Ability to communicate with people - learning to establish contact

We all know the role that the ability to communicate with people plays in our daily lives, how important it is to have effective communication skills in various situations and in establishing contact with different categories of people.

Any communication process includes a verbal and nonverbal component. In the first case, speech is used to communicate, and in the second, gestures, facial expressions and other body signals help us communicate. Have you ever wondered what the most significant difference exists between humans and other living beings? This is the ability to interact through verbal communication.

Possessing such wealth as speech, most people still experience difficulties in establishing quality contact with other people. Social psychology and personality psychology have accumulated a huge knowledge base about styles, barriers, and communication mechanisms, which have become the basis for creating effective methods of communication. We learn to successfully communicate with people with the help of effective exercises and advice from a psychologist, which you will find in this article.

How to establish positive contact - advice from a psychologist

If you want to find a specific answer to the question of how to communicate with people, carefully study the psychologist's advice below. They will help you understand how psychology suggests establishing positive contact, as well as understand what mistakes you should not make in communication.

Overcome your subjectivity. It is important for you to realize that each of them has an individual picture of the world. It is formed under the influence of personal life experience, which we receive from the outside world through the senses. Each of us interprets all events based on our own views and beliefs. Take this fact into account in your conversation, try to consider the topic of conversation from different points of view.
Talk less, listen more. Statistical studies show that most people like to talk much more with a person who pays more attention to the interlocutor, and not to himself. By showing sincere interest in the thoughts and feelings of another in a conversation, you gain their favor. You can be sure that this person will show reciprocal interest in you in the future.
Ask open-ended questions. Try to ask more questions that do not require a simple monosyllabic answer, but give the interlocutor the opportunity to express his opinion. For example, instead of asking “Do you like this movie?” ask “What movies do you like?” Open questions will help you establish contact with a stranger in situations where, for various reasons, it is difficult to find a “common language.”
Show that you can be trusted. One of the effective rules of effective communication is to make eye contact during a conversation. By looking into the eyes of your interlocutor, you let him understand and feel your interest and honesty. If you avoid direct eye contact or constantly lower your eyes, then the person regards this as a signal of uncertainty or lying.
Favorite sound is the sound of your own name. Psychology calls addressing the interlocutor by name an important element of effective communication. The name carries a strong energy charge and is an element of self-identification. By addressing a person by name, you increase his self-esteem and encourage him to have a more trusting relationship. If appropriate, you can use the name in a diminutive form. It’s much more pleasant to hear “Lenochka, do you know...?” instead of the usual “dry” question.
Expand your horizons. A comprehensively developed person with a wide range of interests and deep knowledge in various fields is able to much more easily establish positive contact with people of different worldviews and professional orientations. This is especially true for people who, due to their activities, encounter a large number of different people.
Relax and trust your interlocutor. Many people are held back from building trusting relationships by constant self-control or the desire to impress. The well-known rule “be yourself” has not been canceled, so in the process of interacting with other people, try to switch your attention to the interlocutor and his thoughts.
Concentrate on the conversation. During a conversation, do not perform any other actions at the same time: do not write in a notepad, do not watch TV. Your interlocutor will definitely notice this and think that you are indifferent to him and will regard your behavior as a hint to stop the conversation.

Stages

Psychologists have developed a special system for constructing a dialogue, which consists of 5 stages. Each of them must follow each other, without skipping or changing the sequence.

Removing psychological barriers

At the first meeting, many people hope that the interlocutor will begin to take some actions to defuse the situation and begin communication. Since people do not know each other, they automatically build many psychological barriers. To remove them and begin normal communication, one of the interlocutors must initiate contact.

At the same time, you cannot choose a familiar topic for conversation. It’s better to start talking about neutral things, for example, you can discuss the weather. It is important that the neutral topic is familiar to the interlocutor. It is important to make statements that are difficult to disagree with.

Finding common interests

After making the first contact, you need to continue to build relationships. It is necessary to find common ground.

If there are common interests, communication will become more intense and interesting. People will be able to talk enthusiastically for a long time, but it is impossible to communicate constantly on the same topic, since it will quickly get boring. The conversation needs to change. It is important to periodically ask your interlocutor what interests him.

Selection of communication tactics

At the third stage of communication, you can talk about your strengths, hobbies, and favorite activities. This needs to be done so that the person also begins to share personal information.

When talking about yourself, it is important to maintain some modesty and not inflate your self-esteem.

Identifying factors that hinder communication

When your partner begins to demonstrate his strong qualities, you can move on to the next stage. It is important to identify factors that may interfere with communication in order to prevent them from occurring.

You can identify them with cunning, leading questions, and stories about similar situations from your own experience.

Habituation and dialogue building

By the last stage, relationships are strengthened, clarity appears in the conversation, there are points of contact, topics that are taboo, and neutral topics. Once the strengths and weaknesses of an individual have been identified, you can begin to influence him to achieve the desired result.

Exercise “Learning to mute projections”

Professional psychology uses the term “projection” when a person tries to attribute to other people qualities inherent in himself. For example, you love the attention of other people and try to make a good impression. At the same time, you can assume that everyone is trying to do everything in order to “show off” in front of others.

All these are stereotypes that arise from the inability to consider a situation from different points of view and deeply understand other people.

It is impossible to suppress projections completely, but they can be muffled. Every time you feel that you are “imposing” your point of view, or in your conclusions proceed only from your own vision, try to engage in a comprehensive analysis of the personality of another. This will help you better understand his motives and desires. We learn to analyze personality according to the following scheme:

Character:

individual character traits, their manifestation;
attitude towards career, work and money;

Capabilities:

Creative skills;
intellectual level;
technical ability;

Volitional qualities:

persistence;
determination;
feeling of inner freedom.

Interests:

common interests;
hobby;
destructive tendencies.

Moral qualities:

attitude towards other people;
the ability to love and sympathize;
whether its activities benefit society.

Flat back

If you want better communication, project confidence. A straight back shows confidence, positivity and happiness. You want to make contact with such a person.

And even reach out to him. If you want to make contact. Sit next to him, turn your body towards him, bend over a little and look into the eyes of your opponent.

Exercise “Overcome communication barriers”

Often in communication we experience a feeling of alienation and encounter “stagnations” when we simply do not know what to talk about with a specific person.
All these troubles are often associated with fear of communication. It is a product of the fear of being rejected and misunderstood. This is especially common for people who run their business from home and need to communicate with different people every day. But the more you expand your circle of acquaintances, the faster you realize that these are empty fears.

Set a goal throughout the day to communicate with 15 different people through different communication channels:

with 4 people - using a phone;
with 4 people – via Skype (with webcam);
with 5 strangers - in a store or on the street;
with 2 close people about something very important.

While doing this exercise, use the psychologist's advice that you have already learned. This will help you realize that you can find a common language with any person if you master the principles of effective communication.

Some more tips for effective communication:

How to easily communicate with different people in business?

There are also a couple of lifehacks here:

A Chinese proverb says:

“A person who cannot smile should not engage in trade”

Fact: In stores where salespeople smile all the time, sales are 20-30% higher than in stores with dissatisfied salespeople

Which once again proves the importance of a smile and a good mood when communicating with a client

An experiment was once conducted to increase the amount of tips for waiters. It was suggested to start customer service with positive comments

Tips increased by 27%!

When communicating with clients, it is recommended to use the mirroring technique. It has been proven that people trust people with similar behavior. Therefore, this technique is used to establish contact

Photo source: https://unsplash.com/photos/Wnler_kasvc

When selling over the phone, you can repeat the client’s phrases:

“I want...”, “Do you want...”.

“I understand...”, “You mean that...”.

A study was conducted in which salespeople imitated the buyer's gestures, speech rate, and tone of voice. As a result, it was possible to build more trusting relationships and sales increased by an average 30%

Show empathy in your communications. Make friends with the client. When communicating with a client, it is important to hear and understand what he wants

For example, when advising girls in choosing clothes, it is important to give her a compliment and emphasize the advantages of her figure and appearance. For example, say that this color or style suits her very well

State the expected result of the purchase

“In this dress, all male faces will definitely pay attention to you,” “You will be very comfortable in this dress. You will definitely enjoy the evening and relax with pleasure"

Research (https://www.emarketer.com/Article/How-Helpful-Live-Chat/1007235) has proven that the presence of online chats in an online store makes 38% of sales

62% customers who chatted with an operator said they would shop more efficiently if stores used online consultants

For the user, an online consultant is a free opportunity to communicate during a purchase, during which you can find out advice, recommendations, and opinions.

Photo source: https://unsplash.com/photos/SYTO3xs06fU

Success in life has a lot to do with how well we build relationships with people around us, how we present ourselves and listen to other people. Therefore, it is worth developing the skill of communicating with people.

Mistakes when establishing contact with a client

Common reasons for failed sales:

Too close contact. The minimum distance is a meter. If you stand closer, the buyer will feel uncomfortable and will leave.
Obsessiveness. If the client interrupts the conversation, there is no need to insist on continuing the dialogue, give him time to think.
Wrong tone. A greeting that is too emotional or cold will cause hostility - it is better to choose a neutral intonation and then adapt to the interlocutor.
Repulsive appearance. Managers must be neat, without unpleasant odors of sweat or cigarettes. Sloppiness causes rejection.
Managers' focus on themselves. A person who is interrupted, overloaded with professional terms, or forced to listen to lengthy monologues will not want to buy anything. It’s good when the staff memorized the speech block of the script. But it’s bad when you haven’t learned to listen to the client.

Experiment #3: Get lost

This experiment is a sequence of requests, each requiring more active participation. Try to go through each stage. Keep a pen and paper handy and your smartphone tucked away.

First, ask someone to show you the way.
If a person stops and gives you directions, ask them to draw a map.
If he drew you a map, ask for his phone number in case you can call him if you get lost.
If he gives you a phone number, you call him.

Surprisingly, most people easily leave their number. For many years, Kio Stark conducted this exercise in her classes, and in all that time, only one student decided to call.

Be careful when choosing your starting point and destination; you may not be able to choose a pair that will work right the first time. It shouldn't be completely simple, otherwise you won't need a map. But not too complicated for a passerby to explain to you.

Stark came up with this exercise almost 10 years ago, and it’s a little more difficult to perform in our smartphone era. You must give a believable impression that you cannot navigate without a hand-drawn map or list of directions.

Stop talking, start listening

It's easy to talk. Anyone can do it. Listen? It's hard. Most people hear the conversation, but few actually listen.

In John's experience, this is especially true in high-pressure situations: people are nervous, and those nerves make them talk. The result is usually a bunch of empty, meaningless conversations that accomplish nothing for anyone.

Listening is a skill that many of us take for granted. As a result, few people do it well.

John believes that the biggest obstacles to active listening are these three things:

Preconceptions: When you assume that a person won't have anything interesting to say, your brain shuts down.
Distractions. If you have something else on your mind, it will be clear that you are not fully present in the conversation.
Thinking through your words: Too often people are so caught up in rehearsing what they are going to say next that they fail to truly listen.

These are bad habits that must be overcome before you can fully engage in active listening. The easiest way to get rid of them is to regularly ask yourself in conversations: “Am I really listening to this person?”

Any point of view is better than no point of view

John China emphasizes the importance of having a point of view: “It doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you believe in something.”

For example, look at the two statements below:

I don't know when autopilot will take over the world.
I think the widespread adoption of self-driving cars is still many years away.

The first statement is indifferent: it demonstrates an insecure person who has no point of view. Most likely, it will end the conversation simply because it cannot be pushed away.

The second phrase is more opinion than fact, but it shows your position and invites conversation, whether the person agrees with it or not.

Someone doesn't have to agree with your point of view to find it interesting. The main thing is that it be based on at least something - knowledge or experience.

Be conscious of your points of view

You probably already have enough knowledge or experience around the topics that interest you to develop your own point of view. You just have to own it.

So choose 3-5 topics that you are passionate about and knowledgeable about. It is important that you have genuine interest. Then be clear about your point of view on each issue. Once you know what and why you believe, you can be sure that you now have good weapons for an interesting conversation.

Overcome Thinking Limits

Very often people are afraid to share their views. They tell themselves, “Nobody cares what I think,” or, “What if they disagree? This can destroy relationships!

These thoughts are natural and understandable, but in fact they are completely unfounded. In most cases, there will be no negative consequences, and if there are, they will be minimal. After all, any point of view, even if it differs from the other person's, will still make you more interesting than if you said nothing at all.

At the same time, try to avoid controversial topics, such as politics and religion.

You Can't "Bypass" Experience and Skills

If you want to use networking effectively and be known as an interesting person, you have to be really good at what you do. All the life hacks in the world won't help if you just don't have anything nice to say.

Early in his career, John China tried to cut corners and didn't quite understand how things worked. One day he got into a conversation with an experienced businessman, and the topic quickly exceeded John's knowledge. He tried to pretend he knew what he was talking about, but, unsurprisingly, it didn't work. The entrepreneur just shook his head and left, and John had no other chance to meet him.

There's no way around this - you have to know your kitchen inside and out.

Create quarterly learning goals

Once every 3 months, choose one aspect of your activity where you feel weak and start studying it. Make a plan for self-education so as not to waste time.