Active empathic listening: what is the technique and its rules

• Definition of the concept
• History of the term
• Basic techniques
• Listening Techniques
• Areas of use of methods
• Active Listening Techniques

Communication skills make a person’s social life complete and varied. They allow you not only to exchange information in the form of dry facts, but also to analyze it on a subconscious level, remember it, and give a personal assessment.

Active listening helps avoid conflicts

People can rarely truly hear each other. This leads to certain problems in relationships: lack of understanding, frequent conflicts and hidden grievances, breakdown of relationships. The ability to listen and hear your interlocutor is priceless; it allows you to find harmony in your personal life and establish pleasant and beneficial social connections.

Definition of the concept

A complex communication skill that facilitates the semantic perception of everything the interlocutor says - active listening. Every person can master it perfectly; it is only important to want it. Active listening techniques are simple and are described in detail in the psychological literature.

This technique clearly demonstrates that all participants in the conversation are interested, and not just the speaker. Active listening makes it easy to direct the conversation in the right direction, avoid conflicts, and leave a pleasant impression. In the process of communication, a trusting atmosphere arises; people begin to empathize with the interlocutor, understanding his thoughts and even feelings at a particular moment.

Active listening techniques are often used by psychologists when seeing clients. The specialist thus enters into the position of the interlocutor, plunging headlong into his problem. This helps to find the right solution and push the client towards it without giving a direct answer.

This technique activates the mechanisms of empathy in the subconscious, which is why active listening is often called empathic listening. It helps to establish relationships between:

• superior and subordinate;
• parents and children;
• teacher and student;
• peers.

Domestic and foreign psychology knows many examples confirming this. Knowing what active listening is, you can reach unprecedented heights and be known as a sensitive and tolerant interlocutor. And those around them are drawn to such people, wanting to help them in everything as a thank you for their sensitivity.

Active Listening Techniques

History of the term

The public first learned about the concept of active listening from family psychologist Julia Gippenreiter. During her practice, she drew attention to the fact that many family conflicts can be avoided if you listen carefully to each other and be ready to perceive the meaning of words in the context in which they were spoken. If something is not clear, you can always ask a series of clarifying questions and delve into the answers to them.

Yu. Gippenreiter developed the basic techniques of active listening, which are successfully used to this day.

It is wrong to assume that purely professional psychologists can operate on them. Anyone can master the technique the first time.

Difficulty verbalizing feelings

The first reason is that often we don't communicate exactly what we mean because we don't have enough words in our active vocabulary. We are aware of the presence of desires and feelings, but we cannot symbolize them correctly using linguistic means.

The second reason is that it is not customary to talk about feelings. There are conventional norms in society that prohibit talking about feelings and desires. Self-disclosure in this case is regarded as a violation of unspoken rules of conduct.

The third reason for hiding feelings is the feeling that a person who knows our feelings and innermost desires gains magical power over us. Since theoretically he can use this knowledge to cause us some damage, we worry and, just in case, avoid expressing our emotions openly and censor them.

The fourth reason that people do not express their desires and feelings verbally is that they may not notice them, ignore them. The fact is that some of the feelings are socially frowned upon. It is believed that it is not good to be angry, irritated, envious, or wish harm to someone; Expressions of sexuality are often taboo. Meanwhile, each person has a number of “Parental” prohibitions and instructions with the help of which he evaluates himself. Let’s say the Parental Order requires: “You must (must) be strong! Showing feelings is a sign of weakness!” If such a person recognizes himself as emotionally involved, he will have to experience a feeling of guilt for not conforming to the standard model of the Ideally Good Person. Since in reality he cannot not experience feelings, he has to deceive himself, suppressing his emotions and expelling them from his own consciousness.

Basic techniques

The active listening technique always consists of many techniques to achieve the desired effect. Experts say that the final goal should always be information undistorted by the prism of perception.

The listener carefully looks at the interlocutor to hear not only the words, but also to evaluate his posture, gestures, and facial expression. Such “little things” can play a big role; they will tell you how sincere the interlocutor is. A listener interested in a conversation is always tuned in “on the same wavelength” with his opponent, he listens to his words with his whole body. From the outside it looks like this:

• eyes are directed at the speaker or focused on an object located next to him;
• the body leans slightly forward;
• the face is turned towards the interlocutor;
• a slight tension is felt throughout the body, it is noticeable that the listener is not “having his head in the clouds”, but is listening attentively.

Any technique of attentive active listening is based on non-verbal perception by the brain and interest in the conversation. To put it simply, certain parts of the brain receive signals that the muscles are tense, the body is turned towards the interlocutor, and the consciousness is not loaded with other thoughts. We are ready to delve into the essence of what was said to the maximum.

Among the techniques and techniques of active listening, there are three main ones:

• echo;
• interpretation;
• paraphrasing.

Echo is the most common and favorite trick among psychologists, which allows you to liberate your interlocutor and tune in to the perception of what he is talking about. In practice, it looks like this: with a certain frequency, the last words of some phrases are repeated by the listener after the speaker, like an echo. This is done softly, not too loudly and with a questioning intonation. These rules of active listening must be followed exactly; they are simple and understandable. Our ancestors used them, and they had much fewer conflicts between loved ones and colleagues. Interpretation allows you to increase the significance of the conversation for both interlocutors, helps them fully understand each other, and increases the level of trust between them. After the speaker has finished, you can retell his saying in your own words, and then guess how correctly the interlocutor understood the meaning.

Paraphrasing is repeating a phrase said by the interlocutor, only in different words. This is a kind of clarification. The listener decides for himself whether he correctly understood what he was just told.

This technique of active listening also has a lot of useful benefits for the speaker; he realizes the importance of what he says and feels respect for his person. This allows him to be more sincere in his words.

Active listening is divided into two types:

• feminine - is empathic due to the ability of the weaker sex to empathize with the interlocutor, to be more open in communication; ladies typically use paraphrasing techniques, the emphasis is on articulating emotions and sensations;
• masculine - provides for rational reflection, very popular in the process of business negotiations; men are stingy with emotions, so they use interpretation techniques with many clarifying questions.

Empathic listening is also not alien to some men who have a gentle character and a sensitive perception of the world around them. It brings good results depending on the situation, as well as on the individual characteristics of the interlocutor. Active listening is a direct path to the pinnacle of self-knowledge, a chance to discover the best qualities in yourself that some are not even aware of.

Examples of active listening techniques

Listening Techniques

Active listening methods are inextricably linked with our emotional sphere. To better understand the interlocutor and tune into his emotional background, several methods are used. The main criterion is empathy, which can manifest itself in three main forms:

• sympathy - an initially warm attitude towards others, the ability not to see or deliberately not notice their pronounced shortcomings;
• empathy - the ability to experience the emotions of an interlocutor in the “here and now” mode;
• sympathy is a strong desire to help the interlocutor solve his psychological problems.

Empathic listening involves the manifestation of one or more forms at the same time. The extent to which a person is able to empathize with the problems of others depends on the characteristics of his nervous system. But this quality is not always innate; constant work on oneself leads to the development and consolidation of empathic skills. During a conversation, a person not only listens to what others are telling him, but also shows various kinds of activity in the process. He constantly asks leading questions, and with his posture and gestures strives to prove that he is all attention. It is advisable at this moment to completely isolate yourself from the world around you, not to be led by extraneous thoughts, and try to drive away any prejudiced attitude towards others, if any.

In psychology, the following methods of active listening are distinguished:

• paraphrasing - all significant points are conveyed to the interlocutor in the form of feedback;
• summarizing - at the end of the conversation you need to briefly summarize what was said; if the information is misunderstood, the speaker will definitely say so;
• clarification - several times during the conversation you need to gently and quietly clarify whether the interlocutor is understood correctly;
• logical consequence - an attempt to determine to what extent all statements are interconnected by links in a logical chain;
• emotional repetition - repetition of the expressed thought with the same intonation and the same words (possibly using dialect or slang), this is a strong technique of active listening that carries a positive charge;
• verbal signs - words that push the interlocutor to continue the story, you can say “what happened next”, “continue”, “I’m listening to you carefully” and others;
• nonverbal signs are gestures that allow the speaker to understand that the monologue he has voiced has practical value; this can be an open, sincere smile, a nod of the head, or touching with hands.

These methods can be used one at a time or combined with each other at your discretion. The main thing is not to overdo it, not to become an overly intrusive interlocutor who confuses the speaker with his thoughts. Intuition itself will tell you how to act in a situation. It would be useful to pay attention to the person’s reaction, gestures or words.

Therefore, each of us no longer needs praise, but support.

The explanatory dictionary says: “support - to hold, not to let you fall.” By support we mean a sign of attention shown to a person in a situation where he is objectively unsuccessful, made in the form of a direct speech statement and relating to the area in which he is currently having difficulties. Support excludes comparison with anyone other than oneself (in order to prevent falling, there is no need to evaluate a person at all).

If praise, a positive assessment is addressed not to the person himself, but to the results of his activities, then by supporting the person, you turn to his personality - regardless of his mistakes and successes, mistakes and achievements.

To provide support, unconditional acceptance of the other person becomes decisive. You can support every person, to do this you just need to see their strengths.

Only unconditional acceptance of another as a constructive person and unconditional acceptance of oneself gives a person the opportunity to sincerely respond to a variety of actions committed by even the most “terrible” people.

For example, a teenager comes to you and says that he participated in the beating of another, weaker, persecuted teenager - is he worthy of support? Are you able to see his strengths? Can you tell him, “I still respect you for having the strength to come and tell me about this”?

After that, you can tell him anything you want, but it is these first words you say, addressed to the constructive beginning of his personality, to what is good about him, that increases his self-worth. An indication of the good that is in a person himself, it is this inner strength that can become a source of his self-esteem and correction of life mistakes.

Areas of use of methods

Methods of active (empathic) listening help to navigate an unfamiliar team and integrate into it quickly and painlessly. People around them love it when they listen to their speech and do not interrupt over trifles.

Active listening is very popular in areas where people constantly interact with each other on a verbal level. These are socially oriented professions - managers, psychologists, sales consultants, workers in the social welfare niche. Sometimes a prolonged pause in a conversation can serve as a signal that something is wrong with a person or that his emotional intensity is on the brink. Then he needs to come to the rescue.

Active listening is the main tool when working with children of primary and secondary school age. They, like no one else, feel falsehood. Only sincerity will help to motivate the guys to cooperate. Emotional repetitions, correct non-verbal signs, and various kinds of clarifications allow the child to relax and feel important and significant.

Active listening is used in business. Business partners may communicate with each other using different styles, but each requires respect and recognition of his strengths.

An effective solution to any problem always depends on two interlocutors, one of whom speaks, and the second who delves into the essence of his words.

Active or empathetic listening is a very powerful tool that you just need to learn how to use skillfully.

Active listening is often used in business

Active Listening Techniques

Active listening techniques are multi-component. You need to start with simpler psychological operations. This rule always applies, no matter how we want it.

The techniques of active listening are very simple and understandable even to a beginner who has not delved into the essence of psychology. Among them are the following methods.

• Clarification - a short and succinct question containing a paraphrase or interpretative phrase. It allows you to understand whether the meaning of words is correctly perceived. Wrong conclusions will inevitably lead to a conflict situation or omissions. This technique of active (empathic) listening is most often used by men with their craving for everything concrete and rational.
• Pause in thoughts - at the moment when listening to the narrator’s monologue, you need to distract yourself from everything and leave your head “clean” to perceive information. This is a basic listening technique; it allows you to concentrate and hear what is said “between the lines,” that is, not said out loud.
• Communicating Perceptions - Sometimes it can be helpful to express your thoughts about someone in front of them. You should not do this behind his back: if the information reaches the desired recipient, a conflict is inevitable. It is always better to speak sincerely, openly and directly, even if these words contain criticism.
• Development of thoughts - you can independently continue the topic of conversation. It is better to do this at the moment when the interlocutor has fallen silent for a while. This technique of active (empathic) listening will increase the level of trust in the person not only on the part of the speaker, but also all other participants in the conversation.

The active listening techniques listed above can be used at any time during a conversation, one at a time or all together. The main thing is that everything looks natural and as if involuntary.

Empathic (active) listening is a secret weapon in the hands of anyone who strives to quickly establish social contacts and be recognized. Following simple rules, methods and techniques of active listening liberates all participants in the conversation, helps build trusting relationships and get out of any, even the most acute, conflict with few losses.

Clarification

An ordinary conversation involves a lot of omissions, omissions and understatements. They are thought up by both sides in an arbitrary order, but with active perception this cannot be allowed. After all, the main goal is to extract the truthful and most complete information on the topic of the conversation, as well as to establish contact with a partner.

Therefore, clarification performs two functions at once:

• clarifies what is said through directed dialogue;
• allows you to gently bypass the most pressing and painful issues.

This maintains mutual understanding and trust between interlocutors.