How to attract people to you, and what negative experiences teach us❤

Sequencing

The first time, almost no one succeeds in attracting the desired object with the power of thought. This requires long-term training, so if you want to achieve your goal, you will have to commit to serious and long-term work.

You need to relax, take a comfortable position - lie down or sit in a chair. Close your eyes and imagine the object you want to attract. At the same time, it should be presented in detail - clothes, gestures, facial expressions. The person must be in a good mood, let him smile at you. Visualize how an energetic connection arises between you, send him your positive impulses, observing how responses come from him to you.
Observe what the person is doing now, how he is distracted from his activities, remembering you, picks up the phone and dials your number. It may seem impossible, but this technique works very often.

Show sincere concern and help

When meeting a new person, don't think about how he will be useful to you. Decide what help you can offer to gain his trust, for example:

give useful advice;
help with choosing a product or service;
free consultation;
provide a minor service;
answer a question that concerns personal interests.

Remember that you must answer truthfully and sincerely. Consider it an investment. By helping a person, you show that you value him as a person, and not for possible benefits. He will feel significant and needed, and the one who helped or suggested something will be perceived as a pleasant and attractive person.

Making wishes come true with the power of thought - using a vision board

One of the most reliable ways to control the law of attraction is to use a vision board. Simply put, you need to find pictures depicting your goal, place them on Whatman paper (in the form of a presentation on a computer, etc.) and regularly review them, thereby feeling mentally possessed of what you want.

The more you visualize images, the faster they accumulate energy for materialization. Make every effort for the most sensory perception, which will strengthen the positive message to the universe and allow your dream to come true.

Use a handshake

A handshake shows a stranger that you are trustworthy enough for close palm-to-palm contact. But not all handshakes are created equal. Here's what you need to know to make them perfect.

Global thinking

In order for people to want to follow you with their eyes closed and appreciate you as unique, irreplaceable people, you must create a reason for your existence in this world. Big ambitions, important goals and a desire to make a difference in people's lives are the most powerful things you can use. There is a saying: “A man without a dream is like a book without a plot - why is it needed and who is interested in it?” If you want to be more attractive to others, develop a passion for something and follow it. We are known for our goals as much as we are known for our ideals.

What is it for?

Where can this be used?

The ability to engage an individual or an audience helps you convey your key messages and encourage the audience to perceive those messages in a positive way.

This skill can be successfully used in:

personal sphere (to please a representative of the opposite sex, to convince your other half of the need to perform certain actions, to apologize convincingly, to make new friends, to be the “life of the party” and to be popular among friends);
professional field (successfully present yourself as a specialist, your product and your skills, promote your ideas and attract new partners/investors);
in the domestic sphere (to take advantage of the sympathy of random people who may be useful).

The third secret. You develop and strengthen relationships with your family

You can consider yourself as independent as you like, but it is impossible to stand firmly on your feet if you lose touch with your roots. People who can captivate anyone most often have healthy families and strong relationships with their parents. No matter how complex the characters of relatives may be, charismatic people will find a common language with everyone. Actually, this skill is honed, first of all, in the family.

Example from life

Why are you drawn to some people like a magnet? Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are a happy, magnetic couple

One of the happiest celebrity couples, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, have been together for 37 years and set an excellent example for children. The children from the Oscar-winning actress's first marriage, Kate and Oliver Hudson, are also pursuing successful acting careers. The common son of Kurt and Goldie, Wyatt Hawn Russell, is not far behind, managing to combine the careers of an actor and a hockey player. And all children emphasize the value and support of family in their lives.

Happy Russell-Hudson family. Wyatt and Boston Russell, Kate Hudson, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell

Listening skills

To become a charismatic person, you need to learn to listen and hear your interlocutor. In part, this depends on the view described above. But another important quality is to confirm with all your gestures, facial expressions, movements that you are interested in this conversation, you are interested in the topic and the person who is in front of you. He must constantly feel your attention, understand that he is perceived exactly the way he wants. It is very important to take a moderately passive part in the conversation, periodically clarifying some details (this should be done very delicately and tactfully). Another secret to being a good listener is to repeat the name of your interlocutor, since people love to hear how it sounds. If you behave this way, people will get used to talking to you, it will give them pleasure. And for your charisma, this habit is of extraordinary value.

Ways to develop charisma

As a rule, both men and girls want to become charismatic, so we offer methods that suit everyone.

Believe that you can develop this quality

Often people are held back by their own beliefs. [2] A person who considers charisma to be an exclusively innate quality will not do anything to develop it - and why try if it’s not given anyway? And this applies not only to charisma. I want to draw, but I don’t know how? I want to run, but it’s hard for the first time? That’s it, it’s not mine, I won’t even try. But in reality, you can learn almost anything. Of course, there are innate inclinations, but they only determine how easily this or that activity will be given to you. At the same time, history knows many examples when gifted people ruined their talent because they did not develop it. Whereas the insufficiency of these inclinations is compensated by individually selected teaching techniques. Here, for example, 7Spsy behavior modification technology can help. And if you add determination to this, then you can become, although not like Steve Jobs, but a confident, charming and attractive guy or girl.

Determine why you need charisma

Everyone has different goals and objectives, although, of course, our readers are unlikely to develop charisma in order to take over the world. Determine why you want to become more charismatic? What is your goal? Be a leader who is respected and listened to. It's easy to make friends. Or to win the attention of the opposite sex, so that, as in the movie “Girls”: “Here I am walking beautifully down the street, and all the guys I meet are standing still, and the weaker ones are falling, falling, falling and stacking themselves in piles!” The style of charisma you decide to develop will depend on your goal.

Choose your charisma style

Also different styles?! Certainly. You may have noticed that different people are charismatic in their own way. The Dalai Lama and Steve Jobs are not alike. They have different goals, lifestyles, and characters. But people are and will continue to follow both of them.

Conventionally, we can distinguish 4 styles of charisma, which are based on 3 qualities: presence, strength and warmth. [1]

The charisma of concentration is inherent in people who know how to listen carefully and hear their interlocutor. It is by focusing on the interlocutor that such people attract other people.

“We somehow got along very quickly with the new leader. It was important for me to be listened to and to be able to talk to her. I brought her my ideas, even the craziest ones, and always received a response. Because of this, the team treated her with respect, recognized her as a leader, because she always, always listened to us, we were important - and that meant a lot to us.”

— Julia, 23 years old

Charisma of inspiration. People with this style of charisma are able to motivate and inspire other people. After communicating with them, it seems that you can move mountains. A striking example is Tony Robbins, who says fairly obvious things, but at the same time, according to his listeners, energizes and inspires new endeavors.

“What he says is banal and hackneyed. It is based on self-acceptance, faith in yourself and your existence, trust in yourself. The whole seminar is about relationships with yourself. But Tony Robbins' seminars blow people's minds. It makes you believe in yourself and shows that we already have the energy for all this, and that we can draw it within ourselves at any moment.”

— Anastasia, 29 years old

Charisma of benevolence. A prime example is the Dalai Lama and his ability to radiate warmth and unconditional love. People suddenly find themselves enveloped in his sincere attention and approval, they feel that they are welcome, that they are ready to take care of them, that they are safe. Children may experience this feeling in the hands of loving and caring parents. Everything is fine, the world is fine, and so am I.
Charisma of power. Based on status and self-confidence. A person who demonstrates his expertise and confidence in his rightness, as it were, conveys this confidence to others. People around them think: “Oh, this person clearly knows what he’s saying. Perhaps I have something to learn from him.” Usually men strive to develop this style of charisma, but it’s so easy to go too far here. Without benevolence or focus, this style turns into authority and tyranny, and such people are avoided.

Qualities of a charismatic person. Which ones do you need?

From the definition of charisma it is clear that this is a multi-component quality. Think and decide what exactly you are missing. Perhaps you are already friendly, but feel insecure when communicating with strangers. In this case, it is worth practicing your communication skills with strangers and thinking about how to develop your charm skill. Or you know how to listen carefully, but at the same time you lack self-confidence - then it is worth developing confidence. Write down the qualities that you have and that you would like to develop. You can take qualities from our list or come up with your own.

Qualities of a charismatic person

Empathy, or emotional intelligence. The ability to understand how other people feel and empathize with them.
The ability to listen and hear so that others feel that they are important and significant. This ability is also called active listening.
Independence, or the ability to rely on oneself in difficult situations. Gives others confidence that such a person can be relied upon.
Oratorical qualities. The ability to structure your speech in such a way as to interest and captivate people with your ideas. This also includes persuasiveness, negotiation skills and knowledge of conflict management.
Confidence in yourself and your abilities, knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses.
The ability to talk about your strengths. Many people know that they can do a lot, but they can’t always say it. They were taught that “I am the last letter in the alphabet.”
Willpower, or self-discipline. The ability to focus on tasks, not be distracted, and do something even when it doesn’t work out the first time.
The ability to set goals for yourself and achieve them.
Ability to remain calm in difficult situations. A caveat should be made here that emotionality itself can be useful. When we talk passionately about something, we show emotions. But in difficult situations, it is important to be able not to become hysterical and not to show aggression towards other people.
A sense of humor, the ability to joke appropriately and funny, without offending or offending others with jokes. Laugh with them, not at them.
Determination and courage, which is manifested not only in actions, but also in speech, movements and facial expressions. Shoulders back, smooth gait, energetic gestures, etc.
Realism. Optimism is good, but it is not appropriate in all cases, so it is important to see both the positive and negative aspects in all situations.

Determine how you can develop the necessary qualities in yourself

Do you lack the ability to speak in a way that will hold your attention? Find a textbook or course on public speaking. Lack of self-confidence when communicating with colleagues? Write how you would like to behave - and follow your instructions, reinforce the desired behavior.

Eye contact

To attract the people you like so that you can continue communicating with them, it is important to make eye contact. This way you will demonstrate to your interlocutor that you are interested in him. If you are embarrassed to make eye contact and cannot maintain contact for a long time, use these techniques:

when the interlocutor starts speaking, start counting the number of blinks he makes;
imagine that your gaze is glued to the pupils of your interlocutor, and if you look away, you will experience severe pain;
if you feel that a person is embarrassed by your gaze, periodically break eye contact, turning your gaze to some objects (but this should be done reluctantly).

What attracts or repels people in interpersonal communication?

Communication is the most important component of our life. If you want to attract interesting people to you, then you must become such a person yourself. First of all, you need to figure out what attracts or repels people in interpersonal relationships. Perhaps it’s worth starting with the positive qualities that others like:

neat appearance;
tact;
competent and clear speech;
breadth of worldview;
respect for other people's points of view;
openness;
listening skills;
sense of humor;
interest.

Remember that you not only need to acquire attractive qualities, but also get rid of negative ones. The latter include the following:

sloppy appearance;
selfishness;
narcissism;
rudeness;
excessive mannerism;
talkativeness;
disregard for someone else's point of view;
isolation.

Contact by name

You must have heard that if you introduce the name of your interlocutor into a conversation, he will be very pleased. And indeed it is.

Dennis Carmody and Michael Lewis discovered that when someone calls us by name, our brain activity increases significantly (compared to the reaction to other people's names).

If you find it difficult to remember the names of new acquaintances, use the following three-step method.

1. Met - repeat. When you hear a person's name, call him by name. “Nice to meet you, Katya!” This activates auditory memory. At the same time, you give pleasure to your interlocutor.

2. Spell it out. Now you need to remember the name visually. Memory specialist Dr. Gary Small teaches you to spell out the name of someone you just met to yourself so you can remember them better. You can even create some kind of visual image for yourself.

3. Come up with an association and anchor it. Finally, associate the name you heard with a friend who has the same name. It could even be one of the celebrities. For example, every time you meet some Ivan, immediately mentally seat him at the poker table, at which all the Ivans you know are already sitting.

4. Bonus. If the name is unique or simply rare, associate it with the word that is most similar to it. For example, having met a guy named Sider, you can imagine a glass of foamy cider.

Practical techniques

How to please people? Practical techniques will help you quickly gain attention and sow the seed of sympathy, which will germinate during interaction with a person or audience:

Make a mistake. If you deliberately make a mistake, and then accept the correction from your interlocutor and become slightly embarrassed, you can bribe any person.
By making mistakes, we demonstrate that perfect people do not exist.
This allows the interlocutor to feel emotional comfort next to a person who is at the highest levels of the social ladder. In addition, the opponent will not be afraid to make a mistake in the future, which means he will not be careful and pull himself back.
Give compliments using someone else's hands. People usually have mixed feelings when receiving direct compliments or praise from others. They begin to feel embarrassed, lost, and suspect the author of pleasant words of rude flattery. Therefore, it is more effective to give compliments from a third person: “Anna Sergeevna, your employee Nikolai yesterday admired your plan for the development of the department so much!”
Encourage the person to self-praise . To do this, praise the way of behavior or thinking, and not the person himself. For example, a friend tells you: “In 4 days I learned how to solve these complex problems.” You can answer this way: “It must be incredibly difficult to figure out examples from higher mathematics in 4 days.” Here your friend will definitely praise himself: “Yes, I worked hard, you can’t argue with that.” By allowing a person to praise himself, you make him feel good.
Don't be afraid to ask for help .
People value those in whom they were able to demonstrate their nobility, as well as those in whom they invested their own resources. Therefore, if you ask for a (simple) favor, the chances of the person liking you will increase.
Try to limit “uncertain phrases.” “It seems to me,” “I think,” “I don’t insist that this is correct,” and other phrases that emphasize a person’s lack of confidence in his words can turn your interlocutor away from you. Limit such introductions.

Learn to find the right words

How to attract people you like? Learn to talk to them by choosing the right topic. So, the person is already in front of you, and you need to somehow start a conversation. Use these recommendations:

A successful acquaintance begins with a compliment. Find something to praise the person for. Maybe he has an original outfit, or maybe he gave a very successful speech. In any case, a compliment will defuse the situation and begin further dialogue.
If you are interested in a person with whom you have mutual acquaintances, this will be an excellent reason for dialogue. Tell us about your relationship with your friend and ask how your interlocutor met him.
If you just can’t find common ground, “eternal themes” will come to the rescue. Cinema, music, television, art - in one of these areas you will surely find common ground.

Meditation

The power of thought plays an important role in achieving success. How to attract the person you like? Use self-hypnosis or meditation methods. Whenever you have an important event or meeting important people, do this exercise:

turn on relaxing music or an audio recording of nature sounds;
take a comfortable position in which you can relax all your muscles;
mentally or out loud, give yourself a positive attitude that everything is good in your life, you are interesting to people, you will easily make new acquaintances;
after 10 minutes you will feel that your body has become light and your thoughts are bright.

Mirror effect

This is an easy way to make people unknowingly look like you by copying their facial expressions, intonation and body language. This often works because it is based on human nature and our great love for ourselves. By doing this, you will make the other person feel like you have a lot in common and are on the same page. Additionally, you can use the favorite gestures and behavior of the person you know. If you learn to speak and behave like them (not in an obvious way, but in a subtle way so that it doesn't look like an imitation), the person you're talking to will show you the same appreciation.

A little about external attractiveness

The first thing that attracts people in interpersonal relationships is, of course, appearance. Follow some simple rules to create pleasant emotions in others:

Follow the rules of personal hygiene. There should be no unpleasant odors coming from you, your skin and hair should be clean. Take care of the condition of your hands and nails.
If you are a girl, when going to a meeting, wear light makeup to hide skin problems and highlight your facial features. If you are a man, be sure to shave your stubble or trim the contours of your beard.
Find your own clothing style that will highlight your unique personality. These should be original, but not vulgar things.
Your clothing should be appropriate for the occasion. If you are going to a formal event, a business suit is required, but for an informal meeting it is quite possible to wear jeans.
Watch your posture. A straight back and back shoulders are characteristics of a confident person.