Often in life we meet people who are unpleasant to us, with whom it is really difficult to communicate due to a certain feature of their personality;
in most cases we call them "toxic". But what to do if these people are in your family, and how to interact with them? Or what to do if you realize that you yourself are that toxic person? First, you need to determine what exactly “toxicity” means to you, because in this case you need to rely solely on your own ideas, feelings and beliefs. When you have determined what meaning you put into this concept, you need to think about whether you have a need to change something in communicating with this person, or whether you are comfortable communicating in the format that currently exists, or whether you still understand that you are uncomfortable remaining in this form of interaction. And in conclusion, if you have determined that you are not happy with this, then you should make those decisions and take those actions that will be comfortable exclusively for you, without relying on feelings such as shame and guilt, because otherwise it will not be your decision, but a solution that will satisfy exclusively other people’s needs and requests.
But if you have certain difficulties, the following information may help you.
Who are toxic people?
This term is familiar to everyone. It’s not completely clear: “How can you tell if a person is toxic?” Can he be considered an eternally dissatisfied grumbler who ruins the mood of those around him? Psychology says: a toxic person is a pessimistic person who charges with negative emotions and undermines the positive ones in others. She may be doing this on purpose, fueled by hatred. But it is possible that such a quality is developed from childhood, due to improper upbringing. In both cases, the life of a toxic person comes down to constant pessimism and narcissism.
What do you need to understand about toxic people?
Like poison, a toxic person poisons his environment. His weapon is negativity, manifested in the form of pity, whining, and selfishness. When communicating with such a person, others experience stress and discomfort. The high mood instantly drops and remains at the bottom for a long time. The best defense against toxic people is avoidance. It is not surprising that excessive pride and selfishness cause loneliness. No matter how boastful a narcissist is, he will not be able to live a normal life without poisoning those around him. Toxic people are manipulators who enjoy the attention they create for themselves.
Why do we end up in toxic relationships?
The opposite attracts the opposite. Sometimes this rule works in relationships between an insecure wallflower and a narcissistic narcissist. The first considers himself an inferior person who needs protection. The second provides her, but binds her in his bonds. An inferior personality develops dependence on the latter. He has no choice but to communicate with toxic people.
But weak character is not the only reason. A person surrounds himself with constant communication and new acquaintances. Work, street, school, public institutions - everywhere there is a risk of being poisoned by negativity. An ordinary walk around the yard can end in the condemnation of local grumpy grandmothers. A daily trip to the store - in a low mood after a quarrel with a conflicting saleswoman.
Why do we end up in toxic relationships?
People are always drawn to what is close and familiar to them. Therefore, we choose allies whose behavior is similar to significant adults. And only when things become unbearable in a relationship do we begin to ask the question: “Why did I choose this person?” Take a closer look, most likely your friend or partner behaves the same way as one of your parents.
Movies and books romanticize toxic relationships because normal ones look boring. Perhaps you, dear reader, consider healthy people uninteresting.
Any relationship is a partnership.
Humans are essentially animals that could not survive alone. To feel safe, a person must have his own flock. In it, everyone works together for common goals: they support each other, approve of the person and her actions, and help each other. Strong emotions destroy connections and take away the strength needed for business. Therefore, it is important to get rid of toxic relationships and find the company of allies.
Signs of a toxic person
What thoughts do you have when meeting a grumbler or braggart? Toxic. However, you should not confuse or mix them into a single whole. Toxic people combine a combination of negative traits. To protect yourself from narcissists, check out this list.
10 signs of a toxic person
People become toxic as soon as they begin to develop the following qualities. The following personality traits are common to many, but together they form the basis of toxicity.
- Pessimistic outlook on life. For some, the glass is half full, and for others, it is half empty. Many people justify pessimism with realism. Such logic has the right to life. After all, behind everyone’s back is a huge shadow of sad experience. The question is how much it influenced the worldview of the individual.
- Negative reaction to everything. Toxic people behave like convinced skeptics. For them, good nature and compassion do not exist. Man is driven only by greed, hypocrisy and envy. There are no selfless acts. Every action carries some kind of catch.
- Narcissism. Narcissists are toxic people who combine selfishness, boastfulness, and indifference. When communicating with them, you can notice how the dialogue is reduced to only one direction. They are not interested in the opinion of their interlocutor. Don't care about the life of another person. The purpose of the conversation is to gain recognition and assert oneself.
- Love of gossip. Run away from those who say nasty things about others in their absence. A gossip is a very toxic person who judges behind your back, but is unable to say the same thing in person. Today he complains to you, tomorrow – about you. Avoid such comrades!
- Lack of guilt and self-irony. Unfounded criticism and the inability to laugh at oneself is what pushes others away from communicating with toxic people.
- "From a fly to an elephant." Any event is presented as a tragedy or disaster. Toxics dramatize without considering it a deception. Thus, they deserve attention to their word. Friends will turn a deaf ear. Strangers will listen, which will trigger the word of mouth mechanism and lead to the spread of false rumors.
- Deceit. Lies are the main weapon for which people should be afraid. Together with narcissism and boastfulness, it turns into toxicity. Their owners are “energy vampires” who pose a threat to society.
- A sense of self-importance. ChSV people have always disgusted those around them. Their self-confidence is combined with disdain for the opinions of others. A toxic person doesn’t care what the other person thinks. His opinion, whatever it may be, will come first.
- Transfer of responsibility. Self-love will not allow him to accept the fact that this incident occurred through his fault. Toxic people will always find someone to blame.
- Hot temper. Rage is not a sign of strength. Unjustified aggression leads to disastrous consequences for both sides.
How to recognize a toxic person?
Don't just memorize the list above and call all liars and narcissists toxic. When you come into contact with a “true” toxic person, you will feel how unpleasant it is to communicate with him. He is the source of negativity and your bad mood.
The first thing you should pay attention to is the manner of communication. Toxic people are stingy with a smile or abuse it. Overly self-confident or hopeless. They do not pay attention to the interlocutor, or they bombard them with meaningless questions. No matter what the communication tactic is - hunter or hunted, it has a toxic effect on your emotional state.
Second, ask yourself: “What is undermining your desire to communicate with him?” Lies, rage, boastfulness, selfishness - all this together is an attribute of a toxic personality.
What does a toxic personality mean?
