Many people were spanked by their own parents as children, so they consider it acceptable to use the same discipline methods on their children. According to some reports, more than 300 million children are subjected to such punishment, while spanking is light, does not cause pain, but only corrects behavior.
For centuries, this system of education existed in almost every family, and adults did not particularly think about whether it was possible to hit a child on the bottom. Scientists have come to the defense of the younger generation, whose research has confirmed that this technique leads to unpleasant consequences for them, both physiologically and emotionally.
Let's figure out whether it is possible to hit a child on the butt with your hand, how adequate such punishment is, whether the use of a belt is justified, and whether it is worthwhile to practice punishing young children at all.
About aggression
There is a taboo on aggression in society. This is a condition for survival, but it also applies to games. Not everyone admits to the need to inflict or experience pain for sexual satisfaction. People are afraid of their partner’s reaction—condemnation. However, in the intimate sphere, social rules cease to apply. There, the partners come up with the rules themselves. Each couple has their own sexual script. What outsiders would condemn can bring true pleasure to both.
Many human fantasies need not only fulfillment, but also attention. By ruling or submitting, attacking, inflicting pain or receiving it, a person finds ways to experience real delight.
Punishing children on the bottom
Who among us was not punished on the butt as a child? Probably everyone. But this in no way means that you need to try the same model of education on your fidgets. Why? Let's think logically. The kid did something wrong, the angry parent begins to spank him on the butt, saying “I’ll show you now and explain it in the best possible way, you’ll get it from me.” Tell me, what can the little fidget learn from this situation? He will simply understand that dad or mom is stronger than him and can show his strength at any moment. But, punishing children with spanking
the conflict does not exhaust itself, but, on the contrary, provokes the emergence of another crisis in relations. Therefore, parents need to understand that force is not the best way to deal with children's disobedience.
Plus, experts have proven that you can’t hit girls on the bottom. In the future, this may negatively affect the baby’s reproductive functions.
If you find out about violence against someone else's child
Punishment differs from punishment, and sometimes ears and butts are not the only witnesses to fleeting parental anti-humanism. Alas, sometimes under the guise of parent-child relationships there are many unpleasant things that are unsightly to society.
And if you have witnessed (seen, heard or learned) violence against a minor, you need to take action. Wrong tactics: knock on your neighbors’ door and announce that you will go to the local police officer or give a short lecture about the education system. Correct: consult with a lawyer, a school psychologist, a police officer you know, and then take action together with the guardianship authorities or the same psychologist. Perhaps by discussing further behavior with them and the child in advance.
If you already have a child in your arms with signs of beatings, you need to take him to the hospital, record the fact of physical violence, and only then decide what to do next.
Why can't you hit a child?
Fortunately, many adults who use physical punishment on children know how to stop in time and do not hit them with full force.
However, even a light blow (especially to the head) can harm a child’s body. And the younger the child, the more serious the consequences. Moreover, many of them are invisible to a non-specialist.
If you do not take into account very severe cases of violence against children in the family, you can find a huge number of parents who periodically allow themselves to resort to corporal punishment. They are convinced that it is possible to hit a child on the hands or a soft spot, since such measures do not harm health, but have a good educational effect
Why are physical education methods dangerous?
Many parents are confident that having suffered assault at an early age without consequences, they can use the same methods on their children. Is this so, is it possible to spank a child on the bottom if upbringing requires it? It is strictly forbidden to beat children, even for educational purposes!
This can offend the baby, hurt him and cause retaliatory aggression. By spanking children, adults are then surprised by the manifestations of cruelty as they grow up. Other consequences are also possible: lack of self-confidence, fear of taking initiative.
What does domestic violence lead to:
- receiving mental trauma;
- bodily injuries;
- increase in aggression;
- responses in the form of attempts to do things exclusively in defiance;
- vindictiveness.
All these symptoms do not appear immediately in childhood; they become noticeable as they grow up and gain independence. Why can’t you hit a small child with your hand (even lightly); why is such an impact dangerous?
The fear of being punished in a baby has a physical basis - problems with the excretory systems begin (enuresis), the throat tightens, and the breath is taken away. Parents should constantly remember these possible problems, especially when they wonder whether it is possible to hit a child on the butt with a hand.
Reasons for children's disobedience
Children often go against their parents, refusing to behave well or doing the exact opposite. As psychologists have found, there are several reasons for this:
- desire to assert oneself;
- an attempt to attract parental attention;
- persistence in contradicting adults;
- diffidence;
- mistakes in education;
- excessive expectations from your child.
Each toddler is a unique personality, and as soon as he begins to think, he perceives himself as an independent person, remaining a baby in the eyes of adults. If you constantly pull him back and get irritated by his attempts to do something, then the psyche can suffer, and self-esteem can greatly decrease.
Is it possible to hit a child's hands?
For many parents, slapping their children’s hands is already a reflex: if the baby reaches for an outlet or dangerous objects, the blow will not take long to arrive. Where are the words and explanations? No, a parent's "don't" doesn't count. Children don’t understand why they can’t, they wonder what will happen if they try to touch the socket. Understand that the baby is developing, he is attracted to everything, even what is forbidden. And the prohibitions arouse even greater interest in exploring this or that object. Only by arguing for the established prohibitions can we achieve children's obedience.
All parents know that by developing the fine motor skills of the baby’s hands, his speech apparatus is simultaneously improved. Not only does beating destroy the emotional-cognitive process, it can also cause a slowdown in speech development. This is why you should not hit a child’s hands. Does your baby not speak for a long time? Reconsider your parenting methods.
How does a small child feel during physical punishment?
Psychotherapists have proven that a child feels fear and shame during physical punishment. Regular and prolonged experience of these feelings leads to stimulation of the amygdala.
The child is in a state of chronic stress. It negatively affects not only mental but also physical health. First of all, the immune system and nervous system suffer.
Ultimately, the baby does not know how to react to stress; fear dulls his sensitivity. The principle begins to take effect - so what, it doesn’t hurt me. Such emotions of a child are another argument why you should not hit children on the butt and not only on it.
Psychologists have found that even shouting and death threats have a negative impact on the child. It is very difficult to cope with your emotions in a crisis situation, and you start shouting at the baby: “Now you will get it from me”!
Fear of possible punishment and uncertainty are stronger than fear of pain. As a result, the child becomes aggressive. You begin to feel like he is provoking you. As a result, you lose your temper and spank the baby.
It turns out to be a vicious circle. The longer this goes on, the less the baby trusts you. Attachment, the key to the normal development of the child’s psyche, collapses.
Body access
Physical punishment has two not entirely obvious, but negative manifestations: deprivation of movement and deprivation of physical contact. The latter refers more to psychological violence, but it is often one of a number of measures that a parent takes in a state of emotional stress.
Examples of deprivation of movement are being put in a corner, or being forced to sit in your room, or going to bed at 4 pm. If being locked in a room is controversial, but not so unpleasant, then being locked in one position - standing in the corner, tossing and turning in bed, when everyone is playing football or going to the cinema - is the same dead-end remedy as slaps in the face. What are the consequences? Neuroses, overexertion, acquiring a lot of bad habits - from obsessive internal dialogue to sabotage: biting nails, pinching yourself, and so on.
Deprivation of physical contact means deprivation of parental warmth and attention for some time. It would seem that everything is logical - after all, if an adult offends us and we don’t want to see him for some time, that’s what we do. But in relation to a child, such tactics do not work.
“If they don’t talk to a child “for edification” for a while or don’t specifically notice him,” says Christina, “the parents send a rather scary message to the younger family member: “You’re not here.”
The child thinks: “If the whole world rejects you and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, then I don’t exist.”
If you really need to cool down and collect your thoughts, do not give it in an ultimatum form, telling your child to leave you alone - leave him alone with another significant adult, and go out to get some air for a while.”
Familiar and Unfamiliar
Many girls like it when their acquaintances clap them, stroke their butts and curves. This is perceived as a possessive sign - like, yes, I am his female. In addition, such pranks promote a rush of blood to the pelvic organs - this excites and puts you in a playful mood. But only if the guy is nice.
Do women and girls like it when strangers stroke them, slap them on the butt and generally below the waist? More likely no than yes. This is perceived as arrogance, rudeness and harassment. Actually, such a Don Juan can be attracted under the article. Not to mention getting a good slap in the face.
An alternative to corporal punishment, or how to punish a child
Manifestation of weakness, lack of certain pedagogical knowledge and skills among parents leads to physical punishment of children. How to punish a child without harming him? You can't hit children on the bottom, use an alternative. What you need for this:
- It is necessary to switch the child's attention to something else.
- You should captivate the little one with such an activity so that he stops playing around.
- Come up with new entertainment to encourage your baby, and not vice versa. For example, you can put all the scattered toys in a box. Read him his favorite book or bedtime story.
- Kiss and hug your baby so he can feel your warmth and love. Spend more free time with him.
- Replace corporal punishment with more loyal methods (don't go for a walk, turn off the TV, take away the tablet).
Treat your children’s pranks philosophically, projecting the entire spectrum of actions onto yourself. Try to communicate more with your children, create trusting relationships with each other, and then the problems will become much less. Learn to deal with problems without punishment. It is important for parents to understand that children should not be hit on the bottom under any circumstances!
General characteristics of the educational process
From the first movements, the baby is subject to correction of his actions by adults: “quit immediately”, “don’t go there”, “don’t do that” and much more. Parents do this for educational purposes, while developing a certain parenting style:
- Authoritarian - education is reminiscent of animal training or army drill. The baby must strictly follow the instructions of adults so as not to be punished. Children are forced to get used to such treatment, although some experience hysterical manifestations, causing adults to need to physically impose orders (they may spank them with a belt or slap them on the back of the head).
- Democratic – constant communication with the toddler, giving him the right to his opinion and position. This style is characteristic of parents who invest as much as possible in the educational process and strive to form a holistic personality in their child.
- Mixed – the famous “carrot and stick”, when adults navigate according to circumstances, tightening restrictions or loosening them. Typically, this technique is used when there is not a lot of time for education - in the case of an offense, light punishment and the introduction of restrictions, in case of obedience and good behavior - rewards and a comfortable mode of growing up.
