“Everything was perfect, it seemed to me that it would be forever, but AT SOME MOMENT... Everything began to deteriorate and led to the end” - this is how people describe failed relationships.
Do you think it was possible to avoid such an ending? We don’t know, but at least we can tell you about the most common mistakes that men make in relationships with women, and women in relationships with men. If this article helps restore at least one relationship, we will be happy.
Starting a relationship with a man: trying to adapt to your partner
The candy-bouquet period cannot last forever. At the very beginning of dating, women tend to adapt to their partner, demonstrating their strongest sides. The basis of this behavior is the desire to please, to obtain the official status of a girlfriend and wife.
This leads to a woman forgetting about herself and her interests. In an attempt to become an ideal partner, he makes two big mistakes:
- Deceives a man, showing herself not as she is.
- He deceives himself, giving up his own habits, desires and aspirations to please a man. Later this develops into a victim complex.
If a woman is overly passionate about her partner, she has no time left for work, herself, or hobbies. All thoughts revolve around him - the only and beloved.
Complete fusion with a partner is the cause of a serious mistake in a relationship. You can't pretend forever. Sooner or later, a woman will get tired of portraying the ideal or decide that the goal has been achieved and the man has been conquered.
From now on she will relax and become herself. A man, faced head-on with such a reality, will not be ready for it. The result is more frequent conflicts and the final breakdown of relationships. The conclusion is obvious: remain yourself in any situation.
No need to try to be perfect: Pixabay
conclusions
Women's mistakes are only part of the iceberg, but very important. You, like the man, are an equal part of the partnership. Try to be more loyal, soft, compliant. This is not weakness, this is female wisdom. It is important for men to feel like strong conquerors, a support for their beloved.
To make fewer mistakes, take care of yourself, your life: interests, friends, social fulfillment.
The man will appreciate your changes, and the relationship will become more stable and stronger.
Reluctance to see a man as a mature personality
Some mistakes women make in relationships with men occur unconsciously. The maternal instinct lives in every representative of the fair sex. Trying to realize it consciously or unconsciously, a woman can turn her beloved man into a child. Attempts to educate him, as well as endless questions “Have you eaten?”, “Are you dressed warmly?”, “It’s already late, when will you be home?” will become a daily part of the vocabulary of women and mothers.
Excessive care and guardianship not only relaxes, but also causes irritation. The result of attempts to “adopt” a man is sad:
- An adult and self-sufficient partner will say a decisive “no” to such actions.
- An immature man will sit on his neck.
- The conflict partner will begin to act out his childhood scenario with the woman, projecting onto her the grievances against his mother that arose in childhood.
In order not to make a helpless baby out of a full-fledged man, and also not to put a slacker and an egoist on your neck, it is important to see in him a person with all the advantages and disadvantages.
Answers on questions
Is there an ideal relationship?
No. But there are comfortable and mutually respectful relationships.
Are there too many rules for just one woman, will a man love her in return as well?
Will. It’s not for nothing that people say that a man is the head, and a woman is the neck; where the neck turns, that’s where the head looks. Good relationships are based on female wisdom. Men have a different task - to provide and protect their family.
If you follow all the advice and do not make mistakes, does this guarantee that the man will never leave?
No. Anything can happen in life and it happens that a man leaves even an ideal relationship. And the reason for this is the great and strong love that broke out on the side. But don’t worry, not everyone will decide to leave their family; men are too afraid to change their usual way of life. But if the family is strong and friendly, then such an outcome is unlikely.
Trying to make a friend out of a man
Some ladies believe that you can talk to a man about everything in the world: about nature, about the weather, a friend’s new romance, illnesses, ex-partners and the reasons that led to separation from exes.
You can't make a man your girlfriend: Pixabay
The mistakes women make in relationships arise from not understanding the difference between a man and a woman. Psychologists advise taking into account the following features of the male psyche:
- Inability to concentrate on several objects of attention at once.
- Silence, which is inherent in men by nature.
- Misunderstanding of hints and understatement.
These moments make men not too sociable. They are not ready to wash the bones of all their acquaintances and work colleagues every day. The best topic for discussion is common interests, professional successes and achievements, plans for the future.
It is also important to be able not only to speak, but also to listen carefully to your partner, demonstrating sincere interest in communication.
Nitpicking
You're picking on him. For what? If you need conflict, then keep it up. But by and large, if you value relationships, try to avoid pettiness in your comments, especially in public. Nitpicking hurts the sense of justice. It is very developed in noble, kind, sympathetic men. They will be the first to suffer from nagging. And being the most wonderful, they will simply leave silently. Why should they prove that you are unfair if the reproaches are all baseless?
The “mirror” technique works great. Ask your friend or sister to nag you all day long over trifles. How long will your friendship last?
Negative past experiences
Many people are unable to let go of past grievances, which leads to problems in new relationships. The door to the past should be closed, conclusions drawn and moving forward.
Constantly thinking about partners with whom it didn’t work out will lead to a breakup. This will happen because:
- You compare your new man to your ex and he doesn't seem good enough.
- You unwittingly blame your new partner for what your ex did to you.
The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates said this: “No one is your friend, no one is your enemy, but every person is your teacher.” Don't blame a person for not meeting your ideals. Thank him for the experience and part calmly so that the new relationship is happy and harmonious.
Teacher
You are trying to change it. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” You cannot change an adult, mature person. Well, you can lightly file it here, tint it there. But seriously, your attempts to raise him in his eyes are killing the woman in you and turning you into another mommy. Then don’t be surprised if he asks you for advice on which shirt is best to wear on a first date with someone else.
Remember that you loved him for who he was. This means that everything was fine with you and, apparently, not everything was bad. Leave your pedagogical exercises for the children, and motivate your husband differently.
Criticism in intimate relationships
Criticism in intimate relationships leads to a break: Pixabay
Any criticism in intimate relationships is a blow below the belt:
- If something goes wrong, don’t hush up the problem, but don’t speak out harshly either.
- A loving woman does not criticize a man for doing something wrong in bed.
- A frank and respectful conversation will solve the problem.
Your partner may not know how to please a new girl. Compatibility develops gradually when people open up more to each other, get used to it and stop being shy.
If serious sexual incompatibility occurs, it is necessary to seek help and correction from a specialist - a sex therapist, gynecologist or urologist. Perhaps the reason is a disease that can be cured by maintaining the relationship.
Criticism is the main enemy of a harmonious intimate life. Be sensitive, honest and considerate towards each other.
Unreasonable jealousy
A woman's wild jealousy can very quickly kill any relationship. It’s male nature to look at beautiful women. If you feel jealous at the same time, this indicates your lack of self-confidence, which makes you less attractive in the eyes of a man.
There is also no need to dig through his phone in search of incriminating messages - a man appreciates a woman who trusts him. You've probably noticed that men like women who know their worth much more than women with low self-esteem.
Remember! A confident lady will never be jealous of every pillar because she knows that she is the best.
To get rid of jealousy, increase your self-esteem. Start doing fitness or yoga, find a hobby you like, for example, learn to cross-stitch or knit beautiful things. When you see the result, you can praise yourself. Plus, praise from friends will help boost your self-esteem.
Too emotional relationship with a man
Female hysteria is one of the main enemies of harmonious relationships in a couple. Most men are unable to withstand the burden of female emotions; their psyches are not ready for such overloads. Instead of calmly sorting out the relationship, a woman can immediately start screaming, crying, wringing her hands and threatening to break up.
A man in such a situation becomes lost, closes off emotionally or demonstrates aggression. Constructive dialogue in a raised voice is impossible. Even in families in which Italian passions run high, sooner or later satiety sets in - the couple breaks up.
It is on the screen that quarrels and reconciliations look appropriate. In everyday life, partners have enough stress outside the home. Therefore, you don’t want to receive it in a relationship with the person you love. Respect each other's feelings and do not manipulate the picture of breakups, otherwise your partner will get tired of all this and leave.
Eternal discontent
Nothing irritates the stronger half of humanity more than a constantly dissatisfied woman.
Of course, the man understands that everyone can be in a bad mood. But not every day. An eternally grumpy woman begins to be associated with negative emotions, gradually pushing the man away from her.
Relationships in the triangle
A love triangle leads to a breakup: Pixabay
Typical mistakes girls make in relationships are often caused by a reaction to an outside factor. Partners may have an unconscious love triangle, in which the third party will be:
- Ex-wife, husband or children from previous marriages.
- A mother who wants to control the life of her daughter/son.
- A job or hobby that takes up all your free time.
- Other girls or guys that they didn't know about in advance.
Relationships in a couple will be harmonious only if no one else is present in them. The ability to protect the feelings of a loved one from outside attacks is an important quality in a relationship. Psychologists advise what to do to avoid mistakes:
- If your ex-partner is deliberately ruining your relationship with a new man, make it clear to him that you will not allow him to do this.
- Gently explain to your loved one that you are concerned about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend (wife) and that you do not want to feel jealous.
- Let the man communicate freely with children from previous marriages; this cannot be prevented. But you should have private time that you spend just the two of you.
- Don't sort things out with your mother. Gradually create your own world, in which other people will not interfere.
- Find more time for each other, let hobbies not come at the expense of shared leisure time.
- Don't get involved with men who don't value relationships with one girl.
It is important to remember: if you make a mistake, you can correct it. It is enough to talk frankly and make mutual efforts to strengthen the relationship. If the couple breaks up, it is important not to dwell on failures. This is what the German writer Eckhart Tolle said: “If you want to understand what is truly yours, let go of everything, and what is yours will remain with you.”
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/relationship/972310-oshibki-zhenshchin-v-otnosheniyakh-kotoryye-privodyat-k-neudacham/
Mistake #7: “I’m co... co... co-co-co!”
Spiritual qualities and the ability to carry on a conversation are definitely important, but external behavior is no less important - again, we need to remove that same compression that I talked about above. Stop behaving like the heroine of a famous movie, whom the secretary sensibly teaches to stop shrinking, straighten your shoulders and behave relaxed and free. Look at how women often behave at a reception - they clutch their purse tightly under their armpits, have a glass in their other hand, their elbows pressed into their sides, except for the fact that they barely move their hands - like a broiler chicken flapping its small wings.
And don’t stand like a pillar - a static pose will never be attractive or sexy. You are not a museum figure, move! Sway your hips, take steps, don’t be afraid to use your hands - gesture, gently grasping the surrounding space. It is not necessary to curtsey or dance squat, but let the man feel the strong energy emanating from you. In addition, by doing this you will capture the attention of others and, thanks to increased competition, turn on the conqueror's instinct in a potential partner.
Look at all the mistakes I told you about - simply avoiding them will significantly increase your competitiveness and increase your attractiveness in the eyes of worthy men.
Be interesting, don't take steps that repel you, and you will receive bonuses that will affect the successful start of your relationship.
These are not all the secrets that I wanted to share with you. Therefore, we don’t say goodbye and soon I, Julia, Lanske, an expert in selecting the ideal couple for marriage, will be on the air again.
Reading your partner's private messages
Healthy and lasting relationships are based on trust. So relax and trust your loved one. If your partner catches you reading his email, it will be very difficult to regain trust. Try to overcome your curiosity and stop secretly looking at your partner's phone.
Trust is one of the most important pillars on which relationships are built.
