The ability to take responsibility for one’s actions is a very important quality for any adult. But individuals who do not sufficiently possess this quality do not appeal to anyone...
And of course, no woman will be happy if an irresponsible man appears in her life! What to do if such a character is already near you, and how to recognize irresponsible men in advance, sympaty.net will tell you.
Concept of irresponsibility
The ability to be responsible for one’s words and actions is an important quality for a person, but it happens the other way around. Irresponsibility is a character trait of people who are unable to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Thus, men do not know how to take care of loved ones and do not feel responsible for the family. They have the wrong view of the world, “everyone owes them”, and for every impartial act of their own there is a worthy justification.
Inaction, lack of willpower, unwillingness to work - this is the life position of a person who has chosen this path, or such behavior has been imposed on him. As a result, the quality of life of both him and the people around him deteriorates.
Types of irresponsibility
Irresponsibility comes in different forms. Certain types of it affect relationships with other people, others are associated with one’s own self-realization. What matters is how a person feels about what is happening, whether he considers it necessary to change something. Examples of inappropriate behavior on the part of adults cannot but upset and sadden. They need to be considered separately.
Leaving the family
We are talking about the irresponsibility of a man who decides to withdraw from raising his child and stops caring for his wife. The departure of a husband and father from a family is always a very traumatic situation, which inevitably leaves a negative imprint on the future perception of life. Children begin to feel insecure. It seems to them that their usual way of life could collapse at any moment. The world seems dangerous, causing melancholy and anxiety. Anyone who decides to leave his family must think it over carefully, decide on his immediate goals and moral standards. After all, there is nothing worse than ruining your child’s life and not being able to fix it in any way. Many people, years later, begin to regret the step they took. They are disturbed by a feeling of guilt, reinforced by the inability to correct the situation in the present moment. In order not to later regret what you have done, it is recommended to try not to make such global mistakes.
Irresponsible attitude towards yourself
This includes neglecting your health, engaging in dangerous sports, or simply abusing alcoholic beverages. An irresponsible attitude towards oneself often leads to sad consequences, which the individual often cannot even imagine. This usually happens if a person has not learned to adequately assess available opportunities. He lives one day at a time, without thinking at all about how circumstances may turn out tomorrow. Many things are underestimated and cease to be perceived at all. Those who value themselves, as a rule, begin to take care of their health in advance and take appropriate measures. But people who don't think ahead often end up in awkward situations. They don’t notice how they lose control and stop acting in the desired direction altogether. Such an attitude towards life cannot be called constructive. It devastates a person from the inside, preventing him from understanding what is really happening. An irresponsible attitude towards oneself often extends to others. People acquire the habit of not caring about everything that surrounds them.
Social influence
Social irresponsibility is expressed in the fact that people refuse to answer to others for their own actions and actions: they prefer to live only by their own beliefs, even when they cause some harm to others. The influence of society is sometimes quite significant. If we are treated with disdain, it means that in some cases we will prefer to respond in kind, and this is not surprising. Social irresponsibility is the unwillingness to take any responsibility for one's own actions. An individual does not want to delve into the needs of others or reach any kind of compromise. This is a sign of immaturity of the individual, who lacks the moral internal resources to be able to make the right decision. If each individual strives to live on his own, then he will never be visited by a feeling of spiritual satisfaction.
Childish irresponsibility
It becomes noticeable the fastest. This happens because children do not know how to be disingenuous, but openly express their own feelings. A child's emotions always seem natural, but sometimes they can be downright terrifying. The irresponsibility of children is very clearly manifested in their attitude towards animals and younger brothers and sisters. A child, very cute and touching in appearance, can act extremely cruelly to a pet: throw it from the balcony, strangle it, cripple it. He just doesn’t understand the pain he causes to a cat or dog by constantly torturing the animal. Children's irresponsibility is always a problem for parents . Many fathers and mothers, unfortunately, do not find enough time to raise their offspring. They naively believe that kindergartens and schools should be involved in raising their children. If a child grows up irresponsible, he will almost certainly not learn to be responsible for himself or to be attentive to the feelings of others. After all, this is something that can only be learned in one’s own family, gradually mastering certain norms of behavior.
How an irresponsible man manifests himself in a relationship
For a woman, a responsible man is a dream. In order for a girl not to make a mistake in choosing a partner, even at the courtship stage, she should pay attention to the “alarming” signs that an irresponsible man shows in a relationship:
- There is no goal in life, no desire for self-development. An irresponsible man has no favorite thing to do. He does not take his professional activity seriously and does not develop in it. His hobbies boil down to only fleeting pleasures. Here the problem is with setting life guidelines and goals. A person himself does not know what he wants.
- Does not fulfill agreements. Already on the first dates, you can notice the guy’s irresponsible behavior. He systematically breaks promises: he does not show up on time for a meeting agreed upon at the place and time, or simply forgets about it, and when he shows up, he looks for excuses and justifications. A man is not ready to take responsibility for his actions, but seeks to shift them to “circumstances.”
- Complains about various circumstances. An irresponsible man often and tediously complains about any failures, friends, bosses, presenting himself as a victim. This position is beneficial for him; he simply does not know how to accept and correct the consequences of his own actions. You don’t have to expect support and understanding from such a person; his sensitivity extends only to himself.
- Shifts responsibility to others. This alarming sign is noticeable already at the initial stage of a relationship. The partner does not want to negotiate or make decisions; it is impossible to rely on him. He avoids situations in any way where he will have to bear responsibility for the consequences. The chosen one shifts these problems onto the girl or other people, but does not want to solve anything himself.
A man’s irresponsibility creates a lot of problems in relationships: misunderstandings, quarrels, unresolved issues, unfulfilled promises.
Is it a woman's fault that a man doesn't behave responsibly?
Why are men irresponsible? Many “pseudopsychologists” explain this this way: they say that if a man behaves irresponsibly and childishly, it means that the woman takes on too much responsibility in a couple. And a man simply takes advantage of the fact that everything is decided for him, and decided well, and relaxes...
But in fact, this version, which seems logical at first glance, has a significant “crack”.
There are many (the overwhelming majority!) of men who are irresponsible just like that, from the very beginning: either their mother raised them wrong, or they inherited the genes from some irresponsible ancestors - but their current partners have nothing to do with this shortcoming of theirs!
Don't listen to anyone who says that an irresponsible man is because of a woman!
Even if a woman has taken on too much responsibility in a couple and is forced to decide for both of them, this is not a cause, but a consequence of male irresponsibility. Reality, one way or another, constantly presents the couple with tasks related to responsibility - and either the couple (and, in fact, one person) copes with them, or both people in the couple suffer inconvenience. This is how it turns out - for example, if a woman wants a vacation together, she is forced to organize it. Otherwise, no one will go anywhere! But this is a simple and harmless example - but in real life, wives “pull out” serious financial issues, common children, and a large household...
How to live with an irresponsible man
If a girl wants to connect her life with this particular person, she should first analyze her qualities and take a close look at herself. There is no need to change it; reproaches and quarrels will achieve nothing. Surely the chosen one does not even understand the essence of the problem, that irresponsibility in relationships prevents one from being happy and successful.
Show your partner that he is important to you. Start assigning him small tasks: go grocery shopping, cook dinner. Achieving results is not easy, but the main thing is to believe in your man. Then he will be able to believe in himself. But sometimes the chosen one is satisfied with his own position, he does not want to change anything. Then a woman should think about whether she needs such an irresponsible man in a relationship.
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How to help a man cope with irresponsibility?
Even the most “amorphous” specimen can gradually become an exemplary responsible man, ready to take on problems upon himself rather than pin them on a weak woman. But how? Psychologists recommend using several key techniques.
Stop “playing” babysitter
A classic picture: he is on the sofa, scattered around are socks, a mug of tea, an empty plate, a pile of newspapers and magazines. In general, the little boy is resting. To retrain your husband, you will need a lot of patience with his socks and T-shirts, which will initially take up most of the space. But - it’s necessary! There is no need to follow a man everywhere, tidy up his clothes, ask if he is hungry, remind him that he needs to shine his shoes for tomorrow or pack his work bag. If he gets burned once, he will understand that the time has come to grow up and will begin to do everything on his own. Well, at least in theory, but you’ll see how it will be in practice.
Put all power in the hands of a man
Your spouse lives in a comfort zone, because you are constantly afraid that he will not overwork and rest calmly after a working day... This is a direct path to infantilism. Why? Yes, because the more responsibility he has, the more... responsible he is! The paradox has a right to exist, since in some cases the spouse is simply afraid to interfere in your affairs, which you grab onto with great eagerness. Tired of it? Then demonstrate how tired you are and hand over the reins to your stronger half of the family. And one more thing: ask him for advice more often - like a real expert in business. Maybe he is just waiting for unconditional trust.
Completely abstract
How? Just! Don't be interested in his activities at work. Don't ask if he wants to eat. Don't worry about his health. In general, start living for yourself: pay more attention to yourself, go to cafes with your girlfriends, gather with relatives at the same table more often, go on visits. That is, start solving personal problems, without bypassing the children, of course. It’s even easier if you have a child - plunge into his world, teach, develop, play, pamper him with delicious food. And then your lover will understand: he is not your first priority. And in order to occupy it legally, you need to work hard, making important decisions on your own not only about your life, but also about the whole family.
Sincerely praise for worthy deeds
Maybe your loved one has become irresponsible and childish because you yourself don’t care about him? Do you not pay attention and reproach for every misdeed? Quite possibly. Then you should sharply reconsider your personal attitude towards a man and start encouraging him with praise for every initiative. It is possible that he will like the role of the Decree of the Fates of Loved Ones and he will willingly be your defender from all difficult matters and everyday problems.
Act on partnerships
That is, do not place your loved one below yourself. Trust him, tell him what and how to do. Share responsibility among yourself, encourage with advice. Eradicate the mother-son pattern and move to wife-husband, where each is equal and has the same rights and responsibilities as the other. This approach is especially recommended for not too advanced cases of “amoebic”, when a person is well aware: yes, this is no longer possible and something needs to be changed in oneself. Gradually, the pile of unresolved problems will become smaller, and calm, mutual respect, and carefree will return to your family.
Turn on feminine cunning
Never fix plumbing yourself, do not uncork jars, do not repair a shelf, do not hammer nails into the wall, do not screw in a light bulb, do not carry heavy bags! Start acting like a woman and not like a cart horse. Probably, it is then that the man will pay attention to you and take upon himself all the “blows of everyday life.” Otherwise, modern women are accustomed to something like emancipation and let’s change the wheels of a car, repair a faucet, or dig a garden. In general, stop pretending to be a “man,” because two strong individuals with the same interests will not get along in the same space. This is the law of nature.
WHAT IS THE ROOT OF EVIL?
I often hear the following explanation for what is happening: “Our business processes are not streamlined.” BUT! What does business processes have to do with it if an employee sincerely does not understand what result he should get as a result of his work? After all, it is obvious that if an employee does not understand what the result should be, then no matter what actions he does, he will not get it!
It turns out that in fact the reason for the employee’s irresponsibility is that there was no delegation of responsibility from the manager to the subordinate. At best, the manager explained what needs to be DOED, but did not explain what RESULT should be obtained...
If the above examples extend beyond the boundaries of one management or department, then we can safely say that the ENTIRE organizational structure of the company or, as they often like to say, the “management vertical” is not working. And most likely, this state of affairs is already fixed at the level of corporate culture.
STILL DON'T BELIEVE IT? My words are easy to test in practice! It is enough to simply ask an employee (even if it is a manager) what the result of his work is. Try it and you will be very surprised :-)
Examples of the most interesting answers from my practice:
- marketer = “master the advertising budget.” This is just a bummer, the employee sincerely believes that his task is to master the budget, and not to bring potential clients!
- accountant = “post documents in 1C.” This is a standard pain point for every IT director. After all, the programmers are naturally to blame for the fact that reports show incorrect numbers...
- sales manager = “satisfy the customer.” Employees of other professions satisfy customers...
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM REALLY? [let's describe the symptoms in more detail]
An employee experiences a malfunction in his head, which leads to the fact that he is not focused on the result of his work, but on the need to perform a certain set of actions (often even completely in accordance with the job description). ACTIONS ultimately lead to :
- HR reduced payroll
- a lawyer checked every contract
- the accountant entered all the documents into the system
At the same time, the company’s TOP management expects very specific RESULTS :
- HR will ensure that the work is done with the least amount of money (and it doesn’t matter if the employee is on staff, works under a contract, or the function is outsourced)
- the lawyer minimizes risks for the company (and certainly, even in a nightmare, the top executive cannot think that the cost of minimizing the risk is greater than the possible damage if it occurs)
- the accountant will provide accurate and timely information for decision making (that the data in the reports actually corresponds to what is happening in real life)
WHAT IS RESPONSIBILITY?
Let's first be clear about what the term "responsibility" actually means. The word “responsibility” is a noun that does not designate an object and, as a result, each person puts a unique meaning into this word, known only to him alone. There are different definitions of the word “responsibility”. For example, “criminal liability” and “financial liability,” but these are more synonyms for the word punishment, “assigning responsibility through the KPI system” is more about motivation than about results...
So what is “responsibility” from a management perspective?
Wikipedia says: Responsibility is the ability (by one's actions and/or inaction) to influence the outcome Ron Hubbard says: Responsibility is the awareness/feeling of oneself as the cause of what is happening
Thus, by “responsibility” I mean when AT THE SAME TIME an employee is able to influence the result (he has the necessary knowledge and authority) and the employee feels like he is the cause of what is happening (sincerely believes that the result depends on him).
Interesting conclusions can already be drawn:
An employee who lacks knowledge and skills, by definition, cannot be responsible for completing a task. This is why RACI matrices often separate the roles of “responsible” and “performer”
Each employee of the company (even a cleaner in a holding of 10k+ people) is responsible for its financial results (at a minimum she receives a salary and this reduces the financial result)
