From time to time we experience irritation in response to the actions and behavior of other people. Some - more often, some less often. This feeling is extremely unpleasant and often long-lasting... How to cope with negative emotions? After all, it is we who suffer from irritation - those who make us nervous are usually indifferent to the experiences of others.
Let's look at the most common reasons for dissatisfaction with other people and figure out how to react correctly in a given situation.
- Impudence and selfishness
- Deception and lies
- Unpunctuality
- Unreliability
- Tactlessness
- Obsessiveness
- Stupidity
- Arrogance and snobbery
- Imaginary helplessness
Impudence and selfishness
It is very difficult to be calm about human arrogance. And it’s almost impossible to get used to it. Even those people who believe that they have already adapted to everything still experience negative emotions in this case - dissatisfaction, grief, despondency...
I remember a long-ago situation when transfers between bank cards were not yet practiced. A friend calls: “I would like to borrow 5,000 rubles from you. It would be convenient for me if you arrived at my work after 19.00. If I’m delayed, wait near the entrance, wait, okay?” I then replied: “Sorry, I can’t help you,” and hung up. But, probably, like most people, my first reaction was irritation and bewilderment at such unceremoniousness.
The person is trying to get what he needs, but at the same time he does not ask, is not interested in the plans of the other, does not even try to make it convenient for me to fulfill his request. At least just to want to do it...
A short negative answer in such cases - without comments, lengthy explanations, and especially without excuses - is a good solution. The second successful option is reciprocal impudence. Just as a game, as an opportunity to show an atypical reaction, which is also very useful for self-development. In most cases, impudent people get lost...In rare cases, they snap back. But it's not scary at all...
Our task in this case is to learn not to get lost in various situations when communicating, to be prepared for the diversity of human behavior and to respect our interests.
How to deal with irritability
There are several ways to prevent it or deal with the consequences.
Watch your health
When a person is physically healthy, his mental state also stabilizes, which means he is less irritable. Here are some basic tips to help you live a healthier lifestyle:
- Eat right. This may improve Eat well/NHS mood in general and reduce irritability in particular. Try to diversify your menu and eat less fast food, sweets and fatty foods.
- Get a good night's sleep. Sleep Sleep tips: 6 steps to better sleep / Mayo Clinic at least 7-8 hours a day. Go to bed at the same time and try to sleep at night.
- Play sports or just move more. Physical activity / World Health Organization has proven that it improves physical and mental health. Find an activity that you enjoy and regularly devote at least two and a half hours a week to it.
Identify the reasons for your irritation and work through them
Most often they lie in ourselves, because people most likely do not try R. Knight. How to Develop Empathy for Someone Who Annoys You / Harvard Business Review intentionally annoys others.
You will have to work hard and learn to control your negative emotions. Irritation and anger distract us and prevent us from understanding the reason for what is happening. Breathing practices help you calm down quickly.
When you're feeling a wave of indignation, try R. Knight. How to Develop Empathy for Someone Who Annoys You / Harvard Business Review start breathing slowly and deeply. Try to concentrate on this. You can also try holding your breath for a short time or counting your breaths. This will help you look at the situation more calmly and find the true source of your anger.
Contact a specialist
If you can’t work out the reasons for your irritability on your own and learn to control it, you should go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. It doesn't hurt to do the same if you're showing signs of stress or depression.
If you have trouble sleeping or notice symptoms of hypoglycemia or hormonal imbalance, visit your GP. He will prescribe additional tests for you or refer you to the appropriate specialist.
Deception
Each of us had fantasy friends as children. They selflessly talked about how they had a peacock at home, their dad worked as a lion trainer, and in a week he and dad were leaving on tour to Australia. And we believed and envied. Until we realized that all this was just our friend’s dreams...
But if a child who is a dreamer is sweet and harmless, then an adult deceiver causes a lot of problems for himself and those around him. It’s difficult to communicate with him (because you don’t know where the truth and where the lies are in his words), it’s impossible to cooperate. And, of course, lying is very annoying.
Some are categorical: “I don’t accept this, this person ceases to exist for me!” But I don’t see the point in such drastic decisions. Firstly, we can all be useful to each other at any time. And secondly, such a dreamer could be a boss at a job you love or a close relative - how can you refuse them? Well, thirdly, hand on heart, we all cheat sometimes. But this is also a deception, albeit not a global one...
What conclusion can be drawn here? We need to be more lenient towards the harmless fantasies of adults and forgive them a little cunning - simply because it is in human nature.
What if a person cheats regularly? A couple of times are enough for us to be convinced of this and further note to ourselves that we simply no longer trust his statements. And we certainly don’t waste our nerve cells on negativity towards him...
Why we don’t like some people so much, even if we don’t really know them
Here's why this can happen.
Because of a bad first impression
To compose it, we only need 1. J. Willis, A. Todorov. First impressions: making up your mind after a 100‑ms exposure to a face / Psychological science 2. A. Todorov, CY Olivola, R. Dotsch et al. Social Attributions from Faces: Determinants, Consequences, Accuracy, and Functional Significance / Annual Review of Psychology from half a second to four hundredths. Of course, an opinion that has arisen in such a short time may turn out to be erroneous. For example, it is unlikely that it will be possible to objectively determine whether a person is kind or evil based on appearance. In this case, N. Klein, E. O'Brien have the initial sensations. The Tipping Point of Moral Change: When Do Good and Bad Acts Make Good and Bad Actors? / Social Cognition is of great importance to us, and it is not easy to forget about them.
According to R. Dotsch, R. Hassin, A. Todorov. Statistical learning shapes face evaluation / Nature Human Behavior psychologists from the Netherlands, Israel and the USA, we make our first impression based on past experience. For example, if someone looks like our long-time offender, then he will be unpleasant just by his appearance. The opposite also happens: because of appearance, we can expect too much from a person, and then be upset when he does not live up to expectations.
Not only the visual image influences the first impression. For example, R. Matthew Montoya, RS Horton, J. Kirchner are known. Is actual similarity necessary for attraction? A meta‑analysis of actual and perceived similarity / Journal of Social and Personal Relationships that we prefer people with similar views. We automatically classify them as “good”. And vice versa, everything that seems strange, unknown, incomprehensible and alien to us, including in the behavior of other people, causes rejection. For example, a closed person may be annoyed by an interlocutor who is ready to share details of his personal life with everyone.
Because we see in them a reflection of our own shortcomings
It happens that people unconsciously suppress certain qualities in themselves and repress them. For example, because they consider them unacceptable or shameful. However, the features still remain E. Yang, J. Brascamp, M‑S. Kang et al. On the use of continuous flash suppression for the study of visual processing outside of awareness / Frontiers in Psychology is part of these people's personality and attracts them. As a result, unconscious envy appears towards those who openly demonstrate such aspects of their character.
Sometimes it's even simpler. Strong hostility is caused by those behavioral features that people do not like in themselves and want to eradicate. A critical attitude towards one’s own shortcomings is transmitted to the negative qualities of another person and inflates them. Thus, a person who is often late himself becomes very irritated when someone else makes him wait.
Due to excessive sensitivity
Some behavioral patterns, most often unconscious, can actually cause suffering. Sensitive people will react strongly to unpleasant sounds such as sniffing, lip smacking, or cracking fingers. It’s not just unpleasant for them, but physically difficult to bear. This is called A. Schröder, G. van Wingen, N. Eijsker et al. Misophonia is associated with altered brain activity in the auditory cortex and salience network / Scientific Reports intolerance to certain sounds, or misophonia.
Due to the behavior of the person himself
The reason for your irritability may also lie in who is causing it. People often provoke negative reactions themselves.
They can behave rudely, disrupt order and discipline, constantly interfere or distract from an important task for the sake of useless chatter. It is quite natural that such behavior will cause discontent among others.
Unpunctuality
It especially irritates very responsible people who themselves are never late for anything. Or almost never...))) In order not to experience irritation in this case, first of all, you need to clearly understand that the other person does not have to be as punctual and responsible as we are. He's different. The second point: in this case, we can also be late for his meeting with peace of mind. It’s true that unpunctual people are not offended by other people’s unpunctuality. And if they are offended, this is no longer our problem. And not a reason for irritation.
Energy mismatch
It is believed that for some people the biofield surrounding them is primarily aimed at giving out energy, while for others it is primarily aimed at receiving it. Some people like to do something nice for others, while others demand it for themselves. Some have a stormy temperament, others are surprisingly calm. Some quickly forgive insults, others carry them with them for many years. In this regard, psychologists believe that these differences may be the cause of hostility that does not lie on the surface.
Unreliability
Many of us are greatly annoyed by people we cannot rely on. He promised - he didn’t deliver, they agreed - he didn’t come, if you counted on him - you let him down... Usually such people do not refuse the proposed instructions and easily respond to requests, but do not fulfill what they promised. Which is very annoying.
Competent actions here are very similar to those recommended in relation to deceivers (failure to fulfill what was promised, in fact, is also deception). The person failed once, twice... That's it. We don't count on him anymore. We don’t trust him to carry out important tasks. We do not rely on it in various life situations.
This may be the sweetest and smartest person with whom it is interesting to communicate - so we continue to communicate! Why not? But we don’t expect from him what is not characteristic of him in principle. Understanding this successfully protects us from the emergence of negative emotions towards a given person.
What to do if literally everything is annoying
Hostility or contempt, which can become a reason for irritability, has a reason inherent in a person at a subconscious level. You need to analyze your attitude towards the object causing aggression. Perhaps he has those character traits that a person hates in himself.
Experts advise identifying all the stimuli that have a negative impact on the psyche and making a list, including not only people, but also things, as well as other factors that cause an inadequate reaction in a person.
After each item on the list has been analyzed, you need to begin working on changing your character. This is very serious work that will allow you to think more positively. Until it is completed, the easiest way will be to avoid identified irritants, but it is still impossible to completely distance yourself from society.
Tactlessness
But here the situation is just the opposite. Not everyone will agree with me, but I believe that communication with insensitive people should be kept to a minimum. These may be responsible, reliable people who will not let you down in a difficult situation, but communicating with them is sheer torment. They mind their own business, forget about delicacy, ask tactless questions - and wait with interest for answers. And they are completely unaware that their interest in this case is inappropriate.
So what? They are simple, sincere people. What they think is what they say... More often than not, we get embarrassed and don’t find what to say. We feel awkward and irritated. In fact, a simple and intelligible phrase: “I would not like to talk about it (discuss it)” is the most obvious and correct solution. It is clear and unambiguous...
But often followed by equally insensitive questions on related or other topics. This is why I suggest reducing communication with tactless people to a minimum, and if this is not possible (with the same boss!) - always keeping a polite distance.
Obsessiveness
We constantly encounter it in life. Annoying advertising calls and online offers to buy, order, participate in something... It's tiring and annoying. And sometimes we lose our tempers and are rude to people, but at the same time we ourselves get very nervous. This is unreasonable.
The most correct thing in this case is either no response, or a short refusal without explanation and adding the person to the “black list”/blocking. All. We shouldn't let things that don't matter to us make us nervous.
It’s another matter when relatives, friends, colleagues, acquaintances behave intrusively... There are two productive solutions here - polite distancing from the person and the same calm and confident refusal in response to proposals that are unnecessary to us.
The main problem is that we are often very afraid of offending someone. And therefore we endure for a long time, but as a result we still cannot stand it and throw out everything that has accumulated on the person. And this makes everyone feel bad.
Therefore, it is very important not to take the situation to the limit and act preventively.
Stupidity
If higher powers gifted someone with a brilliant mind, but (as it seems to us) saved money on someone else, is this really a reason for irritation? We understand this, but still, from time to time it seems to us that it is categorically impossible to be as stupid as this particular person. And we have no idea that we sometimes also greatly irritate other people with our irrationality - those who have been gifted with intelligence even greater than ours...)) At least they are sure of it...
That is, everything is very relative... By the way, it often happens that a person simply was not properly explained what he needed. And they are waiting for certain actions. And they get annoyed if he acts differently. This is where patience is needed. And tact. And a condescending attitude towards other people's mistakes. And the ability to put yourself in someone else's place. All this together quickly neutralizes any manifestation of negativity.
What else causes causeless irritability?
Sometimes she may talk about problems with mental and physical health. For example, when you are annoyed by everyone and there is no reason for it.
Due to stress or depression
Irritability is one of the symptoms of stress Stress / NHS and depression Symptoms - Clinical depression / NHS. Their presence is also indicated by a number of other signs:
- dizziness, headaches, chest, stomach and muscle pain, rapid heartbeat;
- constant bad mood and feeling tired;
- problems with concentration, forgetfulness;
- depression or anxiety;
- low self-esteem and motivation;
- excessive or insufficient appetite;
- insomnia or drowsiness;
- active use of alcohol and tobacco;
- thoughts of suicide or self-harm;
- loss of libido.
Irritability is not the worst consequence of stress and depression. They can seriously undermine mental or physical health.
Due to lack of sleep
A person may not get enough sleep due to poor sleep patterns or sleep disorders, such as insomnia or apnea. The lack of proper rest will directly affect Why lack of sleep is bad for your health / NHS mood: it is unlikely that a sleep-deprived person will be happy with a talkative neighbor or a diligent intern who came with a bunch of questions early in the morning.
Due to low blood sugar
Sometimes irritability manifests itself Low blood sugar (hypoglycaemia) / NHS with hypoglycemia - low blood sugar. In this case, the following symptoms are also observed:
- sweating;
- feeling tired, weak;
- dizziness;
- tingling in the lips;
- shiver;
- cardiopalmus;
- pallor;
- blurred vision;
- Gaps in consciousness and difficulty concentrating;
- slurred speech, clumsiness, drunken behavior;
- seizures, fainting.
Due to hormonal disorders
Irritability can be caused by fluctuations in the levels of various hormones. Since they control the processes in our body, such changes can greatly influence people’s behavior.
For example, in men, irritability can be caused by a decrease in Low Testosterone (Male Hypogonadism) / Cleveland Clinic testosterone levels, and in women - hormonal fluctuations in PMS (premenstrual syndrome) / NHS during premenstrual syndrome.
Arrogance and snobbery
Who likes an arrogant attitude? It is both depressing and annoying. And it doesn’t matter why the other person considers himself superior, what reasons he sees for this - in any case, snobbery causes a negative response. How to be?
In my opinion, the best solution is to ignore other people’s arrogance and continue to communicate as equals.
This does not imply familiarity - especially if your counterpart is, relatively speaking, “senior in rank.” We simply respect ourselves and others by default.
If you think about it, being angry with an arrogant person is generally stupid. After all, children sometimes boast and puff out their cheeks, but we don’t take offense at them...
Another question is that sometimes we mistake a person’s simple story about himself for arrogance and complacency. In a conversation with a successful person, envy and irritation may involuntarily arise. But instead of thinking about “what’s going on, here’s a smart guy,” it would be wiser to listen to what he’s talking about. His experience can be really useful to us.
Meeting the inevitable
Irritation occurs when we encounter something that puts pressure on our sensitive areas.
And we begin to react, often too sharply and painfully. Irritation turns into an outburst of anger and can escalate into a huge scandal. To prevent this from happening, people are often advised to control their discontent. This is not a completely correct strategy. If you carry negativity within yourself for a long time, it will slowly begin to poison you from the inside. The best way to get rid of an unpleasant feeling is to try to understand it and express it correctly.
