In the relationship between a man and a woman, various problematic situations can be observed. In particular, sometimes there are couples in which women cannot understand why the man is emotionally cold to all her manifestations of care and affection. Next, we will delve into the very origins of this problem in detail.
Most often, men show emotional indifference to women. Because ladies can show their feelings more clearly and they are less rational in relationships. Although the male part of the population is prone to emotional breakdowns in some situations just like women. The only thing is that there are exceptions when it is simply impossible to reach a person, he reacts completely calmly to any manifestations, and it seems that nothing can confuse him. Let's look at why a man is emotionally cold in a relationship below.
Emotionally cold type of men
Emotionally cold type of man
You are either the hunter or the game. Either you act, or you wearily trail behind.
Francis Scott Fitzgerald
It is no secret that there are no random people in our lives. We attract those people who are suitable for us, but for certain reasons we either break off the relationship or become disappointed when we encounter an ice block of misunderstanding and indifference.
We often confuse control with care, manipulation with support, dependence with love, we are afraid to open up and show our true face, lost behind a certain number of complexes, other people's roles and protective masks.
Our misfortune, like happiness, is in our hands, but, unfortunately, due to our nature, it is much easier for us to give in to suffering, so that we can then spend our whole lives regretting lost opportunities, blaming the villainous fate, negligent parents and vile friends for our problems.
In fact, everything ingenious is simple. It turns out that many problems in relationships are related to the fact that there are overly emotional women with a need to give away these very emotions.
It is these women who attract emotionally cold men, but such relationships are doomed to failure due to the fact that after a while women become emotionally exhausted.
Relationships are, first of all, a two-way street, so it is necessary not only to give feelings, but also to accept them with dignity.
Emotionally cold men are looking for relationships, but at the same time they are afraid of them. They try to keep their distance and not show their feelings, for fear of losing control of the situation. They are afraid of falling in love, rarely give sincere compliments, do not ask for forgiveness, reject all tenderness, do not seek female attention, and avoid conversations.
Often, under such coldness, the most ordinary egoism or even egocentrism is hidden. It is convenient for such a man to play his role and receive a huge amount of female attention, love and care, while pretending that he does not need any relationship, and no one is particularly interested in him.
An emotionally cold man is actively involved in sports, he has an ideal body, good manners, and it is easy and interesting to communicate with him. He gives the impression of “that very real man” for whom immediately at first sight you want to give birth to both “a daughter and a son”; he is demanding of himself, responsible and prone to perfectionism.
But after some time of communicating with such a man, the fabulous sweet illusion breaks into small fragments, painfully wounding a woman’s pride.
There are many reasons leading to the emergence of male coldness and all these reasons are connected with the past. The laws of the family are inherited; the model of parental behavior on a subconscious level encourages a person to act as his father and mother did. It depends only on the person whether he can break the chain of events and follow a new path.
Why do men hide their feelings and emotions?
Women and men seem to live in different dimensions. We do not understand each other's actions, goals, feelings.
A man, no matter what feelings a woman arouses in him, behaves with restraint. Temperament, upbringing and past relationships with the opposite sex also play a role.
Having started a relationship, a man works even harder, trying to provide a decent life for his chosen one. He does not stop meeting with old friends, does not give up his favorite pastime (fishing or playing on the computer). A man simply introduces one more item into his routine - the woman he loves and her problems.
The woman completely surrenders to the new feeling. Work, friends, household chores fade into the background.
In addition, a man in love is characterized by shyness and confusion. His surroundings no longer recognize him. If previously a self-confident man behaved boldly and demonstrated drive and determination in all endeavors, then during meetings with the woman he loves, he feels uncertainty and even fear.
Men are stingy in showing emotions. They do not strive for a serious relationship until they earn enough capital to live on and make a career.
What to do if everything happened at a distance
If you live in different cities and only keep in touch by letter or phone, drop everything and go to him. Do not warn him before this, make it as if the purpose of the trip was not him, but, for example, an excursion, work, study, etc. When you are already there, offer to meet and look at his behavior when communicating. If he is as cold as he was at a distance, ask directly if anything happened during your absence. An honest young man who respects you will certainly tell the truth.
If you can't see each other
, try not to talk to him on the phone, not to call him first, to answer every other time. He must understand that without him your life will be as rich as with him. If this does not work and the young man stops contacting him altogether, the relationship can be considered over. In this case, write him a message that, for example, you understand that you are no longer a couple, you are very sorry if you did something wrong, you would like to correct the situation, but obviously this is not necessary. At the end, wish him happiness so that he finds a more suitable girl. Believe me, even the most indifferent person will respond something to such a message.
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Reason No. 1. Social stereotypes
Society is merciless towards expansive men. Since childhood, the boy understands: if you break your knee, you cannot give free rein to your tears, because “men never cry.” A mature man is ashamed to tell his friends that he is not going to a football match or fishing because the woman he loves asked for help with shopping.
For many centuries, the prevailing opinion is that a man must be strong, silently endure pain (emotionally and physically). Love is a vulnerability that has no place in the life of a representative of the stronger half of humanity. Society has a rather negative attitude towards overly expansive men.
Since childhood, a man comes to the conclusion that sentimentality is the lot of a weak woman. If a man admires flowers in a meadow or admires kittens frolicking on the doorstep, society will misunderstand and judge.
A man is synonymous with strength, rationality, strong character and perseverance. He is not forgiven for his whims, complaints or tears.
Strong feelings, such as love, passion, they “mask” and hide with the help of:
1. Indifference. Men do not react to women's tears, dissatisfaction or hysterics. During scandals, they declare that the opinion of the chosen one is indifferent to them, and neither is the beloved herself.
2. Aggression. Is a boy at school pulling or pushing a classmate’s pigtails? He likes her! Behind the rudeness lies tenderness, interest, a feeling of being in love.
Other scenarios are no better
Photo by Katerina Holmes: Pexels
A prosperous family, life partners who are completely satisfied with each other, an established way of life, the grinding of characters left behind, the birth of a long-awaited baby - all the signs of a happy family are evident, if not for one “but”.
Your spouse began to move away from you by leaps and bounds, “shines” with an incomprehensible indifference, stopped responding to your messages, is cold as ice, and it’s good that he is emphatically polite.
You were reliable friends “do not spill water”. They trusted each other with their deepest secrets. We learned a foreign language together. We spent hours wandering around the city with your dog.
We put on backpacks and disappeared from the city for the whole weekend to swim in a little-known lake in the forest, rustle with the falling leaves of the red autumn, and go skiing through the sounds of a howling blizzard in the wind. And then this “suddenly” came, he lost interest in your entertainment, is hiding somewhere, and in rare conversations he is short and impatient, he so wants to get rid of you as quickly as possible.
Reason No. 2. Education
If the parents did not hug their son, did not speak words of love and tenderness to him, then, as an adult, the man will copy the line of behavior “inherited” in childhood. A man does not know how to give compliments or show emotions. He believes that this is unworthy of a representative of the strong half of humanity, or he does not even realize that the woman he loves is eager to hear the “cherished three words.”
For some reason, parents believe that affection, tenderness and a kind word are not as important for a boy as for a girl. The son must be raised to be a man - strong and reliable, a man who will endure all hardships. From early childhood, he develops a sense of self-worth and responsibility for the lives of loved ones, and willpower. As a result, having become an adult, a man does not know how to freely express his feelings and emotions.
Asking questions, looking for answers
Psychologists stubbornly insist that the external strength of spirit and self-sufficiency of men is a bluff without support. Lucky, rich, successful males in all respects are the elite, among whom finding a husband, lover, friend for yourself is still a very difficult task, impossible to approach. We, ordinary women, those who do not live among these Gods on Olympus, get copies that are quite good, but medium and small in terms of merits and capabilities.
Another truth - all males need and are extremely important: female dedication, love, sincere care, trust. It is impossible to predict in advance what their response to all this will be. In the midst of family relationships, a dizzying romance, a strong friendship with a man, it’s not worth dragging your illusions, the bright dreams of a naive girl, and sentimental expectations. The curve may not take you in the direction that the inexperienced young lady expected.
What happens to each of the men we mentioned at the beginning of the article? Why is the gap between you catastrophically growing?
Many women are looking for an answer to these burning questions, and the reasons can be completely different. Psychologists have collected the most possible 11 options into a list. Here it is, in front of you:
Why is a man cold and withdrawn into himself?
Reason No. 3. Fear of addiction
A man hates dependence, it is not inherent in a man’s character. A man realizes that dependence is the first step to manipulation and control, and this threatens the loss of personal freedom.
Men are proud to be called “representatives of the stronger half of humanity.” They, like women, are afraid of pain. The best way to impress the woman you like is to show strength.
They need much more time (compared to women) to establish emotional intimacy.
Reason #5: Painful experience
If a man’s past relationship ended in a fantastic fiasco, he will be careful in showing emotions in the future.
Women's betrayal, betrayal and deception give rise to 2 thoughts in a man's head:
“I loved, but they hurt me, what a fool I was.” “In order not to get a knife in the back, you cannot show feelings.”
His new lady will need a lot of patience and love for the man to open up to her. Over time, these categorical arguments disappear, and the man plunges into new relationships with all passion.
I played but didn't guess a single letter
Your husband, boyfriend, old friend - a player, an eternal hunter, a stalker, looking for novelty and bright adventures. While there was still an element of extreme and surprise in your relationship, he was captivated and involved in what was happening.
Such types are typical for bohemian people, creative people, pioneering scientists, athletes obsessed with medals and achievements. Everything is never enough for them, they need constant adrenaline, so your attempts to invite him into the ordinary everyday world will most likely lead to a fiasco.
At the beginning of marriage, romance, friendship, he was still capable of warm feelings, but quickly cools down in a calm routine with a hint of pacification and a peaceful life without sparkling events. The icy indifference of such a gentleman is the beginning of the collapse of a relationship. More often than not, it is not possible to find a way out of this impasse in the future.
Or is it indifference?
It is difficult for a woman (if she does not have the appropriate education) to determine the line between emotional coldness and indifference. The external manifestation of these parameters is the same - the absence of gentle words.
An unmistakable indicator of the male love of an emotionally cold man is his actions. What is important is real help and support, not promises and unsuccessful attempts.
What should you not do with an emotionally reserved man?
Answer in kind. A man already knows that you are different - tender, vulnerable, and often cry while watching a Brazilian series. Changes in your behavior will not bear fruit. Don’t say (or better yet, don’t think) how cold, insensitive and narcissistic he is. Do not focus on rare manifestations of feelings. Never mention how he cried when he saw the consequences of you going out on your own in a new car.
You and I are 2 banks, but not the same river
Having communicated with a woman as closely as possible, a man suddenly begins to understand that the two characters, temperaments, and outlooks on life will never become even the slightest bit similar. His dreams of a professional career of a special nature, the desire to abruptly change the pictures outside the window and enlist in the north to the taiga to find a rare mineral, plans to study at a prestigious European educational institution - did not find a response in your heart.
You are not ready to portray the wife of a Decembrist. While previously he was dominated by passionate physical attraction, he did not perceive anything around him and was fascinated. Then the pink erotic glasses fell off, the body heat subsided, the attraction slowed down, and he began to see clearly. If you are connected by family, a common child, corporate friendship, friendships from school, he will not necessarily disappear from your horizon. Just don’t hope that he will ever again perceive you with hot ardor.
Emotionally cold man
It is unlikely that anyone will argue with the fact that we women are more emotional than men. Emotions are food for our heart, which, when nourished, can give love to everyone around us. But what if your man doesn't give you the amount of emotion you need? What if all your attempts to share your experiences with him are broken against the unbreakable wall of his coldness and invulnerability? Or maybe he's just indifferent to you?
Passion.ru deconstructs the nature of emotional coldness to help you move from the Ice Age in your relationships to a time of global warming.
Reasons for emotional coldness in men
1. Women's education
Female upbringing does not always make a boy a “mama’s boy”; sometimes the effect is the opposite. In order not to acquire this glorious nickname, the boy begins to frantically develop his strength and masculinity. Common clichés like “boys don’t cry” and “be a man” really support him in his endeavor. Therefore, on the front of the fight against possible weakness, emotions and feelings are the first to come under repression, and the boy turns into a stern and gloomy warrior with a “hard upper lip.”
2. Parents' attitude
If the parents did not hug the child, did not speak words of love and affection to him (and each other), and did not read bedtime stories, then, most likely, he will repeat the same behavior in the future. If bedtime stories are not something to be upset about, then you will need to get used to the lack of compliments and words of love. It’s not a fact that he doesn’t notice your dazzling beauty - perhaps he simply doesn’t know how to give compliments, and certainly doesn’t know that you need it. He may also not show his emotions due to shyness.
3. Troubled past
Deception, betrayal (especially by women), difficult living conditions instill in a man two types of logic: “I opened my heart - they hurt me, conclusion: don’t open your heart” or “You can’t trust anyone, otherwise they might stick a knife in your back.” And only over time does a man dilute these categorical formulations with sensual parameters that allow him to create harmonious relationships with the opposite sex.
4. Masculine nature
Playing his male role, a real man spends his whole life chasing mammoths, and this is not at all conducive to emotional openness. It is difficult to imagine that, without killing a mammoth and leaving his family hungry, a man would share his feelings about this. Rather, he will think about how to bring home at least a wild goose tomorrow.
In addition, Canadian scientists conducted an experiment to study the area of the brain responsible for emotions. As a result, it turned out that a strictly defined area is responsible for emotions in men, while in women it is distributed between the right and left hemispheres. That is, a man physiologically cannot simultaneously discuss a solution to a problem and show emotions about it.
How to recognize an emotionally cold man
Despite the fact that such men do not have a running line on their forehead (which is a pity), it is still possible to determine whether we are dealing with a cold man.
The emotionally cold type usually loads himself with vigorous physical exercise to make his body flawless. He is easy to talk to, his manners could easily write a book on etiquette, his erudition - he’s just right to participate in “What? Where? When?". And all this because he is very demanding of himself and prone to perfectionism.
Emotionally cold man / shutterstock.com
Often emotionally cold men are the most attractive to us. It's no secret that there are no random people in our lives, and we attract into our lives someone who really suits us.
Psychologist Irina Anatolyevna Livanova believes that women with an overly developed need to give themselves attract emotionally cold men. Such women are ready to sacrifice themselves for relationships. That is, in order to restore harmony in the relationship, their man will consume a lot without giving anything in return. Such a situation, Irina Anatolyevna believes, cannot last long, since for a woman such a relationship means rapid emotional exhaustion.
Based on this, it would be logical to assume that a woman who attracts such men should, first of all, work on her self-esteem. This will allow her not only to give, but also to receive love with dignity.
Emotionally cold men enter into relationships, but prefer to keep their distance, not revealing their feelings, so as not to become a “target” in the relationship. Sometimes they even avoid tactile contact. They don’t say words of love, they rarely give compliments, they don’t ask for forgiveness, because they are always right. If a man avoids difficult conversations by all imaginable and inconceivable means and does not notice problems in relationships , you have an emotionally cold type.
Such a man never admits this shortcoming ; often he simply does not see it. And your persistent requests to be warmer and more cordial will most likely be sent to the “female hysterics” section.
Often, the most common selfishness is hidden under emotional coldness. It is very convenient for a man to be considered emotionally cold and try to awaken in him the desire to express feelings, since this way he can receive an unlimited amount of love without doing anything for the relationship. This behavior is unnatural for men, since seeking the attention and feelings of a woman is a man’s prerogative.
However, if his coldness is not associated with selfishness, then you may be lucky that despite external emotional coldness, he will be a man of his word and deed.
Can you be close to such a man?
You should ask yourself this question, because you will need to strengthen and nurture confidence in his feelings on your own, because you cannot expect regular support from a man: compliments, words of love, special signs of attention - all this is missing from his “asset”. Therefore, more than ever, a relationship with an emotionally cold man requires an endless supply of patience, very strong love for your chosen one and the ability to understand his love language without words (his words!).
All this is not easy, so it is better to make the decision “to be or not to be” once and for all - either to be and endure to the end, or not to be at all.
If you nevertheless decide to throw in your lot with such a man, Passion.ru is happy to help you with the matter.
He made himself an idol
“Winter” indifference on the part of a partner can appear if, in his opinion, you have not lived up to idealized hopes. “God”, perfection, a heroine, a delightful image in his dreams, can be either his own mother, grandmother, or a catwalk model, an actress, a show business star, or some legendary blogger.
You don’t measure up to his idol, although at the very beginning it seemed to him that you both had similar traits. Attempts to act as Pygmalion and mold Galatea out of you have failed, he is disappointed, crushed, gloomy, cold and ready to run away anywhere to grieve about another mistake in his choice.
