Not only people of all ages, but also people of various social statuses are submissive to love, and therefore an affair at work with a married man is not such a rare occurrence. A love relationship with a colleague with a family is perhaps one of the most difficult types of relationships. They conceal not only the joy of love and reciprocity, but also many pitfalls in the form of depression, disappointment, anxiety and unfulfilled hopes. Is it worth starting an affair with a married man, and even with a work colleague? Let's look at the pros and cons.
A striking example of this is an affair at work with a married man.
Alas, it is impossible to order yourself not to love your chosen one, even knowing with your mind that this will be the right thing to do. Sometimes love attraction acts despite the fact that both are aware of all the negative consequences of what is happening.
For a mistress, an affair with a family man is especially dangerous and full of unpleasant consequences. And there is a lot of negativity hidden in the relationship itself, but we’ll talk about that later.
Lover and wife
When starting an affair with a married colleague, a woman will have to get used to the fact that she will see the spouse of her chosen one in person, and not know about her by hearsay. It's normal for spouses to drop by at each other's work to surprise each other or meet during lunch break.
This may not happen often, but each such situation will act on the mistress like a tub of cold water. After all, this is another reminder of the “wrongness” of her choice of relationship with a family man.
Seeing the communication between her chosen one and his wife, the mistress will feel mental pain, jealousy and powerlessness to change anything. At such moments, a woman is acutely aware that she is in the background.
Female intuition
Representatives of the fair sex have a very sensitive intuition, therefore, if a person is in love, it will almost 100% likely indicate the sympathy of the admirer. Nonverbal signs may include the following:
- Touching that occurs against one's will. These are regular touching with hands, supporting the elbow, touching with shoulders.
- The body position will be constantly directed towards the object of passion. The body is tilted forward, thereby indicating a desire to reduce the distance between the bodies.
- The gaze is constantly directed at the beloved, even if she passes by, and the gentleman is located sideways to her, he will try to establish eye contact and look into the eyes.
- The lover will smile all the time while his beloved is nearby. He will try to make the girl laugh using different methods, just so that she smiles back. While telling someone about you, if a man has fallen in love, he will smile again, but hidden, only the corners of his lips will be raised.
- An uncontrolled instinct is the desire to smell the beloved, hear the aroma of the beloved’s body, perfume. It is very difficult to resist this impulse.
- Showing your superiority over other males. In sign language, this will look like adjusting your hair, adjusting your trouser waistband, rubbing your hands, and so on.
A guy in love is gallant. He is ready to help at any moment, but not everyone can openly advertise their feelings.
If the family unit is important to a person, then he will be restrained in verbal signs, but non-verbal signs cannot be completely controlled.
Depending on the fan’s temperament, you can find out that a person has fallen in love by the following signs:
- Tries to avoid direct contact. Pretends to be restrained. Every action is carefully considered and takes responsibility for actions. The lover tries to avoid situations where he can be left alone, he is silent and always looks away to the side.
- He pronounces the name of his beloved sensually and can come up with an unusual nickname. He calls the object of sympathy only in a diminutive form, tries to call her something special.
- Constantly looking for “random” meetings. Since the ringed suitor cannot openly meet with his sweetheart, he tries to come up with any ways to “accidentally” run into her. At work, it's easy to arrange everything in such a way as to spend as much time together as possible.
- Active participation in business. Caring is one of the manifestations of feelings.
- He is ready to listen to his beloved endlessly. He will be interested in every fact from her life, every insignificant detail.
- When meeting, he is nervous, but does not lose his composure.
- Showing signs of attention, trying to please or make people laugh.
Condemnation of others
An office romance with a married man will certainly cause condemnation from everyone who finds out about it. No matter how long and successfully you manage to hide the relationship, it will not last forever.
An affair between a married woman and a married man will cause a double dose of censure at work and among others.
The lovers will be judged by colleagues who know the man’s wife by sight and who saw how she carefully brought him a forgotten lunch to work.
No less negativity will spill out from the acquaintances of the lover himself, who has entered into a relationship outside the family.
Friends and family, having learned about the novel, will definitely not admire it. It is possible that due to delicacy they will not say this to your face, but condemnation is an emotion that is easy to read in behavior and even in a glance.
Protect each other
Many modern companies have a positive, friendly atmosphere. At planning meetings, there are no reproaches, threats or crude language, but an active, lively discussion that promotes a productive flow of ideas and opinions. A conversation in such a context does not get personal, and objections and misunderstandings can be easily eliminated through polite clarification of the situation and adequate arguments. And in such an atmosphere of universal love and understanding, our princess puts forward a successful idea, in her opinion, but a colleague in the department hits the proposal backhand and it goes to the bottom. A knight of a secret order will not tolerate it when his lady of the heart is offended. He rushes to defend her against logic and common sense. People around me don't understand anything. And he, meanwhile, became so angry that he was ready to challenge the offender to a duel. Looks a little strange, doesn't it?
Life is on pins and needles
Being in constant danger means constant stress, hair loss and sleepless nights. Only in films does the need to hide strengthen and strengthen character.
Unlike the plots of films, the danger here is not Armageddon or a crowd of mafiosi with machine guns, but human gossip. No matter how hard a couple tries, an affair at work with a married man cannot be hidden forever.
The employees are an established team where everyone knows each other well. Once one colleague finds out about an affair, it will soon become known to everyone.
Condemnation, reproach and whispering behind your back in the office and smoking room are the least of what you will have to face sooner or later.
Stress factor
For greater clarity, you can make something like a sign or list “an affair with a married colleague: pros and cons.” Stress should definitely be included in the negative category.
You will hide all the time, afraid that the relationship will become noticeable and colleagues, friends or, God forbid, his wife will guess about it. She can cause a scandal, file for divorce and ruin a man's life.
From the day a woman begins a close relationship with a fellow family man, she will begin to fear exposure. An office romance with a married man will certainly be associated with negative experiences throughout the entire period.
Also, regarding the consequences for a mistress in a relationship with a married man, we turned to an expert. She gave us a comment, looking at the question from a rather interesting angle:
Why do “office romances” last for years? Scientists have calculated periods of sexual activity for men and women.
An interesting fact: it turned out that the peak of arousal for both sexes is maximum from 16 to 20 hours. It is at this time that most love couples meet “on the side” - at the end of the working day. And within the family at such a time it is usually impossible to make love.
Larisa Lukyanova - author and presenter of trainings to strengthen women's health, rejuvenate and enhance sexuality | womanpractice.ru
Let's look at the position of a woman lover: what she has and what she loses in a relationship with a married man.
From the point of view of the laws of energy, where our attention goes, our life force goes there too. And we, women, constantly think about our lover, dream, worry, plan something, and along with our thoughts, our energy flows straight to him.
Everything would be fine if he (the man) gave us the same amount of energy in return, but a married man divides his affection between his mistress and his wife, and the mistress here receives much less than she gives.
What does such a long-term relationship lead to? The woman gradually becomes empty and becomes uninteresting to either her lover or other men.
The second point is the aura of an unfree woman. Often a mistress thinks: well, I’ll meet while I have no one, and when a worthy person appears, I’ll break up with this “married man.”
But on a subtle level, men subconsciously read that this woman is “busy,” and as a result, only those who are also looking for an easy relationship on the side are attracted to her.
At the same time, the man, receiving support, develops his business and gets rich, and the mistress, at best, has “gifts”, but nothing more.
Cinderella Strategy
Svetlana, 24 years old, office manager of a consulting company:
– I had the opportunity to feel myself in a completely different role during the week. One of the owners of our company, a 45-year-old American, “had his eye on me” and offered to spend the evening together. I didn’t refuse, despite the fact that I have a permanent friend whom I’m going to marry. 7 days and 6 meetings, but what kind! There was a flight on a private jet and a romantic dinner on the roof of a penthouse... In general, it was like a Hollywood version of the adventures of Cinderella, and I treated it that way. I clearly knew that this “prince” was from another life, which for some time came into contact with mine, and I didn’t need anything more. My “rating” in our office has increased, and it seems to me that such an adventure is more honorable and less burdensome than the status of “the boss’s permanent mistress.”
Expert opinion
Power and money are more attractive than physical assets. And here the scenario of Cinderella, who enjoys a beautiful life for a short time, is the most harmless and even useful, self-esteem increases: he is the king in the office, but in bed you are the queen and mistress.
But there are also less harmless versions of Cinderella. For example, an energetic leader reminds a girl of the father she lost. The "little girl" develops feelings for him and they become lovers. The victim in such a union will almost certainly be a girl: her growing up will drag on indefinitely (as will her career). If the “girl” behaves badly (looks for stronger and more promising relationships on the side), she will be threatened with demotion or dismissal. The likelihood of marriage for such a couple is low.
A male chef can also suffer if on his way, under the guise of a goldfish, he encounters a piranha who has absolutely no professional abilities, but has a desire to rule. These stick to the object like leeches and surround it with care. No one can get through to the boss without going through his passion, but the heads of those who threaten his adviser will easily roll.
The mistress never comes first
If you are planning to have an affair with a married colleague, you need to realize that you will not be the only one. The palm always belongs to the wife. She is the legitimate soul mate or even the mother of their common children.
It is she who gets everything from “your” man: gifts, sex, spending time together. It’s better not to flatter yourself with hopes that your chosen one will leave his family for you – his new love.
If this happens, it means that the family ties of this man will never be a reason for fidelity.
A man will destroy your family for the sake of his next amorous adventures just as easily as he once broke up his marriage for the sake of an affair with you.
Saving on gifts
In a relationship with a colleague, and even burdened with a family, there is a purely financial disadvantage and its name is saving. The bulk of your chosen one’s income goes to the family.
In many married couples, the budget is shared, so a man simply cannot, and is unlikely to want to, hide a significant part of his salary or bonus. The romance between a married woman and a married man will be based on the balance of funds not used for families.
A free girl in a relationship with a married guy will never receive those beautiful courtships or gifts that she has the right to hope for in the case of an affair with a bachelor.
Are willing to work overtime
Now such work for them is not a way to earn additional bonuses in the form of money and respect from management. Take a closer look at a couple of employees who are ready to stay after work to finish a project or come early to set up equipment. Perhaps when the main office staff is switching the radio in traffic, they are doing something more exciting and enjoyable than writing a monthly report. According to statistics, a third of office lovers practice sex within the walls of their own company. Are you sure this isn't happening on your desktop?
Prioritization
When analyzing an affair with a married colleague, the pros and cons will not be comparable. There are much more cons than pros.
It is important for a potential lover to set priorities, because relationships with a family man interfere with work. Moreover, they can even interfere with career growth. The human factor is also present in the fateful decisions of management.
It is not a fact that, being the most likely candidate for promotion, a woman simply will not receive a new position due to her boss’s condemnation of a sensational office romance.
A relationship with a married colleague will most likely end not with a beautiful wedding, but with exposure, followed by separation. Men rarely leave their family because of an affair.
You will have to urgently look for a new gentleman or another place of work, or even all at once. A logical question arises: why create such problems for yourself at all?
They often go to the same places
Officially, they are not a couple, they do not hold hands, they dine at different tables, but those around them do not let go of the feeling that they are together. They now have more reasons to work together and visit each other's departments. If one of them disappears, then you need to look for it not far from the second secret half. Even clothing mishaps can be synchronous - today he put on his sweater inside out, and she buttoned her blouse incorrectly. Miracles! So when someone inadvertently tracks them down at a diner on the outskirts of town on a Sunday during a “strategy meeting,” they’re not particularly surprised. Now that's what it's called.
The best decision
Let the slight sympathy or spark that flashed between you remain a pleasant memory that does not develop into something more. Look around: there are many attractive and free representatives of the stronger sex around.
To avoid starting a relationship with a married colleague, it makes sense to switch to someone single.
Knowing in advance about all the negative consequences, the better solution would be to refuse an affair with a family man. You will save yourself from a lot of hassle and unpleasant moments. Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase
Rules of conduct for women with a lover
The rules of conduct when building a relationship with a “stranger” man differ based on the woman’s intentions. It is worth considering two situations: when meetings are frivolous and when there is hope for a future together.
If meetings are frivolous
The mistress of a married man must adhere to the following rules of conduct:
- do not talk about family members and relatives;
- prohibit yourself from falling in love with your lover and tune in, no matter how ugly it may sound, to a “consumer” relationship;
- do not let your lover dominate you;
- do not refuse signs of attention, for example, gifts, invitations to a restaurant, vacation, etc.
It is necessary to discuss what a lover should do for his mistress in order to understand where such a relationship can lead.
If you want a serious relationship
If the role of a mistress does not seem particularly attractive and there is a desire to bind your lover, you should do everything to make him fall head over heels in love with you.
READ
How to get your husband away from his mistress forever
Men love women who can at the same time be good housewives, interesting conversationalists and skilled lovers in bed - these are the criteria that should be adhered to.
Before falling into the arms of someone else's man, you should try to revive the relationship with your own husband
Their tastes have changed
Why is your office Tristan suddenly interested in classical music? This doesn't look like him at all. Everyone knows that he loves rock and constantly goes to various beer open airs. Apparently something happened to him. Because now he loves sugar-syrup melodramas with Jennifer Aniston . It turns out that he doesn’t even really mind watching a couple more. However, he is not the only one experiencing strange metamorphoses. Refined Isolde, whose wardrobe never contains less than a dozen white blouses, suddenly breaks into a youth festival, and films like “American Pie” no longer seem to her to be the bottom of the comedy genre. Have you already guessed exactly who taught her the bad things?
They started looking good
Previously, she preferred an “attractively disheveled” hairstyle; now she has perfect hair and makeup, and sports casual has been replaced by elegant dresses and stilettos. Another employee suddenly changed. The heavyset guy from the technical support service suddenly began a battle with a beer belly, found decent, clean clothes in his wardrobe and not only found out where the nearest fitness club was, but also went there regularly. Fantastic! However, the most important transformation that distinguishes a carefree lover is the eyes. They are filled with special light, joy and shine especially brightly, betraying happiness.
Constantly disappearing somewhere together
The idea of holding corporate team building in nature is great. Green forest, clean air, amazing weather, quality interesting training and a picnic - what else is needed to have a good time in the company of colleagues? It’s just a pity that something bad happened to Sasha and Masha. Sasha said that he overestimated his strength in eating hot dogs, and Masha said that she overheated in the sun. I had to give this couple a blanket and leave them in the shade to recover. Apparently, they never felt better, because they did not join the cheerful company. And on Monday it turned out that they were both burned by poison ivy. What a sweet synchronicity.
