. Any shortcomings are perceived as something catastrophic, something for which there is no explanation and which cannot be dealt with.
Dislike for people's weaknesses
How to understand hatred of a person who does not express his indignation? It's actually not difficult to do. It is enough to see that the person experiences expressed hostility. Before you think about why this happens, you need to tune in to the awareness of what is happening. Real hostility to the weaknesses of others really interferes with life. The misanthrope gradually alienates himself from society, begins to look for reasons not to appear among people, and uses every opportunity to stay at home. Some people switch to remote work just to avoid being in a group and not listening to stupid conversations.
Limiting communication
Some misanthropes spend most of their lives in solitude. They do not notice how they are missing out on many opportunities and are imbued with false ideas about their own exclusivity. Limitation in communication makes a person unsociable, and a gradual loss of social connections occurs. In some cases, you don't care what happens next. Purely selfish needs come to the fore. The outside world seems to cease to exist, because it simply becomes uninteresting and predictable.
Need for protected space
Misanthropes often become hermits. They retire to their rooms and practically never leave their hiding place. It seems that they don’t need anyone, that they can cope just fine on their own. Tender feelings for anyone are impossible, since the individual blocks any manifestations of humanity in himself. The need for a protected space arises when it is no longer possible to build full-fledged harmonious relationships. It turns out that the person fences himself off from everything that could bring mental pain and provoke even greater disappointment. Some people do not leave the house for months, ignore even close relatives, and isolate themselves from any attempts to return to normal life.
Misanthropes who conquered the world
History knows the names of great minds who at the same time had a tendency towards misanthropy: these are German thinkers Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche and Arthur Schopenhauer, Russian actor and director Alexander Gordon, rock musician and poet, and even Bill Murray, an American film actor.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Also closely associated with misanthropy is the name of Andrei Malgin, a journalist, writer and blogger who gained popularity after the publication of the book “Adviser to the President.” His diary in LiveJournal entitled “Notes of a Misanthrope” was re-read by hundreds and thousands, who raised Malgin to the pedestal of honor. The blogger’s thoughts on current political events in the Russian Federation found a vivid response from a large circle of readers.
How to get rid
If no attempts are made to correct the situation, the problem will go beyond all reasonable limits. Inappropriate reactions will appear caused by the inability to meet halfway. You need to know how to get rid of negative manifestations. There is no universal advice and there cannot be. Treatment implies a willingness to change and make informed decisions. Hatred destroys a person, so it is necessary to get rid of it.
Recognizing the problem
This is the first step to start with. If you deny the need to follow the voice of reason, then nothing good will come of it. By showing cynicism, you can hardly achieve recognition from others. People stop trying to cope with their problems. They begin to focus on false beliefs and believe that nothing can be corrected. When thinking about how to deal with limiting circumstances, you cannot allow hatred into your heart. You need to try to maintain at least some kind of connection and trust with those who are nearby. Even if relations with relatives leave much to be desired, you cannot completely give up trying.
The need for compromise
Sometimes misanthropes begin to think about how to cope with hatred of a person. This is a positive sign leading to change. A person must realize that he cannot do without other people. In any case, you will have to contact someone and make informed decisions. Without knowing how to treat this condition, it is impossible to move forward and realize your own mistakes. You need to learn to compromise where necessary. Just understand that no one likes truth-tellers. If you think about everything from a critical point of view, you can lose your usual circle of friends and become a completely uncommunicative person. This is not good for mental health, since it opens up old wounds and does not allow one to reach a qualitatively new level of development.
Interest groups
Not understanding how to overcome hatred of a person, many begin to do stupid things. To get out of the state of fixation on your own failures and stop expecting the worst from people, it is useful to look for communication based on your interests. If this is a highly intelligent person, then she will be bored in the company of ordinary people. You will have to look for the appropriate company to recharge with positive impressions. Blissful feelings work wonders and allow you to notice the good things that happen in life. By uniting in interest groups, you will forget about the name of your problem, and you will be able to understand how to remove hatred towards a person. Today, similar events are held in libraries and cultural centers.
Participation in charity
To free yourself from the influence of misanthropy, you need to be filled with positive feelings. It is useful to learn to give your warmth just like that, without demanding a return and without predicting in advance what the result will be. You can become a volunteer and start helping people in trouble or homeless animals. These actions will make it possible to feel how multifaceted life is and to realize the value of human communication. You cannot treat the people around you as something completely hostile.
Thus, misanthropy is not something far-fetched. This is a serious problem that prevents us from living a full life, and we must definitely work with it. Only then will you be able to find peace of mind. If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, you can seek help from the community of psychologists and rehabilitation specialists Irakli Pozharisky. Consulting a specialist will never be superfluous; it will allow you to understand the underlying reasons for the changes taking place.
Where's the respite?
It is possible that decreased enthusiasm is a signal from your body that you need a break. Working for three months without days off, it’s impossible not to get tired. Don't forget that a normal working day is 8 hours, not 24, as you used to think. Try to take breaks from work more often, ask yourself an assistant, explain to your boss that, working in this mode, you are unlikely to be able to fulfill your duties well enough. You should not bring work unfinished in the office home - you should come to work well-slept and rested. Only in this case will you be able to work with pleasure. Or maybe you recently had the flu and you don’t need extra stress. Then your reluctance to work is a protective reaction against overwork. In this case, it makes sense to take a course of vitamins, pay attention to tonic infusions, such as infusion of ginseng or eleutherococcus, and, if possible, postpone all difficult tasks for at least a week. During this time, you will finally regain your strength, and your enthusiasm will return on its own.
By the way, psychologists from the University of Amsterdam warn: before taking on an important task, you need to have a good rest. Rested and tired from mental work, the subjects were subjected to a series of experiments, during which it turned out that tired people were less flexible and more persistent in their behavior, they periodically suffered from a lack of self-control. They also acted less rationally, repeatedly trying the same options even when it was clear they weren't working. They needed more time to think and draw some conclusions.
Envy
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This is the second reason why strange irritation may occur . Envy is a feeling that I really don’t want to admit to myself. It is difficult to accept that you are jealous, because it means that you lack something, that you want something, but cannot. And then you begin to get angry with a successful colleague or relative and accuse him, for example, of getting something dishonestly, or of sucking up to everyone, so everything is fine with him.
We get angry because we can't do it ourselves. And then even some good trait in this person begins to irritate us.
For example, easy-going or the ability to find a common language with anyone - after all, it seems to us that thanks to these qualities the person received something that we cannot get.
And so easy-going behavior in envious eyes becomes frivolity and irresponsibility, and sociability becomes the ability to suck up and lie like crazy.
The reason for envy may also be that we deceive ourselves in our desires and motives. Here’s an example: one person is terribly indignant that he is so creative, but doesn’t earn as much money as Uncle Vasya, who does some nonsense. But Uncle Vasya’s motive is to make money, and he makes it. And an indignant person has a motive - to do something with meaning, to bring good into the world. Then, it turns out that if Uncle Vasya’s motive is money, and yours is good, you are simply on different planes. Are you ready to change your motive to get big money?
You need to ask yourself the question: what do you want more? Money, like Uncle Vasya, or something else? Because in this case it’s a conflict: they don’t pay big money for what’s light and high. And if envy and irritation go off scale, you need to figure out your motive, is it real? Or how much of it is from oneself, and how much is from social roles and obligations? Or maybe the person just doesn’t know how to make money?
Do not try to be friends with the “irritant”
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There is a mistake that many people make when they want to be honest with themselves. Feeling guilty before a person for their dislike, they begin to treat the object of their dislike with exaggerated attention, deliberately trying to do something for him, trying to reverse their negativity.
To use a medical metaphor, these people are trying to carry the heavy bag of the “victim” with a broken arm. But until the hand grows together and gets stronger in the cast, any tension for it can be detrimental. So here:
Until we realize the real reasons for our hostility and understand how to overcome them, such forced friendly behavior will not bring any good.
It will look hypocritical, but inside, in addition to hostility, aggression will also accumulate.
I would advise not to pester the object of hostility, but on the contrary: to step back a little and watch him. Try to understand why he behaves one way or another, what his internal reasons may be. Look at the world through his eyes, try to feel it - or, as the English say, walk a mile in his shoes. Perhaps something will be revealed to you, after which you will no longer be able to be angry with him.
Keep a diary of feelings
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The second step is keeping a diary. It is necessary to describe in writing as detailed as possible what specifically irritates a person. We take a notepad and draw a table in three columns. The first is the cause of irritation, for example, “he sits and spins in his chair” or “laughs insincerely when talking to his boss.” The second is my feeling that arises about this. Third - how, in my opinion, an “irritant” should behave. We keep such a diary for at least a week, with all care.
We need to start analyzing the issue point by point, that is, very clearly, on paper. Because when everything is only in thoughts, it scatters in all directions. I need to clearly write down what I specifically don’t like, what annoys me.
It is necessary to write down all the details - it’s not just annoying and that’s all - but you don’t like the way he talks, or ingratiates himself with the boss, or sucks up to everyone, is a hypocrite, puts on airs, brags, etc.
There will be several results here. Firstly, we will bring out the feelings and emotions that previously tormented us from the inside. Secondly, we can figure out for ourselves whether there is something in ourselves that irritates us so terribly. Or maybe we really don’t, but we really want it?
In my practice there was a very quiet and modest girl who was afraid to speak out and speak. And her colleague at work wouldn’t shut his mouth. That is, she told everyone exactly what she thought.
And this irritated the quiet girl to the point of fainting; she called her colleague an upstart, and vain, and worse.
But in fact, she wanted to be able to be so decisive herself. But for a very long time she did not want to admit to herself that she also wanted to be able to behave so openly. That is, in fact, she liked the quality that her colleague had and the lack of which she was so upset about.
Or another example. Let's say I'm incredibly annoyed by the gossip that a person engages in at work. Then I need to track how I behave myself, and then ask: “Am I not gossiping myself?”
Your first instinct will be to say “no.” But take your time, think about it, and then try asking someone you trust. You need to learn to watch yourself carefully.
If the cause of irritation and hostility towards another is found and eliminated, then the irritation goes away.
When a person admits that he is also not a saint and can also gossip, be jealous, boast, etc., he becomes more tolerant of those who are also not saints. This is a rule: the more tolerant we are able to treat ourselves and accept ourselves with shortcomings, the more tolerant we treat others.
If I discover in myself the same qualities that irritate me in another, I go to confession, and then say: “Okay. If God forgives, then why don’t I forgive myself?” Then I can be tolerant of others. That is, I will treat myself with love, and I will treat others with love.
This does not mean that you need to be tolerant of objectively bad actions and manifestations. Love the sinner and hate the sin.
Forgotten problem
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And finally, the fourth reason for “instinctive hostility” is some kind of repressed trauma.
It happens that a person cannot stand a certain type of people. For example, tall and thin. He cannot stand them to such an extent that he cannot even touch them without disgust - it’s the same as touching an insect. Such things may be tied to some repressed childhood traumas. Maybe an adult, tall, thin uncle approached a little girl at the age of three and scared her with something. In the unconscious part of the psyche, fear remains and is consolidated. Then a person grows up and no longer remembers, but this suppressed, forgotten, repressed, associated with some kind of trauma or unpleasant situation, develops into such hostility.
This can happen not only in childhood, but in adulthood something happens to us, and the psyche works in such a way that we forget it.
If it is very unpleasant, then we convince ourselves that it did not happen.
Nevertheless, the image that traumatized us remains, and we will feel hostility towards it, without understanding why we feel this.
