How to understand whether a man loves you or is just using you: signs

Hello, dear readers! Love is a complex, unexplored chemistry of feelings, making it impossible to adequately evaluate the relationship between partners. A soul in love often needs help and hints on how to understand whether a man loves you or is just using you. Although women are endowed with a special gift to feel the real emotions of the opposite sex, they often dull their intuition by loading on top invented feelings and qualities that are not inherent in the object of adoration. In the end, the truth is revealed, rose-colored glasses are broken, and the heart is dressed in a shell.

Skilled manipulators are able to control the feelings of their victim for a long time, feeding the “cloudy” state with promises and beautiful illusions. The longer a toxic relationship lasts, the deeper the intuition is driven, the lower self-esteem and self-sufficiency drop. Every year it becomes more difficult to break out and recover from the veil of deception. But real harmonious love relationships are mutual assistance, mutual support, mutual respect. And use is a base satisfaction of needs, an irrevocable drawing of strength and energy.

In this blog article we will try to understand the signs of male manipulators and the correct assessment of relationships. Let's take a frank test, look at the question from a psychological point of view, and learn to identify toxic partners at the beginning of dating.

Why does a man use a woman?

In any analysis, it is initially necessary to identify the reasons for such behavior of the stronger sex. There are a huge variety of them, ranging from psychological problems and traumas from childhood to opportunism under the authority of a strong companion for subsequent self-affirmation. Contrary to logic, sometimes girls themselves try to make life easier for their loved one in every possible way, not noticing how they are driving themselves into the cage of his laziness and insatiable self-interest.

So, the goal of men in using a woman is:

regular, tested, unencumbered sex;
the opportunity to receive free material support;
using her position and connections in society to increase her own importance or build a career;
increasing the level of comfort when using her living space or herself as a free housekeeper.

Even entering into an official marriage does not guarantee the sincerity of feelings. Often husbands do not pay attention to the needs of their wives, taking care and attention for granted.

Indifference

When a girl is valued, she will not be allowed to deal with her difficulties on her own. If you get sick, he will rush over with medicine. Problems around the house - he will come and help and so on. When the girl is not important, the following outcome of events will occur: “Are you late, trouble? It happens, be strong”, “It will be difficult to bring the washing machine into the apartment... Ask your friends, let them help” Indifference will manifest itself in literally everything.

How a man reacts to such situations can help determine why he needs a girl. To be taken advantage of, or does he truly appreciate and love her.

Family life analysis

In married life there are many worries that arise against the backdrop of everyday disagreements. Many are an integral part of the family that just need to be experienced and overcome together. But it happens that responsibilities are distributed unevenly, the wife carries the entire burden of household chores, while the husband is only an outside observer of her efforts and does nothing. There is no need to accept as the norm the gender distribution of responsibilities imposed by the way of life of past generations. Modern society has long reconsidered the role of women in the family.

Nowadays, a harmonious family life consists of an even distribution of household chores. Men go on maternity leave, know the nuances of using a dishwasher and do not consider it shameful to wipe off dust or wash the sink. Just like the generally accepted high position of a woman in leadership positions, screwing in a light bulb, driving a car. Under no circumstances should you put up with a drone husband. But unlike the period of walking home and clarifying disagreements by correspondence, family is a big responsibility, especially if there are small children.

If there are threats in the house, manipulation of mood, alternating periods of affection and indifference, groundless criticism, possessiveness and reluctance to support the family, then there is a reason for a serious conversation. Sometimes it helps better than decisive action. After all, it shouldn’t be ruled out that the husband is really tired at work, and his mood is affected by lack of sleep due to children’s whims or a crisis. But, if there is no reaction to the expressed feelings, or it manifests itself in irritability and dismissals, and resentment and fatigue accumulate behind your back, then you will no longer be able to find happiness in such a marriage.

A husband loves or uses his wife: how to understand?

Often a woman herself, at a certain stage of a relationship, takes on a large burden of responsibilities. Over time, her husband begins to take this for granted, stops appreciating her efforts and uses her to the fullest. At the same time, he himself does not want to make any important decisions, do anything for the family, or take responsibility. A man gets used to the fact that his wife does all these things for him.

In a harmonious relationship, a woman and a man invest strength and energy equally. But if only one party invests in the relationship, then we are talking about use.

Even my husband can use it

The main signs that a man does not love, but uses:

Manipulation , when a spouse uses blackmail or threats to get what they want. And the wife is forced to do what her husband wants. It is important to understand that it is not the manipulation itself that is dangerous, but what it is with the help of this manipulation that the man is trying to impose on the woman.
Alternating periods of indifferent and cold attitudes with warm and gentle ones. At the same time, sometimes a man explains what exactly he was offended by, and sometimes he does not consider it necessary to do this. The wife begins to be at a loss and is very worried. And the husband simply plays with his wife’s feelings so that she always feels guilty and pleases him. The use in this case is that a woman, being in a state of anticipation of a “warm” period, tries to improve the relationship by fulfilling the whims of her half.
Treating your spouse like property. Her husband demands an account of everything from her, takes away her salary, and does not allow her to communicate with her friends. Believe me, the point here is not that he loves and is jealous of his half. It’s just that such a man is sure that his wife is obliged to fulfill exclusively his desires and whims.
Constant baseless criticism. This is a sure way to lower a woman's self-esteem. Often a man uses this method to assert himself at the expense of his wife, to feel smarter and more talented compared to her. And also in order to impose on a woman her own life concepts and principles (especially if she does not initially share them).
Reluctance to work . There are two possible options here. In the first case, the man simply does not work or regularly changes jobs (he often quits, cannot find a job in his specialty, etc.) and sits on his wife’s neck. In the second case, he works in the simplest and easiest job possible, where he earns pennies, and does not want to learn something new in order to take a better-paid position.

Doesn't want to work or help

Lack of help. A man firmly believes that a woman's job is to wash, clean and feed her husband. He doesn’t help his wife around the house, doesn’t go shopping, doesn’t pick her up from work. He's just using her as a servant. A loving man will never refuse to help his wife with housework: clean the apartment, go grocery shopping, wash the dishes.

Testing the sincerity of feelings

In the practice of many psychologists, the testing method is used. Thanks to monosyllabic answers, without the right to explanation (read excuses), you can frankly admit to yourself and understand whether the man you love is using you or still loves you, but just doesn’t understand how to show it. First you need to understand your feelings, assess the degree of honesty with yourself. The proposed 20 questions must be answered honestly, without embellishing reality.

He often calls just to chat, to find out how you are doing?
In case of trouble, can you turn to him without fear of refusal?
Will you call him first in case of trouble?
Are his gifts more expensive than those you gave?
Are there free surprise gifts?
Do you often go to public places together?
Does he pay the bills at the cafe or cinema?
Does he often hug or kiss first?
Does he pay utility bills?
Does his mood lift when we meet?
Can she take on household responsibilities in case of joint illness?
He might prefer you to an evening with friends?
Did he quickly introduce you to his family?
Is your advice important to him?
Does he show genuine interest in your desires and requests?
Does he often try to fulfill your requests himself, without forwarding them to other people?
Asks to borrow money only as a last resort?
Is he often ready to help without citing problems?
Does he often say nice words and not notice minor mistakes?
Is it possible to hear from him that your work and plans are more important and global than his?

Results:

No more answers. He openly uses you, you cannot rely on him or feel protected. Try to refuse his request or not to lend him money, and see how he behaves. Anger, irritation, and reproaches will confirm fears.

More "yes" answers. He loves you, is ready to care and protect you. But perhaps he has his own secrets. It is worth trying to talk through your fears, asking directly the reason for the omissions that arise. Perhaps together we will be able to solve the problem at the very beginning and be happy.

The answers were split 50/50. He has feelings for you, perhaps it is love, but with your behavior and dependability you awaken self-interest and laziness in him. Analyze your behavior, stop taking on the bulk of the responsibilities. There is still an opportunity to fix everything, but you need to work on yourself.

Why can't you agree to have sex on the first three dates?

It can be difficult to recognize people with negative intentions towards you.
They may or may not be aware of these intentions. Conscious malicious intent is very dangerous - the desire to take advantage of your desire to get married in order to get something from you (emotions or sex, for example). There is no talk of any equivalent exchange here. This approach is practiced by pick-up artists of all stripes; their task is to get a woman into bed as quickly as possible and with minimal cost. They are interested in your emotional impulses exactly as much as they speed up the process of transferring your body to a horizontal position.

Pick-up artists pretend to be talented alpha males in all respects. Their weapons are surprise, touch, attention and suggestion. An unusual approach to getting to know each other, a concert specially arranged for you with a demonstration of all his talents (from poetry and song to magic tricks and fortune telling). Very languid looks, a sea of questions. And very few words about himself - only what raises his status in your eyes.

A short, whirlwind romance with the wrong candidate can sometimes be emotionally fulfilling. But that won't happen here. They will simply eat you up, drink you to the last drop and leave you bewildered and disappointed.

You don't need this, do you? Then, under no circumstances, under any circumstances, allow yourself to have sex on the first, second, or third date. With no one. No matter how princely and ideal a man your new gentleman may seem to you. A normal person will come for a fourth date, but for a pick-up artist you will become “too expensive.”

Psychologists' opinion

Nature predetermines the difference between male and female views on various spheres of life. Thus, many girls are sure that when experiencing strong love it is impossible to additionally harbor self-interest or intend to hurt their loved one. Of course, there are exceptions to all rules, but statistics only show the values of the majority and minority. Thus, research proves that in most cases it is the man who knows how and uses the woman, and not vice versa.

But nothing happens without a reason. No matter how painful and difficult it is to realize, a man’s behavior is only a reflection of how a woman allows herself to be treated, how much she values herself. If he is not interested in your life, it means that it was not initially laid down that women’s interests and personal affairs should be valued on an equal basis with men’s. Don't stand up and blame only one side. In any problem, both are always to blame.

If you feel unhappy or used, look at your behavior from the outside, evaluate your actions impartially. Try to answer honestly, who is to blame for the fact that the opportunity to be happy depends on others?

The main reasons why a woman allows herself to be used:

frank dependence in moral and material terms on a partner;
prolonged loneliness and the desire to be loved;
low self-esteem, misunderstanding, inability to defend one’s own boundaries;
being in euphoria from the feeling of love, endowing the beloved with qualities not inherent to him.

“I want Larisa Ivanovna!”2

A married man takes advantage of a woman if he calls her only “on business.” He makes an appointment and immediately hangs up. In response to her requests to “talk”, the married man makes excuses that his wife, children, mother-in-law, neighbors, distant relatives were nearby...

And apparently, a caravan of relatives surrounds the poor fellow every minute: on the way to work and back, when going to the store or the gym. If a guy is in love, regardless of marital status, he will find time to “talk about nothing,” just to hear the voice of the object of his adoration.

He won’t care what you tell me this time: how you pricked the cat, hurt your finger, forgot about the pie in the oven. He longs to hear you just like that.

Secrets of harmonious relationships

No matter who’s happiness depends on him, without him the relationship will not be complete. It's never too late to take the first step towards improving your life, ending a toxic relationship, or stopping attracting the wrong men. Even at the dating stage, it is important to present yourself correctly, to show your value, high self-esteem (not to be confused with arrogance) and a clear knowledge of your desires.

First date rules:

Dose attention. Even if your feelings are overwhelming and you want to give yourself entirely, restrain yourself. At the very beginning, evenness and reciprocity are especially important. Any gift or sign of attention must be given in return in some way. This is a foundation for the future, when partners have equal rights, as do their obligations to each other.
No borrowing money. A man, usually at first, should not even hint at borrowing money, paying general or his bills. If he is not ready to pay for a shared lunch in a cafe from the very beginning, then it is not worth wasting time on it.
Value your opinion and desires. Never give in or try to please your partner in everything. If there are misunderstandings or complaints, speak them out immediately, do not save up and do not try to remake yourself. Over the years, the burden will grow, as will the level of discontent, and feelings will fade away under their pressure.
Don't be approachable. There is no need to appear nearby at the first call, oversaturate with sex or try to give everything your partner asks for. Be more mysterious, sometimes refuse intimacy, or prefer an evening to your business instead of a meeting. A man should know that besides him, you have your own life and it is no less important.

A man cannot manipulate a woman who does not need him.

Waiting for a “miracle”__8212

A married man uses his mistress when he treats her like a toy. On holidays, he spends time with his family, feeding the lady with promises that he will “drop by for a visit.” He strictly makes sure that she does not go anywhere, forbids her to spend time with friends and live for her own pleasure.

Thus, the woman will interfere with his plans and will be out of reach at the moment when the gentleman deigns to bestow his attention on the lady. The girl is obliged to sit and wait for His Majesty within four walls.

A loving guy, not being able to spend the celebration in the arms of his beloved, will take care that she does not feel lonely and sad. He will do everything possible to be there, or will take care of her trips to her family and will calmly treat the holiday with friends.

Think about how your loved one spends the holidays. Gets off with a call? In the morning he stumbles drunk to smithereens, and while taking off your dress he assures his wife that he will return from his sick grandmother in half an hour? Is he using you? ... It seems the answer is obvious.

Only intimate

He calls and recommends meeting, he is attentive, loving and gentle, but as soon as a moment of intimacy occurs, he immediately turns to the wall, and in the morning his imprint is gone. And so, after seven days, romantic feelings awaken again, glow with passion and fall asleep again immediately after the pleasure of sexual desire. Such a habit of seeing says one thing - he does not love, and a representative of the weaker sex is interesting only as an object for the pleasure of male needs.

Adverse Signs

If you feel like you're being taken advantage of, but you can't be one hundred percent sure, listen to these warning signs.

Assumptions from family and friends that the man you love doesn’t love you at all, but is simply using you. At first, such conversations only cause rejection and anger in the “victim.”
Relationship analysis shows that you give much more than you receive.

Think about the question posed for several days in a calm atmosphere, and then, on the contrary, try to distract yourself and forget about it. The correct conclusion will come on its own.

Just words without deeds

He misses you terribly, but calls once a week, burns with the desire to see you, but regularly something prevents you from making a meeting, declares his love, but friends often become more important than you, promises to repair something, bring something, fulfill it, but Finally, he has excuses. All these are alarming signs that the guy is hanging “noodles” on your ears in order to lull your vigilance. For the stronger sex, embellishing one’s own capabilities is the norm, but gross lies in primitive little things indicate an intention to take advantage and cheat.

If there is no action behind his words, such a man does not consider your relationship as something worthwhile.

Gender differences and reactions to infidelity

As a rule, men and women evaluate their partner’s betrayal differently, which, in turn, gives different emotional overtones to their reactions.
It's important not to generalize too much—what's true for some people isn't true for others, but there is evidence that most people's responses are at least partially consistent with typical behavior for their gender. Understanding these biological and cultural programs, while variable and imprecise, should shed some light on your response to infidelity so that you may not feel so alone or abnormal. This will help your partner understand your feelings better. In general, women are determined to restore and maintain relationships; men - finish and look for a new partner. Women are more likely to become depressed and blame themselves; men are more likely to get angry and attack others, including in the imagination. Women are more likely to attribute infidelity to their overall unworthiness; men - their sexual inadequacy. Women tend to exaggerate the significance of infidelity and spend more time healing; men are able to separate themselves from the pain and move on.

He lives at your expense

A clear sign of taking advantage of a representative of the fairer sex is that he is not at all worried that she often or regularly pays for two. He is crying that he was kicked out of work, and as a result, permanent financial difficulties arose that did not end for a long time. You live in your house, and he is looking for himself and it’s time for him to look for a job to pay the bills. You should not tolerate such an attitude even if you are head over heels in love. If you have any difficulties, he will quickly stop expressing interest.

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