Why people don’t make eye contact: the desire to hide emotions, possible reasons and opinions of psychologists

• November 3, 2018
• Psychology of communication
• Anatoly Ivanov

In this article we'll look at why people don't make eye contact. There are several explanations for the origin of this phenomenon. A number of experts say that people who avoid direct eye contact are simply afraid of being caught in a lie. Other scientists believe it's a matter of fear that staring too closely will be seen as threatening or intrusive.

So what does the interlocutor’s reluctance to make eye contact during a conversation actually mean?

What should you focus on?

So, let's figure out why people don't make eye contact. If you constantly have to deal with such a feature of a person, an uncomfortable feeling appears during communication. It is not easy to have a conversation even on abstract topics. They look into such a person’s face, but he deliberately looks away. When addressing him, he looks at another part of the face (lips, chin) or, generally, to the side. If he happens to look straight into your eyes for a moment, he will immediately look away or even move away a little after such a moment, as if from an electric shock.

This feature, however, can have completely different explanations. To better understand the origin of the phenomenon when some people cannot look people in the eye, you need to pay attention to the following points:

• does a person look away when communicating with other people, or does this only apply to you;
• is this feature due to the topic of the conversation (work, personal life, gossip, etc.);
• what can make him look straight into his eyes for a while (anger, distrust, fear, laughter, surprise);
• does such a habit depend on his gender (for example, a person communicates normally with representatives of his own sex, but averts his eyes with those of the opposite sex and vice versa);
• Is such a person generally characterized by reticence, or is he quite sociable?

Social phobia. The essence of social phobia

Recently, it has become popular to call oneself a social phobe (especially among young people), moreover, in the erroneous understanding of this word.

• Firstly, this is not hatred of people, as many people believe.
• Secondly, real social phobia is an extremely unpleasant condition that prevents a person from living.

So, social phobia, or social phobia, is fear of society, certain social situations or social contacts. The impossibility of building them is due to certain internal reasons (not always conscious), but not from reluctance. I suggest you immediately get acquainted with the supporting points of this question, which I will explain and comment on along the way or later.

1. Social phobia belongs to the group of anxiety-phobic disorders. In the international classification of diseases it is assigned code F1.
2. In total, about 8% of people experience social phobia. Women (9.5%) suffer from social anxiety more often than men (4.9%). This is due to the natural emotionality of the fair sex, the desire to always look perfect. Stereotypes and social pressure also play a significant role (for example, it is more difficult for women to advance in politics; they literally have no room for error).
3. An important difference between social phobia and other disorders is that a person realizes the groundlessness of his fears or, on the contrary, clearly sees the “roots” (previous experience).
4. Social phobia is a variant of the body’s psychological defense mechanism.
5. When faced with a difficult situation for a person, the body turns on defense mechanisms. They are not always recognized by the individual and often make the situation even worse. The most common psychological defense mechanisms for social phobia are regression (child’s behavior), substitution (slamming the door, “breaking down” on another person), projection (transferring responsibility for failure to circumstances or another person).
6. Psychological fear is always reflected by physical, in this case psychosomatic, disorders.
7. Fear destroys personality. There is nothing left in life except phobia. Life turns into existence. We need to fight this.

Possible reasons

Why people don’t make eye contact is interesting to many. There may be the following reasons for this phenomenon:

• The person feels sympathy for you and is very embarrassed by the realization of this fact. He tries with all his might to hide his feelings or wants to show them, but, in general, has no idea how to do this. He gets hot when you address him, his legs become weak, his answers are indistinct and confused, and he is angry with himself for this. The eyes are averted intuitively, because due to a direct gaze, the poor fellow will be completely unsettled.
• You are an extremely unpleasant person. In some cases, such strong hostility appears without any reason for it. I just don’t like the person at all, everything about him is repulsive. In this case, you can see that avoiding direct gaze is not the only feature of communicating with him. Because he, in principle, tries to avoid communication, ignores the presence of an unwanted interlocutor, never addresses him himself, only responding to an appeal, and then does so reluctantly. Why is a person afraid to look into the eyes?
• The person doesn't trust you. By averting his eyes, the interlocutor seeks to hide his emotions, feelings and thoughts; he does not want anyone to guess about them. In such a case, however, a certain degree of mistrust will be shown towards someone else. Secrecy, as a rule, is not an individual trait: you either don’t have it, or you have it.
• The person feels embarrassed in your presence. This can be observed when, for example, a person is in a new company and has not yet gotten used to it. Or your eccentricity, assertiveness, openness and impulsiveness are so dissonant with his shyness and modesty that when you appear, he subconsciously tries to shrink into a ball, avoiding direct gaze.

Many people often complain: “I can’t look my interlocutor in the eyes.” What does this mean according to scientists?

Fear of electricity. Electrophobia, what is it? How to get rid of fear

Electrophobia is one of the types of phobic fears, based on the fear of electricity and all devices operating from the power supply. Since in the modern world almost all equipment (irons, computers, kettles, refrigerators, hair dryers and other appliances) work from the electrical network, this phobia is considered one one of the most painful. Most often, fear is based on an electric shock suffered in childhood or adulthood, as a result of which a person may later have a painful attitude towards everything connected with electricity.

Symptoms of electrophobia

A clear sign of electrophobia is the fear of electricity.

In addition, the phobia has physical manifestations of the following nature:

• a sharp increase or decrease in blood pressure;
• cardiopalmus;
• dilated pupils;
• tremor in the limbs;
• increased sweating;
• change in skin color
• and etc.

Cause of electrophobia

Fear is a basic reaction that is designed to protect a person in a dangerous situation. It doesn’t matter whether the situation poses a real threat to life or an imaginary one, fear always works the same way.

The causes of electrophobia can be very diverse. Psychologists associate the development of a phobia with the influence of one of the following factors:

1. The genetic aspect - electrophobia, could arise as a result of related transmission. Perhaps in your generation, someone experienced the same fear and now you have inherited it.
2. Traumatic event in childhood - in most cases, the source of the development of fears is a traumatic event that occurred in childhood. Due to the fact that the event was of a long-standing nature, it was forgotten in the conscious mind and deposited in the subconscious.
3. Bad experience - if a person performed an action and it brought a result that was not expected, then fear may arise as a result.
4. Imposed fear - since a person belongs to a social species, he is accordingly subject to the influence of his fellows. Fear is a contagious phenomenon, so electrophobia could arise as a result of information received from friends, the media, books, films and other sources.
5. Depression - mental disorders and stress greatly exhaust the body. As a result, the resources to maintain an active state are becoming less and less. Which leads to the emergence of various phobias and fears.

How to get rid of electrophobia?

The simplest and most famous way to get rid of electrophobia is to overcome this fear through willpower. However, in practice, not everyone is capable of this. Therefore, in psychological practice, she uses slightly different approaches.

Pharmacological approach

To treat fears, as well as other psychological disorders, drugs of different groups are used.

• Tranquilizers: Afobazol, Phenazepam, Tenoten, Trioxazin;
• Antidepressants: “Amizol”, “Reboxetine”, “Autorix”;
• Hypnotics: Zopiclone, Relaxone, Zolpidem;
• Neuroleptics: Aminazine, Clopixol, Eglonil.

Please note that self-treatment can lead to unpredictable consequences. Since many of the drugs listed here have a large number of side effects. Only the attending physician can determine the dosage and duration of the course.

Psychological approach

Most often, I use a psychological approach to treat fears and phobias. Its use is justified because it allows you to achieve quick and sustainable results. The most common practices among psychologists are the following:

• Psychotherapy - the root cause of fear is determined with the patient. After which, it is worked on at a deep level of the subconscious.
• Psycho-correction - the essence is to simulate special situations, having coped with which, a person gets rid of fear.
• Hypnosis - a specialist takes a person into a trance state in which he imposes the correct reaction to a stimulus.
• Autogenic training - as a result of regular autogenic training, a person’s stress level decreases. Which accordingly makes his condition easier.

In medical psychology, complex methods and approaches are mainly used to overcome fears and phobias. Of all their diversity, the NO Fear course stands out. With its help, you can overcome fear in just 14 days. The effectiveness of the technique used has already been recognized by many practicing psychologists.

Research by Japanese scientists

Japanese scientists from Kyoto University conducted a study that showed that when making eye contact, a person is distracted and cannot direct his thoughts to something other than the topic of the conversation. This means that many people avoid making eye contact during dialogue in order to avoid overloading their brain unnecessarily.

Experts also remind that the effect of eye contact on the brain was previously established in another study, when Italian scientists found that sometimes people who were asked to look into someone's eyes for ten minutes began to hallucinate after a while.

True and false "I"

The first concept is an objective assessment of one’s strengths and capabilities, love and understanding of oneself. The true “I” is formed from the love of parents, when dad and mom not only love the child, but also help him understand what he feels, how to manage this feeling, fight negativity, and draw the right conclusions.

The false “I” is formed in the so-called unloved children, who were not given due attention and were not taught everything that was described above. The child cannot understand what is normal and what is unacceptable in relation to feelings and emotions. He always tries to please his parents in everything, and if he doesn’t succeed, he feels shame. This continues throughout life. Once you make a mistake, you feel ashamed. Sometimes people are ashamed even of other people's mistakes, taking them as their own.

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Explanation from the perspective of neurolinguistics

Neurolinguists also offer their own version of why a person does not make eye contact. In their opinion, such behavior depends on what kind of thinking he has. Thus, visual learners use visual images, and it is important for them to focus on the eyes in order to “read” missing information. Auditory learners focus on sounds. And therefore, most likely, they will listen to the intonation and timbre of the voice, looking to the side. Kinesthetics, based on tactile sensations and intuition, try to touch a person during communication, shake hands, hug, and look down at the same time.

Imposter syndrome

People who constantly feel shame cannot afford to become successful. If they managed to move up the career ladder, they will be ashamed that such happiness fell to them, and not to other colleagues. A person cannot understand that he deserved it through his work. It seems to him that this is just a happy accident that he does not deserve. Such people are ashamed in front of their partners, because they do not understand how they can truly love them. And even if the relationship develops ideally at first, over time, constant concessions, sacrifice and the feeling of “guilty without guilt” begin to irritate the partner. He either begins to manipulate the weak person or breaks off the relationship.

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Is the person lying?

There is such an established stereotype: a person cannot look his interlocutor in the eyes while lying. But British psychologists from the University of Portsmouth are convinced that everything is happening quite the opposite. When a person tells a lie, he wants to make sure that it is really accepted by the interlocutor, and therefore he continuously watches his emotions and looks intently into his eyes.

Excessive self-criticism

Some people who lack a sense of their true self constantly criticize themselves. Once they make a mistake (often those around them don’t even notice it), this mistake haunts them. When they meet people who were present, they are afraid to look up at them. At home, before going to bed, they constantly think about what happened, and reproach themselves in every possible way for this omission. Self-criticism and self-examination are so strong that they do not provide the opportunity to do usual things and build relationships with people. It seems to a person that now everyone will tell everyone about him, and he becomes ashamed in advance in front of the whole world.

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Psychologists' opinions

If a person avoids looking directly into the eyes of his interlocutor, then he has a specific reason for this. Before you look for a solution to such a problem, you need to make sure that you really want it. For example, if a person experiences strong hostility, it may be worthwhile to increase the distance as much as possible to avoid unpleasant situations in the future. In all other cases, you can find a solution to why a person avoids making eye contact

Sometimes it's enough to just wait a little. Once the person gets to know you better and gets used to it, perhaps such awkwardness will disappear on its own. In this case, you need to show tact and patience, give him the opportunity to open up on his own. Usually, openness, sincerity and a kind attitude sooner or later melt even the coldest communication. When a person is in love with you, you need to at least somehow hint at reciprocity, otherwise he may never dare to take the first step. We looked at why people don't make eye contact.

Fear of the dark - what is this phobia called, why does fear arise and how to fight it

People in the world are afraid of different things. It is difficult to list all the imaginary and real threats that are accompanied by negative emotions. Of these, fear of the dark is the most ancient fear, so familiar to many.

Fear of the Dark

Name and definition of fear of the dark

Of all the phobias known today, fear of the dark remains the most common among children and adults. Few people have not experienced fear when suddenly left alone in pitch darkness. Psychologists distinguish between fear and phobia. Real acute fear includes the instinct of self-preservation: there is danger, you need to save yourself or defend yourself. Such a reaction cannot be called a phobia.

Neurotic unreasonable fear is already a phobia. A person experiences unaccountable, persistent fear even in a safe situation. Anxiety is accompanied by certain symptoms. That is, phobias are fears expressed more strongly and vividly, which negatively affect a person’s well-being and activities and interfere with his normal life. They are considered a mental disorder. According to statistics, more than 10% of the world's population is susceptible to a phobia called nyctophobia.

By definition, nyctophobia is an uncontrollable fear of a dark room or unlit area. Sometimes nyctophobia is confused with a fear of enclosed spaces. This is wrong. A person suffering from a fear of the dark can safely stay indoors as long as there is light there.

Symptoms of a phobia

Not everyone knows what the fear of the dark is scientifically called. Any healthy person in a dark room or area feels uncertainty and discomfort. The sense of self-preservation prompts one to be wary of dark streets, basements and entrances. When extreme horror and panic sets in, and you want to scream and run for your life, this is nyctophobia.

Characteristic physical symptoms of the disease:

• strong heartbeat;
• dyspnea;
• tinnitus, dizziness;
• increased sweating, chills;
• weakness in the body, loss of voice;
• tremor of the limbs;
• pressure surges;
• headache;
• insomnia, nightmares;
• nausea, diarrhea;
• the appearance of hallucinations.

Symptoms

Why are people afraid of the night and darkness?

Not everyone understands what Nyctophobia is. The fear of the dark goes back to the primitive past, when our ancestors felt unprotected in the dark. The natural fear of being caught by surprise at night by enemies or predatory animals forced us to look for or build a reliable shelter and come up with different methods of protection. Uncontrollable fear of the dark is a special emotional state that occurs for a number of reasons:

1. Genetic roots. Our distant ancestors left us a legacy of fear and anxiety in the face of the unknown, fraught with many threats, darkness. Fear sharpened the sense of self-preservation and helped to survive in the wild.
2. Physiological. Without light, human organs receive little information to avoid danger.
3. Psychological trauma. Negative childhood experiences and severe fear can develop into a phobia.
4. Loneliness. Often a person experiences a heightened sense of insecurity in the evening and at night when left alone in a room. The darkness intensifies his fears many times over.
5. Developed imagination. Some children and adults, thanks to their imagination, can see the most unusual and bizarre shapes in the dark. They imagine fantastic creatures, ghosts and robbers.
6. Stress. Due to strong emotional experiences, a person begins to imagine danger everywhere.
7. Lack of vitamins and microelements. The lack of essential substances in the diet disrupts mental stability, causing anxiety and panic attacks.
8. Threat of death. This is the main subconscious reason for the appearance of nyctophobia. Human consciousness connects death and darkness.