How to learn to communicate with other people

Nobody wants to communicate with me - such a confession can be heard from people who are not bound by the same goal, who are dissimilar in character and, in general, very different. There are many reasons that prevent loved ones and work colleagues from maintaining good relationships with someone. After all, they begin to shun and avoid a certain person for a reason.

Reasons why people have difficulty communicating

Reluctance and inability to listen . This is the most common communication problem. It manifests itself in the following way: a person is frankly bored during a conversation or, on the contrary, shamelessly interrupts the interlocutor. This behavior is very annoying and is perceived by others as disrespect.
Diffidence . Discomfort, slurred speech, and insufficient vocabulary become a huge obstacle to communication. I am constantly haunted by the fear that everything will be said incorrectly and will not be perceived adequately by the interlocutor.
Categorical . The inability to give in, unshakable confidence in one’s own rightness and inability to accept someone else’s rightness will only alienate the interlocutor. This does not mean that you need to agree with others on everything just to be “good,” but no one has yet canceled delicacy and good manners.
Dive into your own problems . If all conversations are translated into the channel of your experiences, then it is unlikely that you will be able to hold the thread of the conversation for a long time. Therefore, it is worth choosing topics for communication that will be of interest to everyone.
The interlocutor is higher or lower in level of development . The dialogue will be interesting and relaxed among people whose level of intelligence is equal. If the interlocutor is superior in development to another person, then the latter will certainly begin to feel insecure, but he will most likely be interested in the opinion of a more competent comrade.

Having identified the reason why communication is difficult for you, it will be easier to start working on yourself and overcome the communication barrier.

Learn more about problems caused by lack of communication

It was already mentioned above that a lack of communication (in all its forms) can cause a lot of concrete harm to a person. But what is this harm?

A person who lacks communication lives less. Accordingly, those who have many friends live longer. Yes Yes! This phenomenon was noticed in ancient times and, by the way, is sung in many works of art and examples of folk art. Let us at least remember the most famous proverb: “Don’t have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends.” Anyone who reads these lines will easily remember many more similar sayings and proverbs. But people won’t talk in vain.
People who have lacked communication throughout their lives, when they reach old age, are more likely to fall into senile dementia.
Most of the reasons why people take their own lives (meaning suicides) is precisely the lack of communication. That is, loneliness in all forms and meanings.
Overweight and diabetes are much more common in people who lack communication. There's nothing particularly mysterious here. The lack of friends forces us to spend more time immobile. Moreover, eat your loneliness with something sweet and generally harmful. And then everything is clear and without comment.
The same applies to heart attacks. Single people have many more of them. Again, there is nothing inexplicable here. Having little communication, a person is very worried about this topic, which inevitably affects the heart.
Lack of communication means constant stress, and it affects the state of the whole body, primarily weakening the immune system. Well, where there is weak immunity, there is a whole scattering of all kinds of diseases.
People who lack communication usually lack self-confidence. Here, again, everything is extremely clear. How can you be confident in yourself if no one from the outside confirms your merits and positive qualities? But you usually can’t see them yourself. So you have to often and deeply develop complexes.
A person who communicates a lot usually feels much happier than someone who lacks communication. A sociable person has everything at his fingertips - friends, loved ones, their smiles, news. What else is needed for happiness?
A person who communicates little often replaces the lack of communication with all sorts of bad habits. Are additional comments needed here? Let's say that alcoholics are usually lonely people.
Lack of communication does not allow a person to develop himself. What is self-development? This is when you compare yourself with others and try to imitate them. In a positive sense, of course.

What to do if there is not enough communication?

Get rid of the pessimistic attitude and relax. Try to catch some zen in your solitude. Look for the positives in everything: there is not enough communication, but there is free time, which means you can spend it the way you want, without adjusting to anyone.
Find a hobby. Every person has their own passion, maybe you just haven’t found yours yet. Try different things: yoga, painting, sculpting, dancing... Nowadays it’s not difficult to find a studio with an interesting activity or practice at home.

Don't sit within four walls. When there is a lack of communication, you really want to curl up and feel sorry for yourself, but you shouldn’t do that. Remember point 2 about hobbies. Don’t be afraid to try new things - many studios offer a free first lesson, these include master classes, trainings, quests, and others. Look for these and go to them. There you will meet many of the same people who lack communication and perhaps make friends.
Raise your self-esteem. People are often drawn to other people, but shy away from complex types who lack self-confidence. Therefore, try with all your might to raise your self-esteem, love yourself and learn to take care of yourself.
Become a volunteer. Yes, yes, you can also benefit from this charitable activity for yourself. There are many volunteer organizations now; choose an activity that is close to you.
Communicate on forums and interest groups. Of course, this will not replace full-fledged live communication, but it will solve some of its lack. Don’t be afraid to offer to meet in reality after some time.
Travel more. Don't be afraid to leave your native walls. The weekend is not a reason to stay at home; go on a short trip to a neighboring city. Who knows, maybe you will meet real friends on the train or in the next seat on the bus. And exploring local attractions will distract you from sad thoughts about loneliness.

Even if you work on your self-esteem, travel, take cutting and sewing classes, become a volunteer, but still feel lonely, don’t be discouraged. Everything will come in time. Repeat the points over and over again and one day you will find something of your own.

Watch video tips from psychologist Natalya Weikselbaumer

How to make communication with people more effective

The following rules will help with this:

Get rid of selfishness . You should think about whether it will be pleasant for others to communicate with a person who always takes the initiative in a conversation, and his manner of communication, in this regard, looks quite aggressive. It would be correct if during the conversation you maintain a friendly tone and allow all participants to speak. People will reach out to such a person for advice, they will always want to see him in any company, and he will have many friends.
Be a good listener . Sincere interest and the ability to listen to your interlocutor are qualities that will allow you to become a desirable member of society. It is important for people to feel that they are not alone with their problems, and there are those who will listen to you, understand you, and give competent advice.
Show interest in the subject of conversation . In a conversation, it is important to find common ground. Unfortunately, the topic proposed by the interlocutor is not always interesting for the other person. In this case, you should not show your indifference by all appearances. The effectiveness of such a conversation is zero. You should politely listen to the person and delicately lead him to a topic that will be mutually interesting.
Avoid negativity towards your interlocutor . Sometimes it seems that only your own opinion is correct, and what others say is absurd. You should not undermine people's trust by proving to them that you are right and ridiculing their theories. It should be remembered that any opinion has the right to exist.

A respectful attitude brings people closer together and makes communication comfortable and enjoyable.

By following these recommendations, you can gradually significantly improve your communication skills. The main thing is not to expect results to appear very quickly, and not to torture yourself with unhealthy criticism.

Now I will tell you 15 psychological tricks to attract a person and make him your friend

1) Spend more time together

. Most often, the best friends are made from former neighbors; perhaps you lived together on the same street or in the same front door and you had a chance to make friends, but life scattered you. But don’t despair, because continuous communication, at least on the Internet, will strengthen your connection. But do not forget that the person must be reciprocal with you.

2) Say kind words to your interlocutor more often.

Anyone loves praise, and Gretchen Rubin, author of the book “The Happiness Project,” was able to prove this. Dreams. Plan. New life". If you praise a person and say how cool he is, then the interlocutor involuntarily thinks about you the same way, but you shouldn’t go too far, because any praise should be appropriate from the category: “Your hair is very cool” or “You look so cool today.” And remember, good praise is like sweets, you can’t overdo it.

3) Notice your similarities, not your differences.

. This will make it easier for you to establish contact, because you know what to talk about, and you become more relaxed when you understand the topic of conversation. Don't try to find differences unless you want to find a positive in them, of course.

4) Be NOT perfect
. Yes, yes, you don’t need to pretend to be an ideal interlocutor (or interlocutor) to attract a person’s attention. According to the theory of the “landing in a puddle” effect, people like us more when we make a small mistake, for example: you are walking with a person, bought yourself an ice cream and accidentally got your nose dirty. This will seem funny to the person, and he will begin to understand that he can also make mistakes, and subsequently he will be less nervous. But if your rating in his eyes is average, then by doing such an act, you can only make things worse, so I advise you to immediately show your best side.

5) Open up to the person.

No matter how scary it may be, believe me, this will definitely help you. Don't be shy to answer questions and ask them yourself. Lists of questions to make a person fall in love with you can be very helpful with this.

6) Develop your hobbies and interests.

Imagine how cool it is when you find someone with the same interests? Especially if you are either at the same level or are not very different in them, you can always give a hint somewhere and suggest an idea. So, develop yourself in more than one area, the more hobbies, the wider your horizons and that means more topics for conversation. But if you want to make friends with a group of people, then try to understand what unites them, and if you are interested in it, then you can dive into it headlong (not counting bad habits).

7) Don't be a waiter, call everyone yourself

. Unfortunately, not all people are active or they may be afraid to invite you (suddenly you are busy), and you prove the opposite and invite yourself, not only will you make friends, you will also become bolder, because we understand how difficult it is for you to decide to similar, but don't be shy. Nobody will bite you.

Don't be afraid to smile when talking and relax your body

. Psychologically, people perceive a cheerful and relaxed interlocutor better, because through animal instincts we understand that the interlocutor does not pose a threat. This means you can relax yourself. Imagine a sad person with his arms crossed or holding a bag in his hands, covering his torso. It's unpleasant, isn't it? You understand that the person is not comfortable and wants to leave as quickly as possible. So don’t do that either!

9) Copy a person's habits

. This is also an important element of communication. A person by nature is self-oriented, and it is more pleasant for him when he communicates with a person who is similar to him, because we tend to be friends and communicate with those who are similar to us. When speaking, try to imitate the person’s movements or the way he stands. This subconsciously shows the person that you are identical and he will want to have a further connection with you.

10) Start the topic with something simple

. If you want to start a conversation with a person, then create a conversation in the form of a casual conversation. For example, “And the title of the slowest elevator in the world goes to... our elevator!”, “Is this a portrait of one of the founding fathers of the agency?”

11) Don't answer in monosyllables
. Have you noticed that communication quickly stops when you answer in monosyllables like “No”, “Probably”, etc.? But in reality this is not possible, because if you want to start a conversation and make friends, you need to develop the topic and be more open, as explained in point 5.

12) Do not be a bore

. Dose out information, because no one will be completely interested in your life and how you painted a portrait of Dostoevsky with dirt as a child. Go into details, but do not go into a huge lecture, because a person perceives the first 10 seconds of information, and if you could not attract him, then he will simply stop listening or pretend that he is interested, although he is not. Keep it simple, don't complicate it.

13) Offer your help

. This kind of courtesy is not difficult, but it is a powerful key to trust in you, because you can be relied on.

14) Touch

. It does NOT have to be a tight hug, a light hug with one arm or a handshake when greeting is enough, and pats on the shoulder are also welcome, but don’t go too far, because you can violate the person’s personal space, which will have a bad effect on your relationship.

15) Broadcast the “we” position

. Do you remember the phrase from the cartoon "Mowgli"? She was like, “You and I are of the same blood! You and me!". Remember what you could do that was the same as your interlocutor? Maybe you bought the same chocolate bar or do you remember when you first started playing musical instruments? Apply all this, don’t be afraid, because shared experiences or events bring people closer together.

But the most important rule in communication is to be yourself, because by pretending to be another person, it will be harder for you to seem like one and people will quickly understand this, so don’t be ashamed of your nature and be bolder.

“It’s scary to initiate communication”

It may be difficult for you to approach the person you are interested in and start communicating. You are afraid that your behavior will be perceived as inappropriate, unpleasant, or disturbing. Won't they ignore me, won't they turn me away? After all, next time it will be even more difficult to get closer and make an attempt.

These are completely normal experiences. Most people are scared and anxious to take the first step towards. This requires effort, courage, and a little bit of overcoming yourself. But there are ways to alleviate this condition.

First, choose people who seem least dangerous to you - usually in any team there are kind, sympathetic, pleasant interlocutors who do not try to humiliate others or put them in an awkward situation.

If such people have not yet come to your mind, take some time to observe - imagine that you are a spy or secret agent and you need to collect information about your team. You can even take notes.

Secondly, start with small steps - if you are anxious, do not break yourself and start a large-scale discussion in the cafeteria. Give someone you like a compliment about work or study. Next time, ask about something more personal. Gradually the relationship will begin.

"They don't understand me"

Perhaps you find it difficult to communicate because you do not find understanding with the people around you. For example, your interests seem strange or boring to them. And what interests these people, in turn, is not interesting to you.

There are also two approaches here.

The first is to look for communication based on interests. Thanks to the Internet, this has turned from a big problem into an adventure. It has become easy to find like-minded people in any corner of the world, in any language. Common interests sometimes unite people stronger than family ties.

The second is to refocus from intellect to emotions. Sharing information is just one component of communication. An equally important part is the emotional exchange, receiving positive feedback. “I’m here and you’re here, I’m good and you’re good, I notice you and you notice me.”

If in your life there is a lot of forced communication with people whose interests are alien to you, try to perceive the emotional message that is being conveyed to you. Whether a person is happy or upset, afraid of something or relaxed. “I see that you are happy with this purchase.” “You seem scared of this situation.” Such communication can be no less exciting.

In turn, you can also share your emotions, not just information. Tell us not about a specific concert of an underground and little-known band, but about the emotions you experienced at this concert. Emotions are what unites people from all walks of life.