The psychologist's advice in this article will help you take a more objective look at your situation, understand the possible cause, draw conclusions and change the situation.
We are all people, with our own habits, preferences, expectations, and naturally, no one can get into our heads and scan our thoughts and feelings towards anything or anyone.
And we, for our part, cannot get into someone else’s head and know for sure what is happening there, what is being thought, what is being felt?
And you know, that's good...
There is no magic word or phrase or action that will make another person behave the way we want and stop getting on our nerves. Well, the world is unfair, but I'm sure you already know that.
Let's analyze your situation a little, and the result of the analysis should show that you cannot change your husband's behavior to one that would suit you.
Surely, you have already done a lot to ensure that he does not irritate you and behaves in a certain way, as it would suit you.
What you could do:
- tell him what doesn't suit you. It’s just no use, he doesn’t hear you or doesn’t want to hear you.
- you were silent and offended. You thought that he would understand or guess that his behavior did not suit you. Unfortunately, he is not a psychic.
- you cursed and presented. But it got worse and worse.
- got angry and did it out of spite. Again it didn’t help, he didn’t change at all, and only you got worse.
All these actions indicate that you are assessing the situation incorrectly. You think that if your husband changes somehow, then you will be satisfied and happy. This is the whole problem.
What to do when your husband is incredibly annoying?
“I can’t even look at him!”
I congratulate you, your degree of irritability has reached its extreme, and now the next step is anger and hatred.
Perhaps, somewhere in the depths of your soul, there is still a little hope that you can change everything, somewhere there is a memory of how happy you were with this person?
And if you have hope and a little love, then this means there is a chance that you can change the current situation in your family for the better.
So, let's go...
In the second part of the article, I have prepared a good exercise for you that can look a little deeper into the reasons for your irritation with your husband.
In the meantime, we will go through ways to relieve irritation, and you will receive several recommendations.
Assault
Most women who are humiliated and insulted by their husbands do not want to end their marriage. But if a man once dared to raise his hand against his beloved during an ordinary quarrel, then there can be no talk of any restoration of the relationship. However, it is important to understand that the stronger sex is the same people as women, having emotions, feelings and a limit of patience. If a girl starts beating her man, provoking him to fight, then at that moment she turns from a spouse or girlfriend into a sparring partner. However, nothing will justify the guy who was able to return blow for blow. Even if the blame for the provocation lies entirely with the woman.
In this case, only an immediate interruption of the relationship can help to overcome the resentment towards the husband.
How to deal with irritation with your husband?
Surely you have noticed that irritation appears out of nowhere when you simply look at your husband and say nothing. And already being in emotions, you begin communication. At the same time, you are tense as a string, your voice betrays your emotions, your attitude, and it is quite possible that quarrels arise out of the blue because of trifles.
- If, during any interaction with your man, you feel a storm of emotions rising inside - he infuriates you, makes you angry, does everything wrong, then the easiest way to calm down your emotions is breathing.
Start breathing slowly, inhaling and exhaling slowly, while trying to remove thoughts about what action your husband took that caused the explosion of emotions. After a few minutes, you will become a little calmer and will be able to discuss what is bothering you in a calm tone.
I suggest watching the video “How to calm yourself down”
- A similar way to deal with emotions is counting. Start counting slowly to yourself until you calm down.
Maybe you will have to count to 100 or 200. Each time you count less, your brain will understand that counting is calm. Don't think it's too simple; in fact, the simplest methods work the most effectively.
- Now, when you are unhappy with your husband, irritated, your brain is focused on the shortcomings, on those factors that cause the emotions of irritation.
Your perception is focused only on the bad, unfortunately, this happens completely unconsciously.
Your task is to start focusing your attention on good deeds. After all, there is something good in your husband, right?
You need to focus on good actions, good traits and habits. For these purposes, you can start a special notebook and write down 10 good deeds of your husband in it every day. In this case, your consciousness will redirect its attention from the minuses to the pluses.
- Accept your husband for who he is and stop changing him. Probably the most difficult point.
After all, it seems that if a person does something wrong or acts wrong, then he should listen to outside advice? He should listen and act as he is advised, because it’s better for him?
Nothing like this. No one owes nothing to nobody.
Put yourself in his place, with his upbringing, habits, character traits, and then you will understand that everything he does is normal for him. And until he himself understands the ineffectiveness of something, he will not change anything. Therefore, you need to remove your “must and must” and understand why and why he is like this?
Women are designed in such a way that they want to improve everything, while men are content with what they have. Men and women think differently and perceive events from different points of view. And if you and your man are a couple, this does not mean that you should be the same and identical.
- A sense of humor helps relieve stress and calm down. For example, your husband is sitting and eating, or whatever he is doing, or talking to you, and looking at him, you feel irritated.
Mentally place a trash can filled with garbage on his head. See how the trash can fits perfectly on his head. He turns his head and trash falls out of the bucket.
The buckets can be different, the trash too, your choice. If, in your opinion, your husband says some stupid things or banalities that irritate you greatly, then imagine him as a jester with bells on his head.
Practice a little right now.
First, feel the irritation inside yourself, and then imagine your husband with a bucket on his head or with bells that ring as soon as he says something.
You can add some details to his image to make you smile on your face. As soon as you start smiling, your irritation will automatically decrease or go away completely. And next time, as soon as you feel irritated, “dress up” your husband so that “inside” you feel funny 
Criticisms
Mutual resentment. Someone must take the first step towards reconciliation...
We are all not perfect, but we must accept the shortcomings of a loved one if he is dear. Women, due to their excessive emotionality, do not pay any attention to the fact that they often list their husband’s shortcomings in public. Be it friends, strangers or your own children.
Humiliating a man in public will also not benefit the relationship. A wife needs to learn to restrain herself in front of strangers, otherwise her husband’s resentment towards her can develop into serious discord. Infringing on a man's pride will affect his feelings for his wife. If criticism of the father is carried out in the presence of children, his authority in the children's eyes can be seriously damaged, and this can have very serious consequences in the future.
What should I do now with this irritation with my husband?
Exercise
You need to translate the unconscious into the conscious, so to speak, to bring into the white light all your attitudes, programs and beliefs about your family life.
Take a piece of paper and write down all your ideas about an ideal family life - what should a family be like, and what kind of relationship should it have between spouses?
On this piece of paper, for now you write only about your family, about your relationships.
For example, a family is friendly, in relationships: trust, mutual understanding, support, attention to each other, etc.
The next point, write your thoughts about what kind of wife should be?
- How does she run the house?
- How does he feel about himself?
- How does she feel about her husband?
Just write, whatever comes from your head, you don’t need to compare yourself and think, I don’t have this or I’m a bad housewife. Now is not the time to blame yourself and reproach yourself, just write down everything that is sitting in your head.
And the last point, what should a husband be like?
- What does he do around the house, what does he help with?
- How much money does he earn?
- How does he treat his wife, how does his love and care manifest itself?
Again, we don’t compare or blame, we just write our ideal version.
When you write, put your papers aside for a while, maybe a day, maybe two.
And after a short break, you will need to complete the next step.
Take each of the sheets of paper and think about how real these ideas of yours are?
Now that you know your husband well, you know what family everyday life consists of, and you know yourself much better than you did some time ago, based on this current knowledge, go through your old expectations.
Turn on your brains and think sensibly about what is written and expected, maybe in our relationship?
I am sure that 70 percent of your expectations and illusions about family life will never spoil your life again.
Watch the video “What to do if your husband is annoying and annoying?”
Managing husband
A wife’s attempts to control her husband through tears, emotions, ignoring, and refusing sex will not help in strengthening the relationship.
Men will not appreciate all these “efforts”
:
- frequent tears will develop immunity in the husband; if he previously tried to console and made concessions, then realizing after some time that this is one of her ways to achieve her goal, he will stop reacting;
- Screams and emotions will never help solve a problem, direct conversation is another matter, it is much more effective;
- By ignoring and showing indifference to a man, a woman tries to force him to pay attention to herself, but he draws the exact opposite conclusion from these actions;
- Disciplining your husband by not having sex can lead him to seek solace elsewhere.
What to do if irritation turns into hatred?
After I recorded the video, some subscribers wrote to me in the comments:
“Natalia, unfortunately, I have been looking for an approach to my husband for 13 years, his good character traits have disappeared without a trace. We have been divorced several times, but we live for the sake of the child, although I know that this is wrong. Please tell me what to do?”
«What is this all for? Perform artificial respiration on a corpse? »
“I gave birth 5 months ago, I still don’t want sex, we’ve been living together for 16 years, my eldest son is 15, he pisses me off ahhhhh my husband, in everything, he beat me, broke my leg, I forgave him, I can’t stand him.”
In such cases, I can only say one thing - leave!
But today I won’t write about hatred and how to free myself from it, this is a big topic, and a separate article is needed.
I finish here, and I hope that I was able to answer your request - how not to be annoyed by your husband with the advice of a psychologist?
I offer you several articles on the topic of problems in family relationships:
If your husband doesn't talk after a quarrel
8 reasons why your husband is always unhappy
7 reasons why a husband doesn't respect his wife?
Why doesn't my husband say he loves me?
10 tips on how to stop swearing over small things?
Be loved and happy!
Sincerely, family psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova
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Appearance
Often, many wives are so confident in their relationships that they stop taking care of their appearance.
How can a sloppy, overweight woman in a dirty robe, always yelling at the children and dissatisfied with everything around her, not be annoying? Is this woman like the one he once conquered and gave flowers and compliments? You shouldn’t think that “my husband won’t go anywhere and no one needs him except me.” Such thoughts will not lead to anything good, the husband will prove the opposite
:
- To forget about your appearance means not to love yourself or your husband. You won't be able to look like a cover model, but getting your clothes and hair in order is a must.
- It also doesn’t hurt to remember about a healthy diet - it’s good for your health, skin and figure.
- And doing gymnastics will also relieve depression.
