Surely you have had situations more than once when you were simply bursting with the desire to tell everything to your Sun, your Song, your Best Man in the World. But... something stopped me. You yourself don’t know why you don’t shower him with wild joy and for some reason you can’t fall on his chest right now and burst into tears, although you really want him to stroke his head and say that everything is fine, that he will protect his baby from everyone and from everything.
In this article:
It seems like there is intimacy, but it seems like there isn’t...What is emotional intimacyKeys to emotional intimacy
Signs of intimacy in a relationship
In fact, each couple has its own criteria for complete relationship. For some, declarations of love are enough. Some are glad that they have financial support from their spouse. And still others generally live by the principle “what happened is what I fell in love with.” However, psychologists identify several clear signs that can help you understand how close you are to your partner:
- Personal boundaries. You see these very boundaries well and do not invade each other’s personal space. In a normal relationship, partners do not become one. They still have their own goals and interests. In addition, you react calmly if your lover inadvertently interferes with your freedom. For example, you confidently explain that at the moment it is important for you to be alone. And he understands you. This is an emotional connection.
- Trust in a couple. Your loved one does not seek to control you, just like you do not control him. Neither you nor he has any desire to anger, offend, or tease. Even if something like this happens, you are able to admit guilt and learn from your behavior. However, remember that trust does not arise instantly. It develops gradually due to the fact that you talk with your chosen one, try to listen to him, and he to you. When you are not shy to share your experiences. This is how an emotional connection with a man is cemented.
- Reciprocity and support. If each spouse pulls the blanket on himself, then such a relationship is doomed to failure. In a harmonious union, people care about each other and want to make their partner happy. You are truly interested in the development of your spouse. But at the same time, you do not give all of yourself without reserve and exchange life-giving energy. And this is already an indicator of strong spiritual relationships.
- Tolerance for shortcomings. You do not idealize a man, you do not demand that he pull a star from the sky. You calmly accept your loved one for who he is. But the trouble with many spouses is that they are not ready to look for common ground. Only insults and manipulation are used: “You are like this/like this...”. Reluctance to put up with the shortcomings of another speaks of immaturity of feelings. Perhaps passion once flared up between you, and it seemed to you that physical attraction was enough for a relationship. But the passion subsided, and you were left alone with the “cockroaches” of your chosen one.
If the above signs are close to you, I can congratulate you. Most likely, you are on the right track. Next, I propose to understand in more detail the existing levels of intimacy between a man and a woman.
Psychological trauma
Often, people who have suffered psychological trauma due to intimacy are afraid of physical intimacy and, on a subconscious level, are wary of sex. This unconscious action discourages the desire for physical intimacy and leads to partial or complete renunciation of intimate pleasures. Violence, taunting, ridicule, humiliation and physical/psychological abuse are mostly to blame. Similar psychological behavior among girls is observed among those who have become victims of male violence, and among boys after an unsuccessful sexual experience with a partner. Girls are afraid of repetition of violence and therefore, being wary of the past, keep their distance, even with a loved one. The man on the contrary cannot have sex, because due to an evil word or ridicule from a not-so-nice girl, he loses his masculine strength and, due to psychological factors, becomes “healthy” impotent. That is, the body and all processes work like a clock, but the corresponding reaction from arousal to the start of sexual intercourse does not occur.
Taking into account all the nuances and possible consequences for psychological reasons, the only correct and sure way to overcome the problem is to consult a psychologist and undergo a course of psychotherapy, working through all the fears, phobias and horrors experienced. Such serious problems do not go away on their own; it requires work with the subconscious and the right synergetic message. We have been working with such issues for a long time and successfully treating them. Contact us and we will help you get back to normal.
Tags: Love without sex, psychology of relationships
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Next article >>> Post-traumatic syndrome - signs, symptoms, causes and treatment
Physical level of intimacy
So, this is the most “quickly erected” level. Agree, the first five minutes of meeting a man, you notice how he looks, does he behave repulsively? All this forms the basis of physical interest.
It is clear that you are not yet ready to share a bed with this person, but you have already formed a general idea. As sympathy grows, you allow touching, hugging, kissing. Ideally, the need for tactile sensations should persist at all levels of the relationship between a man and a woman.
Physical intimacy is what gives energy to spouses throughout many years of marriage. This is when you subtly feel your partner and know how to please him. And he understands in the same way what his woman likes.
Sex positions
Learning the secrets of sex, enjoying the process of intercourse, it is worth discovering new positions. In addition to traditional options, there are several original ones.
- Butterfly. Variation of the missionary position. The guy is between the girl’s legs, completely controlling what is happening.
- Missionary special. During intimacy, the penis slips out, touching the clitoris. Both will have a pleasant feeling.
- The man is standing, the woman is lying on the surface of the table, wrapping her legs around his body.
Emotional level of intimacy
What is emotional intimacy? When in your relationship there is always room for mutual understanding, respect and acceptance. The strongest marriages rest on these “three pillars.” Unfortunately, over the years, a strong connection can weaken. The reason for this is various tests. Be it the birth of a child, financial crises, long separation.
Those who initially did not show empathy towards each other do not cope with difficulties. They shift the blame onto their spouse, argue, and swear. Instead of directing energy to creation, they destroy everything good that was.
The emotional connection between a man and a woman grows stronger when both are ready for dialogue. When they calmly sit down and solve problems that have arisen.
How often is it better to have sex to strengthen your connection with your partner?3
Another study, published in Psychological Science, tries to figure out how often it is better to have sex in order to benefit the relationship.
Psychologist Andrea Meltzer, a fellow at the University of Florida and lead author of the study, comments on the findings: “According to our research, partners feel satisfied and feel more connected to each other within 48 hours of sexual intercourse. People who regularly have sex every 48 hours find their relationships more enjoyable after a few months.”
Researchers have previously suggested that sex plays a crucial role in strengthening the bond between partners, but most people in real life have sex every few days. Some people practice it less often, and only a small percentage of couples have sex every day.
Meltzer and her colleagues hypothesized that intercourse improves personal life satisfaction in the short term, but regular, frequent sex can do more. According to Meltzer, regular intercourse will help strengthen the bond between partners and will also make their relationship more enjoyable and valuable in the long run.
To test their hypothesis, the researchers examined data from two independent studies: one of 96 newlyweds and the other of 118. As part of the larger study, which examined a different aspect of sex and relationships, all participants kept diaries in which, among other questions, they talked about about their satisfaction with relationships and frequency of sexual intercourse.
Every night before going to bed, newlyweds were asked to record whether they had sex that day. Regardless of the answer to this question, they were also asked to rate how satisfied they were with their sex life, their partner, and their relationship (on a seven-point scale, with 1 being “not at all satisfied” and 7 being “extremely satisfied”).
According to the study, on average, participants had sex two days a week. Most participants showed increased levels of satisfaction with their sex lives and relationships within two days of their last sexual intercourse.
It is important to note that these average results did not differ between participants of different genders and ages.
Meltzer and his colleagues note that two independent studies observed the same pattern. The results show that sex is closely linked to relationship quality, and also reveal the optimal frequency of intercourse to strengthen the bond between partners: 48 hours.
Spiritual level of intimacy
This is the highest level of relationship. If you have achieved it, it means that all other stages have been completed successfully. You feel good sexually, you subtly feel your partner’s desires. Listen with interest to what your lover says, support him in all matters. And you are not afraid that your idyll will be disrupted by any difficulties, because you know that you can always rely on your companion. Just like he is on you.
Figuratively speaking, it's like being married to a friend. You are sure that you can trust him as you trust yourself. The basis of such relationships is devotion. On your part, the chosen one feels care and gratitude. You feed him with your energy, and he is ready to try for you. In this case, the spiritual connection between a man and a woman is so strong that it seems as if the possibilities of each partner are limitless.
Do you want to reach this level of relationship? I hasten to please you - this is quite real. Yes, you have to try and show your best qualities. How to do this competently, without resorting to any manipulation? I talk about this at the course “The Art of Female Flirting,” organized by the Pavel Rakov Training Center. In the meantime, you can start with the brief recommendations that I give in the “Love and Sex” section.
Girls, share your experience. Have you managed to build a relationship that is ideal on all levels?
Don't hide your emotions
Men love to see the fruits of their efforts. In bed, it is important to respond emotionally to your partner’s efforts. Excitement, delight, groans of pleasure and other manifestations of feelings and sensations allow a man to understand that his diligence brought pleasure and gave his partner pleasant moments.
A woman’s emotional response increases a man’s self-confidence, makes him bolder, more proactive and contributes to harmonious sexual relationships. Barbara de Angelis in her book “25 Golden Rules Every Woman Should Know” advises in bed with her lover:
- express approval without sparing interjections and words;
- tell how much you like being with your partner;
- demonstrate pleasure;
- let the passion spill out;
- Give your emotions generously, and the man will return them a hundredfold.
Men do not like emotionless women who remain indifferent in bed: they lie without moving, do not express any emotions. This undermines his faith in himself and his strengths, contributes to the development of complexes and emotional dissatisfaction.
Yaroslav Samoilov writes that moans, screams, sensual licking of lips, timbre of voice, special facial expression spur an alpha male in a man, which enhances the pleasure of the process. Be relaxed, be unpredictable, emotionally accept and give affection.
