Why doesn’t a man talk about his feelings and say that he loves, psychology

Why doesn’t my husband say that he loves me is a common question in my consultations. Over 12 years of practice, different women came, but the problem of a man not talking about his love came up quite often. Based on practical experience, in this article I will tell you about 9 reasons for the silence of men.

I would like to note, because I work more with married couples, so the discussion in this article will be about married couples or people in long-term relationships.

Individual restraint

There are naturally shy young men who do not know how to pronounce loud words. They cannot apply any eulogies to their personality. Somewhere deep down in their souls they consider themselves unworthy of the highest happiness. Restraint comes from the habit of acting in a certain way, it consists of character traits.

In most cases, the surrounding reality does not in any way contribute to the manifestation of personal activity. The conditions of modern reality often require a certain resourcefulness from a person, the ability to bring the work started to its logical conclusion. It is impossible to see any practical result in feelings, so they are often swept aside. Individual restraint is a good reason why a guy doesn’t say he loves you. He simply does not consider it necessary to utter these words. It must be good for him anyway.

Relationship dissatisfaction

Sometimes it becomes really difficult for people to learn to understand each other. Frequent conflicts provoke new quarrels, which do not add optimism. If a guy stops saying that he loves you, you need to understand the situation well. It is necessary to find out why his behavior changed. Maybe you inadvertently offended him in some way, hurt his best feelings. The reasons can be completely different. Dissatisfaction with a relationship is a warning sign that you should definitely pay attention to. It happens that interest disappears, the feeling of novelty is lost. You must strive to understand your partner very well, to feel what is happening to him.

How does a man show his feelings?

Do you like receiving gifts? After all, if your husband gives you something, and especially if something is important and necessary for you, then it’s doubly pleasant. For many men, a gift is a manifestation of his love for you. When presenting a gift, even a small trifle, he communicates between the lines that you are for him:

important;
darling;
he remembers about you;
he wants to please you;
wants to see your joy;
he loves you.

Yes, there are men who don’t give gifts; they think it’s not important, not obligatory. It is possible that they were raised this way, and in their parental family, little attention was paid to gifts, and they were not the main manifestation of love.

And I would like to add that for some men, gifts are the main language of love; in another way, they simply do not know how to show their love. And they feel love for themselves, also through gifts.

In family life, much is taken for granted, and it seems that some actions are not at all important and do not have any impact on the quality of the relationship. But that's not true...

If your husband, at your request, gives you his attention and time, then it is quite possible that this is how his love for you is manifested.

For example, you love the theater or like to go to concerts, and naturally you want your husband to be next to you.

Some men outright refuse to visit such places with their wives. But some, despite the fact that, of their own free will, they hardly went to the theater or the opera themselves, through “I don’t want and don’t like,” they go with their other half and pretend that they are even delighted with the visit.

Male initiation

A boy turns into a man very early and very abruptly.
Just yesterday he - like his sister, for example - was allowed to cry, hug his parents, shout “I love you, dad!”, be afraid and complain. It’s possible, it’s possible, and then again it’s impossible. Stop crying! Be a man! Don't need this snot! Be patient! Be patient, I say!

Sometimes such commands begin as early as the mature age of 5–7 years, when children of any gender are, in principle, unable to control their emotions and behave “like an adult.”

Female initiation has its own difficulties (there is no initiation), but this is not what we are talking about now, and the transformation of “a boy into a husband” is going to the opposite extreme.

Forcing a child to stop his own tears or outbursts of tenderness is psychological abuse. How to say “don’t blink” under pain of reprisal. And the boy, of course, will try. He will keep his eyes open as long as he can, because for him his parents are almost deities. He is completely dependent on them. His entire self-esteem, all his well-being rests on their approval. And you can get it if you “be a man” at an age when even your voice does not break.

Many fathers (mothers too) think that this is how they build strength and resilience, and raise a real man. Or maybe they simply “mirror” the behavior of their own parents by inertia. The child, of course, assimilates these attitudes and, like orders, carries them further into adulthood.

This is what comes out of it.

Why does a man so rarely say he loves him?

Inappropriate stage of relationship . This is not always the initial stage of a relationship when there is awkwardness and uncertainty. This could be 20 years of marriage and something that does not require daily proof.
Principles of education in the family. Many parents instill in a boy coldness and callousness; such upbringing is considered masculine. It will be difficult to hear declarations of eternal and pure love from this person. Feelings are hidden under iron armor.
Fear. Men are very afraid of being rejected or funny. This forces them not to admit their feelings for as long as possible. Perhaps when the relationship reaches a level of trust, you will receive verbal recognition.
Embarrassment. Reluctance to talk about love may be part of temperament. A timid and shy person will not dare to open his heart right away; this will take time.
Doubt about the feelings of the chosen one. Some guys take a wait-and-see attitude. They are never the first to admit their feelings. It may be necessary to go through difficult life situations in which the girl’s real intentions will appear. The chosen one will receive the coveted recognition.

Dependent Relationships

From the outside it may seem that people who are ready to live purely in the interests of their other half love too much. They sometimes don’t even notice how they are losing themselves. As a result, tenderness gradually transforms into irritability, and a reluctance to do something appears. Any person will inevitably get tired of the need to constantly give, because he will also need to be filled with something that brings joy.

When thinking about why a guy no longer says he loves you, you need to carefully analyze the current situation. Perhaps some tactlessness was committed in relation to the young man. Remember, no one will endure insults and humiliation forever. If a guy feels disadvantaged in some way, then his love will begin to melt over time. Dependent relationships mean that people necessarily suffer from interacting with each other. Happiness is when you know how to respect the choice of your other half, and do not try to adjust it to yourself. You cannot demand from your chosen one that he correspond to your choice in everything and fully accept his position in life.

What did you miss: giving and receiving

A girl who is preoccupied with the question of why a guy doesn’t say that he loves me forgets about the main thing - all manifestations of love. If you focus on continuous confession of feelings, then your relationship will get worse.

Look at what your beloved does for you, treat any of his actions with gratitude. If you appreciate his expressions of feelings, he will want to please you more and more.

Don’t hold your lover under a tight rein; appreciate his free will. If you give him the opportunity to feel his own independence, he will understand that you are special.

An insistent desire to hear these words means that you are not confident enough in yourself. This means it's time to change something! Start taking care of your body, devoting time to your favorite things and making your dreams come true. Every man wants to love a happy woman.

Take your chosen one for who he is. When you truly love a guy, don't try to change him. If he can feel comfortable with you, this will speed up the expected “I love you”.

Initial stage of relationship

Some girls, due to their inexperience, naively believe that a young man should start making warm confessions immediately after meeting. Of course, this is not at all true. It’s just that a woman’s heart wants to feel that its needs are reflected in relationships with the opposite sex. However, the initial stage does not at all imply that stormy enthusiasm and recognition will immediately follow.

People are just beginning to look closely at each other and draw certain conclusions. If a man doesn't say he loves you, maybe you should wait. There is no need to try to rush things.

Why does a woman wait so long for words of love?

It is very important for girls to hear the cherished words; they always strive to receive evidence of their partner’s strongest feelings. A woman is a flower; if there is no declaration of love, then she withers, that is, goes into depression, invents stories for herself, for example, that he has another, but he no longer needs her. These emotional feelings are caused by gender, upbringing and environment:

Since childhood, girls have been reading fairy tales about princesses with the same ending: the main character hears the long-awaited confession and finds a loved one for life. This stereotype is firmly ingrained in the head, and when a girl grows up, she begins to wait for a fairy-tale prince and cherished words about love.
There are women who dynamite men. For them, the words “I love you” mean achieving their goal. Thanks to this, they feel much more confident and rise in their own eyes.
For a woman, words of love are special; they indicate her attractiveness and increase self-esteem. Such girls need to be constantly reminded of their uniqueness.
Young ladies who hear confessions of love increase the level of endorphins in their bodies. Thanks to this, they feel happy and flutter like butterflies.
When a woman hears about love, she too can open her feelings. If the guy is silent, then she is afraid of being rejected.

Features of relationships

Interaction in a couple is always a great responsibility that falls on the shoulders of both partners. In some relationships, a man may not consider it necessary to constantly express his romantic affection; in another case, it turns out that he simply does not know how to do it correctly and adequately to the current situation.

Many guys realize that love is a risk. For this reason, it becomes easier for them to give up self-expression rather than experience certain conflicts.

How to understand a guy's true feelings

And yet, if a man does not confess his love to a woman, how can we understand what he really feels? Psychologists say that there is nothing better than observation. We observe, analyze, draw conclusions.

A loving guy spends as much time together as possible with his beloved. The exception is business, but even then a man will always find time to write, call, or stop by in the evening for at least half an hour to see the lady of his heart. If they prefer you to friends, entertainment, alcohol, and don’t call/write/pick up the phone, there can be no talk of seriousness and love. It's the same with being interested in your life. If a man asks you about your day, knows your taste preferences, the name of the institute, faculty and specialty, your favorite genre of films - this is value. Otherwise, it's a waste of time.

A guy who is serious always solves the problems of his girlfriend. This is his meaning, credo, sincere desire, this is love. Your phone is broken, your salary is delayed, you get sick, you sprain your leg, your key is stuck in the lock, your suitcase is lost? A reliable partner will always make sure that you get through this as calmly, quickly and painlessly as possible. Caring in a relationship is one of the brightest forms of manifestation of love. A loving person will always listen, choose the right words, and provide moral, financial, and physical support. Everything else is empty promises.

Another clear proof of love: courtship, gifts, signs of attention. To do this, you don’t have to be rich, the main thing is the desire to make your loved one feel good. It could be a kind SMS in the morning, tea in bed, a new umbrella, an inscription on the asphalt, a massage after a working day, a favorite candy thrown into your purse, a chamomile in a glass, etc.

Respect and acceptance of the environment, maintaining contact with relatives is considered another sign that a guy loves his companion. Even if the relationship with your family or close people is strained, the guy will not offend you or say nasty things about them, be rude to them, or avoid meeting with them. No, if you are a significant part of his life, he will try to establish communication with them, restrain himself in critical moments, and reduce everything to neutrality.

Besides this, how else can you tell if a guy loves his girlfriend or is just having fun with her:

he is concerned about your pain, tears, fears (indifferent individuals do not show sympathy or interest, the most you will get is a dismissive “calm down”);
sacrifices his beliefs, rules, principles for the sake of the object of love (this is normal for loving people, because deep relationships are built on cooperation);
accepts you as absolute, with all your advantages and disadvantages (only consumers mold an ideal person for themselves);
jealous (and it’s not a matter of trust, it’s just that men who love have this feeling heightened);
can always protect you both morally and physically (love has no cowardice, but a person who lacks warm feelings does not feel the desire to stand up for you, to stand up “mountain”);
a loving guy always tries to anticipate your steps in advance: whether you are in danger, whether you will have problems, whether you will break your arm while jumping with a parachute, whether you will remain hungry, having spent your entire bonus on shopping, etc.

A lot of such arguments can be given. So if your boyfriend does not talk about love, but demonstrates his warm attitude with all his heart, calm down and enjoy what is happening. Believe me, you are very lucky.

In fact, everything is simple: a loving man, even if he does not talk about his feelings, values his woman; a man who does not love does not. Open your eyes, break empty illusions.

Negative factors

If a man does not say that he loves, perhaps certain negative aspects influence him. Unfortunately, the impact of negative factors is such that it lingers in memory for a long time. Having experienced several unpleasant events, some representatives of the stronger sex decide that they should not let anyone into the depths of their personal experiences. For example, if a previous romantic relationship ended in severe disappointment, then the guy will be very wary and suspicious of the subsequent experience. The fact is that no one wants to experience the same unpleasant emotions again.

How to tell if your husband loves you

Very often, women, without hearing words of love from their husband, begin to doubt his feelings. To avoid conflict, try to understand the situation yourself. The most important question you should ask yourself is: how much time do you take up in your husband’s life? The answer to this question will completely clarify the situation, and you will understand how your husband treats you. A loving man will always put his wife, her interests, and feelings first.

So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed because a person simply gets used to them or is too busy to stop and thank their partner.

Spend each evening doing the following:

Celebrate the good things you and your husband have done for each other. Write down, to be specific, make a list. List everything: a phone call, a kiss, a kind word, a car door open for you.

You will be amazed when you look back and realize how much your husband does for you.

Summing up, I would like to recall the popular saying that the husband is the head, and the wife is the neck. It depends only on you where your husband will turn and how he will treat you.

Main disadvantages

You may not wait for an answer . If after this the young man does not show himself, then you should not count on a further serious relationship.
The gentleman will lose interest . It’s worth asking yourself the question: “Do you need someone with whom you need to pretend and play indifference?”
The man will turn out to be a player, and he does not need extra obligations . This point is quite simple. Sincerity will help identify a frivolous gentleman, but will upset a girl who is counting on a serious relationship.
Men can interpret “I miss you” in their own way, which will lead to a quarrel . A girl with this phrase often means a simple desire to see her lover, hug him, hear his voice, while he himself may mean physiological longing. And he may misunderstand the girl’s desire.
He will think that they are being imposed on him . You can unobtrusively communicate your desire to see him using SMS with an offer to accompany him to the cinema, go ice skating or go to a football match. Instead of frank confessions, you can remind yourself with a postcard.
He will think that she is boring and will not find something to do . Especially when people barely know each other, it is frivolous to write about your melancholy on the second day. After such words, the gentleman will think that she is boring in herself, since she cannot find something to do in the 21st century among so many opportunities. Moreover, working ladies never get bored.