Our World is designed in such a way that every living being strives to love and be loved. Not only people, animals, but also plants love an affectionate, kind attitude. Even water undergoes amazing structural changes if you send it love and gratitude. But only people tend to get confused in their feelings. Often we mistake completely different feelings for love, and then we wonder why the relationship doesn’t work out. How do you understand that you truly love a person and are not experiencing infatuation, addiction, habit or attachment? This article is devoted to this issue and we will try to determine where the true feelings are and where their substitution is.
What is love?
Is it possible to tell in words what “love” or “happiness” is? One will say that this is a chemical reaction of the body, another – a sublime feeling, the third will completely find it difficult to answer, they say, when you fall in love, you will understand!
But it's really difficult to understand. Today, at the sight of your loved one, everything in your soul blossoms, your heart is pounding with joy, and butterflies are fluttering in your stomach. And tomorrow you begin to wonder, is this the person I need? Will I be able to live with him all my life?
So it turns out that at first we are exclusively under the influence of feelings, and then, after a few weeks or months, the voice of reason turns on.
Love means something different for each person, because everyone loves in their own way, depending on their character and emotionality. Some are restrained in their feelings, while others are ready to shout about them to the whole world.
In any case, by love, every person understands something good, unusual, joyful. You meet a person with whom you feel warm and calm, someone you can trust, with whom you want to share your joys and sorrows.
This person in a short time becomes the closest, as if this is a part of you, your soulmate.
What are the feelings for a girl?
What could be simpler than telling her that you love her. This phrase is considered the most correct when expressing one’s feelings, while simultaneously showing how strong they are. But there are other ways of such recognition. Here are the feelings for a girl, and how they can be expressed in words:
- I'm so lucky to have met you!
- I really like your gentle hands.
- I adore your flexible nature, etc.
These various statements express love for precisely those features of the partner that cause certain feelings of euphoria. It's always nice for your partner to hear how important he is to you. You should definitely tell your girl how much positivity she brings to your life cycle. By this you show how valuable, loved and necessary she is to you.
Signs of love
True love is manifested in actions and deeds, not in words.
Love is:
- constant care;
- desire not to cause pain;
- unlimited trust;
- spiritual intimacy;
- mutual respect;
- sacrifice, willingness to do anything for the sake of your loved one;
- the ability to let go of your loved one, as long as he is happy;
- the ability to put his interests above your own;
- the desire to become better next to him, self-improvement;
- readiness to come to the rescue, to be with your loved one not only in joy, but also in sorrow.
Love or affection - how to tell the difference?
How do you understand whether you love a person or is it just affection?
Love at first sight is a feeling as rare as falling snow on a hot July day. At first sight, you can fall in love, feel physical attraction, a soul mate, but a mature and conscious feeling comes later.
How to understand your own emotions? How is affection different from love? Let's look for the difference.
When two people date for a long time, they certainly become attached to each other. You begin to miss your loved one when he is away. You miss his hugs, his smell, his jokes, his sweet habits. But how do you understand whether you love a person or is it a habit, dependence on another person?
Attachment is very easy to confuse with love. But there is still a significant difference between them. A dependent person acts forcedly, out of fear of losing his soul mate. He restrains his real emotions, tries to guess the desires of his chosen one.
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Affection always goes hand in hand with:
- financial dependence;
- fear of loneliness;
- feelings of guilt or gratitude;
- responsibility for your chosen one.
But love is a selfless feeling, self-sufficient. They love not for something, but in spite of everything.
Sexual relationships will help you understand that this is a habit and not love. If you are with a person out of habit, then the passion will gradually subside, and you will get headaches more and more often. Whereas a real feeling gives pleasure from intimacy, the desire to dissolve in a loved one, to give him all of yourself.
Attachment in relationships
Attachment in relationships is characterized by instability and dependence. One or both partners are characterized by full, comprehensive participation in common interests. There is a feeling that no one matters to them anymore. A person evaluates the strength of the need for a partner as proof of love. In fact, attachment in relationships can be a consequence of fear of loneliness. The attachment figure's old friends and interests are put on hold to serve the needs and desires of the "loved" person, so the feeling of self-sacrifice is perceived as a sign of love.
Preoccupation with the thoughts, behavior, and feelings of a “loved” person leads to dependence on his or her approval. The self-perception and self-esteem of a dependent partner reflects the reaction of the “beloved” person. Expressing real emotions and thoughts becomes too risky
Therefore, playing it safe is important and can take the form of repetition or even ritual. For example, a statement such as “if you don’t call me from work from nine to three every day, then you don’t really love me” is not uncommon.
With addiction comes intolerance for the time a couple spends apart from each other. Ownership, jealousy and patronage prevail over trust. A dependent person cannot tolerate being apart, even when there is conflict in the relationship or when the relationship is unhealthy. Experiencing unhealthy attachment in a relationship, a dependent person, at the slightest possibility of separation, clings tightly to his “other half”, feeling hopeless. Being apart can provoke physical symptoms such as impatience, lethargy or loss of appetite.
True love is difficult to part with; giving up attachment is easy.
The surest way to know if you are experiencing true love is to lose it. When she disappears from your life, you lose all meaning of existence for some time. It's like you've been stripped of your very soul. Sadness and grief presses from all sides. But if you don’t experience something similar after a breakup, then it was an ordinary attachment that did not carry anything serious.
Love is a manifestation of caring, and affection is exceptional selfishness.
True love does not tolerate selfishness. Once you enter into a serious relationship, your priorities will change dramatically. The whole philosophy of life is turned upside down. You will constantly think about your beloved, care and worry about him. But when you are no more than simply attached to your partner, then selfishness will prevail. Everyone wants to do what is best for themselves. It's easy to notice and draw conclusions before things go too far.
Love is not a light burden; affection comes easily only when you are together.
Love is a very complex type of emotion that occurs to every person. Often, it is very dynamic and it is extremely difficult for two people to maintain such a pace. There will be ups and downs in a relationship, but supporting each other will help you overcome all difficulties. During a non-serious relationship, when everything comes down to affection, you will not be able to get along for long at a distance.
Love gives freedom, but attachment paralyzes.
It is impossible to experience real feelings when you forbid each other to do certain things. Sincere love has no prohibitions. Mutual trust and bright feelings will overwhelm lovers, and therefore they have no problems with personal space. Ordinary attachment, on the contrary, paralyzes. Participants in a relationship cannot stay far from each other for long, and life without rules does not seem possible. This lack of love is a prison.
Love is support; attachment creates stagnation.
True love inspires people to be better people. But attachment does nothing: partners simply exist. Loving hearts can share their dreams, help each other achieve certain goals, etc. They form a kind of driving mechanism that only strengthens their feelings. Attachment people are locked in a little box and they don't want to be better.
Love lasts; affection is limited by time.
Love is one of those feelings that lasts forever. We are talking about a real and sincere manifestation of this bright feeling. There is no place for naked desire to satisfy your needs. Attachment has this. Therefore, it lasts as long as the partners are satisfied. But sooner or later the thirst will appear again, and they will begin to look for new experiences. And new partners.
Love or friendship - how to determine?
In fact, a strong and good friendship always develops between lovers.
There is no better friend than a loved one, with whom you can trust and confide, with whom you can do everything together, with whom it is easy, warm and comfortable. Friendship is a new level of love, when hormones calm down, and euphoria is replaced by mutual assistance, a conscious readiness to throw yourself into fire and water after your loved one, the desire to share everything between two.
Psychologists say that if lovers become faithful and reliable friends, then together they can move mountains, they can survive all the hardships, they can share happiness and misfortune in half.
But what if a guy and a girl are just friends? Is it possible to confuse friendship with love? Of course not. Yes, these people are very close mentally, but there is no physical attraction between them. And at the same time, each of them has some secrets that are difficult to entrust to a stranger.
Features of the psychology of a loving man
The psychology of behavior of a loving man has some features:
- Treats women calmly. This may lead to thoughts that he is not romantic. But in fact, a man does not believe that words are the main expression of love. For him, actions are much more important.
- For guys, it’s important: whether the girl treats him well, everything around her, how sexy, gentle she is, and whether she shows passion.
- A man who loves a woman wants to spend as much time with her as possible.
- By nature, representatives of the stronger sex are “males”, breadwinners. They need to woo their beloved. They are not attracted to easily accessible girls; they may want a relationship with them, but not for a long time.
- Men are attracted to mysterious ladies, in whom a certain secret is hidden, and it is not so easy to find out.
- An essential quality for guys is the softness of a woman. They don’t like it when a girl constantly swears, screams, or provokes quarrels. It turns them off.
In fact, the feeling of love is available to everyone, but everyone expresses it in their own way. Especially when comparing the stronger and weaker sex. But, taking into account the characteristics of the character, you can easily come to an agreement and protect the relationship from conflicts.
How do you know if you love a person?
Photo: https://pixabay.com/photos/romantic-hug-togetherness-embrace-1934223/
Advice from psychologists will help you find the answer to this difficult question.
Method 1: Test
There are many long and tedious tests that help determine whether you are in love. We offer a short rapid test that only takes a few minutes to complete.
Please answer the following questions as honestly as possible:
- Do you think about your partner before going to bed?
- Are you trying to make your loved one happy?
- Do you feel protected and calm when you are around him?
- Do you feel positive emotions when you think about your loved one?
- Do you think that your chosen one is the best in the world?
- Does separation or long separation scare you?
- Do you accept your loved one as he is, with all his shortcomings?
If you answered yes to all the questions, then you can rest assured – this is love. But if you have doubts or gave a negative answer, then this is already an alarm bell and a reason to think about your relationship.
Method 2: Pros and cons
How do you know if you truly love a person? We suggest you use a popular psychological technique - take a sheet of paper, divide it into two columns and write all the pros and cons of your chosen one.
Write its advantages in one column, and its disadvantages in the other. Have you written? Now look, which column has more points? Do disadvantages predominate? Then it's definitely not love. They don't annoy you yet, but you've noticed them. This means that over time they can turn into a reason for scandals and insults.
Are there many more advantages? Does this only confirm your love and good attitude towards your partner?
Only advantages? Think about it, are you idealizing your chosen one?
Method 3: “He’s no longer there”
Photo: https://pixabay.com/photos/girl-sadness-cold-winter-snow-1147401/
How do you know if you still love a person? We offer you a somewhat cruel, but quite effective technique.
Imagine that your chosen one is no longer there. What do you feel? Fear of loss, emptiness in the soul, hopelessness, loss? If yes, then this is true love.
Well, if you feel the strength to live without him, if you are not afraid of loss or separation, then there is no smell of high feelings here.
Method 4. Meditation
How do you understand that you love a person? Try to meditate, immerse yourself and sort out your feelings.
Turn off your phone and make sure there are no distractions. Sit comfortably in a chair or on the sofa. It is not necessary to take the “lotus” position; sit or lie down so that you are comfortable.
Focus on your breathing, don't think about other things. Imagine something good - the sea, a sunny lawn, mountains. Now think about your loved one, imagine him. What do you feel? Joy, the desire to hug, to be close to him? You love!
Or do you feel indifferent? Or maybe even worse - hostility or fear? Then your chosen one is definitely not the one you need.
Useful tips
How do you understand whether you love a person or not? Are your feelings and emotions real? What to do if you have doubts? Well, you’ll have to come down to earth, take off your rose-colored glasses and assess the situation impartially. Try to look at your relationship from the outside.
To do this, ask yourself a few questions. Just answer honestly, no need to deceive yourself.
- Are you ready to accept your chosen one if he is as poor as a church mouse? Love is a selfless feeling, which means that you should not seek benefits from your relationship.
- Are you sexually attracted to your partner or are platonic relationships enough for you? True love is the desire to possess and surrender, as if dissolving in your soulmate. Love without sex does not exist a priori. And naturally, we are talking about physical love here.
- Do you accept your chosen one as he is, with all his advantages and disadvantages? Are you ready to put up with his habits and quirks? Remember, it is impossible to change a person, no matter how hard you try. For a while, in order to please, he will do as you like, but sooner or later nature will take its toll.
- Can you trust your loved one with your most intimate things? Open your soul to him? Confess to some bad deeds? Share with him both joy and sorrow? After all, the ability to trust is one of the most important signs of love.
- Can you forgive if someone you care about confesses to something terrible? Or will you turn your back on him forever? If the need arises, will you take the blame of your loved one upon yourself in order to save him? Are you ready to sacrifice yourself?
Well, after you answer all the questions and understand your feelings, try to answer them, but from the side of your chosen one. This way you can determine if he loves you.
How can you feel for a friend?
What are your feelings towards a friend? It happens that a person does not even suspect the existence of friendship, but he is drawn to someone, he is overwhelmed with feelings, and begins to fantasize:
- I am drawn to this man in a brotherly way.
- We just have a normal relationship.
- We are just work colleagues.
- I am interested in spending time with this person, etc.
At the same time, anxiety is felt, on a subconscious level, anxiety, guilt. These doubts can completely ruin relationships. It becomes especially uncomfortable when this friendship is mistakenly perceived as love. In this case, friends may think about further developing the relationship, even sexual, or simply break up.
But in any case, the feeling of a friend’s elbow in many cases instills confidence that you are not alone, you feel the support of a friend. This means that in return he can receive the same friendly devotion.
