Proper upbringing of a child aged one to three years

The first three years of a child are especially important for upbringing. In the first two years, the child listens and remembers, and starting from the age of three, he begins to repeat what seemed especially interesting and significant. If you miss this period and do not develop the correct behavior patterns in your child, then in the future it can be very difficult to re-educate him.

There are two main stages in the development of a child: from one to two years, and from two to three years.

Age from 1 to 3 years – the period of character formation

Features of age

A baby who cannot walk or talk already exhibits individual characteristics. Closer to 2 years, the character is half formed: the baby has his own preferences, begins to argue with his parents for the right to a personal opinion, and demands respect. Children master most of the skills necessary for primary independence. The child realizes that he is an individual. Recognition and approval are important for the baby. He takes pride in his personal achievements. If a child does not receive the attention of adults, his self-esteem rapidly declines. He becomes withdrawn and may begin to lag behind in development.

Active development of speech begins. By the age of 3, the vocabulary of a younger preschooler is 1000–1500 words. To stimulate speech development, you need to talk to your baby like an adult, without shortening your words. A child can communicate with his parents using gestures and individual words, but this method of communication should not be encouraged.

Features of raising a child in the period from two to three years

By the age of 2-3 years, the child begins to use many of the skills acquired in the process of development and becomes an individual. This time often becomes difficult for parents.

The child is aware of his “I” and shows it, but at the same time he does not yet fully understand the requirements and dangers, and cannot always realize his plans.

Manifestations of a 3-year-old crisis and what parents should do

What you should pay attention to when raising during this period:

• In a moment of crisis, do not provoke the development of a conflict, but, on the contrary, strive to extinguish it. It is even better to give in to the child in an unprincipled case than to defend your point of view to the end and thereby only aggravate the crisis situation;
• Play with your child. Often, to get your baby to eat, it’s easier to say a simple phrase: “I put the cutlet on the plate, but don’t touch it under any circumstances.” After such a phrase, the baby will want to take the cutlet himself;
• Remember that when a child commits a bad act, he does not want to do evil. He studies the world, the reaction to his actions;
• Try not to attach common labels: “You’re a bully,” “you’re a slob.” It is better to try to correct the situation in the opposite direction.

Symptoms of a 3-year-old crisis
A child is happiness, remember this even in difficult moments. Only by showing patience and perseverance can you grow a worthy, self-confident person. The first three years are the most important for the development of character and behavior.

Crisis 2 years

The baby already understands that the world is huge and does not revolve around him. He has mastered minimal self-care skills and is trying to imitate adults and become independent. At 2 years old, most children begin to attend kindergarten and face another age-related crisis.

To facilitate the adaptation process, you should follow simple rules:

• prepare your child in advance for visiting kindergarten;
• do not show excitement;
• do not promise that the baby will be able to go home early if the promise cannot be fulfilled;
• say goodbye calmly, quickly, and do not temporarily turn the separation into a tragedy.

Even active and outgoing children experience stress when they find themselves in a new environment. They especially need parental support and attention, then getting used to kindergarten will be easy and quick.

Shalva Amonashvili – humane pedagogy

Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Professor Amonashvili developed his own pedagogical concept based on a humane approach to preschoolers and schoolchildren. The main principle of the method is that the adult must cooperate with the child on equal terms and see him as an individual. This technique is finding more and more supporters, as it is truly special. The author does not offer a ready-made list of exercises for developing a separate ability or skill, but a list of rules that teachers and parents need to follow. According to the famous psychologist, a child will achieve better results if he is not forced or controlled. There are no bad children, there are adults who do not know how to communicate with them.

Psychological methods of education

The baby can acquire the necessary skills in kindergarten. The lesson program is developed taking into account the age characteristics of the baby, helping him to develop gradually, evenly. If the child does not attend kindergarten, education becomes entirely the responsibility of the parents. To facilitate this process, psychological skills developed by specialists in child psychology should be used.

Sensory perception plays a leading role in the development of a baby. He experiences the world through touch, studying the size, texture, weight and other properties of an object. Didactic games aimed at developing fine motor skills, promote the development of imagination, logic, and relieve muscle tension. Children love to play with loose and pliable materials; this feature is useful to use in daily games.

At 1.5–2 years, the child begins to move actively, his muscle corset grows and strengthens. Depending on their temperament, children develop different needs for physical activity. Active children need to expend excess energy for normal development. Ball games, wall bars and other available types of physical activity are suitable for this. If active children do not have the opportunity to realize their energy potential, they become capricious and aggressive. Sedentary, inert children should not be forced into active games. Short warm-ups and quiet games are enough for them.

To develop the emotional sphere, you need to strictly adhere to one type of education. Children's emotions are fickle, children do not know how to control themselves, so parents must set the boundaries of their behavior.

By the age of three, the baby already clearly understands gender. Boys and girls at an early age show virtually no differences in behavior. Having realized that they will grow up to be a man or a woman, the baby begins to regulate their behavior in accordance with the expectations of adults.

The essence of early learning

Early childhood development involves creating conditions that facilitate the most effective learning of skills and knowledge in infancy.
Conditions mean:

• organizing a developmental environment - filling corners with various objects and play aids that expand motor activity, develop children’s sensory skills, vision and hearing, etc.;
• introducing the child to musical, artistic and literary works;
• intensification of communication with the child both from the mother and from other household members. This means stimulating children's speech, adults pronouncing their actions;
• acquisition or production of special teaching materials and manuals (this is especially true for Montessori and Doman methods).

Early education is not just preparation for kindergarten or school education, but the creation of conditions for harmonious and comprehensive development, memory training, attentiveness, imagination, logical thinking, processes of analysis and synthesis of information.

Below are time-tested and modern methods of early child development, which are most often used by parents at home or by specialists in educational centers.

Let us make one important reservation: an ideal developmental program that takes into account all aspects of a child’s personality simply does not exist. Each child is a bright individual, so what suits one may not be necessary for another.

That is why, when choosing the optimal method of early education, parents should know about the strengths and weaknesses of the preferred system, about its advantages and disadvantages. This will help pay attention to the “sinking” directions.

Tips for parents

The task of parents is to create safe, comfortable conditions in which the baby can actively explore the world around him. You need to maintain a balance without putting too much pressure on you.

Basic rules of education:

• praise the baby's achievements;
• do not redo the task for the child;
• accustom to the unfamiliar gradually;
• encourage research interest;
• Don’t demand perfect results the first time;
• is patient with sloppiness and slowness;
• do not use ignoring as punishment;
• stimulate independence.

Each child is an individual, with his own physiological and psychological characteristics. It is important to take into account the baby’s temperament, character, and personal needs, without trying to change the baby. Then he will grow up to be a harmonious, healthy personality.

Nikitins are healthy and smart children

The method of the classics of Russian pedagogy Boris and Elena Nikitin is based on their observations of their own children. To awaken a child’s thirst for knowledge, it is necessary to prepare a developmental environment - hang up various tables, letters, and geographical maps. Physical education requires exercise equipment, sports equipment and health-improving exercises (even swimming in ice water and wiping with snow). Teachers have developed interesting educational aids - cubes, puzzles, the main feature of which is versatility and the ability to achieve goals in various ways. This training system, developed several decades ago, is still relevant today, despite conflicting responses and mixed opinions.

The role of educational games

For a preschool child, play is the main way of learning. In the process of playing, he gains life experience, imitates adults, and learns his social role. To teach a child certain skills, this age feature should be used and each lesson should be accompanied by an element of play.

Do not interfere with your baby's independent play. It seems to an adult that rolling a car on the table is boring, but for a preschooler it is an opportunity to master how the car moves, feel its weight, and study its shape. Children give up truly boring activities. To captivate your child with an uninteresting but useful activity, it is important to set your own example. The boy is more willing to repeat the actions of his father, and the girl is more willing to repeat the actions of her mother. If adults prepare dinner, children happily sit next to them and play with the food: mold it from dough or sprinkle cereals. Imitating his father, the baby will “help” him fix the car.

In an effort to help their parents, children spoil and break things. You need to wait out this period. You cannot ridicule or scold a child if he wanted to help set the table and accidentally dropped the plate. It is better to ask him to help bring a broom to remove the fragments. While playing, he quickly masters the necessary skills.

Mom reacts

The difficulty is that the mother does not develop the correct reaction suddenly - just as many cannot learn to give birth well the first time. The correct reaction requires training and improvement. It's easier to say what the wrong reaction looks like. If you feel that you are on the same level as your child, you feel that you are seriously beginning to resist him - this is a reaction on the same level. He says: “I won’t leave the puddle!” - you say: “You will go out of a puddle!”, and again the same thing... This is an immature reaction - seriously. If you have stepped off your parental pedestal and descended to the level of a serious dispute over whether the child will put away the cubes or not, then your reaction is immature.

Your reaction can be as hard or soft as you like, but it should always be a little on top. You must understand who you are dealing with. But for a mother, staying at home with a child of primary preschool age and the lack of adult communication seriously changes the scale. And dad, returning in the evening, may find serious bickering over some issue such as cubes or pajamas. Provoked all day, mother begins to be stubborn about all these reasons in the evening.

You must learn not to lose scale

Compared to the world revolution, it doesn’t matter what kind of pajamas you wear. If you seriously start to get angry, then it is better to try to move away or withdraw your demand

And this does not mean that you follow the child’s lead. Remember: this is a small child who is not responsible for himself, although it seems that his behavior is malicious, purposeful, specifically against you.

And a child under seven years old is actually not responsible for himself. Although the degree of non-response is one for a two-year-old, it is different for a five-year-old. A two-year-old is not responsible for himself at all; a five-year-old can already demand something. But overall, you are still responsible for everything. It's hard. Therefore, you should have five to seven ways in your arsenal to “resolve” the regime situation - force them to remove, for example, the cubes. Methods that you no longer think about, proven, effective - because the child will have difficulties with all the routine moments until they are mastered, and up to three years of age this is completely normal.

The simplest thing is a system of rewards for the child. (Punishments don't work, and if they do work, they don't work for very long. Spanking and yelling are generally not good.) For example, the child needs to know that when he completes the blocks, you will do something nice. An action that requires tension (and clearing blocks is an action that requires tension) must be followed by something that brings obvious pleasure. Except for candies and cartoons. If this is the only incentive in your arsenal, then it is very little.

Formation of adult authority

An adult is an absolute authority for children. The formation of independence cannot be turned into permissiveness. It is important to teach your child to immediately respond to the word “no”. Adults must clearly delimit the areas of what is permissible and use different intonations in order to reinforce the correct reaction in the preschooler. If the baby does something dangerous or harmful, you need to scold him, but not shout, but only change the intonation to stern. A scream will scare him, and a stern tone will make him feel uncomfortable. He will try to avoid it and will quickly understand which actions cause a negative reaction.

The psychology of a child at 2 years old allows him to form an understanding of the authority that must be obeyed. To achieve this, you need to start delineating boundaries as soon as the baby starts crawling and his field of activity expands significantly. An adult’s authority should be developed before visiting kindergarten; this will help the child more easily adapt to the need to follow the teacher’s instructions.

Reasons for changes in child behavior

Mothers begin to rack their brains: what caused the bad behavior? What was missing in upbringing?

It seems like some kind of tension is building up and spilling out in this way. (Echomama) Some “tantrums,” in my unprofessional opinion, are caused by the fact that the child has nowhere to dump his energy, just to “go wild.” (Irkin) Maybe we paid too much attention to the eldest, if that happens. (Natalie)

As a rule, mothers beat themselves up in vain. The reason for the deterioration of behavior is different: the baby is entering adolescence, mastering a new system of relations with the outside world. At this age, the desire for independence increases, the desire to cope with simple tasks without the help of parents. Of course, such a desire should be welcomed. But the cost of this period is hysterics, when the child feels that his personality is being infringed upon.

If she wants something, but she can’t give it to her, she makes a face and starts wildly crying and shoving, which immediately stops if she gives in. For now, I give in or try to distract (it’s getting more and more difficult). But I’m terribly afraid that she will get used to the fact that with the help of such a howl you can get everything. (Anka)

This mother's fears are not unfounded. Psychologists say that at the age of one and a half to two years, a child begins to explore the boundaries of what is permitted. And he needs these boundaries, without them he ceases to feel safe. I will quote a fragment from the article “This Terrible Manipulator” from the magazine “Ego”.

“The baby tries to interact with the world and observes the results. If the reaction of the external environment is repeated several times, it is recorded in memory as normal. In the future, trying to make sure of his own safety, the baby pulls the usual strings and waits for the usual results. This is a sign for him that everything is okay. Over time, the child MUST encounter environmental resistance. Receiving no resistance, he subconsciously feels that something is wrong. In the end, perceives it as some kind of danger

It is important to understand that a child who is hysterical and demanding something is not at all focused on results. His problem is that he needs the resistance of others in order to experience a sense of security, but is not able to recognize and solve this problem on his own.”

Consciously or unconsciously, parents are looking for ways out of a crisis situation. Everyone has their own recipes. Some lock the child in the nursery with a recommendation to think about his behavior, or simply go to another room, letting him know that he has no audience. Some children need a stern parental shout to calm down. It can be very effective to explain what a child feels, but does not yet know how to express in words: “I understand, you are tired, you are angry...”

We patiently “drilled into it” that getting what you want without shouting is much more likely than throwing a tantrum. Children are no more stupid than us - logic is quite accessible to them. The child cannot cope with the situation on his own, and from powerlessness he sobs and falls to the floor. And if his parents also yell at him, then this does not help matters at all. Try to negotiate on equal terms. Look at the baby not “from top to bottom,” but sit down next to him: “Let’s think together about what we should do.” (Marie)

Before things get hysterical and the child somehow reacts to the words, I say: “You’re crying, but I just can’t understand what you want. And this makes me upset. Calm down and tell me, and we’ll think together about what can be done.” (Irkin)

Potty training

Potty training should begin at 1.5–2 years. But it must be taken into account that the development of physiological processes in children is uneven. There is no need to worry about this, gradually every baby will develop the habit of going to the toilet, it just takes longer for some.

What not to do when potty training:

1. It is impossible to force. It is impossible to ensure that the child asks to go to the potty every time he wants to go to the toilet. You need to come to terms with the fact that at first he will be forgotten.
2. Start training ahead of time. No matter how much parents would like to teach their child to go potty early, children under 1.5 years old are simply not capable of this. Most children master the potty by age 2.
3. Move the pot far away. The baby should be able to use the potty without adult help.
4. Use diapers at home. Sure, diapers are convenient and save a lot of cleanup and laundry, but wearing diapers all the time will bother your baby.
5. Scold the baby, demanding obedience. Most modern potties have a variety of designs that are attractive to children. They are made in the form of toys, bright and beautiful - children are interested in using them.
6. Distract your child when he is busy. If the child does not show a visible desire to go to the toilet, there is no need to tear him away from the game and force him to sit on the potty.

The emotional side of the issue

The emotional palette of children aged 1-2 years is still very limited.
In particular, both fatigue and dissatisfaction, along with other negative emotions, still manifest themselves in whims and crying. But if the child likes what is happening, then he begins to laugh wildly. At the same time, situations cannot be ruled out when a child’s emotions change so quickly that they simply begin to overlap each other. This also often results in shouting and noise. Therefore, parents are required to promptly console, calm and distract the child in order to help him overcome that very storm of feelings. So gradually he will learn to manage and control his emotions. Although the age of 1.5 years is not without manifestations of whims - often children begin not only to scream, but also to stomp their feet, expressing their dissatisfaction and defending their position. They also need to be responded to correctly.

How to teach independence

In the psychology of raising children under 3 years of age, the need to develop primary independence is emphasized. The closer the crisis of 3 years is, the more important it is for the baby to recognize himself as a separate person. He must understand that some actions become only his responsibility; his parents will not perform them for him.

Since a child’s fine motor skills are not yet sufficiently developed, he will spend much more time on the simplest action than an adult. But the more actively he trains, the faster he will be able to put on a jacket correctly, hold a spoon, and put toys into a box. At first, the baby may make mistakes, for example, trying to eat soup with a fork rather than a spoon. To teach him to choose cutlery correctly, you need to react gently and patiently. Simply showing him how to use a spoon is enough. After a while, he himself will understand that it is more convenient to eat soup with a spoon.

Other skills should be taught in this way. The preschooler repeats after adults; he needs to be explained and shown. Then he can learn by example. At this age, he needs to be gently guided, he should not be forced or scolded for wanting to do everything on his own. When faced with dissatisfaction from a parent or teacher, he will lose self-confidence and be afraid of making a mistake. Such children stand out from their peers: while other children are trying to fasten buttons or put on shoes, an unindependent child will wait for help from adults.

In order not to disrupt the normal development of children in early preschool age, you need to show sensitivity and patience. The child must be sure that his parents will support, but will not limit his research interest.

Magic pill

Who among us did not dream as a child of a magic pill to make some dream come true? It’s so great - you took a pill, and all possible knowledge is in your head. Or, for example, I learned to play the violin. Well, or he just became a good person. But in real life, things are not so simple. In order to change for the better, you need to work long and hard on yourself.

What do we have to do with it? We're talking about raising children, aren't we? For some reason, some parents believe that a child has been born, is growing, there is still a lot of time before he comes and says: “Mom, dad, I’m an adult now.” And this means that you don’t have to rush with upbringing, you’ll have time. Or they think that one day a miracle will happen and their child will suddenly become a wonderful person and generally a unique personality. Only here we need to work. Climb over all surmountable and insurmountable obstacles, experience puberty and work, work. After all, if you want your wonderful baby to become an equally wonderful person, know that your contribution to this transformation must be huge. And you need to start as early as possible.