Why you need to leave your boyfriend: Pixabay What reasons are considered valid for breaking up a relationship? Women often deceive themselves and remain unhappy with an unsuitable partner. When and why you need to leave your loved one, Mikhail Labkovsky, Anna Iotko, Mikhail Litvak and other professionals in the field of relationship psychology clarified.
The primacy of his desires
When a partner always gives in to the interests and desires of her partner, and her internal needs are not taken into account, the relationship becomes toxic.
The famous psychologist and writer Mikhail Labkovsky in his book “I Want and Will” writes that a couple has a future if the man fulfills the woman’s wishes not because he hopes to get something in return, but because he wants to give her pleasure. If he is guided solely by his own desires and puts them first, then he does not respect the woman as a person.
Is it worth breaking off the relationship in this case? The famous psychologist Adriana Imzh explains that before deciding to end a relationship, a woman needs to honestly answer a number of questions. Here are some of them:
- How long has the situation been going on and how long can it continue?
- What will happen to me when I leave this relationship (lose my job, go hungry, lose the meaning of life)?
- What is the value of this relationship and my suffering?
They will help a woman understand whether she needs such a relationship or whether it is better to end it.
Failure to keep promises
In a relationship, a woman seeks reliability and security. If the chosen one constantly makes promises that he never keeps, then you cannot rely on him both in a difficult situation and in everyday life.
Mikhail Labkovsky says that when a woman follows the lead and forgives a man for unfulfilled promises, he understands that this is possible because the partner considers it acceptable. The lady ceases to be important and significant for him. The man stops considering her as a woman with whom he can build a future.
Labkovsky is sure: when a woman doesn’t like a man’s behavior, she should say so clearly and calmly once. If the situation repeats itself, the psychologist advises immediately breaking off the relationship.
Good reasons to leave your boyfriend: Pixabay
What to do if a man wants to end the relationship
Remember, you should always respect and love yourself. If such a situation arises, then remain calm, do not fall into hysterics in front of him, see yourself with dignity. To do this you need to parse the following:
- Determine the reason for separation. You need to understand why this happened. If the reason is you, then this is a reason for introspection and some changes.
- Write down his shortcomings on a piece of paper.
- Give yourself permission to be a little girl. Cry, it will become easier. And then cut him out of your life.
- Make good use of your time. Develop yourself, build a career, change your appearance, play sports.
- Let positivity into your life. Live only with good, wonderful memories, and not with the negative past.
Parasitism
Parasitizing a partner is another good reason for breaking up a relationship. In such relationships, a woman works day and night: creating coziness, providing comfort. The partner does not show concern for the material well-being of the couple/family, does not help around the house and isolates himself from any responsibilities.
Try to talk. If a man continues to parasitize, ask yourself what forces you:
- support a partner;
- create comfort;
- tolerate his complete indifference;
- spend money on its maintenance.
The constant showdown of relationships, which provokes unscrupulous parasitism of a partner, causes depression, despair and a feeling of a dead end in life.
Mistrust
The foundation of any healthy relationship is trust. When he is gone, joy and happiness are replaced by jealousy, fear and resentment. The partner controls every step:
- reviews correspondence;
- tracks friends on social networks, controls likes on photos;
- protects from social circle;
- finds out the location;
- tracks movements.
The famous psychiatrist and psychotherapist Mikhail Litvak writes that such behavior is characteristic of neurotics. Such control is a tactless violation of personal boundaries.
Similar attitude:
- causes irritation;
- makes a woman angry;
- provokes aggression.
Clinical psychologist Anna Iotko recommends letting a man go if he causes pain and suffering. We need to break up and let him live the way he wants.
If the partner can rethink the relationship and draw conclusions, then the couple can be together. Otherwise, the woman will get rid of the need to constantly experience mental discomfort.
How to break up with a married man
Representatives of the stronger sex who are officially married rarely decide to leave their family. Relationships with them can certainly be called unhealthy, so it is important for women to learn to break such ties.
To do this, you should use a number of effective tips:
- Honest conversation with yourself . The girl needs to realize that such a union not only does not make her happy, but also brings enormous suffering to her partner’s wife.
- Objective assessment of a partner . A representative of the fair half of humanity needs to understand that she does not live with her chosen one and does not lead a common life with him. Of course, romantic meetings and trips to restaurants add a sense of novelty to a relationship. But it is the wife who knows this man as he really is. She cooks for him, puts his things in order and takes care of raising his children. But for a girl dating a married man, all these problems are simply unknown.
- Refusal to try to justify a married man . Of course, in a fit of tenderness and passion, the lover could more than once say that he was not satisfied with his own marriage. But the young lady should understand an important fact: if he was going to get a divorce, he would have done it long ago.
- Friends support . In difficult times, it is close people who are able to provide help and say the right words. Meeting with her best friends for a confidential conversation will help the girl pull herself together sooner in order to make a final and irrevocable decision. Moreover, she needs to be decisive, self-confident and strong.
- The separation itself . There are different options for how to inform your chosen one. If a representative of the fairer sex realizes that she will not be able to communicate about the breakup when they meet, you can write an SMS or call. Under no circumstances should the conversation be turned into active discussions. Otherwise, the termination of the relationship may not take place. You should show character and put an end to it.
- Active activity . To quickly distract yourself from painful memories and stop suffering, you need to take on a new project that requires a lot of effort and time. Work will allow you to forget about your ex-partner and feel confident in your own strengths and potential.
- Complete refusal of further communication . A man whose pride has been wounded will make every effort to resume his previous relationship. In such a situation, a woman should not agree to a personal meeting and avoid contact with him by any means. In addition, if you delete joint photos, phone numbers and messages, the process of restoring mental strength after a painful breakup will be much easier. It is optimal for the girl to block her ex-companion on social media. networks and got rid of his gifts.
- Changes . Changes, minor and serious, allow you to return to your previous optimistic worldview. A change of haircut, new hobbies and even banal tidying up will be an effective cure for a broken heart. You can completely abandon your usual lifestyle, clothing style and habits. Such measures have a beneficial effect on the internal state and contribute to the achievement of harmony.
- Chances provided by fate . New acquaintances fill life with bright emotions and pleasant impressions. It is possible that the girl will be lucky enough to meet a worthy guy who will not hide her from friends and relatives, as a married man did.
Fight for attention
A loving man who wants to build a long-term relationship puts spending time with his beloved first. If a woman constantly “wins” a guy from friends, her favorite job, an upset ex-girlfriend and other “important” matters, then he does not value her and perceives the relationship as temporary or convenient at this moment in life.
Daily struggle for attention:
- turns into addiction;
- drains a woman;
- distracts from other important areas of life;
- makes the lady unhappy and preoccupied.
The more dependent a woman becomes on her partner, the weaker her faith in her own strength and ability to be responsible for her own life becomes. When a partner does not value the company of his beloved, this is a good reason to reconsider the future of the relationship.
Mikhail Labkovsky is convinced that in a relationship, partners should not seek each other’s attention. If there is no mutual attraction, it is best to break up.
Reasons to leave a guy: Pixabay
Restriction of freedom
In a healthy relationship, a man does not limit a woman’s personal freedom. When a relationship is toxic, the partner dictates the lady’s lifestyle and behavior. For example:
- when and with whom she can meet;
- which hobby suits her and which doesn’t;
- how she should perceive this or that event, react to the situation.
Every person has the right to their own views and freedom of movement. If a partner is not just interested in a woman’s plans, but sets ultimatums, you should seriously think about breaking up.
A well-known psychologist in the field of relationships, Yaroslav Samoilov, suggests that you need to make sure of your intention to break up, to understand that you no longer want to be with this man. If a woman realizes that she cannot be happy with her partner, she needs to calmly explain herself and leave the dependent union.
Constant anxiety about relationships
Everyone has some anxiety about relationships, and that's to be expected. As a rule, an inner voice tells us the true state of affairs, which cannot be ignored. How to understand where to perceive such sensations as the norm, and where as a cry for help?
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Constantly questioning a guy's behavior when he's not around?
- Constantly doubting his love for you?
- Constantly doubting yourself and what you bring to your couple?
If you think approximately in these categories, then this is one of the signs that everything is going in the wrong direction. Anxiety usually occurs when the love between two partners is not balanced, that is, you constantly try to please the guy, but do not receive an equal response. The result is emptiness and doubt.
Emotional pressure
It is difficult for any person to withstand emotional pressure. When this happens constantly, life becomes a challenge. If a partner psychologically suppresses a woman, manipulates, blackmails, forces her to adjust to her own mood, you need to end the relationship.
Coach, psychologist, family consultant Mark Barton notes that when a woman constantly experiences emotional dissatisfaction with her partner, she begins to feel increasing anxiety. If before meeting him there is a feeling of fear, panic, and your mood worsens, there is no point in continuing the relationship.
The predominance of negativity over pleasure
In a healthy relationship, partners enjoy being with each other. When negative emotions predominate in a woman’s life, relationships become neurotic and cannot develop harmoniously.
Mikhail Labkovsky writes that in such a couple both partners feel bad, they suffer and become unhappy. Living in constant stress causes psychosomatic diseases. Therefore, if a partner does not respond to his partner’s displeasure and does not strive to improve the relationship, it is necessary to end it.
Important rules for a calm parting
Breaking up with a guy, protecting him from unnecessary pain and not offending him is not so easy. Some girls get so carried away by staging a serious performance and get used to the role of a benefactor that they completely forget about their own goals.
Such women begin to write tender poems that touch the soul, organize an evening full of romance, during which they tirelessly talk about the numerous merits of the chosen one, cry and offer eternal friendship. This is a fundamentally wrong approach and should be avoided.
In order not to offend a person with a breakup, it is important to rely on the rules:
- Think 10 times, assessing why the breakup is happening: to stop communicating with the person and not to give him false hopes or for an intricate game of feelings? Think about whether it will be possible to exclude him from your life and not be upset when, after a while, he meets another woman.
- Do not strive to break up in the heat of emotions or quarrels. It is better to prepare for this in advance by thinking through your own plans.
- Start a conversation at a time when the young man is not busy and is in no hurry. Give him time to think about the reasons for the breakup.
- Use words in conversation that leave no room for double interpretation and do not give a person false hope. Men practically do not understand hints, so you need to speak clearly and directly.
- It is preferable to communicate the end of the relationship in person; using the phone or social networks is not the best option and is suitable when there is a possibility that the guy will react inappropriately and it would be safer to stay at a distance.
- The place for parting should not be crowded, calm and not where the most romantic and memorable moments in the couple’s life took place.
- Try not to show the man your own pity for him, do not offer friendship. This is very insulting to guys.
- If the reason for the separation was the meeting of another, you should not advertise it. These hurtful words can upset a person, causing him to respond inappropriately.
- When explaining the reasons for separation, do not list shortcomings and do not blame the chosen one.
- Refuse to say a long goodbye accompanied by tears, kisses or intimacy.
- After breaking up, refrain from interfering in your ex’s personal life: do not follow him, do not write on social networks or call on the phone, inquiring about his condition and affairs.
Assault, cruelty, humiliation
Psychologist Lundy Bancroft in his book Why Does He Do This? Who is an abuser and how to resist him” explains that a cruel man, by displaying aggression, distracts a woman’s attention from his real actions and the true reasons for his anger. He finds a reason to take out his accumulated evil on her.
The aggressor forces a woman to think like a victim. He subconsciously directs all his actions so that she does not notice the abnormal logic of his behavior and does not think about the distortion of his consciousness. This is an unhealthy relationship.
The blame for violence always lies with the aggressor, not with the victim. He makes a decision about psychological or physical violence. The aggressor himself believes that his partner is to blame, and he bears his cross with honor, living with such an incompetence.
The psychologist recommends immediately talking about what you don’t like. If a man changes after making complaints, the relationship can be saved. But when he continues to adhere to an aggressive line of behavior, you need to break up.
Advice from psychologists on how to leave the guy you love
What reasons could there be for deciding to break up with a person for whom you have strong feelings? Psychologists call two main situations. Firstly, the girl is preparing to leave for another city or abroad for a long time or even forever, so she considers such a relationship unpromising. Secondly, the reason may be the betrayal of one of the partners, which has become an obstacle to the continuation of the love affair.
The main thing is not to take hasty actions based on emotions, but to think everything through carefully. Answer yourself whether this person is dear to you and whether you are ready to never see him again. What do you really want?
Having carefully considered the reasons, you can either decide to break up (most likely, such a decision is made after the obvious betrayal of your loved one), or you will change your mind about leaving your lover, since the reason does not seem very valid to you. After all, distances even strengthen relationships, and if desired, they can be overcome. And forget about the intrigue on the side, especially if your partner is devoted to you with all his soul, and you love him too.
If the decision to separate from your loved one is finally made, it is important to understand that bringing it to life will be quite problematic. This will require serious moral preparation, plus you need to think about the words that you will say to a man.
It is better to write down the text of your speech and memorize it so as not to get confused. Warn your partner that you have something important to say for both of you, so he should listen patiently and not confuse your thoughts. Be prepared for the fact that he will still start inserting his own phrases, not allowing you to finish speaking. Don't start a dialogue, but ask him to be patient. You may need all your restraint to explain your position and decision. The final verdict must be made at the end of the speech, because your words about the breakup can plunge your boyfriend into a state of shock. And everything you say later will fall on deaf ears.
If possible, be brief, stick to a clear line in your speech, and do not go into arguments. Surely your interlocutor will quickly figure out what you want to communicate, but will listen only hoping that he is mistaken.
After this meeting, you need to exclude all contacts with your ex-partner. After all, despite your categorical statement about breaking up the relationship, you will still worry about hurting a loved one. There will be a struggle of different opinions in your soul, you may want to look at him again and talk. But you don't need to do this. If you need to return something to a guy from his things, then ask a friend or loved one. Any repeat meeting of yours can stir up feelings. And if he manages to persuade you, then nothing good will come of it, but will only lead to a delay in the process and unnecessary suffering.
However, there are situations when resumption of communication is possible. But to do this, the person responsible for the breakup will have to prove that he realized his mistakes. The girl must see love in the guy’s eyes and a sincere desire to return her, and she herself must feel the impossibility of separation.
Indifference
When in a couple one or both partners cease to be interested in each other's lives, it is worth considering ending the relationship. Mark Barton explains that if a partner is not interested in the victories, achievements or defeats that his partner has experienced, this is a sign of the “death” of the relationship.
If a woman considers herself unhappy in a relationship, it is necessary to understand the reasons for dissatisfaction. Listen to the recommendations of experts. They will help you understand when you need to get rid of an outdated union and build a happy life with another person.
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/relationship/1712999-prichiny-brosit-parnya-pochemu-nuzhno-uyti-ot-lyubimogo/
One gate play
A healthy relationship between loved ones is about giving equally to each other. But sometimes in a couple there can be a strange feeling that one takes more than he gives. The question naturally arises: is it worth breaking up with your boyfriend?
Break up if...
If you feel that the relationship is not of equal value and it does not matter whether you are on the side of the one who constantly gives or the one who constantly takes.
From time to time, situations may arise in a couple when one of the participants shows more attention. For example, in case of illness or difficult situation. Therefore, pay attention to the frequency of repetition.
If such behavior occurs, then this is a one-sided game, which leads only to disappointment and an inevitable breakup.
Stay together
You haven't had a frank conversation about expectations from each other yet. It's not fair to project your personal expectations onto someone else, so talk and explain your own expectations for the relationship. And only after that make a choice in one direction or another.
