Any relationship requires fidelity. However, not all partners can be 100% confident in their chosen one. Sometimes the other half behaves too openly with other men, sometimes the woman is too beautiful, which makes the man worry about the fact that other guys are looking at her. According to psychologists, love and reproaches of infidelity are incompatible.
Jealousy
What is a man's jealousy
In a man, a feeling of jealousy is born from the desire to solely possess a woman. By its psychological nature, the definition of jealousy is close to envy. Jealousy is associated with possessiveness and selfishness.
Insecure and complex men are more prone to jealousy. They are afraid of losing a woman, so they try to establish total control over her meetings, communication, and correspondence. Men who are confident and respect their chosen ones are not prone to suspiciousness and suspiciousness - their relationships are built on mutual trust. If such men become suspicious of their partner’s infidelity, they choose a frank conversation or end the relationship instead of reproaches, beatings and restrictions on personal freedom.
Interesting. If a man is constantly jealous, it means that he himself is most likely cheating on his wife. After yet another “step to the left,” such a husband reproaches his wife at home for infidelity, wanting to divert suspicion from himself.
Lover
A lover develops a feeling of jealousy if his girlfriend does not divorce her husband. It seems to the man that she is not serious about the relationship. For her, this is just entertainment associated with receiving new emotions; she is not going to leave her husband.
A lover’s dangerous feeling manifests itself in scandals and showdowns. He can call his opponent and tell the truth. Most likely, after this there will be a divorce, but the jealous person will calm down only for a short time. After some time, he will begin to suspect his beloved of cheating, thinking that his wife might treat him like her ex-husband. The thought of a new lover is the beginning of a couple’s conflict. To save a marriage, a woman needs to prove her love for him.
Signs of a jealous person
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At the beginning of a relationship, suspicions are rarely expressed. Usually, the first signs of jealousy are noted after the end of the candy-bouquet period in the presence of strangers.
Signs of jealousy
Physiological changes as a sign of jealousy
Physiological changes in the body of a jealous person include:
- If, in a company of friends, one of the men sits down next to a woman and begins to have a nice conversation with her about something, smile, give her compliments, the jealous young man of this girl blushes, clenches his fists, begins to breathe rapidly - he is ready to prove with his fists that this the person is busy.
- A jealous man's pupils dilate as a result of a hormonal surge, he sweats profusely when he notices that other guys are looking at his girlfriend with interest.
- In situations of friendly communication with friends in the presence of his partner, the jealous person is tense. His forehead and eyebrows are furrowed. He cannot fully relax and enjoy an evening with friends.
- Trembling is noted in the arms and legs. This is not a sign of fear. This occurs as a result of muscle fiber spasm due to severe tension in the body.
- To once again show his solidity and strength, a young man, when in a public place with his woman, uses laconic phrases, the timbre of his voice is lower than usual.
Signs of jealousy in psychology
Jealous behavior
- Ultimatums and restrictions on personal freedom. When a guy is jealous, he forbids his woman to communicate with friends of the opposite sex and prevents her from meeting her friends. He doesn’t like the fact that a woman wants to go somewhere without him. This makes him suspicious and he arranges an interrogation. His behavior is reminiscent of teenage maximalism.
- Annoying calls. A jealous gentleman calls a woman several times during the working day under the pretext of caring. Moreover, during a telephone conversation, he listens more to the sounds in the background than to the woman’s words. If, due to being busy, the girl did not answer the call, then in the evening her husband will cause a scandal at home. Here it will become clear that there was no trace of any concern in the frequent calls, only the desire to control every step.
- A man's desire to listen to detailed details of a woman's previous affairs. On the one hand, the experience of the past helps to avoid mistakes in love, but the demand for a detailed story and clarification of particularly vague moments reveal a jealous male nature.
- Disguising himself as sympathetic and caring, a jealous man will very quickly get to know all the girl’s relatives and her colleagues. Without an invitation, he will come to her parents’ dacha to help with planting potatoes, and will drop by the girl’s work place at lunchtime, allegedly to bring her an umbrella, because they promised rain in the evening. In fact, he examines with an x-ray eye everyone who is close to his chosen one in order to know where to expect trouble.
- The desire to keep a woman at home. If a lady says that she wanted to see her niece today, the jealous man will immediately say sadly: “Today? Is it possible to cancel? I was going to give you a surprise today!”
Attention! If, based on physiological and behavioral signs, a girl recognizes a jealous male nature, she can still try to save the relationship by talking frankly with the man. If this does not help, then it is better to abandon such a relationship.
Treatment of manic episodes
Everyone has heard about men who, according to a schedule, scan their beloved’s mobile phone, demand to call back every hour and become furious when the unfortunate woman does not have time to jump to the ringing mobile phone in a couple of seconds. In such situations we are talking about pathological jealousy.
If life together has turned into hell because of your spouse’s constant suspicion of your betrayal, this feeling haunts a person through life and prevents him from living, then third-party correction is required.
Here's how you can help:
- We exclude mental pathologies : gently recommend visiting a specialist (psychiatrist or medical psychologist). If the diagnosis is confirmed, the underlying disease will need to be treated.
- Let's remember the advantages of a husband . Much more often, crazy jealousy is a consequence of insecurity, low self-esteem, and loser syndrome. In this case, the emphasis in treatment is on the patient's strengths. Herbal sedatives may be prescribed, relaxation outside the city in the fresh air, and swimming may be recommended.
- " Journey" to the past . Take an interest in the childhood and adolescence of your companion - often the roots of the problem go back to the difficult first years of life and troubles in the parental family. Here, too, the work of a psychotherapist will be needed, and with the relatives of the sufferer.
Look for an experienced doctor and try to become your husband’s spiritual healer yourself: love and understanding of a loved one can work a miracle.
Causes of pathological jealousy
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Why is a man jealous? Pathological jealousy leads to:
- Lack of basic trust in the world. This personality trait is manifested by suspicion, suspiciousness, prejudiced attitude towards people, low self-esteem and self-doubt.
- Categorical judgments, lack of flexibility of thinking, inability to compromise.
- The inability to express negative feelings at work leads to a person looking for a reason to splash out negativity at home.
Features of female feelings
The manifestation of feelings of jealousy in the fair sex is similar to the male reaction. The basis is self-doubt and fear of losing a loved one.
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But female jealousy is a little different from male jealousy:
- Memories. Girls are more often jealous of their partners for their past. They immediately compare themselves to other women.
- The object of resentment. The accumulated anger is poured out not on the womanizing partner, but on the alleged homewrecker.
- Time. In women, jealousy may not appear immediately. She hides herself carefully. Negative feelings accumulate over months or even several years, only then coming out. Male jealousy manifests itself almost immediately.
- The meaning of spirituality. It is more difficult for a woman to forgive spiritual betrayal when someone stops loving her. The important role is played by the emotional state, not physiology.
Women's jealousy is different from men's, but it is just as damaging to relationships.
What is delirium of jealousy
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Delusions of jealousy, according to psychologists, are a form of pathological jealousy in men. This condition is characterized by a distorted perception of facts. A person is able to see his partner’s betrayal in the most ordinary actions and deeds. At the same time, the arguments and assurances of third parties that the situation is absolutely normal do not affect him.
Characteristic features of the delusion of jealousy are its groundlessness and causelessness. Delusions of jealousy also occur in women. It manifests itself in hysterical outbursts of jealousy.
Delirium of jealousy
It must be said that delusions of jealousy do not occur in an absolutely normal, healthy person. The factors determining its occurrence are:
- Alcohol abuse;
- Exposure to prolonged stress;
- Tendency to depression;
- Mental disorders;
- Diseases of the genitourinary system and problems with potency;
- Complexes about being overweight or short.
Important! This is a curable disease that can be treated in a specialized medical facility.
Children
There may be children left over from a previous marriage. Men's jealousy can manifest itself towards babies, but they did not choose mom and dad.
Appears in the following form:
- high-profile scandals;
- reluctance to establish contact;
- persuasion to give the child to the ex-spouse.
More often, preference is given to the child rather than to the boyfriend. After all, it was he who came from outside. Children often perceive their mother's new husband negatively. The younger ones will unite with the older ones, speaking out against the mother’s chosen one.
Therefore, if you want to maintain the relationship, you need to establish contact with the children of your chosen one. If you can’t fall in love with other people’s kids, then first just make friends with them. Warm feelings will appear over time.
It is not necessary to replace a father for a child if he does not need it. You can be an older friend and mentor for him, who will help with advice in difficult times.
How should a woman behave if her husband is jealous?
It is extremely difficult to re-educate a jealous man. Sometimes it seems like a more logical and simpler solution to the problem is to break off such a relationship. However, a woman cannot always do this, because she loves him. In addition, declaring that everything is over does not guarantee freedom from a jealous suitor; he will not give up so easily. He will annoy the woman with calls, spy on her, and threaten her new boyfriend.
If your husband is jealous, psychologists advise:
- Convince the man to seek help from a family psychologist. They will help you cope with character traits such as fear, aggression, and tell you how to stop beating yourself up and being jealous of a girl. The advantage of this step is that the psychologist will work with both the man and the woman at the same time, this will take their relationship to a new level.
Family psychologist
- A husband can get rid of a global sense of ownership if his wife praises him and notices his good looks and positive character traits.
- Systematic exercises in the gym help a man gain self-confidence. Good physical shape makes a man stand out from the crowd. Systematic training promotes self-education, development of endurance, patience and puts thoughts in order. Sports activities create an opportunity to throw out negative energy and help normalize your emotional state.
- If a husband is exhausted from jealousy, the wife should dress more modestly and reduce communication with friends - this way she will let him know that she respects his feelings, loves him, and there is no reason for jealousy.
The meaning of past relationships
Sometimes memories of old relationships destroy new marital relationships. Men cannot forgive their wives for past love. It seems to them that they still have feelings for their ex-husbands. And they would return to them if the opportunity presented itself. Therefore, the husband is jealous and insults his wife.
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You can understand that your husband is jealous of the past by constantly asking about previous relationships. He forces you to delete joint photos from social networks, throw away things that once connected the ex-couple in a previous marriage. But this rarely helps.
All people have a past that cannot be changed. The only way out is to accept that relationship as a given, starting life with your loved one from scratch.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists agree that suspiciousness is detrimental to relationships, and the fight against it is difficult. If a woman builds a relationship with a jealous man, psychologists advise:
- Remember that true love, which leads to a happy marriage, is built on trust, mutual respect and care. At the same time, both partners have the right to personal freedom to communicate with friends of both sexes and to spend leisure time separately. In an alliance with a jealous person, this is impossible. It is worth thinking about what is more important? What sacrifices is a woman willing to make for love? Is the chosen one worth such sacrifices?
- Violence in any form is unacceptable in a relationship. A woman should think, first of all, about her safety and the safety of her children. Reproaches of infidelity, bordering on violence, signal to a woman that she needs to run away from such a man.
- Each person in a relationship has the right to the inviolability of their personal belongings: phone, notebook. If partners do not respect this right, the relationship is doomed and will sooner or later end in breakup.
Love without jealousy
