The infidelity of a loved one can irreversibly change the relationship between partners: the couple will either continue living together, no longer trusting each other, or decide to separate. The motives for female and male infidelity differ significantly from each other. To understand this, there are statistics on infidelity among men and women, translating their mental or physical impulses into numbers.
It's time to find out the whole truth about cheating.
Still from the film “Dovlatov”
For many years now, psychologists, sociologists and relationship experts have been studying the nature and statistics of infidelity between men and women in the hope of understanding what exactly different people consider cheating, why they do it and how they react to their partner’s infidelity.
It is noteworthy that in different countries the situation with the number of betrayals and their quality is far from the same. They walk to the left, of course, everywhere, but in some places not so much and not as often as, for example, in Russia (alas, this is the harsh truth).
Now we will figure out why exactly people cheat on each other, who does it more often, men or women, and also how we should deal with all this.
So, let's start with the main facts about infidelity that all monogamous couples should know.
Types of infidelity
Yellow color in psychology - what it means for a woman, man, child
Experts identify 5 types of adultery:
- Random connection. We met somewhere at a resort, slept together and said goodbye.
- Emotional connection. Often such infidelities develop into a second marriage. This is more psychological than physical intimacy.
- Pure sex that a person receives purposefully on the side, including for money.
- Deficit. If the partner with whom you cheated can give something that the spouse who was cheated on does not have.
- Emotional betrayal. When nothing really happened, but it felt as if it did. Formally a person is pure, but in practice he is not.
If a person is financially dependent on their partner, they are more likely to cheat
According to a 2015 study published in the American Sociological Review, a person who is completely financially dependent on their partner is more likely to cheat on them than if they were economically independent. Moreover, this is more typical of men who rely on their wives for financial matters.
It is also noteworthy that men are less likely to cheat on their wives if they earn more than them. However, not by much: if their income begins to amount to more than 70% of the family budget, they are again close to treason.
Men's infidelity: when they cheat most often
Let's look at the average data by age:
- Young people aged 20 to 25 cheat on their girlfriends or young wives most often - in 76% of cases. This is explained by the fact that guys at this time are at the peak of their sexuality and it is difficult for them to remain faithful to one girl.
- According to statistics, about 60% of men under the age of 40 take mistresses.
- After 40 years, a man’s ardor cools down: at this age, 35% decide to cheat. This period is considered a midlife crisis for men, so the man in this case cheats more to maintain his self-confidence than because of affection for another woman.
- About 57% of men cheat on their significant other with married women.
- Casual sex or cheating due to alcohol intoxication occurred at least once in 15% of men.
- 18% of men would not refuse a quick affair on vacation or on a business trip.
Based on these data, we can conclude that men cheat much more often in their youth than in old age.
...about 60% of men under the age of 40 have mistresses.
What about women?
Men suffer more from physical infidelity, and women from emotional infidelity.
A 2013 study published in the journal Evolutional Psychology found that most men would be emotionally devastated if their girlfriend had sex with someone else without falling in love with the person.
Women, on the other hand, would be more affected by the fact that their partner fell in love with someone without being physically unfaithful.
What makes you cheat on your husband?
With the help of sociological surveys and honest women, we were able to determine the most common reasons for infidelity among wives:
- New love – 20% . For women in external relationships, emotional return plays an important role. Falling in love or even falling in love with a new person can turn a lady’s head so much that she forgets about all the rules of decency.
- Dissatisfaction in bed – 13%. If a woman systematically does not receive pleasure in bed, she will think about finding a lover who will fill this need. Moreover, you need to focus specifically on the quality, and not the quantity, of sexual intercourse.
- Revenge – 11% . Most often this happens after the husband cheats. Out of emotion, a woman can commit an impulsive and desperate act, which she often regrets later. Interestingly, among men, betrayal for revenge is much less common - only 1%.
- Long separation from spouse – 10% . We are talking about business trips and shift work, when the wife can live alone for several months.
- Low self-esteem – 7% . Self-doubt can be innate or develop during marriage. With the help of infidelity, a woman proves to herself that she is still capable of pleasing someone other than her husband.
- Spontaneous betrayal – 6% . Usually occurs during corporate events, parties and holiday gatherings. Fun, a festive mood and alcohol reduce barriers, and agreeing to a romantic adventure becomes easier. Usually these are one-time infidelities, because of which women often feel shame and guilt.
- Routine, everyday life, monotony – 6% . The desire to add at least a little variety to the drab everyday life can push you into the arms of a persistent suitor. After all, a romantic story like in a movie will help you feel alive again and take you out of the cycle of household chores. Usually wives who do not have interesting hobbies and outlets in life go for this.
There is one more known fact that can encourage betrayal. During the period of ovulation, girls become emotional and flighty. This occurs due to high levels of estrogen in the blood, which is responsible for procreation. Estrogen pushes representatives of the fair half of humanity to search for a more suitable gene carrier that can help in procreation. If a woman is married, then subconsciously she still tries to find a better candidate than the previous one.
Genetic predisposition
The University of Queensland researched why wives cheat on their husbands. In the course of their work, they discovered that the cause of female infidelity lies in a DNA gene called AVPR1A. The carrier of this gene has a predisposition to love affairs. Moreover, it actively acts in the body of both sexes.
...the cause of female infidelity lies in a gene called AVPR1A.
Australian scientists tested couples who were in long-term relationships. A test for the presence of the gene in the blood and its influence on human behavior showed that wives were more likely to cheat when it was present than when it was absent. Statistics on female infidelity show that within a year, 18% of women with the Avpria gene cheated on their spouses. The percentage of cheating men with this gene is 22%.
A person's tendency to cheat may be at the genetic level
Recently, more and more studies have appeared that indicate that some people have a tendency to cheat on a biological level.
For example, scientists from the University of Queensland concluded that people with certain types of hormones oxytocin and vasopressin were more prone to cheating than others. By the way, vasopressin is a hormone associated with social behavior, including trust, empathy and sexual connection.
So, according to this study, 40% of cases of female infidelity and 62% of male infidelity were associated with genetics. That's really a lot.
Female infidelity cannot be forgiven
Many men cheat on their wives only mentally or in correspondence on social networks, without daring to take such a step in reality. The reason is the reluctance to destroy the usual, established life. This is why, according to statistics, only 3% of men are able to leave their family and start a new family with their mistress.
But women, especially those who are self-sufficient, independent, standing firmly on their own two feet, are more likely to decide on an affair on the side. At the same time, women hide their infidelities better than men. The reason, most likely, is that in most cases, women who have lost interest in their spouses cheat on their husbands.
How to protect your family from adultery The answer to this question is worthy of creating a separate article, it is too complex and voluminous a topic. But the main secrets of a happy marriage are not tricky. To tie her husband to herself, a woman must remain interesting to her husband even after 10, 20 or 50 years of marriage.
A person is more likely to cheat if he has cheated before
This was revealed in a 2021 study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. Researchers surveyed more than 500 people and found that those who cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to report cheating in their second relationship compared to those who were faithful in their first love.
Interestingly, study participants who reported that their first partner had cheated on them were twice as likely as others to experience the same situation in their second relationship.
It is worth noting that all of the above research results were based on the experiences of residents of the USA, Europe and Israel. However, by and large, approximately the same situation with infidelity is observed in Russia.
In any case, now we will look in detail at what is happening with betrayal in our country.
Still from the film "Mistresses"
Reasons for women cheating
The statistics of infidelity among women have a different direction compared to the infidelity of men. A woman in the Russian Federation is ready to break the oath of allegiance in the following cases:
- desire to take revenge on her husband for betrayal;
- the need for love and increased self-esteem;
- getting new sensations;
- sexual dissatisfaction;
- desire to change husband;
- forced concession to the head of the company in which she works;
- a way of thanking for a service rendered;
- desire to receive bonuses in the form of money and gifts.
In young families, statistics attribute girls' infidelity to their career ambitions, especially during a crisis.
The peculiarities of women's adultery lie in the emotional aspect of such relationships. A married woman weighs the pros and cons for a long time before consciously deciding to take this action. Emotional dissatisfaction, the desire for love and understanding prevail over sexual needs, although the latter push more mature ladies to take this step, whose desires physiologically cannot be satisfied by spouses of the same age. Based on the reasons for a wife’s infidelity, statistics display the following figures:
- 54% of women violated marital fidelity, of which 26% continued to love their husbands;
- 43% dated married men.
- 11% did this once.
- 9% – 2 times.
- 34% – more than 2 times.
The statistics of divorces after a wife’s infidelity does not particularly stand out from the total number of disintegrating marriages:
- not every man is ready to bear the title “cuckold”;
- A number of reasons push a woman to violate fidelity in marriage;
- A man decides to divorce immediately or continues the relationship, which depends more on his temperament.
So, what's wrong with Russia?
There is a widespread opinion that in Russian society, cheating on the part of guys is almost a generally accepted cultural phenomenon and a feature of our mentality.
You've probably noticed that quite often in men's groups the main topic of conversation is stories about how someone cleverly went to the left, but his wife or girlfriend didn't even burn him.
The roots of this problem are hidden in many formative aspects of our society - from the demographic situation to the conservative patriarchal structure of Russian society.
For example, in Russia there are 100 women for every 86 men, which for the most part makes it much easier for guys to find potential partners. However, in addition to the numerical superiority of girls in our country, in the minds of many Russians there are many erroneous attitudes that legitimize the cheating of guys.
Here are a few of them:
Married relationships
As a rule, marriage is concluded for long-term interaction with the creation of a common household and the birth of children. By entering into a union, young people have their own idea of family life. Often it is copied (consciously or unconsciously) from the relationship between father and mother. The state of falling in love gives idealistic confidence in the inviolability of relationships and the endless brightness of sensations from a partner.
With the emergence of everyday needs and interactions in everyday life, spouses lose part of the attractiveness that once attracted them to each other. A. Chekhov wrote in his satirical stories that a wife is a bride, half erased by censorship.
Adultery occurs due to disharmony in the family, dissatisfaction of one or both spouses with the actions of the other or the personal characteristics of the partners. For this reason, the compatibility of partners is of great importance, which depends on:
- level of education and culture;
- mental and social maturity;
- similarities in value systems;
- similarities in behavioral styles;
- sexual compatibility.
If the spouses do not immediately assume an “open” type of relationship with freedom of sexual relations, then the first crisis of family relationships with “leaving to the left” can occur during the wife’s pregnancy or with the birth of a child.
"All men cheat"
This code phrase, embedded in the background of almost every Russian, seems to give the right to betrayal, suggesting that infidelity is supposedly inherent in male nature.
“If you don’t cheat, it means you’re not cool, not macho, no one needs you, no one likes you, not desired, weak, bad in bed.”
, - culture puts these thoughts into men’s heads, rewarding them with an inferiority complex. And therefore, almost everyone who does not lead an intense sex life inevitably feels worse than others.
This setting is a kind of trigger - a pistol shot at the start of a race from woman to woman. And if successful, the code “all men cheat” becomes an integral (read: toxic) attribute of a “real man” who walks around without a hat in winter and cries only if a branch pierces his eye (purely because of a reflex).
Still from the series “Season of Cheating”
Statistics of cheating by zodiac sign
Among the zodiac signs, the most avid for love affairs are Cancers; determined Aries and romantic Sagittarius are only half a step behind them.
Libra and Pisces have become average in the statistics of adultery. There are always many women around the gallant Libra men, and there is a compliment for everyone. Pisces is a closed area for outsiders. Most likely, they manage to skillfully hide their adventures.
Capricorns, who are always passionate about their careers and not particularly eager to change anything in life, are rarely seen in infidelity, Leos. Loyalty is the eternal companion of love. If peace and mutual understanding, respect and the desire to protect your significant other from adversity reign in the family, the spouses will not get bored of being together.
"It's all her fault"
Surely you are familiar with this postulate, which allows any man to get away with it after betrayal. And why all? Yes because she:
- didn’t make enough effort to remain attractive to him;
- didn't make love to him as much as he wanted;
- I didn’t cook for him the way he would like and didn’t create home comfort;
- in a word, she couldn’t cope with her “womanly responsibilities.”
Pay attention, in our world, in principle, it is customary to shift responsibility onto women (it was the woman who “stole” the man from the family, it was the wife’s fault that her husband cheated on her, it was the employee who “provoked” the boss’s harassment, it was the girl who chose the wrong clothes and therefore was raped).
We must understand that the union of two people must be built on joint agreements, honesty, mutual respect, support and love. Therefore, each of the participants in this union bears the same responsibility. So all the above “arguments” are, to put it mildly, incorrect.
conclusions
As a result, today you and I gained the following knowledge:
For the sake of statistics, I ask you to answer which of the 10 conclusions listed above in your opinion seem the most truthful.
Well, that seems to be all, dear readers of the blog. It seems to me that I have dealt with the issue of differences between female and male infidelities thoroughly, without mistakes.
Although controversial issues certainly remain. For example, I just can’t understand why people who got married at the same time have such different attitudes towards remaining faithful to each other. Where did these differences even come from?
Some final statistics
According to a survey by the sociological organization Levada Center conducted in 2015, 63% of Russians have a negative attitude towards infidelity. Moreover, 70% of women and only 55% of men have a negative attitude towards the idea of having a lover or mistress.
In addition, it turned out that for most Russians, getting married means the “end of the game” on the love front, but many do not mind having sex on the side before going to the altar.
Sociologists also found that for half of Russians, intimacy without love is considered unacceptable, while a third of the population accepts intimacy without a romantic connection.
- Author: Dmitry Petrosyants
The role of fidelity tests
Violation of fidelity in marriage is one of the sore topics for spouses. Young people entering into relationships strive to protect themselves by passing special compatibility tests or trying to determine their partner’s infidelity using fashion magazine surveys. The results of the questionnaire for girls show the statistics of the test; it attributes cheating to a partner in 84% of cases. In 16% the test indicates the complexity of relationships and 0% are ideal relationships. However, unprofessional tests cannot give a correct picture of a partner.
Treason
What is treason? Everyone understands this word differently. For some, infidelity is sexual intercourse with an acquaintance, for others it is an ordinary kiss. If we think logically, then even the feelings that one of the spouses experiences for someone else’s can be considered adultery, especially if sympathy for one’s legal spouse has disappeared.
Example: the wife began to devote a lot of time to someone else. Communicates with him, shares secrets and experiences. There is no physical contact between them (they didn’t even walk hand in hand), but all the girl’s thoughts are focused on this person, and her moral principles do not allow her to indulge in adultery. But don’t the facts already listed hint at some frivolity? How to treat this is up to each person to decide for themselves.
What is treason?i
According to men, sex with another woman is not cheating, just like flirting, correspondence, or dinner at a restaurant. However, if a woman sleeps with someone else, this is perceived as betrayal. And by the way, flirting, correspondence, and dinner, even in a dumpling shop, too.
Women consider not only sex to be cheating, but also kissing, regular communication, and any time spent with another woman outside of work. They treat themselves just as categorically.
Representatives of both sexes consider sex to be the common denominator in understanding betrayal as a definition. Based on this, all further conclusions will be based on this concept.
What is treason? We will tell you in our next article at the link.
Why are they done?3
As already mentioned, in the question of which women often cheat, one should focus not on the character of the person, but on the factors that contribute to a decrease in female fidelity.
If the decision about marriage or a serious relationship was made under the influence of the emotional component of the moment, then such a union will not have strong psychological anchors. And if her partner turns out to be far from the man of her dreams who seemed to her at the beginning of the relationship, then she may well begin to seek solace in other people.
No matter how strange it may sound, many people find it easier to “go left” than to tell their partner about their desire to end the marriage. This has a lot to do with fear and stereotypes. Fear of being alone, fear of “upsetting” your loved one and other phobias whose roots go back to infantility.
There are also “mademoiselles” for whom the chosen one’s career plays a key role. As long as the man provides for her, everything is fine. But as soon as you lose your job or reduce your income, your beloved will begin to concentrate her interests on other guys, which can ultimately lead to “leaving for the left” and divorce.
You should not think that fidelity depends solely on the fair sex. It is husbands who are the catalysts (and destroyers) of this moral concept. Even the most faithful and loving wife can be turned into a cheater, all it takes is:
- Stop showing respect to your significant other. Put your desires first.
- Pay as little care as possible, forget about such a thing as compliments and small but pleasant surprises. No outings to the cinema, cafes or other walks.
- As much criticism as possible towards her (cooked it wrong, answered it wrong, etc.).
- To be sure, you can sleep with your neighbor and not keep it a secret. Numerous deceptions.
- Immerse your significant other in monotonous everyday life - work, housework, raising a child.
- Not caring about your spouse's sexual satisfaction.
This is in no way an instruction, but rather a list of actions that you should not resort to for a successful marriage. If you treat your wife as an equal and regularly emphasize her merits, then you don’t have to worry about betrayal on her part.
