What to do if a man disappears and does not write?

If we lived in an ideal world, I would not write an article on the topic: “Why doesn’t a man write?” It would be enough to simply say: “There are no obstacles for the man who needs you. Even if you and him are at a distance of 5,000 km, even if there are different time zones between you, if a man wants to write you a message, he will definitely write.”

But you must admit that real life bears little resemblance to the script of a Hollywood film about love. Moreover, in life, as in relationships, unforeseen circumstances happen that cannot be changed or controlled. Therefore, before answering the question “Why did the man stop communicating?”, you need to understand the original reason. That's what we'll do today.

Today you will get answers to these questions:

The main reasons why he does not write
“He doesn’t write, and I don’t write.” Should you text a man first?
Stopped peeing immediately after sex. What does it mean?
If a man doesn't respond to your messages, does that mean he's manipulating you?
What to do if he disappeared from the radar? Should you write to a man if he doesn't show interest?
How can you tell if he likes you or if he's just killing time?

I have already said more than once that I am not a fan of lengthy correspondence, because I believe that the goal of any dating site or communication in the messenger is a personal meeting. But sometimes it also happens that communicating over the Internet is the only possible way to keep in touch. For example, like now, during the period of self-isolation, when everyone is sitting at home and not going anywhere.

I have prepared a detailed video guide for you. Watch and you will find out why a man stops writing/calling and what is the right thing to do in such a situation? Don't forget to leave your like and comment under the video, and subscribe to the channel - I will be pleased!

But let's look at the situation as a whole. What could be the main reasons that a guy stopped writing? First, we need to figure it out with you, who is this guy for you, and under what circumstances did the correspondence break off?

He's just a friend".
You had a date.
He stopped texting me after the first sex.
A man does not write after a quarrel.
You like him a lot, you think he likes you too, but for some reason he doesn’t write to you or be active.
You think that you have a relationship, but so far only by correspondence.
You have a real relationship, but he stopped texting you first.

Doesn't text after sex

One of the most painful situations for a woman is when a man does not write after sex. Unfortunately, this happens. I often hear questions from girls about why this happens and what to do about it. Before intimacy, he bombarded me with messages, insisted on dating, and was very active and interested. Of course, the girl likes all this, she opens the “gates of love” to the man, trusts him with her most intimate things, they enjoy the process together, and after that the man’s energy towards the woman declines. What could be the reasons for this?

Why doesn’t he write after the first “date with a continuation”:

He didn't have any serious intentions from the start. And either he initially did not give the girl any promises, or, on the contrary, he talked enthusiastically about love, relationships and your children together in order to show his serious intentions. Men of the second type “merge” as soon as they get what they want.
A man doesn't write or call after sex? He may be married or in a relationship with another woman, but for obvious reasons he has not told you about it.
But there is another option that also exists. The man didn’t like something during intimacy, you didn’t suit each other, and he has no desire to continue communication.

By the way, the situation can develop exactly the opposite. If after the first intimacy a man continues to actively communicate with you, this, on the one hand, is good. But on the other hand, it may well be that he really liked the sex and wants to continue.

What to do if he doesn't text after sex? Is it worth immediately drawing conclusions that he didn’t like you or that he’s a womanizer/pervert/married cheater, and blacklist his number? There's no need to overthink it. Take one more step towards a man and see what happens next.

Send him a message with the words: “You know, I liked it so much yesterday!”, “It was cool,” or simply “How are you?” Don’t be afraid to initiate further communication. Show him your openness and interest in continuing the dialogue. Just don’t get confused: initiating communication and wooing a man are two different things.

What do most girls do if a man doesn't pee after sex?

The guy doesn’t write for 2 days after intimacy - she’s in a stupor. He sits, waits for a while, goes through options for why this happened, and blames himself for everything. On the third day he becomes depressed, blacklists the guy and goes drinking wine with his girlfriends.

What is the guy doing at this time? Not the one who is married/womanizer/pervert, but a normal, everyday guy. He doubts. Please understand, men are people too and can doubt themselves, whether you had a good time with him, whether you liked everything. Especially if during intimacy he saw the emotion of dissatisfaction on your face. Anything can happen, so you don’t need to think that all men, after the first sex with a new partner, come out with the words: “What an alpha I am, how I pleased her!”

That's why I advise you to just write to him. Do not call, do not record dozens of audio messages to him. Just write. Ask how you are, how is your day, and listen to what the man answers. You just write a message and look at his reaction.

If he freezes and does not respond, draw conclusions. Then the choice is yours what to do with such a man: pester him with SMS, call him, find out why he is silent. Or not. Or let go of the situation and analyze which of the types described above snuck into your bed.

He replied, what then?

Pay attention to how he answered you. If it’s dry and matter-of-fact, like in a reference book: “And I liked it. I’m going to work” - and nothing more, you can take at most one more step after a day or two. If you get a similar answer without any questions directed at you, just forget it. There is no need to conquer it.

Important! If a man is silent and does not write and you feel that day after day you become the initiator of your communication, do not tear your soul. Don't destroy yourself. I beg you, do not make false conclusions about yourself: “There is something wrong with me. It’s me who’s somehow different.”

Yes, maybe you are imperfect in sex. Anything is possible. But even if this is so, there is nothing wrong with it. Sexual skills can be developed; there are paid and free courses for this. But under no circumstances should you destroy yourself morally. I don't think one bad sex date should be a reason for lower self-esteem.

If a person doesn’t write first, don’t ask him these “strange” questions:

Is that all you needed?
Do you have plans for me? Or was it just sex?
Who am I to you?
You are married? Did you lie to me?

Such pretentious and provocative phrases are ineffective, and I strongly advise against using them in such situations.

Next time we meet...

Regardless of how old the partners are, after the first sex, both of them may feel a little awkward and constrained the next time they meet. Most often, however, such behavior is typical of women who do not know how to behave with a man, either, just in case, to pretend that nothing happened, or to pour out an avalanche of tenderness on their partner.

At least you didn't offer to pay for something. Going out all night and not offering to pay or split the bill may turn it into a title is not the best way to attract a guy to you. A tactful way to do this is to simply reach for the check when it arrives. If he insists, offer to split the bill or at least leave a tip. He'll probably fall over, so make sure you offer a ride to your next destination, movie tickets, or a round of drinks.

Keep this in mind: if you offer to pay or split, be prepared to pay or split. You enter it immediately after the date. Clearly, texting is a viable means of communication these days, but there are a few unspoken rules that we all need to follow. If you had a good time and felt that the next day he would send him a random text saying, "Had a great time, thanks again!"

According to Elena Kuznetsova, it would be better if a woman began to behave naturally, based on her own desires at the moment. If she is embarrassed, then it is stupid to be embarrassed by her embarrassment, says the psychologist, because in this case the lady becomes tense, feels awkward and hides her eyes from her partner. He, in turn, may misinterpret her behavior and consider that he is disgusting to the woman, or she is ashamed of him. All this can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships.

You were boring. This sounds harsh because we know you're not bored, but if he asked you a lot of questions and you gave one-word answers or seemed generally disinterested, you didn't get the phone call. After all, would you like to hang out with a guy who didn't seem to want to be there?

They see themselves as highly desirable and desirable, treat others as disposable and replaceable, and generally like to feel superior and powerful, while they enjoy subconsciously seeing those they cut off from suffering above them or lack thereof.

“To avoid misunderstandings, talk to each other and show your true emotions. If you are drawn to romance and tenderness, show it. If you are embarrassed, you can voice it: “This hasn’t happened in a long time,” or: “I’m unaccustomed to this.” Or: “I’m 50 years old, but I act like a girl.” Voice your feelings, and the man will thank you for it,” advises an interpersonal relationship consultant.

Such people react ironically to those who cling and ask them back. But they will ignore those who are more self-sufficient and simply want more casual encounters or want to maintain friendships. They don't look at their future "profits", they look at the power play, that's all. This is their profit. “Profit” which ultimately leads to their losses in life. Loss of possible good friendships, loss of future fun encounters.

But jokes aside, the only way to find out why someone did it is to ask them. But since he cut off contact, you might not get the chance and he'll just have to accept it without you knowing exactly why this guy did it. Women accepted this because they wanted better options.

Helpful information

Elena Kuznetsova, director of the dating agency “I and You”, family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35.

Another piece of advice that Elena Kuznetsova gives to women is not to think that one night of love gave them the right to intrude too much into a man’s personal life. The mistake of many ladies is that after the first sex with a man, they begin to behave like real wives, interfering in their partner’s affairs and interrogating him on any occasion. You can't do that. The psychologist notes that first sex is approximately at the same level. Physical intimacy is necessary for a couple to get to know and understand each other better, but it is impossible to do this only after one-time sex, your own, as well as a one-time date. So ladies should be as correct as possible with a man after sex, otherwise your partner will simply run away from you. she must behave smartly and not only please the man, but do everything possible to ensure that he invites her on a second date. If this happens, we can assume that the relationship has a future.

Today, the best choice for women is mainly a set of attributes, with money being a significant item. When a guy meets a lady, his thoughts are in the following order.

Is she attractive?
Is she available?
I have a chance?
How long will it take?
How much is it?

Put all your money on one horse win New Win - Low Losses Spread your bet over multiple horses.
A high winning approach is to overwhelm the lady with gifts and attention in the hope that he will quickly achieve his goal. If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir:

How often does it happen that having met one day in a park or at a bus stop, on the subway or even in a store, we suddenly discover that this is the person we have been waiting for all our lives. A woman is designed in such a way that she can immediately begin to make far-reaching plans for a life together, children together, a country house and a quiet old age, hand in hand with her beloved. However, after exchanging phone numbers, the girls wait a long time for a call, and nothing happens. The new hero of the novel simply does not call and does not show himself in any way, and all hopes and invented scenarios for the development of events turn out to be futile and insignificant. So why doesn’t he call, our prince on a white horse, to take us into unknown and happy distances? It is to this question that you should try to find answers in order to understand what needs to be done and undertaken in such a situation.

If he did not do this, then he committed a great loss and may have wasted his resources of time and money to no avail. The low approach is to spend a little time and see how it works. The best result is a game with high wins. Here he gambles and wins, and after that he continues to win with a low outgoing.

But experience will show that ladies also play the game. If they can get a guy to commit enough time and money, then that means he's made an investment, and will probably keep going if she encourages him enough. This also prevents him from making other investments with other ladies.

The man doesn't respond to your messages. Manipulating?

If a man is often “out of reach”, he appears and disappears, and your message can hang in the “unread” for hours - you ironed the veil too early.

My dear, if you see that he is online all day, but does not find time to answer your SMS, and when he answers, he refers to his busyness, “problems at work, business matters” - accept it: he is just not interested in this correspondence.

Yes, there are men who are really super busy, but at the same time they will still strive to interact because they feel good with you, they are interested. But if he sees you once a week for two months, then it’s unlikely that he really wants to devote time to you.

Either he is married or in another relationship, or the man is simply comfortable with this format. You don’t have to imagine that things will be different next. Will not be. He won’t “sort out his problems,” won’t “settle business issues,” and won’t devote more time to you.

Carefully! Pickup artist

There is another type - a manipulator. He either writes or doesn't write. He calls and then disappears for several days. Is this behavior familiar? Then be careful - in front of you is an immature man, a pick-up artist who uses the classic “Closer-further” manipulation technique. Today he is attentive and good, and tomorrow he is aloof, responding dryly to your messages or not responding at all.

This is a kind of game that affects you and your emotional state. And if you yourself are still an immature person who is led by this kind of provocation, then in such a dynamic relationship you risk becoming emotionally dependent on this person.

I’ll tell you a secret: most people are psychologically immature, because we were not taught this maturity either at school or at college. But it's probably not about you. At least because you are here, you are developing yourself, reading this article and trying to understand male psychology.

If you are interested in the topic of relationships between a man and a woman, I’m waiting for you on my free author’s program “Man: honest instructions for use.” Follow the link, register, develop and don’t fall for manipulators, pick-up artists and other unworthy characters.

I don’t recommend getting involved with manipulators: it doesn’t lead to anything good. Because a man is not confident in his present self, he is forced to play a role, to form a certain image in order to be loved. Because he has the belief: “If I am real, I will get hurt!” And he will cause this pain to you, play with your feelings, force you to invest your emotions, energy and time in a hopeless relationship.

Read also : Long-distance relationships: love or illusion?

The man does not write first, but always answers

Often in my analysis on Instagram, I hear questions from girls of this nature: “Yaroslav, what should I do? He doesn't text me first anymore! But when I take the initiative, write to him or call him, he always answers with pleasure!” The puzzle doesn't fit, right? After all, if this woman was not interesting to a man at all, he would not even read her messages.

Understand, there are men for whom a woman is comfortable in such a context. He is not ready for anything more, he cannot offer you anything. And if you are satisfied with being the endless initiator of your communication, everything is ok. But I think this is unlikely to suit a normal girl.

There may also be an element of politeness and good manners here. As a well-mannered man thinks: “Well, a girl writes to me, how can I not answer her? She’s a good person, she hasn’t done anything bad to me, so I’m not going to ignore her?” And he answers for the sake of decency.

This may well also happen, so in order to analyze who you are dealing with - a polite guy or a person who is interested in you, review your correspondence with him. Pay attention if his text is 20%, and all other messages from you are already skewed.

This does not mean that you need to measure with a ruler so that it is 50/50. For example, if the proportion of your communication is 60/40, this is normal and you have nothing to worry about. But if you feel that the initiative comes only from you, admit that you are knocking on closed doors. This also includes the case when you write to a man every day, and he answers you once a week.

What to do if a guy doesn’t write to you or answer you? If a man doesn’t write for a week or respond to your messages, just leave him alone. We live in a free world where everyone has the right to do or not do what they want. Of course, if this is your husband or you are in a serious relationship with this person, you may have certain agreements. Only in this case does he “should” answer you and explain himself.

But I really ask you, before making a complaint to a person: “Well, you didn’t write to me,” “Well, you didn’t answer me,” or point out that he should write at least three times a day, ask yourself the question: “Have you agreed on this?” Have you discussed in correspondence that you will communicate in this format? If not, and you accuse him of something, most likely these are your personal complaints.

Stop for a moment, you’re great: don’t force things

Before you wring your hands and moan about why he doesn't text first, you should first think about the fact that maybe after your date the man is just waiting for the right moment to talk to you again. Unlike the fair sex, guys are not at all inclined to chat about anything for hours, with rare exceptions.

Maybe he is looking for just the right reason to call, is thinking about an important question that he is going to ask you, or is waiting for a certain time, for example, the weekend, when he can invite his chosen one to dinner, and so on. Thus, it turns out that there is no need to rush, it’s worth waiting, maybe he’s just deciding when that very hour X will come.

What to do if a man doesn’t write after a meeting?

If a guy is silent and doesn't text after the first date, then the worst thing you can do is just sit and wait. Judge for yourself: when you are inactive, sit and hope for something, you invest your time and energy in a picture that actually does not exist. There is nothing yet (or already) between you, but you have pictured your own world, where there is love between you. You put a lot of energy into your fantasies and hope that it will come true.

What happens if this doesn't come true? Great disappointment and pain. So, I am against expectations and hopes. You must soberly assess the situation and understand who you are wasting your energy on. Does not write? Write to him first, say hello, ask how he is. Didn't answer or answered dryly? You shouldn’t immediately ban him and write him off. Just stop fantasizing and putting so much of your energy into hopes and expectations.

How should you behave if a man disappeared somewhere for a long time and suddenly appeared again on your online account? Just ask yourself the question: “Do I want to continue communicating with him?”

If you like him and would like to correspond with him, then don’t sort things out. Just write: “Glad you’re in touch again! How are you doing?" - and continue communication.
If you are “burnt out” and don’t want to communicate, answer: “Thank you for writing to me, but my priorities have changed during this time and I’m not ready to continue communicating.”

In no case should you write: “Where have you been?”, “Well, you finally remembered about me” and other incitements. Yes, subconsciously you want him to repent, apologize, tell him what a difficult period he had. But why?

There is no need to waste your own and other people's energy.

Read also: How to understand that a man likes you?

If a person doesn’t write during the day, does that mean he doesn’t want to?

There is an opinion that if a man doesn’t write, it means he doesn’t want to and, in general, he doesn’t need this woman. This is not entirely true. Often he doesn’t get in touch not because he doesn’t like you, but because he’s focused on his work process. And if you don’t have enough of his attention during the day, that’s a question for you, not for the man.

This is a mistake that many women make. Recently I conducted an analysis on Instagram and a girl complained: “Yaroslav, he sits at work all day. Is it difficult for him to text me? I call him, but he doesn't answer. Is it difficult for him to communicate with me?” You won't believe it, but yes, it's difficult for him. And not because he doesn’t love a woman, doesn’t appreciate her. He’s just working, and in order to respond to the SMS, he needs to break out of the process, switch, write her three words “I love you too,” and then get back to work.

You shouldn’t demand this from your husbands, from your men. And you shouldn’t draw conclusions about yourself that if they don’t write to you while you’re working, it means they’ve stopped loving you, a mistress has appeared, or something went wrong. If you have nothing to do during the workday, most likely this is your problem, which your man should not solve.

Male egoism 2

However, the fact that the partner ran away cannot be denied. It is during sex that a guy decides whether he likes you or not. He fully appreciates appearance and energy. Perhaps he will really be disappointed, but will not find the strength to say “bye.”

Don't be upset. Such “fugitives” do not deserve your attention. You should just enjoy good sex and find someone better. After all, a true guy will look into your eyes like the cat from Shrek and will never leave.

It’s interesting to communicate with “C” students, but long-term relationships are usually built with “A” students.

How can you tell if you are interested or playing?

In many ways, people's attitude towards us depends on ourselves. Understand, it is not the man who decides that he will only have sex with this woman, but that he can marry this one. By her behavior, a woman herself creates a certain attitude towards herself. You can sit and endlessly analyze what is “wrong” with you if a man does not respond to your messages, or you can learn to create a decent attitude towards yourself.

Imagine the following situation: you have been texting for a long time and have finally chosen a day to meet. And now the man is going on a date. He doesn’t decide right away: “So, after the restaurant, we’ll go straight to my house and we’ll have sex!” No! He thinks: “We’ll see, let’s talk, and then we’ll see.” You interact, and during communication the man develops attitudes, intentions and desires to act (or not act).

If you want to learn how to create the right attitude of men towards yourself as a woman and attract worthy ones, I invite you right now to sign up for the free online course “Man: honest instructions for use.” In this 5-day free course, you will learn the secrets of harmonious relationships, work on your mistakes and look into the future much bolder! Register and I'll be waiting for you live! Thank you for reading this article to the end. I hope it was useful to you.

Yaroslav Samoilov