It is unlikely that any woman dreamed in her youth of becoming the mistress of a married man, without being able to call him husband, spend weekends and holidays with him and mutual friends, and give birth to children in a legal marriage. But life sometimes offers you to try on this unenviable role. Psychologists have their own point of view about the “married man and single woman” relationship model.
Why do a married man and a single woman choose each other?
Only prudent ladies who are looking for ease and do not want to burden themselves with everyday worries consciously enter into relationships with a married man. They value personal freedom and are busy with themselves, their careers, and creativity. They are satisfied with rare meetings without obligations.
Loneliness is not something scary. On the contrary, such women value independence and do not want to get bogged down in everyday trifles.
Selfish people accept financial assistance from lovers-sponsors. Girls from this category try not to give in to their feelings and not to become attached to their chosen one.
When the romance ends, they endure the breakup without much suffering or mental anguish.
The same applies to young girls who are attracted to the independence, seriousness, and experience of married men. But few young people, when starting a relationship with a family man, seriously dream of marriage. Many of them are frivolous due to their age and are just as easy about spending time with members of the opposite sex.
Other women enter into a relationship with an unfree man, unaware that he has a wife. The chosen one can hide this fact for a long time, wanting to keep the lady in love with him. He very creatively explains the reasons why he cannot spend weekends with his beloved, stay with her overnight, or invite her to visit him.
When the truth is revealed, the woman realizes that she has become deeply attached to the deceiving man. It can be difficult for her to break up with him instantly. Despite the bitterness and disappointment, many continue to remain in the status of mistress.
Another category of women, although initially aware that the chosen one has a family, hopes that the man will soon divorce and start a family with her. These dreams are constantly fueled by the lover. He assures that his wife means nothing, they are strangers, the relationship is only on paper, and promises that he will soon divorce.
But time passes, the man gives reasons why he cannot divorce, and the situation does not change for years.
In such relationships, a woman, as a rule, has low self-esteem. Lack of self-love is one of the main reasons why women get stuck in a hopeless, destructive relationship with a family man.
There are situations when a woman truly falls in love, she is captured by such strong feelings that she does not hear the voice of reason and cannot help herself. This can happen to a self-sufficient, self-confident lady. This is the case that they say - you can’t order your heart.
Reasons for cheating with an unfree partner
Since both lovers are legally married, they are in the same position. When deciding to start a relationship, they are guided by:
- Confidence in your partner. Married lovers and mistresses understand each other's desires and needs much faster than people who are not burdened with a family. They can become not only romantic partners for their loved ones, but also friends and allies.
- Desire to try new things. Cheating with an unfree lover is an atypical romance that causes a strong emotional shock. The desire to re-experience a surge of positive emotions associated with new impressions attracts lovers and encourages them to continue the relationship in order to experience previously unfamiliar sensations. Also, a forbidden connection causes a surge of adrenaline, the feeling of danger is intoxicating and alluring.
- Additional guarantee. The presence of official spouses among lovers complicates the development of relationships, but ensures that lovers have an additional anchor that keeps them from committing radical actions that could harm their reputation.
Relationships that develop between unfree people solve two problems at the same time: they give a positive emotional charge and relieve them of the obligations that accompany other types of love relationships.
Married man and free woman: sin or fateful turn
From the point of view of believers, maintaining a relationship with an unfree man and wanting to destroy his family is a great sin. Elderly people will certainly condemn the potential homewrecker.
Although modern civilized society is not so strict about the biblical canons, a relationship with a married man is not maintained. Realizing this, the girl sometimes feels guilty and sinful.
However, the main difficulty is not judgment from other people, whose opinions can be ignored. The connection between a married man and a single woman, according to the psychology of relationships, has a destructive effect on the girl herself. These relationships cannot be called full-fledged, filled with warmth, light, and mutual trust. They most often have no future.
The lover realizes this, which makes her soul restless and does not find satisfaction. Your own feelings burn from the inside. In the case of strong attachment, the girl seems to dissolve in the chosen one, loses her own self. And if in relationships of free people this is compensated by mutual sincere feelings and aspirations, then in a love affair with a married person it is impossible to count on complete dedication and sincerity.
Man is created for happiness. By connecting yourself with a busy man, dissolving in him, it is impossible to be happy. Dooming yourself to suffering and realizing that the situation is hopeless and going nowhere is also a kind of sin and betrayal towards yourself.
In rare lucky cases, everything can end well.
When the first marriage was ill-considered, the man suffers in union with his wife. Meeting a new person and mutual strong feelings can change the lives of lovers and make them happy. Usually in such situations, a man, convinced of reciprocity, leaves his family and marries a new lover.
Options for developing relationships
Relationships that begin with light flirting between married people can develop in three directions:
- A short whirlwind romance. Such relationships are preferred by spouses experiencing conflict in their official marriage. They do not want to get a divorce, they just want to relieve emotional stress and refresh their relationship.
- A long affair with rare meetings. An option suitable for middle-aged spouses who want a new relationship, but for some reason do not want to get a divorce.
- An affair turning into a full-fledged relationship. Such relationships can develop in people who have completely lost interest in their other spouses. Lovers easily decide to divorce and hardly hide the relationship from the very beginning. As a rule, these are young people under 35 years of age, disappointed by an early first marriage. Leaving for other people does not always end successfully, so it is worth considering whether it is necessary to destroy families.
The development of relationships is influenced by many external factors: the social status of the spouses, financial viability, family opinion.
What does a relationship with a married man say?
A prolonged relationship, if it does not bring joy, is burdensome and hurts, indicates that the woman underestimates herself. Confident people who know that they deserve more than to be in second place after their spouse are avoided by married men.
Self-sufficient individuals rarely fall into psychological dependence; they know how to behave with a married man.
Among lovers there are often those who are sure that well-being can only be achieved by going through trials and suffering for a long time. Psychologists call this a victim complex. These are eternal sufferers who cannot find within themselves either the strength or the desire to break up with their lover.
Who is the heroine of this novel?
Which girls come to the attention and interest of unfree men and create relationships with them? Most often these are two “base” scenarios.
First: when a woman purposefully searches and plays the game of “who will win.” She likes to compete with a woman of a different status and assert herself through this.
Having a legal spouse fuels interest and excitement and makes you feel important.
And they also love their personal life, shrouded in mystery and intrigue. Meetings, “forbidden” passions and scenes in the best traditions of vanilla films. It's exciting. But not for long.
The reason is low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.
Second: when a girl is really looking for a serious relationship, registers on dating sites, attends events where a large number of representatives of the stronger sex gather, and so on.
It seems to be doing everything right. But every time she either gets bored with bachelors or simply doesn’t fall into her field.
And she, having met the next “prince” - worthy in every sense - and almost falling in love, discovers that he already has a princess. And this is its only drawback.
The reason is the same low self-esteem and internal conflict.
One part of the personality seems to want “everything like people do,” a full-fledged relationship, marriage.
But another part of her wants to avoid pain or too close relationships, responsibility (read ulterior motives above), childhood traumas, etc. - and this influences the subconscious choice of a partner. What prevents you from meeting someone worthy and free?
Fears and traumas
In childhood, the girl had no closeness with her father, either he did not exist at all, or the parents’ relationship with each other was destructive (the subconscious mind decides: “marriage is bad!”).
And as he grows up, choosing married people, he protects himself from excessive intimacy with men, because he chooses those who cannot give it.
Because it’s more common this way. She avoids them out of a very deep fear of loneliness. And we attract what we fear.
You can find out why this happens in my free author’s online course Man: honest instructions.
And I will prove it!
Proving to herself that she is the best is the motive. If one of the men has not yet paid due attention to her, has not fallen at her feet, a challenge program is activated: “He will be mine, no matter what.”
Of course, at this moment it does not occur to me that perhaps he is simply married.
Inability to understand people
A married man can be detected in the first stages of dating, even if he carefully hides it. There are plenty of ways to do this on the Internet.
If a girl does not delve into these details and sees only her fantasy, falls in love with an image and not with a real person, she will be greatly disappointed.
How to end a relationship with a married man
When patience runs out, the woman decides to break up with her lover. This can be difficult to do. It is difficult to give up meetings and past emotions.
To make the breakup less painful, psychologists give some recommendations.
Remove from your eyes everything that would remind you of your ex-lover. Hide or destroy his photographs, gifts, things.
Minimize and then completely eliminate meetings, do not call or answer calls. Remove his number from the phone, or better yet, change the SIM card.
Fill your thoughts with other information. Sign up for a foreign language course, learn a new activity, start a hobby that would take a lot of time. Communicate more with your friends. Read books, avoiding sentimental romance novels. Increase physical activity - sign up for fitness or yoga.
Start looking closely at other men, noting for yourself which type you like best, highlighting their merits, trying these people on for yourself. New sympathy helps to get rid of past love addiction.
The main advice is to love yourself. Visiting beauty salons, getting a massage, shopping - all this allows you to unwind and increase self-esteem.
Breaking up is a serious step for a woman. Confidential communication with a reliable friend, relative or psychologist will help you survive the transition.
Stop being deceived!
A married man with a mistress is just as much a deceiver as everyone else: he often manipulates, deceives people, and uses all sorts of deceitful tricks. Few women consciously initially choose the role of a mistress for themselves.
What to do, you ask? Deal with your complexes and fears, increase self-esteem and upgrade your femininity.
Create around yourself a field of worthy free men who will see you as a woman. And choose the best.
With faith in you, Yaroslav Samoilov.
Is there a chance for a relationship with a married man?
If you develop feelings for an unfree man, you should not immediately reproach yourself. If the feelings are mutual, there is hope for a favorable outcome.
Relationships must stand the test of time. There are often cases when a man divorces his wife, but a happy family does not work out with his new lover. However, a man should not delay making a decision about divorce, otherwise the girl runs the risk of remaining an eternal mistress or losing her chosen one when his interest subsides.
You should not have the goal of taking your chosen one away from the family. You need to sort out your feelings, evaluate whether he is really the person you need in life, or whether this is a temporary hobby.
It will be useful to imagine the development of events when the wave of passion subsides and a person’s shortcomings, which are still invisible, are revealed.
In most cases, men remain in families, preferring an established way of life to new sensations. But there is also a chance for a happy coincidence.
Illusion of deception
Being a lover is not only about receiving gifts and passionate sex. This is to play a second role. Constantly wage an internal struggle: on the one hand, understand that the relationship is doomed to be superficial, and on the other hand, continue to go on secret dates again and again.
Hiding, not being able to call in the middle of the night and say: “Come, I miss you so much!”, not wearing perfume, not giving gifts, being prepared for the man to cancel the meeting at the last moment.
And the initial lightness and increased attention that so flattered you are replaced by a heaviness on your heart, the realization that he belongs to someone else.
What to do in a triangle: advice from a psychologist for a free girl
Loving a married man is difficult. Psychologists recommend that such girls stop blaming themselves and understand the situation.
By asking yourself a series of questions and sincerely answering them, you can take a more sober look at the relationship and its prospects. You should understand what is attractive in a relationship with a married man, why this situation arose, what the woman gives and receives in return, and whether there is a satisfactory prospect for development.
If a woman agrees to a relationship that is not obligatory to anything, then it can be continued. But if this connection causes pain, and the chosen one does not take any steps other than promises, psychologists recommend breaking the union and the sooner the better. You shouldn't waste months and years of your life on a love triangle.
Natalia
How to keep relationships secret from official spouses?
Double infidelity is difficult to hide, so lovers must exercise extra caution:
- Come up with an excuse for the meeting in advance. In case of a sudden collision with acquaintances, you should prepare a convincing explanation that will not arouse suspicion.
- Avoid gifts and noticeable “traces” of the relationship. An attentive person will notice not only traces of kisses and the smell of other people's perfume, but also less obvious signs. Gifts received for no reason will be difficult to hide, so it is better to do without this part of the relationship. If the family has a common budget, then it will not be difficult to determine what the money was allocated for and what appeared suddenly and without loss from the common wallet. It is better to discuss the topic of gifts right away.
- Plan your leisure time carefully. Spouses will definitely suspect something if lovers choose time for meetings that they usually spent with their families. Communication with relatives and friends is also reduced, which will inevitably affect relationships with them.
- Launch preemptive strikes. Sometimes family leisure should be specially organized before the official spouses become suspicious.
- Avoid discussions. Even with close friends, it is better not to share details of the relationship. They may accidentally cause a secret to be revealed, or unwittingly let it slip in the presence of the spouses.
It should be understood that it will be difficult to hide the relationship for a long time. Sooner or later, you will have to choose the path to develop the romance: continue to meet occasionally, fearing exposure, or decide to have a frank conversation with your spouses.
Which men most often have affairs on the side?6
Psychologists identify several types of men who are most often prone to cheating on the side.
- Eternal teenager. Games of tanks and fun parties with a group of friends, extreme sports and sports, and of course girls - all this will stand above him more than his family and his legal wife.
- Lovelace in years. Thus, by having a mistress on his side, he tries to assert himself, the desire to assert himself and even return the forgotten sensations of his former youth.
- An extreme guy will break the hearts of women, collect them - about such people you can say that a girl is waiting for them in every port. For them, family life is boring and bland, but betrayal is akin to a spy action.
- A male, strong and independent – confident and independent, sufficient and independent from his wife. And at the expense of his mistress, he asserts his ego. This is more like an alpha male in its purest form.
- Seeker of the joys of life. The passion is gone, the wife is bored, everyday life and children are dubious joys of family life. And therefore, in connection with an affair, he will look for a beautiful life, having a beautiful mistress - this is more likely compensation, but not true feelings.
- Collector. And this term says it all - for him, his wife is more like the main prize, and his mistresses are medals and certificates that he collects with a generous hand along his life’s path. He can powder his head, turn his head and captivate him, but no more - a married man uses a girl and you shouldn’t expect a serious relationship from him.
- An unlucky walker - he will be tormented by doubts, looking for an answer to the question, to be or not to be, to look for a mistress or not. And if one appears, he is tormented by doubts about whether to leave his wife for his mistress. But most often his wife suits him and he has no intention of leaving.
- Victim of basic instinct. But more often than not, it’s not even the physiology of the man that lies here, but also the fault of the wives themselves – their severity, manipulation and the fact that they make sex into such a control tool.
These are the main types of men who most often walk to the left.
Famous celebrity mistresses9
From the world of celebrities and world celebrities, many can be singled out with special attention, but this is a separate topic for discussion. Next, we’ll just highlight the brightest ones.
Love triangle - Vanessa Paradis, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. It was Vanessa who could curb Depp’s tough temper - the love and relationship were complex and vibrant, lasting for 14 years. But soon she appeared in their relationship - Amber Heard. She did take Depp away from the family, but this family did not last long.
Zhigunov Sergey, Zavorotnyuk Nastya and Vera Novikova. Zhigunov was always considered an exemplary husband, and he lived with his wife, Vera, for more than one decade. But when they started filming the TV series “My Fair Nanny,” Zavorotnyuk burst into his life. Although family life did not work out even with her and Nastya went to her young lover.
Princess Diana, Prince Charles and Duchess Camila. First, it’s worth saying that the duchess was the first to make acquaintance with the prince, but Charles’s uncle, Lord Mountbatten, considered her no match for the royal couple. And then the duchess married someone else, and the prince himself proposed to Lady Di. Although after her tragic death, the relationship between Charles and Camila resumed again.
Famous mistresses in history8
History is rich in femme fatales, but if we talk about famous mistresses, the list can be endless. But we can talk a lot, and in order not to be unfounded, let’s look at the most famous personalities.
Valeria Messalina. History classifies her as one of the most promiscuous women in history, and despite her high status as the wife of Emperor Claudius, she was called the first harlot of Rome.
Cleopatra is wise and beautiful, but at the same time the most dissolute ruler of Egypt. Her night cost a man his life, but many of her lovers perceived her differently. For example, Caesar was touched by her very modesty, and Antony considered her a hunter of carnal pleasures.
Thais of Athens, a daring hetaera, became famous throughout the centuries for seducing the great commander Alexander the Great. And even though she was a prostitute, she was famous for her pride and inaccessibility. And even all the treasures in the world from the commander could not seduce her. But later she became the legal wife of the king of Egypt - Ptolemy 1.
The famous Marquise de Pompadour was the favorite and mistress of King Louis XV, who was not only skilled in love, but also played a significant role in the politics of Europe.
Among modern women, passionate beauties and fatal seductresses, Mata Hari can be singled out with special attention. At the very beginning, the courtesan made a living performing exotic dances, conquering Paris - many celebrities and famous people of France, as well as Germany, were her lovers. But the story ended with double recruitment as spies and......
