Psychology
- External reasons
- Human behavior
- How to connect with people
It happens that a person cannot find friends and a social circle due to the fact that they do not want to communicate with him. A person can be friendly and non-confrontational, but communicating with people is difficult for him. There are external and internal factors that may cause other people to avoid communication. You can correct this situation and win over those around you if you understand the reason for such hostility.
External reasons
People may not want to interact with a person because of reasons related to his appearance - for example, if the person smells bad . Often you may not realize it yourself, but those around you will avoid such a person. Smell, according to psychologists, plays an important role in the communication process. Polite people will never directly talk about an unpleasant smell, so a person needs to understand it himself. If a person knows that he sweats a lot, then he needs to take care of his hygiene. The same applies to the smell of garlic and onions.
Paradoxically, even pleasant smells can repel.
If you are used to using long-lasting, rich perfume, then know: not everyone can tolerate strong aromas, especially in the heat
If you have problems with communication, you need to take care of your appearance. This does not mean that you need to regularly visit a beauty salon or wear only the most fashionable clothes. This applies to basic hygiene rules : clean hair, fresh and ironed clothes, neat nails, clean shoes.
If they don't want to communicate with you, pay attention to your appearance
GuruTest
Everyone can be within themselves, think about their own things, but everyone must correctly show everyone around their intentions and respect. If you don't, people will simply turn away from you. In order for others to be drawn to you, you need to avoid mistakes, which will be discussed below.
Reason one: you don’t call your interlocutors by name
Psychologists say that at least sometimes you need to mention the name of your interlocutor in conversations. It's not so much whether you use this advice or not, but how often others use it. If at least one person calls your name during a dialogue when addressing you, then he or she will have more weight for you than anyone else. There is one very important trick for those who want to make a person like him more when meeting someone - you need to say his name. For example, you say my name is Elena, and they answer you: “And I’m Artem.” You say: “Very nice, Artem.” This has a very powerful effect. The person will immediately remember you and, more importantly, he or she will remember that it is pleasant to communicate with you. If you have memory problems, society will still perceive it negatively, so write down names so you don't forget them.
Reason two: you only talk about topics that are interesting only to you
Think about whether everyone around you will be interested in hearing about your problems with children, a new diet, a new fitness trainer, a broken carburetor in the car, or politics. Take a closer look at people's reactions. It can be very revealing, because most people may not be interested in your stories about your personal life. People should want to ask you something if you tell something. If this does not happen, then no one is interested in your topics. Subsequently you will not be asked anything.
Another tip: don’t talk about politics and religion unless you want literally everyone to hate you. This is bad manners. Of course, this is not bad form for any society, but for most work groups it is terrible. If they don’t communicate with you after your monologues, then you are talking about the wrong topics.
Reason three: you only talk about yourself
Perhaps you are turning all the conversations on yourself. This is also incredibly annoying to everyone around. The person told an interesting story, and instead of saying your opinion about it, you start: “But I have...”.
You should only talk about yourself if you are asked something directly. Perhaps you are the person who constantly turns the topic to your loved one. You cannot do this under any circumstances unless you want to become an outcast. On the contrary, take an interest in other people after their monologues, ask them questions. Show interest, then they will quickly love you.
Reason four: you gossip and discuss others behind their backs
Nobody likes hypocrites, even if there are other hypocrites in the team besides you. Even if you really want to discuss your colleague’s new provocative dress with a friend or your boss’s new car with a friend, it is better not to do this. If you cannot abstract yourself from negative statements, then it is better not to say anything. Of course, rumors and gossip may be spread about you that you are pretending to be a saint, but no one is immune from this. Just avoid it without reproaching others for their sins. There are still a lot of good people, so they definitely won’t communicate with you if you constantly discuss someone with them behind their back. People understand that you can therefore discuss them too.
Reason five: your lack of confidence in conversation
People don't want to talk to someone who tries to say one thing but uses a lot of unnecessary words. Of course, this may not be fair to you, but unfortunately no one cares. There are few people who can understand others in this regard. Of course, this is not such a big reason to avoid you and not talk to you. But this irritates many people.
Reason six: you answer in monosyllables
There is no doubt, you most likely just don’t want to talk. This method of conducting a dialogue with someone who is not interesting to you can alienate other people. It is possible that you have high self-esteem and narcissism. This needs to be corrected, and as quickly as possible. People will not speak to someone who considers them to be inferior creatures. Here you will have to try to improve.
Reason seven: you constantly whine
Your life is filled with problems that you share with everyone. You can be understood because you always want to get some kind of approval, support, advice, but people get tired of your troubles, which are more familiar to them than their own.
Reason eight: you don't inspire respect
This problem can be called global, but light should be shed on the most important thing. You talk about one thing, but do something completely different. If your words contradict your actions, then you should take care of yourself. People avoid communicating with those who constantly lie or pretend.
Reason nine: you are not confident in introducing yourself to people
When you come to a place, you need to say hello and introduce yourself to everyone who doesn’t know you. This will show that you are inclined to dialogue and are ready to conduct it with everyone. Simply saying hello to everyone at once will not be a gross mistake, because this is what most people do. It is for this same reason that it is worth doing everything differently, so as not to attribute yourself to this majority.
It is very important to introduce yourself not only yourself, but also to introduce your companions to people you know. It will be easier for your companion to engage in conversation, and the people around you will automatically look more positively at you as a person who knows how to behave in society. The rules of good manners were not invented just like that.
For these nine reasons, many people may stop communicating with you or may not want to communicate with you. If you recognize yourself at several points, then this is even worse, but there is no need to hang your nose. You can become better, more popular and win people over if you try a little. Overcome the fear of communication if you have it, because people who are too secretive also become outcasts, as well as those who are very talkative.
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10.03.2018 01:49
Human behavior
If everything is in order with his appearance, the person is well-groomed and neat, but those around him still avoid him, then the reason may be in his behavior.
For example, inappropriate jokes . A sense of humor is always good, but jokes must be funny and timely. People around, afraid of offending a person, may not tell him about his inappropriate humor, and will simply stop communicating with him. If you like to joke, then think about whether others like your jokes? Humor should not be vulgar, offensive, obscene, or affect the appearance and personal qualities of people. If you don’t know a person well, then it is better to avoid jokes when communicating with him.
People can be put off when a person talks about themselves too much . If a person constantly talks only about himself, then others may perceive him as an egoist.
Communication ethics allows you to talk about yourself, but only when asked about it
You should not tell others too personal or even intimate information about yourself, as this can cause embarrassment.
When communicating, avoid making inappropriate jokes and talking a lot about yourself
What else could turn others off?
- Imposing your opinion . Every person has the right to express their point of view, but it cannot be imposed. This is especially true for religion and politics - it is better not to touch on these topics in communication at all. In a dialogue, you should not discuss only those topics that are interesting to you: the issues being discussed may not be of interest to your interlocutor. Always try to talk about topics that are interesting to others.
- Discussing other people . Under no circumstances should you gossip or discuss other people behind their back. If a person is known as a gossip, then few people will want to communicate with him. You should not interfere in other people's affairs and give advice to others unless you are asked to do so.
- Inability to carry on a conversation . Not all people know how to clearly formulate their thoughts. The use of unnecessary words, excessive talkativeness, or, on the contrary, monosyllabic answers from which little can be understood can irritate your interlocutors.
Others are repulsed by the imposition of their opinions
What does it mean to stop communicating without a reason?
When you say that a friend stopped communicating with you “for no reason,” you are lying. There is probably a reason, and a specific one. The fact is that your friend simply decided not to talk about why exactly he stopped communicating with you in order to avoid unnecessary conversations. Stopping communication “without reason” actually means stopping communication without notice.
Every time you talk about cutting off communication for some reason, the trick is that you just know
, what reason we are talking about, or at least you can guess.
On the other hand, when a friend didn’t tell you why he didn’t want to communicate with you anymore and just started ignoring you, it seems to you that there was no reason for this.
But one way or another, there is always a reason.
All reasons for stopping communication can be divided into two categories - those that are related to you and those that are not related to you.
Let's talk about each in detail.
Let's start with those that are relevant to you.
How to connect with people
Follow the basic rules of communication: be welcoming, friendly, polite, smile at others. But you shouldn’t do this deliberately and feignedly, otherwise it will only scare away your interlocutors.
In communication, especially if these are not close friends and relatives, you should not go beyond personal boundaries
Do not enter into conflict, do not be rude or disrespectful to others - these are generally accepted principles of communication that everyone should follow at all times.
In any situation, remain polite and friendly
In a situation where others don’t want to communicate with you, you shouldn’t impose yourself too much on them, but you can take the initiative:
- Start a dialogue, trying to talk less about yourself and be more interested in the life of your interlocutor.
- Bring up topics that interest you both.
- Be brief and to the point, but avoid monosyllabic answers.
- There is no need to talk about your problems or complain - leave this for those closest to you.
If it is difficult for you to communicate with people, maintain a conversation, or you cannot cope with uncertainty, then read special literature that will teach you the techniques of competent communication - for example, these could be Dale Carnegie’s manuals.
Adviсe
Are you still capable of making friends?
- Don't be upset if they don't want to be friends with you now. We'll fix everything. Take care of yourself. Analyze your behavior and appearance. Spend time and energy on improving yourself. Before you know it, you will become the life of the party.
- It is important to be friendly and welcoming. Smile more often. Be polite. It is important to do this sincerely, and not flatteringly and feignedly.
- Never humiliate other people, do not judge them behind their back, do not be boorish, do not provoke a quarrel. Teach yourself to control your emotions.
- Address the person you are talking to by name. Remember to be interested in his life and problems, but don't be too intrusive. Remember that not everyone wants to talk about their personal life.
- Provide mutual assistance.
- Don't forget to follow the rules of etiquette.
Remember that the lack of desire to communicate or be friends with you is preceded by some deviations in appearance or behavior. If such a situation occurs in your life, carefully analyze why exactly you push people away. Make every effort to improve and become the life of any company.
Get support
You should not withdraw into yourself and experience the situation alone, this can drive you into deep depression. Talk to your relatives, you can share this problem with them, now you need to talk it out to someone in order to make you feel better. Also have fun, entertain yourself as much as you can, go to the movies for something fun or go on a picnic with your family, do everything that will help you not get hung up on this situation. If you do not have enough strength and you are very acutely experiencing a break in friendship, in this case, consult a psychologist; very often such questions end in a successful solution to such a problem.
And it can be boring and sad too
In fifth gear you start to get bored. Boring... Boring as hell. It's boringly impossible... I don't want to do anything - I'm so lazy. Yes, Aunt Klava, well, you can’t change everyone... To hell with it... I was thinking about going to the cinema, but I have to go, you don’t know what shows there are yet... You yawn. Get used to the role of a sleepy fly. You're frankly bored. And he is slowly getting better.
Then you can come up with something constructive. Don't drink beer so that he comes back down. Something sensible, but not yet fun or extreme. So moderately positive. Somewhat cautious, calm, reasonable. Or, you can just start talking to him in this way. There is no need to force him to do something.
“Listen, let's go somewhere. The constitution does not prohibit taking a walk.” He responded to this: “Well, I’d rather sleep now.” Here it is important to try not to let him fall into the clutches of Morpheus, but to really bring him to a good state - there is just a little left. He has already become sane. He was just a vegetable, a whiner, then paranoid, then rowdy, arguing like a stoner.
“Come on, let’s go for a little walk - it’s good for health...” - “Well, it’s good...” - “Now it’s warmer, the girls are wearing these minis: it’s nice to look at... We, thank God, have the girls we need - both well-behaved and pretty " And now he’s already getting ready to go shave
