Fell in love with a teacher: what to do? Psychologist's advice

If you ask any adult woman what she did in middle/high school, few will answer simply: “I studied, prepared for entering a university.” Most women will tell you how they fell in love, went crazy over boys from parallel or slightly older, or even over some celebrities. At this age, we are all susceptible to the misfortune called “love,” and often it occurs in relation to those people with whom we should not fall in love. So you're probably not glad that you fell in love with the teacher. However, at your age this is completely normal, and below we will explain why - and also tell you what to do about it.

Why do girls fall in love with a teacher?

Girls fall in love with a teacher not so often. Perhaps the lack of young personnel in universities is to blame for this. However, if there is a man no older than 50 years old who has a pleasant appearance and an extraordinary mind, then he will have crowds of admirers from different courses and faculties. And if, on top of everything else, he has a sense of humor, then he will become the idol of all girls.

But falling in love with a teacher and admiring him are two different things. It’s not enough to think that “this teacher looks exactly how I imagined the ideal man.”

Falling in love only appears when you personally meet the teacher and get to know him as a person. Then long-term communication, finding common interests and hobbies will lead to falling in love. Before that there is only sympathy. It will pass after some time, when the teacher finishes teaching your subject, or when you graduate from university.

This article is written for those young girls who really suffer from their feelings, because they are drawn to the person, and not to the teacher. And this is truly a personal issue.

If you really had a fairly close relationship with a teacher by correspondence or at the university, then after some time you could feel the lack of a person nearby. You want to communicate more, tell everything about yourself, learn about him. I want to touch a person and hug him very tightly. You also close your eyes and can immediately imagine his image, hear his voice and see his eyes from memory.

Well, if all the signs are there, then the student really fell in love with the teacher.

Need some advice? Write your story Hello! I don’t know what’s happening to me, but due to some strange circumstances, I fell in love with my teacher. I’m 19 years old, and she’s 49. When I first saw her, I was 17. As soon as I saw her I see my mood lifts, my legs give way, the smile never leaves my face. Her beautiful eyes... it’s just something. I can’t live without her. Every holiday I give her gifts, write poetry. I used to spend a lot of time with her and her subject was always a solid five, but this happened... One day I gathered my thoughts and took the risk of confessing my love to her, although I didn’t have the courage to say it to her face and I wrote an SMS late in the evening. In the morning, when I saw that my SMS was her I read it, I decided to call her and we agreed to meet after class in her office. When I arrived, I was very surprised by her calmness, she said that it would pass with me and we went home, it turned out that we had to go to one side. After some time, I decided that since she was so calm about it, then nothing would happen from a couple of SMS. But something happened to me and I started writing these fucking love SMS to her every day, calling her at night, keep watch at bus stops, just to see or hear her. After some time, she changed her number, and it’s not surprising, she has a husband and children, and here I am with my love. Now we are on vacation, but soon they will end and we will need to return to study, but I’m ashamed of my actions. What should I do, how should I behave? Please help me figure it out! Thank you in advance for your help! Rate:

Caramel, age: 19 / 08/20/2015
Responses:
Hello! When I feel ashamed, as a rule, I admit it and ask for forgiveness. If your feeling of shame is sincere, then the relief after the apology should be deep and pleasant. Whenever it comes between two people, it is better to tell the truth to the other person. It may be hard to do now, but it will be easy and simple later. Therefore, in the same way, truthfully, openly (maybe in slightly different words), tell her how you feel. If your thoughts are too obsessive, try seeing a psychiatrist. Just be sure to tell him everything, without concealment.

Pavel, age: 27 / 08/23/2015

Hello! Your teacher said correctly that it will pass. She has a family, children, she is no longer a young girl to reciprocate your feelings. Not the age to play along with you and respond to SMS. Therefore, she behaved wisely, calmly answering that it would pass. I understand your desire to overwhelm me with correspondence - I myself had a somewhat similar situation. But here the only reaction will be to change the number; this will not improve the already tense relationship. It’s better to direct your energy into creativity - write poetry, draw, let it remain a mystery to those around you who all this is dedicated to. You don't have to restrain yourself when it comes to creativity. And when you see each other again, there are two options: either apologize, you can even lie, they say, not in that sense of love-intimacy, but such a big platonic one. And promise that you won’t send any more SMS. Or simply pretend that nothing happened, but this requires restraint and self-control - just communicate as before the confession, without isolation and embarrassment. Over time, it will become easier for you to live with this feeling; love will remain, as it were, but it will no longer overshadow everything. And it will become easier to control yourself. And try to maintain a good relationship with the teacher - in her teaching practice, believe me, she hasn’t encountered anything like this, I think she won’t remember those events for you. And your case is not unique - this happens often. After all, as a rule, teachers always choose their wardrobe well and elegantly, they are polite and you can have high conversations with them, which is not always possible with peers... So, don’t worry)) Good luck! I know that the message was already a year ago, but you never know, it will be interesting to read or useful to someone else.

Ksenia, age: 20 / 08/17/2016

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Is it possible for a student to fall in love with a teacher?

You can fall in love with anyone and with anyone, as long as your desires do not cross over into the realm of mental disorders.

The fact that a student fell in love with a teacher means her desire to find a strong shoulder and support in her life. This is not prohibited by law and certainly not by morality. Yes, if a teacher falls in love with a student, he may have problems. There should always be subordination between the teacher and students.

However, no university management can control the personal lives of students and teachers. If the student is already an adult, then she has the right to decide for herself who she falls in love with. In a wide selection of men, a teacher is not the worst option.

Firstly, it can help you better master the subject. After all, the student will listen carefully and remember everything from the lips of her loved one.

Secondly, he will be able to guide her in life, because an intellectually developed person wants a worthy girl next to him.

Thirdly, they can create a scientific tandem in which they will conduct research activities.

Fourthly, a girl will feel at ease with such a man, because he will inspire calmness, wisdom, honesty and prudence with just one look. Most often, teachers become 30-35 year old men who have passed puberty. They have already settled down and are ready to start a family.

Fifthly, the man himself will be pleased that he has a young companion. This greatly improves self-esteem. In addition, young girls have a more flexible character and are more willing to make concessions. Therefore, many men choose girls much younger than themselves as companions.

So, we talked about the advantages of an alliance, which is quite possible. But this is just a guess. You need to understand that often a girl burns out with feelings within the first two weeks of personal communication. Because she understands that a teacher and a person in life are different people. For example, the teacher is always pedantic, well-groomed and never raises his voice at the university. But when he leaves the walls of the university, he can allow himself to relax. And so he changes into a leather jacket, jeans and goes to a pub in the evening to sit with friends and discuss intimate topics.

What if, on the contrary, he likes to change into ordinary sweatpants at home and watch football with beer and crackers? He had been preparing for the match for several days, and now no one could distract him from watching.

Yes, the girl definitely doesn’t expect this. Although some people like such a sharp contrast in personality, when a person is at work and when he is free.

Let's look at an action plan on how to tell someone that you have fallen in love with a teacher.

Mistakes that are important to avoid

It is important to avoid mistakes that will make studying unbearable. Should be avoided:

physical contact with the teacher;
communication in private;
confessions;
fantasies about a relationship with him;
attempts to meet eyes;
flirting with the teacher;
attempts to seduce the teacher;
spreading rumors;
provoking behavior (no need to create awkward situations to attract the attention of the object of adoration).

All this will lead to unpleasant conversations. When a student in love loses self-control, the teacher begins to have career and family problems.

Should I admit that I fell in love with a teacher?

You should confess only if you know for sure that you will not harm the teacher’s position. If he is already married and has a family, then it is better to refuse confession and reduce the tension.

Take a break from your studies, find an extra part-time job, and try to communicate less with your teacher. It is better to give up your hopes and not think about the fact that you can break up your family. Whatever the relationship between a man and his wife, you should not embarrass him with your confession.

If a woman tells a man about her feelings, then she expects the same recognition in return. It is very difficult for young people to immediately come up with the correct answer, which will not give false hopes, but will not hurt the girl’s self-esteem. It is known that women take rejection much worse than men.

Therefore, if you are really in love with a person, then give him freedom from your feelings and confessions. Don't try to seduce him, flirt with him or put pressure on him. This will bring negative results not only to your communication, but may also cause damage to your studies.

Therefore, we recommend trying to cool down, at least with the help of other acquaintances. It is not necessary to choose among your peers. If you like older men, then there is nothing wrong with that. You can find a single, already divorced man who can also satisfy all your needs.

You may need the help of a psychologist at first. He will listen to your problem and suggest a more effective way to deal with obsession. Remember that falling in love is not yet love. No matter how strong this feeling is, it must be subordinated to your mind.

But there will be advice for others if you are sure that the teacher is definitely not married and is absolutely free in his personal life. Then there is a trick for admitting that you have fallen in love with a teacher.

Tips for the student

If you see that the teacher treats you with care, it is possible that such behavior is a demonstration of her maternal instinct.

It is necessary to understand that the teacher is an adult woman who probably has a loved one, and possibly a husband. It's better to pay attention to your peers.
Do not bombard the teacher with messages. It is unknown how she will react. The teacher may call parents to school.
You need to realize that the flared up feelings are a hormonal surge, and not true love, and a girl will appear in life who will allow you to feel true sensations.
You can show signs of attention, but you should not count on anything more than friendly relations.
Try to distract yourself, decide on a hobby or sign up for a sports section. Now it’s important to switch to something. The energy spent on suffering must be directed in the right direction.
You need to realize that suffering for the teacher is largely far-fetched and fictitious. Such behavior is an attempt to feel like an adult.
If you are in love, realize that the teacher most likely will not reciprocate your feelings. A student is just a child to her.
Such relationships cannot be perceived normally by others; they are wrong. Your friends will laugh if they find out that you have fallen in love with an adult aunt.

Love with a continued relationship can occur in a situation with a student who is slightly younger than his teacher. For example, he is in the eleventh grade, and she just came to teach after university.

How to hint about your feelings?

Telling your teacher about your crush can be very difficult. You should start with simple communication. Start talking about abstract topics, and not just about studying. Under no circumstances talk about your classmates at the moment when you want to confess your feelings.

Start with comparison. Looking into the eyes of your teacher, remember the history of your acquaintance. Tell us what you thought of it when you saw it for the first time. Start the conversation at a distance, and if you feel that the teacher has not moved away or moved away, you can begin to approach him.

Remember that you only need to hint about sympathy. Don’t just blurt out, “I love you.” Just remembering and approaching this moment for the first time will be enough. If the teacher reciprocates and gives a compliment, then you can continue communication. Silence on the part of the teacher will signal a stop signal. It's better to end the flirting at this stage.

You can try it only in a few days. The whole time he will be thinking about you and what you meant. Perhaps he himself will meet you halfway and offer to take a walk after classes.

In this way more than friendship can be formed. If a student falls in love with a teacher, it is not always a loss.

Schoolboy's feelings

What to do if a student falls in love with a teacher? First of all, he needs to understand the reasons for the sympathy that has arisen. It is necessary to find out what qualities attract the attention of a young lover, how further relationships are imagined in the wildest fantasies. The desire to gain sexual experience with an older woman or lack of attention from peers drives the young man’s train of thought.

Is this idealization of the female form as a creative expression of talent for poetry or art? Glorifying the diva or mercantile interest in getting good marks in the teacher's journal. If the age difference is significant, then you should think about why such a young suitor would be interesting to the chosen one. What options are there for developing a serious relationship, and are they even possible?

What to do if a guy falls in love with a teacher? What can a young man see in his teacher other than the embodiment of femininity and attractiveness? Perhaps attention is drawn to the treatment of teenagers and participation in youth problems, the form of communication, the discussion of many situations on an equal basis with students. This style of behavior makes the teacher younger in the eyes of the students, erasing the age line.

Studying influences the further choice of profession, finding happiness, making many desires come true and achieving your goals. Much depends on the teacher in the development of the unformed personality of a teenager. A very careful approach to every situation of sympathy and love that arises will help you find the right way out.

Is it possible to marry a teacher?

Of course, you can marry a teacher. After the girl graduates from university, the man will no longer be afraid of social pressure and will be able to offer his hand and heart. Until this moment, it is better not to put pressure on your lover.

Also respect his work. No one should know that you are together until the moment you receive your diploma. Even if one classmate finds out about your secret, then after some time the whole university will be on their ears. All this will negatively affect the reputation of the teacher.

University management is always afraid of the hype that may arise due to various non-standard cases. Therefore, the teacher can simply be fired from the university.

If you fall in love with a teacher, then you shouldn’t tell anyone about it. You might get something wrong, and then problems might arise. Personal life should be private, not public.

Happy ending is possible

adobestock

Many of my classmates went to work at school after graduating from the Faculty of Philology. And two girls at the very beginning of their careers had... affairs with students. And yes, it all started during the educational process, and yes, there were calls to the carpet to the director, gossip among schoolchildren, showdowns with parents. But in the end there were two weddings and four babies were born!

Happy stories when you fell in love with a teacher

There are many stories where a girl fell in love with a teacher, and everything ended well. Let us describe two radically different stories.

The freshman became interested in the philosophy teacher at first sight. He was smart and well-read, in general, not like his peers. She was not embarrassed by the man’s age - 32 years old, when she was only 18. She always sat on the first desk and carefully watched the teacher. As a result, she began to become more interested in the history of philosophy and communicate with him at lectures. Then they started staying late after lectures and talking during breaks. The subject “History of Philosophy” lasted only 1 semester. Then the subject “Philosophy” began. It also lasted 1 semester.

Over the course of this year, the student and the teacher became very close and began corresponding on social networks. He sent her his favorite books, and she wrote to him about modern art. In general, they decided to talk about feelings and sympathy only six months after the Philosophy course ended. They have been living together for 5 years now and are expecting their first child.

The girl fell in love with a teacher in her 2nd year. She chose him as her scientific supervisor and tried in every possible way to pay attention to him. The teacher himself was married, had 2 daughters and tried not to communicate with the obsessive student. But due to lack of attention, the girl took a desperate step. She decided to seduce her teacher. I specially came to the department in the evening, when he was left alone and decided to help with his coursework.

However, when she began her actions, the teacher immediately kicked her out of the department. Of course, the teacher did not write a denunciation of the girl to the university management. He understood that if something happened, he would suffer greatly. The story remained a secret.

After such a shame, the girl immediately collected her documents and transferred to a branch of the university in another city, where a little later she found her true love. It turned out to be a senior student who looked like that teacher. This story became a lesson for many girls, because the student herself wrote an entire article about her experience.

So, we told two happy stories when a student fell in love with a teacher. Think about which one your situation most closely resembles? We suggest you draw your own conclusions.

Loneliness on the Internet. Ban on publicity

According to the adviser to the plenipotentiary representative of the Federation Council for interaction with the Presidential Commissioner for Children's Rights, sexologist Boris Lordkipanidze, possible signs of attention from schoolchildren are a consequence of the liberalization of the modern education system.

“This cannot be called a provocation; rather, it is the result of the fact that today the teacher for the majority is no longer a secret, a special mentor. There is more freedom, but, unfortunately, there is an inflection point - a change in sexual orientation, bright cosmetics and short skirts for schoolgirls. However, this is still not a challenge for the teacher. The question is how a person of the older generation perceives a form of marginal behavior of a teenager. The teacher needs to remember that, be that as it may, he is a school employee, and in front of him is a student,” says Lordkipanidze.

The best cure for love is distancing. The teacher loses his own authority because today he strives for familiarity with his students, but this should not happen. He is not just a man, he stands “behind the pulpit.” You can’t just pick it up and reach it. First of all, social networks destroy the school hierarchy. A teacher cannot create pages and show everyone on the Internet his personal life (alcohol, underwear, etc.), otherwise it turns out that he is just like everyone else, accessible.

If the teacher saves his face, then the children will know that he will not succumb to cheap provocations,” Lordkipanidze is sure.

As a rule, if teenagers decide to receive love letters or other signs of attention, then strict rejection of this on the part of the teacher is the best way out. One or two attempts, and everything stops.

It is also important, if there are any attempts on the part of the student, to protect yourself from blackmail. To do this, you need (no matter how it looks) to inform your colleagues: tell them who is paying attention to you and how. Then, if the offended girl wants to slander you, in court you will already have witnesses who were aware of the teenager’s behavior long before the false accusations. If this kind of scandal occurs, then, as a rule, there is no one on the teacher’s side.

What to do if the teacher does not reciprocate?

If the teacher does not reciprocate your feelings, or you do not see the sparkle in his eyes, then it is better to refuse to win his heart. Perhaps you have confused sympathy with being in love, which is why your charms are not working.

We recommend that you take a break from love affairs and begin the duty for which you entered the university. You need to study regardless of your crushes. After all, a diploma remains for life, and a new young man will appear in life.

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Best advice: what to do if you fall in love with a teacher?

So, if a student still falls in love with a teacher, she first needs to find out if his heart is occupied. If the teacher is married, the wedding ring will indicate this, as well as rumors at the university.

Then you need to have a close conversation. The best place to start is with the subject. Start asking questions, express interest in the subject itself, and not in the teacher.

If you immediately feel an obstacle in the form of a wall, then it is better to let go of the situation - they are clearly making it clear to you that there is nothing to catch.

Is the teacher willing to develop communication? Try looking for it more often during breaks. Just don't follow. It is only important to catch your eye and greet with a smile. Conversations can be reserved for lectures, workshops, and recess periods after or before class.

Then try hinting about your feelings and see the reaction. Until this point, it is better to wait from several weeks to several months. Otherwise, you may put yourself and the teacher in an awkward situation.

You need to check your feelings and also prepare. Don't forget to keep your crush on your teacher a secret so that no one knows about your secret.

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How to study well if feelings get in the way?

When the heart falls in love, the brain stops thinking. Therefore, serious problems may arise. If it’s still easy to get the exam, you just need to come to class and do your homework. With coursework and dissertation work, everything is much worse.

In order to submit your work on time, you will need the Killer-antiplagiat.ru service. It will help you pass anti-plagiarism and pass your coursework, even if it was downloaded from the Internet. The student can choose any of 8 modes to pass the anti-plagiarism test, depending on the uniqueness verification service. Try to raise your originality for free.

In just 1 minute you will get excellent results. The text will not change, and the percentage of originality will increase to 80-90%. This will help you get an excellent grade. Don't forget to check your work for spelling and punctuation errors.

Thus, you will be able to submit any written work by ordering an increase through the Anti-Plagiarism Killer program.

So, in this article we told you what to do for a student who has fallen in love with a teacher. Now you know that you need to carefully hint to a man about your feelings, and also test them with time and communication. Before making loud statements, get to know the person better. Then perhaps he will reciprocate your feelings.

I haven’t seen my beloved for four years...

And so, unexpectedly, I came to work in the same company where he was deputy general director! Hysterical laughter overcame me when I saw him. I realized that all the feelings were gone. We are best friends. And what surprised me was that he asked me to become the godmother of his two children. Well, why should I refuse if I can agree?

I agreed, now I’m friends with his wife too

I'm not going to get married. At least for now. I have other plans for my life. First - career growth, then - family. And let everyone who deems it appropriate condemn me for this. What people think and say is their right. I live only the way I want. I don’t look at others, I don’t copy their lifestyle, I don’t create illusions. I live as I please. And this, in my opinion, is correct, it seems to me.

Kolya is a good person. But I don’t understand how I could fall in love with him so much? How many times have I asked myself questions about how to live without him, what to do, and so on. Now it's funny. I see that these are not my type of men. My eyes used to see the world with different eyes. A different “vision” of the world distorted my idea of a chemistry teacher.

Don't panic

Teenagers are often fascinated by older and significant people. And if this person is of the opposite sex, charm can easily be mistaken for the feeling of falling in love. Your daughter is just developing her tastes in men, she is trying to figure out who they are - these mysterious representatives of the stronger sex, and a mature person is always more interesting to watch than someone of the same age.

Undoubtedly, the teacher in the classroom, especially if he is charming, charismatic and passionate about the subject, attracts attention, he has power, authority, he is much older and more experienced. Plus, perhaps the girl endows him with fictitious qualities and idealizes his image.

It is important to understand that teenage love is selfish, because a teenager is so focused on his own feelings, immersed so deeply in his inner world that he absolutely does not take into account the feelings of others. He loves not a person, but his fantasies about him. A real drama plays out in the soul of a teenager, while the role of the object of love in this case is reduced to a minimum: he simply sometimes appears before his eyes, causing a new storm of emotions.