One of the Orthodox commandments says: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Everyone understands what is meant by self-love in their own way. However, there are boundaries within which self-love is an excellent motivator for self-improvement, and when going beyond conventional boundaries, a person risks becoming a narcissistic egoist.
Heightened self-esteem
Is there any benefit to self-love?
Black color in psychology - what it means for women and men who like
Everything is good in moderation. The same goes for your attitude towards yourself. A person must love himself, otherwise he will not have an incentive to develop, increase his level of education, provide himself with quality food, timely medical examinations, and develop his body. Only with self-esteem can you defend your interests in disputes, occupy a leading position in a team, and have an opinion that is significant for others. This is precisely the meaning that should be inherent in self-love: the desire to become an authority for others, to take a responsible approach to any work, to put effort into self-discipline.
Attention! Healthy pride borders on boorish narcissism, which destroys everything good that is in character, erases the lines of good and evil in relationships between people, and turns a person into a forced loner.
Inadequate overestimation of one’s abilities becomes the cause of a distorted perception of one’s position in society. Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves to be successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area.
Braggart
Pedagogical terminological dictionary
pride
is a moral feeling that expresses a person’s respect for himself as an individual. S. has a lot in common with pride. But S. is more personal in nature, because expresses a person’s subjective assessment of his own abilities and capabilities. S. can act as a positive motive for behavior when it helps a person overcome difficulties in order to achieve moral results and encourages a person to protect his dignity. In this case, S. becomes a stable moral quality of the individual. S. is a negative quality when it turns into narcissism, unreasonable pride. Inadequate perception of one’s own “I” interferes with a person’s creative activity and establishing contacts with other people. In order to prevent the formation of negative traits in children, from an early age it is necessary to teach the child to give a critical moral assessment of his actions.
(Bim-Bad B.M. Pedagogical encyclopedic dictionary. - M., 2002. P. 252)
The difference between self-love and self-esteem
Dissonance - what does it mean?
When assessing self-esteem, deciding whether it is good or bad, you first need to be able to distinguish it from self-esteem. In contrast to excessive pride, a self-respecting person will never allow himself to offend his interlocutor or deprive another of anything in the pursuit of satisfying his desires. At the same time, self-respect is a reason to defend one’s interests in a dispute, not to allow others to neglect private opinion and take oneself lightly. A self-respecting person will not pass off the thoughts of sages as his own; he will be able to formulate his own conclusions with dignity.
What does a proud person mean - he is not just an egoist who concentrates on his desires. This is a person who considers himself the center of the World. With such conceit, it is difficult to build relationships with the opposite sex, much less create a family. As a rule, these are lonely people. However, they also have unions, but in this case the other half also has mental disorders and takes pleasure in the fact that they are constantly psychologically suppressed by their partner and live in endless humiliation.
The essence of the concept
Male self-esteem is formed throughout a man's life. A representative of the stronger sex is born to become a conqueror, protector and breadwinner. Nature created him strong and courageous, capable of finding a worthy partner for procreation, protecting her from the attacks of other suitors, and also providing the woman with a roof over her head and food for food. These functions are a priority for any male individual and do not depend on his upbringing and desires. Everything is inherent in a guy’s mind by nature, so the slightest violation of boundaries or ignoring his main functions on the part of a woman is met with hostility.
Sick or wounded pride
Harmony - what does it mean?
Sick pride - what is it, is it possible to learn to cope with it? Psychologists agree that this is possible only after recognizing the presence of a problem. Wounded self-esteem does not allow its owner to adequately perceive criticism even from close relatives. Any attempt to make even the most diplomatic remark to a proud person turns into an explosion of anger on his part, insults and ends in an interruption of the dialogue.
Important! There is such a thing as “excellent student syndrome,” which begins during school years in children whose parents place high demands on their academic performance. Accustoming from an early age to the fact that living correctly means doing everything only “excellently,” students become unprepared for the defeats and failures that inevitably await them in adulthood.
Excellent student syndrome
When talking about what self-esteem is, first of all, we mean defining the self-esteem of a person with an unhealthy perception of disapproval from the environment. Especially such people keenly perceive comments or advice from a person significant in society, just as they react most vividly to praise from such a person. Praise from a well-deserved authority in a team is a source of nourishment for a proud person.
Definition
An exact description of what self-love is cannot be found in psychological dictionaries. This term is not used by professional psychologists because it is evaluative in nature.
From a scientific point of view, self-esteem is considered within the framework of the concept of personal self-esteem. It is based on assessment from others, understanding of the results of one’s own work and achievements, real and ideal ideas about oneself.
In everyday psychology, the concept of self-love is often given a negative connotation. It is defined as self-respect combined with the need for attention, approval from others, and excessive sensitivity to criticism.
Hurt pride
A proud person is a person who is very easily deeply wounded even by an inoffensive word. Hurt pride can become a weapon in the hands of a competent manipulator. Some managers deliberately hurt the pride of their subordinates, which means for them an unacceptable failure, from which they can only recover by surpassing themselves. Thus, in some teams the level of labor productivity is increased.
Important! In such conversations, department heads do not insult or reprimand vain employees for their poor performance; this is achieved with the help of subtle psychological comparisons and hints that indirectly elevate competitors over the subjects.
The easiest way is to hurt the self-esteem of a narcissistic newcomer; this condition is aggravated due to the already increased level of tension associated with the new environment and a strange team. Psychologists do not recommend arranging strength tests for newly arrived employees until their professional probationary period has expired, since such an attitude can leave the organization without valuable personnel.
What to do in this case?
If a woman is a lover of showdowns, she needs to constantly be prepared for mutual confrontation with her partner. For example, she wants to talk about a topic that interests her, which concerns the analysis of a past not very good situation. The man is categorically against “useless waste of time on stupid conversations.” The girl begins to insist on talking, gets nervous, insults or touches her partner’s pride. Such clarifications lead to inevitable separation. Therefore, girls should remember that the analysis of events and feelings can be entrusted to a friend or mother, but not to their lover, since he cannot stand a lot of conversations.
Male and female pride
Men and women have completely different life values. This means that the gender division of self-esteem should not be overlooked.
Men are less focused on their appearance than women. They seek satisfaction and self-realization in business, status, car brand and general image. Therefore, their self-esteem can be hurt by:
- comparison of his position with the status of a competitor;
- an unloved neighbor purchasing a more presentable car;
- his woman's intense attention directed at a younger or more daring man.
Attention! The appearance of his woman also matters, since in male circles it gives rise to discussions on this topic and inevitable assessments from competitors.
Women, on the contrary, are obsessed with their appearance, in particular, with details. A proud girl is one who will not allow herself to leave the house with the slightest defect in her manicure, an insufficiently even complexion, or a hint of a mismatch in the color of her accessories and clothes. All this is important not only in order to feel confident and ensure satisfaction with narcissism, but also so that others do not have a reason to prick her, pointing out the imperfection of her appearance.
Impeccable appearance
Quite a lot of girls, precisely because of sick pride, go to plastic surgeons under the knife, correcting their body in order to feel more confident. After there are no places left in the girl that are imperfect in her opinion, she changes her gait to a confident one, her gaze becomes arrogant. She does not consider other representatives of the fairer sex worthy of male attention.
Mistake No. 6. Showdown
Representatives of the fair sex love to sort things out. As a result of multiple conversations, the woman realizes that she has hurt the man’s pride. What to do in a situation where your partner does not want to find out who is right and who is wrong? A woman must understand that a man’s psychology is fundamentally different from women’s logic. The guy is used to acting, not reasoning, and all discussions of personal problems seem ridiculous and pointless to him. He wants to hear a call to specific action, and not listen to multiple complaints.
How to get rid of self-esteem
Before you think about how to get rid of pride, it’s worth thinking about who a proud person really is. Anyone who strives to make themselves better, more successful, smarter, more attractive without harming others does not need self-esteem correction. Healthy self-love is not a sin.
You can stop being offended by criticism or remarks by becoming complete for yourself. By truly loving yourself for who a person really is, you can become emotionally self-sufficient, which will allow you to not take other people’s opinions too seriously. You need to be able to be happy here and now, because every person has a lot, but often does not value his achievements and benefits, as if everything he has does not matter. You can't offend a happy person. Anyone can become happy, taking their time and appreciating the true value of the peaks they have conquered.
Philosophical Dictionary (Comte-Sponville)
self-love
self-love
♦ Amour-Propre
Self-love from another person's point of view; the desire to be loved, to be approved or admired; horror at the thought that another person might hate or despise you. La Rochefoucauld sees in self-love the main of our passions and the spring of all others. A more lenient and fairer Rousseau insists on the difference between self-love and self-love: “Self-love is a natural feeling, prompting every animal to take care of self-preservation, but in man this feeling is guided by reason and tempered by compassion, giving rise to humanity and virtue. Self-love is a derivative, artificial feeling that arises only in society, forcing each individual to attach more importance to himself than to everything else, prompting people to cause all kinds of evil to each other and being the true source of the concept of honor” (“Discourse on the origin and foundations of inequality between people”, note XV). The transition from one to the other is quite easy to explain. Of course, we live for ourselves, but only surrounded by other people and thanks to them. Therefore, it is not surprising that we like it when other people treat us with love. Self-love is the desire for this love, directed at oneself, but realized through other people. It is love for others for oneself and love for oneself expressed by others. To claim that self-love is unhappy love, as Alain does, means falling into a double mistake. In fact, self-pricks are nothing more than minor troubles against the backdrop of life's drama. Sometimes real grief can heal from them. Sometimes, perhaps, it is great happiness.
Mistake #7: Manipulation
A man's pride can be hurt when a guy realizes that he is being manipulated. Each representative of the stronger sex can apply a lot of effort to achieve a certain result. He tries to look after, help, pay attention to the girl and fulfill all her whims in order to achieve his own goal. Usually this goal is intimate relationships, since (in the man's opinion) sex is proof of a woman's love. He perceives any signs of attention from the girl as a call to action. But when the guy realizes that he was used, the whole world falls out from under his feet. This hurts his pride, as it infringes on his manhood.
You shouldn't humiliate a man's pride. If there are no plans to develop a serious relationship, the girl should behave accordingly. It is not recommended to accept gifts, ask for help or behave controversially (excessively flirtatious, hinting or flirting). Otherwise, you can provoke indignation or even aggression on the part of the guy and hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself. A man’s wounded pride will allow him to be very inventive in his revenge, so you should be wary of such actions.
