Love and relationships
- Married partner
- Aggressor
- No future
- What to do?
- Fear
- Material difficulties
- Loneliness
- Uncertainty
Love is a wonderful feeling. Everyone dreams about her, finding happiness next to a loved one. But this does not always happen: sometimes relationships cause unbearable suffering, and the best way to end this suffering is to break up.
It is clear that this is easy to do when the feelings have passed and the passions have subsided, but what if the man is still loved?
Let's consider situations when a breakup is preferable to a relationship with a loved one.
How to prioritize and mentally prepare for leaving
Be sure of your decision. The worst thing you can imagine is making a decision in a moment of raging emotions. Try to calm down and turn off pity and fear. Imagine that you have already broken up and weigh all the pros and cons.
Try to answer yourself: “What do I expect from life?” and “Is it worth living like this anymore?” If, by answering these questions, you are already mentally excluding your partner from your life and experiencing relief, then you should not continue to reanimate the relationship.
Don't put off implementing your decision for too long. This may drag on for years and you will needlessly wear yourself out with remorse. It is possible that this situation will also exhaust him, because only a naive or deeply indifferent man will not notice the dangerous changes in your mood.
Prepare to be resilient. Keep in mind that it will be much more difficult for you than for him. After all, it is you who make the decision and take full responsibility upon yourself. It may seem easier to leave things as they are. But this cowardice will only delay the breakup, making it even more painful later. Alternatively, the man may be happy that you left. This will be a hard blow to pride, but far from fatal. In any case, you were the initiator of the breakup. In general, this is even easier to bear than the fact that he starts begging you to change your mind and stay.
And the last thing you should worry about is public opinion. All gossip arises with or without reason, so do not attach much importance to the admonitions of acquaintances and friends and do not allow them to influence the decision made. Your life concerns only you and no one else, which means collecting rumors and trying to please everyone is a completely thankless task.
You will need a lot of time to regain the energy you expended and heal the emotional trauma after a breakup. But you can go through all these tests while maintaining self-respect and dignity.
Married partner
The man chose you for entertainment and has no intention of leaving his wife. He can explain this in different ways, citing the terminal illness of his wife, the presence of small children, debt and family responsibilities - all this is not important. The important thing is that a woman destroys herself and does not even give herself a chance to start a new relationship, have a family and children.
Believe me, if a man really loves you, nothing and no one will keep him near his unloved one.
It also happens the other way around - a married woman wants to break up with her lover. Here you still need to determine why you choose not to separate from your husband, because no one has canceled divorces.
No. 2. Think through all the arguments
Prepare in advance for possible turns in the conversation. A man will partly unconsciously try to manipulate you and put pressure on the pain points he knows. Don’t hesitate to think of sincere and convincing answers; it’s better than if they start coming to your mind after the conversation has taken place. If necessary, seek advice from a professional psychologist or even a lawyer.
Your opponent's emotions can lead you astray. Try to write down briefly what exactly you wanted to say, then you will have a chance to end an unpleasant conversation on the first and last try.
How to break up with a guy gracefully
First of all, let's define what the phrase “leave gracefully” means. We hope you understand that in reality such a separation does not look like a scene from a TV series, when young people are sitting in a cafe, the heroine stands up sharply after her words, takes out money to pay for dinner and throws it on the table in front of her former lover, and then leaves in the open convertible with a new boyfriend. The guy sobs and rushes after you to find out who took you and where.
In fact, we are talking about something completely different. If young people have been dating for quite a long time and have experienced many wonderful moments together, then they need to separate, respecting the feelings of the partner. Below are some examples of how to make care less painful:
- explain your distance by being overwhelmed with work at work or increased workload at the university;
- inform the guy about your decision to leave in the form of a poem;
- end the relationship during a joint trip or vacation, which will be the last wonderful chord of the old relationship.
To leave a guy gracefully, you need to give up falsehood and lies. Simple sincere words will help soften the separation, while false ones will only offend and cause irritation and a desire for revenge.
No. 3. Be cool and reasonable
Your honesty will help a man get through a difficult conversation with the least impact on his own dignity. You should not make someone guilty and remember grievances. All these complaints will change absolutely nothing, except in the end they will thoroughly fray the nerves of both of you.
Answer questions calmly and thoroughly. This is exactly the approach that famous psychologists advise. Explain, without unnecessary emotion, the reason for your action and carefully hint that you are also sorry that everything turned out this way.
Avoid touching and remember that it is normal to feel sadness and regret when breaking up. Finish what you start, don’t expect someone else to do it for you.
Silent.
The other extreme of aggression is silence. This is not maintaining neutrality and a desire not to create conflict. While your partner is emotional because he is unhappy, this will cause even more irritation. We must not remain silent, but discuss the problem. You can play the silent game when everything has already been said, the conversation goes in circles, nothing new is said. To think and make a decision, you can stop the argument and retire. But silence at the very beginning of a dispute worsens the problem, when one expresses his dissatisfaction, and the other does not voice his opinion. Lack of information on the topic of a quarrel is the path to incorrect conclusions and decisions.
Breaking up is easy, but maintaining a relationship is very difficult. People are proud of the fact that they break up successfully and do not even worry about the breakup of the union. But this is impossible to be proud of, since it is about the inability of people to live with others and solve problems together.
Do not communicate your decision via SMS or phone
This option is justified only in the case of a man’s alleged inadequate reaction to the decision you voiced. And even after this, you need to find the strength within yourself and say everything in person when meeting in person. Make a date in a crowded place if you are afraid to be alone with him. You should understand that you won’t be able to hide forever.
The desire to leave the man you love
Photo by RODNAE Productions: Pexels
Agree, it sounds absurd - you love a man and at the same time want to leave him. After all, if there is love, then you need to protect it, take care of it, preserve it. However, sometimes there are well-founded reasons for thinking about breaking up:
- The man is married and does not want to get a divorce. He is content to live on two chairs - to have a family and at the same time a mistress. When choosing you, he may be afraid of losing face in the eyes of relatives and colleagues. Or he loves children very much, and cannot afford to break his relationship with them. However, whatever the reasons, one day you realize that communication with him is a dead end.
- Fate connected you with an alcoholic, drug addict, gambling addict or Don Juan. Instead of love, you get violence, betrayal, fear of losing yourself and being rejected.
- Your loved one is a tyrant or a jealous person who does not allow you to live and breathe freely. He controls your every step, humiliates you. Does not allow you to go to a cafe with friends, play sports, or go to the spa; sometimes uses force.
- In reality, you are trying to leave a man you don't love. It still seems to you that you love, but an inner voice says that your relationship is a deception. You mistook for love jealousy, dependence, the desire to possess a young man, an attempt to conform to stereotypes, the words of others that the man was an eligible bachelor.
- There are always conflicts, quarrels, and deception in your relationship. You are exhausted and often feel empty.
- The relationship you want to end isn't your first, and you're just afraid of what people will say. You are also worried that you will never find someone who will love you again.
- Fear of loneliness. The fear of being alone is one of the most powerful. At the same time, women often do not understand that it arises not because they really will not meet anyone else, but under the influence of stereotypes and self-doubt.
Whatever the reason for the thought of leaving the man you love, the emotional stress will be enormous. Feeling lost, fear of loneliness, doubt, pain, disappointment, depression, even suicidal thoughts are what you will have to face. Tears, bitterness, disappointment, sleepless nights are companions that will settle in your heart and follow you day after day.
Is it worth communicating after a breakup?
At first, it is better to refrain from any means of communication. Don't dwell on anything that might bring back memories or nostalgia. If you are forced to communicate, make your time together as short and insignificant as possible.
A joint decision to remain friends should not turn your meetings into a farce. After the consciousness accepts the inevitability of the fact that has happened, it is possible to build relationships that are qualitatively different from romantic ones.
If you are tired of endless problems and understand that your feelings have faded and a miracle will no longer happen, make up your mind. Sometimes time works against us and by postponing a difficult conversation, you may miss the chance to find your destiny and become happy. Besides, by keeping someone you don't see in your future close to you, you're committing something of a crime. Sooner or later you will have to take this step, so why delay, allow yourself to throw off this difficult burden.
If you cannot cope with doubts on your own, seek help from Astro7 experts. They will tell you whether it is worth fighting to continue the relationship or whether it is better to let everything go and start life from scratch. As a support, the first consultation is free for our clients.
Aggressor
A woman finds herself in unbearable conditions: a man humiliates her morally or physically. Intellectually, such a lady understands the impending danger, but remembers the time when this person was kind and affectionate, and hopes that everything will become the same.
You shouldn’t console yourself with false hopes - he won’t improve. Children, if there are any, only get worse in such a family. They will be much happier if they see a confident mother rather than a frightened creature.
We must force ourselves to understand: there is no talk of any love here. Contact social services - such women are provided with psychological and material support. Everything will be fine.
Reasons why a woman leaves her beloved man
Why is it difficult to decide to break up?
Deciding to end a marriage is not easy for several reasons:
- Lack of courage.
- Fear of an aggressive reaction from the husband.
- Nowhere to go after divorce.
- Feeling sorry for my husband.
- Reluctance to deprive children of their father.
- Fear of condemnation from family and friends.
It is difficult for women to decide to break up, since the husband does not want to let go, he will shed tears, beg, ask for forgiveness, promise to improve, or, on the contrary, threaten.
You shouldn’t believe promises and fall for the bait of pity. A woman builds a marriage with a man who should become a reliable support, and not a small child.
Difficult situations
- How to leave your husband if he won't let you go?
If the reason for this behavior is love for you, for the children, if he wants to return everything, think: maybe it’s worth giving him a chance? If he doesn’t let go solely out of tyranny or selfishness (“I don’t want it, that’s all, you’ll only be mine”), then you’ll have to leave quietly when he’s not at home. Moreover, it is advisable at first to change your phone number and leave so that he does not know where you are.
- What if he threatens?
Angry husbands whose wives are leaving them can threaten with anything: they will take away their children, throw them out onto the street, tell everyone about terrible family and personal secrets, will not pay alimony, will sue all joint property, etc. If you have thought about everything and decided in advance These questions are legal, he will not be able to intimidate you. It's worse when it comes to physical violence. In this case, record the threats on a tape recorder and file a complaint with the police.
- How to leave a tyrant and alcoholic?
Prepare thoroughly. Wait until he is not at home or he is sleeping in a drunken stupor. Leave a note on the table. And move out of the apartment along with your things. Usually leaving a drinking husband is not a problem. The court will definitely give you a divorce if you indicate alcoholism as the main reason. It’s definitely not worth putting up with his assault, the eternal lack of money, and scandals. As well as domestic tyranny. If your husband forbids you to communicate with anyone other than him, does not allow you to do what you love, morally oppresses your children, no love is worth such humiliation - leave as soon as possible. Moreover, it is useless to explain anything in such cases.
- What to do if you have children?
Any psychologist will tell you: you cannot tolerate tyranny, alcoholism, betrayal, assault and scandals for the sake of a child. All this is unfolding before his eyes and can become a deep psychological trauma that can affect his future life. Believe me: women leave with two or three children, just to protect them from such a nightmare.
- What to do if there is nowhere to go?
If there are no children, you can even go nowhere. In cities there are hostels and small-families, where rooms are inexpensive. Finding a job is not a problem. Live with a friend or relatives for a while until you get back on your feet.
But where to leave your husband with a child (and especially more than one) is more difficult to decide. The ideal option is to visit your parents. If you have money, rent an apartment. In such situations, do not hesitate to ask for help from family and friends. And remember: the interests of children must come first. You shouldn't deprive them of their own corner just because you want to feel free. Be prepared to be asked in court what living conditions you provided for them. Are you renting a one-room apartment with two children? Don't have a regular income? This cannot be allowed. Look for other ways to solve the problem, otherwise your husband will deprive you of your parental rights.
