Getting to know a man is more of a matter of technique, says relationship coach Levo Vozhevatov, but having the right first date for women who are looking for a relationship with a man is often difficult. Is it possible to make a man fall in love with you by sitting with him for just an hour or two in a cafe? This is exactly the goal that should be set, the coach believes, and describes in detail the mistakes of the first date in the book “A Goddess for Her Man.”
How to make a man fall in love with you using simple techniques? More precisely, not what to do with him so that he falls in love, but on the contrary, what kind of person do you have to become so that it is impossible to resist you? Here are three must-have rules for first date success.
Question 1: Where to go, where to go?
It’s great if it’s the guy who takes the initiative. If he is interested in your opinion, you can rely on a pleasant pastime in a cafe or on a walk. Both options are non-binding.
Think about how convenient it is to get to your destination, whether there are parking spaces there, and whether it is located in close proximity to a public transport stop.
The place should be such that if something happens you can leave it freely at any time. To avoid all sorts of excesses, neither his nor your apartment is suitable. Categorically.
Question 2: What to wear on a date?
Let’s make a reservation right away: clothes should, first of all, be comfortable! It is impossible to feel incomparably beautiful, pulling down the hem of a riding up skirt, writhing from rubbed calluses and at the same time “rustling” with a complex varnished hairstyle. In addition to the image, there is not enough peeling “plaster” from the face.
Girls, remember: the first date with a guy is not the best reason for experimentation. The guy will remember you for a long time in the image in which you appear before him. You don’t want to become the object of his jokes and barbs, do you? Especially on the pages of his correspondence with friends.
First of all, you must be who you are in ordinary everyday life. If you don't wear short leather skirts, red lipstick and ridiculously high heels, then you should avoid them on a date too.
For a corresponding image there must be a corresponding behavior. What if it takes a long time to “play” in a fictitious guise? How long will you last?
In fact, clothing should be selected according to the circumstances. The meeting place, time of year and day play an important role here. For walking around the city/park, well-fitting jeans, a romantic blouse and comfortable shoes are suitable.
For a cafe/restaurant, a feminine dress and a pair of matching pumps will do. Psychologists do not recommend getting carried away with accessories. They distract the guy's attention from you.
Also, you shouldn’t think through your image to the smallest detail: if the date doesn’t work out, you shouldn’t leave it with the thoughts “I prepared this way, I prepared this way...”.
Question 3: How to highlight your strengths?
Psychologists advise that before your first date with a man, analyze your appearance, preferably in the company of a good friend, and think about what you would like to focus the guy’s attention on.
If you have beautiful breasts, choose low-cut (but not too low-cut!) outfits that show off your seductive cleavage and delicate skin.
If you have long and slender legs, wear a short, but still closed, dress or tight skinny jeans in combination with beautiful wedges or heels. If you have a beautiful face, then you should cover your neckline and arms up to the elbow line.
Well, if you are the happy owner of everything at once, then it’s better to decide how you will beat the guy to the ground *wink*
Question 4: What should the makeup be like?
You've obviously read a lot of advice about how guys don't like "war paint" on their faces and "Leaning Towers" of hair. Moments like these understandably turn guys off.
Psychologists say that you should also avoid wearing red lipstick on a first date.
In their opinion, red lipstick is a subconscious invitation to sex. And if a man looks at your half-closed, moist, bright scarlet lips all evening, he will most likely invite you to “have some tea” at his place.
Need I say that in this case it is stupid to sulk at the guy? In the end, they themselves provoked the poor fellow.
On a first date, light makeup in beige and pastel colors will go well. An even complexion, a little blush, a couple of layers of mascara, and a light gloss on the lips.
By the way, fashionable arrows would be quite appropriate. Just don’t draw them too thick: these are only suitable for a club.
Second rule: clearly defined goal
Any meetings must have a purpose.
Especially the first ones. The classic goal is to interest and charm a man (provided that you like the man; if not, then the conversation must be ended quickly). The goal may be that at the end of the first date the man invites him to a second date.
You can confuse a man a little. So that he doesn’t know how to approach you (appropriate for overly confident and experienced men).
Or vice versa, stun him with your inner world and show your peculiarity.
Finding out what a man is, while remaining a dark horse for him, is also a goal!
In the end, the goals can be different: to have fun and enjoy communication, to have a great evening, no matter how it ends!
Question 5: Which hairstyle should I choose?
A high ponytail or light “waves” are ideal for winged hair. By the way, psychologists say that long flowing hair drives guys crazy. However, in a survey, the guys admitted that they also like cute women’s ears that are not hidden under their hair.
“I go crazy when I see an unruly strand of hair, slightly out of my hairstyle... I just want to tuck it behind this enchantress’s ear...,” admits Gleb, 29 years old.
However, according to the same opinion poll, the bun hairstyle was the least liked.
“It looked as if the girl was so busy with something that she somehow twisted her hair into a braid and came running to me on a date “in between.” And I invited her to a restaurant...” writes Sergei, 32 years old.
Think also about perfume. The guy will remember “your” scent. It can be a fresh or fruity smell. However, do not use harsh perfumes or cloyingly sweet eau de parfum on your first date with a man. You don’t want him to literally get a headache from you, do you?
Remember, you have a scientifically proven 8 seconds to impress a guy. This is how long it takes for him to realize how attractive you are to him in appearance. So use this time well.
Topics for conversation
What you can't talk about
Let's start with the second point - never talk about:
- Former,
- Sex,
- Diseases,
- Money,
- Negative.
We're not saying these topics shouldn't be discussed in a relationship. On the contrary, it is very necessary. But not on the first date. They create an unpleasant atmosphere from which you want to escape, they are stressful, and they deprive communication of ease. The topic of financial status gives you the feeling that you are at an interrogation or interview.
As for the last point, here we are talking about whining: “I don’t like my job, I hate riding in public transport at rush hour, I have absolutely no friends, I don’t know how to cook or ride a bike, the very type of oysters makes me feel bad, I recently had a fight with my mom,” and so on.
What is there to talk about?
Here are the TOP most long-lasting and enjoyable topics:
- Music,
- Food,
- Trips,
- Books,
- Movies,
- Childhood (positive moments),
- Animals,
- Dreams and plans.
The main thing is not only to talk, but also to listen; it’s inconvenient if a girl waits for 20 minutes for her turn to speak while you shower her with details about how wonderful you are. The advice also works in the opposite direction: you shouldn’t play silent and just listen to the girl (she didn’t hire to entertain you, after all).
Question 6: What kind of manicure should I get?
Manicure is not given the last place. On a first date, your hands are usually always in the guy's field of vision. You can straighten a lock of hair, you can play with the stem of a glass in a restaurant, accidentally touch your lips, or simply fold your hands on the table, demonstrating the absence of a wedding ring on your ring finger...
One way or another, the guy will definitely look at your hands, and rest assured that he will definitely notice the peeling varnish and sloppily filed nails.
Just imagine for a second how in a cafe you break off a bun with your fingers with peeling nail polish or take a slice of orange...
Extremely sexy and attractive, isn't it? The man will definitely think about this. Be sure to get your nails in order!
If you don’t have time to do a full manicure with colored polish, then at least file your nails and apply a clear base. And put on a beautiful ring. Your fingers should sparkle with something.
Question 7: Pedicure? Yes!
The same can be said about pedicures. If you plan to wear open shoes, perform the appropriate manipulations with your feet. Otherwise, choose closed shoes. By the way, red nail polish on your legs looks very sexy and will forever remain a classic of the genre.
“The scarlet polish on my companion’s legs really turns me on. I immediately imagine how she will squeeze her fingers in ecstasy...” writes Maxim, 27 years old.
Remember, everything about you should be, if not perfect, then certainly attractive: from your hair to the tips of your nails.
Errors7
- Don't discuss your problems with him. Don’t complain – about life, illness, friends or relatives.
- “I have nothing to tell, you’d better tell me something.”
- “I’m not doing anything”
- "I do not know. What do you think?"
- “Will you call me?”
- “When will we meet?”
- “I am ready to meet you at any time. Maybe tomorrow? Day after tomorrow? After the day after tomorrow? Let's get married?
Question 8: What to talk about on a date?
In addition to questions about appearance, of course, a lot of others arise. For example, what to talk about with a young man?
Rule 1: no exes
The most important rule of the first date: under no circumstances talk to him about your ex. Don't ask him or tell him about yours. You didn’t come on a date to devote time and thoughts to those who are long gone.
Today, all the time belongs entirely to just the two of you. And no one else. It’s also not worth finding out the level of his salary and the number of rooms in the apartment.
“We corresponded for a couple of days. Then we met. Actually, that's the whole story. She just clarified the amount of money I earn per year four times. In general, out of principle, I treated her to a cappuccino at a street eatery for 50 rubles. That’s where we said goodbye,” said Rasul, 29 years old.
Rule 2: Don't be boring!
You should also avoid boring conversations. Don't whine or complain - this is the lot of weak and insecure people.
Remember, today you are in a good mood, and you are ready to give it to others. Therefore, it is better to show a sense of humor as necessary: this way you will show yourself to be an easy interlocutor.
By the way, you don’t have to listen to your companion’s problems all evening either. Try to take the conversation in a different direction if the guy starts to get boring.
And if he doesn’t get the hint the third time, leave. Most likely, he is depressed and has some psychological problems.
Unless, of course, you are a practicing psychotherapist working on a dissertation on the topic “Existential psychotherapy of depressive reactions.”
Rule 3: talk about it!
If you have previously communicated, for example, on the Internet, then most likely you are already aware of his preferences and hobbies.
Develop topics that interest him. Then the conversation will start on its own. If you haven’t had the opportunity to communicate with this guy before, try to gently and unobtrusively take an interest in his life: where he likes to while away his time, what music he prefers, whether he likes his work and what he dreams about.
You can find out if he knows where the meerkats are hiding, if he knows the latitude and longitude of the epicenter of the Universe, what is better: pizza or cabbage soup with sour cream, and if he wears underpants that match his socks... We joke, we joke
On your first date with a man, just try to have a casual conversation. By the way, if a guy is interested in politics, then look at the news report before going out: suddenly there will be nothing at all to talk about.
Life and joy4
Men love cheerful girls. Cheerful and bright, loving life and knowing how to enjoy it. Are you one of these? He's very lucky! But he will never guess about it if you sit with a bored face and listlessly pick at your plate.
Make jokes, smile, enjoy this evening. By the way, some men believe that a girl who eats food with pleasure is sexy. They draw a parallel between the love of food and the love of play in bed. So honey, if you want to order pasta and tiramisu, go for it! Eat the salad on Monday, when you and your friend go on a diet on a dare.
There is no need to talk about problems and complain about life. But we'll talk about this later.
Question 9: Kiss goodbye?
Is it possible to kiss on the first date? Now most of you will be divided into two groups: “you can” and “you can’t”. And each of you will find many arguments for and against.
In fact, there is no single line of behavior here: it is right to act as you feel.
If you really liked the guy, you had positive impressions of the dinner and the evening in general, and the guy turned out to be very attentive and courteous, then the kiss will act as a kind of gratitude, so to speak.
The same applies to a pleasant present (a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a cute toy, etc.) received from a young man. Of course, in a sense, a kiss “dissolves” your “rightness.”
But it’s unlikely that after just one kiss a guy will think that you’re an easy option. Rather, he will be pleased to receive such a sign of attention from you.
And this is a good opportunity for you to evaluate the quality of his kisses.
First rule: create the right mood
The date should be in the mood. It is created first of all by you, not by a man. Because it’s more common for a woman to create a mood. You are more sociable than the average man, more sensitive, more emotional. This is the nature of a woman. And therefore, it is you who creates the atmosphere on a date.
Would you like me to tell you a universal mood that works with all men? There is a cheerful and playful enthusiasm for each other in the air, seasoned with a light flair of romanticism and enjoyment of the evening.
Question 10: “Cupcake” on the first date: yes or no?
Another thing is sex. If the purpose of your meeting was precisely this option, then there is nothing to discuss. There is either a “yes” or a “no”.
If you were previously acquainted and have long sympathized with each other, this is already a moot point. In this case, it is important to consider how necessary this matter is in essence.
If you are sure that you want this at this very moment, well, it’s your right. But if the meeting is really taking place for the first time, then it is still worth weighing the pros and cons.
Avoid sex on the first date if:
1) you have not previously had any sexual contacts (the first night of love should definitely not take place on the first date with the first person you come across);
2) you are not sure of the young man’s cleanliness (if the guy has an unwashed head and dirty hands, an unpleasant odor emanates from him, or you are inclined to suspect STDs, refrain from sexual intercourse for the sake of your own health);
3) you are under the strong influence of alcohol (if you feel like you’ve had a little too much, try to go home as soon as possible, because in the morning you will probably regret the haste of what you did);
4) you were invited on a date in rented “square meters” and were treated to cheap wine (know your worth and do not humiliate your dignity in this way; it is better to run away from such a date as soon as possible);
5) you are not confident in the non-disclosure of such a relationship to the public (if a man does not inspire confidence in terms of a reliable “keeper of secrets and secrets”, and such a relationship can significantly “tarnish” your reputation - it is better not to take risks and abstain).
6) you noticed sadistic tendencies in a man (can be expressed in excessive rudeness, in strong squeezing of hands or any other parts of the body, accompanied by his intermittent breathing, suspicious questions like “how do you feel about hot wax”, “have you ever caused... intentionally physically hurting yourself,” “do you have a high pain threshold,” etc.; although, if you yourself are a representative of the sadomasochistic sexual minority, then you can safely skip this point).
In fact, many psychologists agree that sex on the first date deprives girls of attractiveness in the eyes of men.
And why all? Yes, because a man by nature is a hunter. As sad as it is to realize, men really lose interest in a woman after sex.
The object is captured, the mission is completed - what else is there to catch? Unless you do something in bed that a man would like to try again. Once again.
The same experts claim that after abstinence, sex becomes especially desirable and enjoyable. With a deeper emotional connection, the sensations become sharper.
A man will definitely take you much more seriously if you refuse intimacy at your first meeting.
Therefore, think about it, is sex on the first date really necessary if what’s at stake is a long-term relationship with the object you like?
Seduction of an adult man
The male sex is attracted to femininity and lightness. All you have to do is methodically and clearly use the available female arsenal. The first step is to establish contact with the guy you like.
Use your gaze and smile to provoke him to come over on his own.
If this does not happen, then take the initiative. This is a normal occurrence these days. Come up with some reason to meet, run into each other by chance, or do what your imagination tells you.
Having captured male attention, move on to using ladies’ “tricks”:
Appearance
Well-chosen clothes will highlight your strengths while hiding your flaws. She is comfortable, neat, and at the same time does not look vulgar. All buttons and zippers must be kept fastened. Underwear should not be allowed to show through on the lower back.
It is permissible to unbutton a button in the neckline area or wear a skirt with a small neckline.
You shouldn't overuse makeup. You can’t live without it, but take care of its naturalness. Key points of the image: neatness, beauty, harmony and sexuality. It is unacceptable to dress up in such a way that when you see you, associations arise with a girl of easy virtue.
Movements
It all starts with your gait. Bring it to perfection. Move smoothly, resting on your toes, not your heels. The ideal shoe, which favorably emphasizes the gait, has a medium or large, non-thick heel.
Seductive movements also include:
- licking lips,
- hair game,
- change of poses,
- exposure of some parts of the body,
- random touches when the situation allows for it, and so on.
Such signals will speak volumes about your intentions.
Speech
Not only its content, but also the manner of pronunciation plays a big role. Whispers and half-whispers in the male mind are associated with intimacy. Also, the intonation should be lively and, as it were, “smiling.”
Relaxation in the body makes the voice soft, gentle, enveloping. Men feel a real interest in the dialogue.
Try to avoid awkward pauses, although they can be useful for gaining attention. The optimal speed of pronunciation of words is 120-130 per minute. Feel free to give compliments, but avoid overt flattery, as it will only turn you off.
Praise a man for the virtues that he truly possesses.
Focus on the interlocutor and show with all your appearance that all your attention is currently devoted to him. Strive to maintain a middle ground between “talking” and “listening.” Don't bring up uncomfortable topics. Address the person by name often.
Consider the above tips as a set of measures to help an adult man like you.
First date - advice from a psychologist
10 tips from psychologists on how to get a guy to like you on the first date, which will definitely come in handy for you:
“It’s not just how you present yourself that matters. But also how a man appears before you. Pay attention to its appearance. If he is unkempt and sloppy, then perhaps he will treat your relationship the same way.
— If a young man comes with a gift, don’t refuse. You may offend him. You don't know how much time he spent in the store looking for that blue teddy bear because that's your favorite color. Or you've been looking for daisies all over town because they're your favorite flowers.
- Pay attention to how the guy behaves in a cafe and on the street: does he pull up a chair, does he pour some tea, does he offer his hand, does he offer his jacket. Male education is the value that attracts us women so much.
- Be careful about the guy’s answers to your questions: if he avoids a certain topic, then it is better not to insist on its continuation.
- Watch his glances: unconsciously he will show you whether you are interesting to him, or whether something fascinates him more than you.
- If a guy persistently offers you something that is unacceptable or inappropriate for you, do not hesitate to tell him about it. Mutual respect must be present at any stage of the relationship. Especially on the first date.
- Avoid long pauses in conversation and awkward silence. At such moments, you can distract his attention with something happening on the street. Or a news report that you still read before going out.
- If you like a man, you can become his “reflection”. Mirror his movements, respond with a smile - he will definitely like it. At the same time, do not get carried away too much and do not imitate the guy. Unless, of course, you plan to continue dating him.
“Try to look into his eyes more often.” Brave girls fascinate, and there is no doubt about the sincerity of their words.
- Pay attention to how the guy says goodbye to you. If he ordered a taxi for you and saw you home, then most likely your relationship has a future. Although, this may also be a simple indicator of a man’s politeness and good manners. If the guy himself talks about the next meeting, then you can rejoice: he definitely liked you.
Intellectual3
Men are afraid of smart women. It's true.
Men who do not shine with intelligence are afraid of getting lost among intellectual women and prefer to communicate with simpler girls. Guys who are not interested in serious relationships are afraid of smart girls. Manipulators who need a silent victim are afraid of smart girls.
Pure truth. With these individuals you can hide your mind and pretend to be a stupid doll. And with normal men, be a normal woman.
Keep the conversation going, don’t be afraid to express your opinion and disagree with the man.
An important point: if you don’t understand a certain issue, you don’t need to chat incessantly, for fear of being branded an ignoramus. Instead, say, “You seem to be very knowledgeable about this topic. I always wanted to know more about this. Enlighten me."
