- November 3, 2018
- Psychology of communication
- Anatoly Ivanov
In this article we'll look at why people don't make eye contact. There are several explanations for the origin of this phenomenon. A number of experts say that people who avoid direct eye contact are simply afraid of being caught in a lie. Other scientists believe it's a matter of fear that staring too closely will be seen as threatening or intrusive.
So what does the interlocutor’s reluctance to make eye contact during a conversation actually mean?
What should you focus on?
So, let's figure out why people don't make eye contact. If you constantly have to deal with such a feature of a person, an uncomfortable feeling appears during communication. It is not easy to have a conversation even on abstract topics. They look into such a person’s face, but he deliberately looks away. When addressing him, he looks at another part of the face (lips, chin) or, generally, to the side. If he happens to look straight into your eyes for a moment, he will immediately look away or even move away a little after such a moment, as if from an electric shock.
This feature, however, can have completely different explanations. To better understand the origin of the phenomenon when some people cannot look people in the eye, you need to pay attention to the following points:
- does a person look away when communicating with other people, or does this only apply to you;
- is this feature due to the topic of the conversation (work, personal life, gossip, etc.);
- what can make him look straight into his eyes for a while (anger, distrust, fear, laughter, surprise);
- does such a habit depend on his gender (for example, a person communicates normally with representatives of his own sex, but averts his eyes with those of the opposite sex and vice versa);
- Is such a person generally characterized by reticence, or is he quite sociable?
How to decipher the way you look at your interlocutor during a business meeting or date
During a business conversation, you should correctly evaluate the visual signals of your interlocutor. A long, direct gaze reveals a domineering nature, a desire to subjugate interlocutors. It can only be allowed by a superior in the direction of a subordinate. Downcast eyes (especially in combination with a bowed head) are a symbol of submission. Between equal partners, it is acceptable to exchange short, friendly glances to complement communication.
During a romantic date, a man looks at a woman hidden: direct looking is regarded as a threat. The male gaze is defiant, so he can only respond to a woman’s attention, but not directly show interest. For romantic communication, a woman is the initiator. She can openly look at the man she likes, inviting him to get acquainted. It is acceptable for a woman to look directly and defiantly - this is not a threat, but interest.
Possible reasons
Why people don’t make eye contact is interesting to many. There may be the following reasons for this phenomenon:
- The person feels sympathy for you and is very embarrassed by the realization of this fact. He tries with all his might to hide his feelings or wants to show them, but, in general, has no idea how to do this. He gets hot when you address him, his legs become weak, his answers are indistinct and confused, and he is angry with himself for this. The eyes are averted intuitively, because due to a direct gaze, the poor fellow will be completely unsettled.
- You are an extremely unpleasant person. In some cases, such strong hostility appears without any reason for it. I just don’t like the person at all, everything about him is repulsive. In this case, you can see that avoiding direct gaze is not the only feature of communicating with him. Because he, in principle, tries to avoid communication, ignores the presence of an unwanted interlocutor, never addresses him himself, only responding to an appeal, and then does so reluctantly. Why is a person afraid to look into the eyes?
- The person doesn't trust you. By averting his eyes, the interlocutor seeks to hide his emotions, feelings and thoughts; he does not want anyone to guess about them. In such a case, however, a certain degree of mistrust will be shown towards someone else. Secrecy, as a rule, is not an individual trait: you either don’t have it, or you have it.
- The person feels embarrassed in your presence. This can be observed when, for example, a person is in a new company and has not yet gotten used to it. Or your eccentricity, assertiveness, openness and impulsiveness are so dissonant with his shyness and modesty that when you appear, he subconsciously tries to shrink into a ball, avoiding direct gaze.
Many people often complain: “I can’t look my interlocutor in the eyes.” What does this mean according to scientists?
The smell of sweat
© www.likar.info
Strictly speaking, if a person sweats, it cannot be said unequivocally that he is a liar. A change in the level of sweating is one of the main signs of deception during a lie detector test, but many people tend to sweat intensely when they are very excited or stressed, so the smell of sweat can only serve as indirect evidence of deceit, however, if a person not only suddenly sweats, but also blushes and he even started to stutter, either he is extremely anxious, or he is hanging noodles on your ears.
Research by Japanese scientists
Japanese scientists from Kyoto University conducted a study that showed that when making eye contact, a person is distracted and cannot direct his thoughts to something other than the topic of the conversation. This means that many people avoid making eye contact during dialogue in order to avoid overloading their brain unnecessarily.
Experts also remind that the effect of eye contact on the brain was previously established in another study, when Italian scientists found that sometimes people who were asked to look into someone's eyes for ten minutes began to hallucinate after a while.
Eyes to eyes. The meaning of views
Attitude series:
Part 1 - What to wear on a first date to look your best? Part 2 - “What beast is inside a woman? or A woman is a mystery to a man..." ... Part 12 - Women's cunning, or How to make a man lose weight? Part 13 - How to meet a man Part 14 - Eye to eye. The meaning of looks Part 15 - Why do women love scoundrels? Part 16 - 3:0 in favor of a mistress or how to get rid of your wife... Part 22 - In the arms of a bitch, or How to attract a man Part 23 - How to become a bitch Part 24 - A bitch who wants to fall in love with a man for a long time and seriously must learn ten rules.
Series of messages from "men":
Part 1 - What to wear on a first date to look your best? Part 2 - How to make a guy fall in love with you... Part 13 - Women's cunning, or How to make a man lose weight? Part 14 - How to meet a man Part 15 - Eye to eye. The meaning of looks Part 16 - Dance Part 17 - Why do women love scoundrels? ... Part 25 - In the arms of a bitch, or How to attract a man Part 26 - How to become a bitch Part 27 - A bitch who wants to make a man fall in love for a long time and seriously must learn ten rules.
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Explanation from the perspective of neurolinguistics
Neurolinguists also offer their own version of why a person does not make eye contact. In their opinion, such behavior depends on what kind of thinking he has. Thus, visual learners use visual images, and it is important for them to focus on the eyes in order to “read” missing information. Auditory learners focus on sounds. And therefore, most likely, they will listen to the intonation and timbre of the voice, looking to the side. Kinesthetics, based on tactile sensations and intuition, try to touch a person during communication, shake hands, hug, and look down at the same time.
What does a girl's look mean? Fleeting, in your eyes, intent, and direct and long in your eyes?
Girls please explain what this means. I've been wondering for a long time what this could mean... Fleeting, in the eyes, intent (female), and direct and long in the eyes? well, these are not all types)) ) Views from the street, transport, passing by, meeting, just when I saw it. — I ask all trolls (m) not to write anything in this topic. Please don’t be stingy with the text, I really like to read)))
Dmitry unknown
It seems to me that you are missing the context (situation and environment) in which this happens. You can't pull it out like that. You can, of course, say that this means one thing and that means another, but I think that the meaning and reason are quite variable and depend on the situation in which they occur. Unfortunately, you did not describe the situation, so it is difficult for me to give a more specific answer... I add: the 1st is about nothing, we looked and that’s it (nothing significant happened =)) 2nd and 3rd Hmm, are you sure that only girls have such a reaction? (It matters...)
Is the person lying?
There is such an established stereotype: a person cannot look his interlocutor in the eyes while lying. But British psychologists from the University of Portsmouth are convinced that everything is happening quite the opposite. When a person tells a lie, he wants to make sure that it is really accepted by the interlocutor, and therefore he continuously watches his emotions and looks intently into his eyes.
Why can’t animals withstand a person’s direct gaze eye to eye for a long time???
Pavel a. Shilyagin
a close look into the eyes - a sight. a response glance is a challenge. It’s better to look not into the eyes, but between them - precisely while aiming. the animal understands that it can be attacked - and if it does not consider itself capable of resisting - it will look away, refusing to fight and admitting defeat. and if it believes that it can win, then it will rush - if it decides that it’s time to teach your self-confidence a lesson. This is why all dog owners are recommended to play staring contest with their pet - and force him to look away every time.
Gatto
because in animals a long gaze has a threatening character, a readiness to attack, and even domestic animals instinctively look away “apparently scary,” although not always, for example, there were cases when, after such experiments on dogs, they rushed at people.
Vlango
Why can't he stand it? My cat and I stared into each other’s eyes for a long time out of curiosity, then I got tired of it. She is very capricious, but loyal. Anything is possible with your pet; eye to eye is not a sign of aggression, but a sign of interest in each other. If there is interest, he will watch. Another question is who the domestic cat considers itself in relation to a person - a slave, a subordinate, a friend, a cohabitant, a competitor, a partner, a master or a god.
Psychologists' opinions
If a person avoids looking directly into the eyes of his interlocutor, then he has a specific reason for this. Before you look for a solution to such a problem, you need to make sure that you really want it. For example, if a person experiences strong hostility, it may be worthwhile to increase the distance as much as possible to avoid unpleasant situations in the future. In all other cases, you can find a solution to why a person avoids making eye contact
Sometimes it's enough to just wait a little. Once the person gets to know you better and gets used to it, perhaps such awkwardness will disappear on its own. In this case, you need to show tact and patience, give him the opportunity to open up on his own. Usually, openness, sincerity and a kind attitude sooner or later melt even the coldest communication. When a person is in love with you, you need to at least somehow hint at reciprocity, otherwise he may never dare to take the first step. We looked at why people don't make eye contact.
