In recent years and even decades, the boundaries of one’s own opinion have gradually been erased. People increasingly prefer to follow the crowd rather than make decisions on their own. And with social pressure they completely refuse to listen to their own “I”. Let's try to figure out what the consequences of not having your own position are and why having your own opinion is really so important?
Do you need to defend your opinion?
They say: how many people, so many opinions, and this is natural. But there are people who, in any dispute, consider their point of view to be the only correct one, even if it is erroneous and unfounded. They argue until they are hoarse, and it is impossible to convince them otherwise.
The great Bernard Shaw ironically remarked on this matter: “Every person has the right to his own opinion - provided that it coincides with ours.”
Unfortunately, many families and friendships have been destroyed because no one was willing to give in and admit their point of view was wrong. Psychologists believe that people who are intolerant of other people's opinions are usually arrogant, selfish and have high self-esteem.
They advise people who are inclined to have the last word at any cost to think: do you want to be right or happy? After all, there are cases when the point of view is not of fundamental importance and it is better to wait for a more favorable moment to convince your opponent that he is wrong.
At the same time, someone’s fate, health or life often depends on choosing the right point of view, and the decision must be made as quickly as possible.
How to say “NO” correctly
There are situations when you don’t need or don’t want to explain something to someone, prove something, argue...
Your sister wants you to take care of her kids, your uncle wants you to fix your computer, your friend wants you to help him move, and at work your boss wants you to complete a two-week project... in 3 days.
If this sounds familiar, one of the most powerful defenses is to simply say: No.
When you learn to say “NO” to other people's requests, politely but firmly, you will truly begin to take control of your life and redirect your time to the people who truly need you.
How to refuse friends and family?
Saying NO to family and friends tends to be difficult because we simply feel obligated to do whatever it takes to save and maintain our relationships.
Of course, it's great to help if possible, and you should be lenient and generous towards your family members and loved ones... But this does not mean that you should spend all your free time forgetting about your goals and dreams.
If you don’t learn to say “NO,” you won’t be able to devote part of your life... to yourself!
Here are some valuable techniques that can help you say NO without causing friction with other people.
"NO" without explanation
This is one of the best techniques. Instead of making a “good excuse,” you simply say something like, “Sorry, I already have important plans.”
There is no need to explain what your plans are. And even if those “plans” are to relax at home, they are still YOUR plans and there is no need to justify yourself to anyone.
“I basically don’t...”
Another powerful way to say no is to use your principles. For example, if you're tired of taking calls from salespeople, you might say something like, “As a matter of principle, I don't buy anything over the phone. All the best".
You can also refer to family traditions/rules, such as, “Sorry, I can't go with you because we have family dinners on Friday nights.”
The “advantage” of this strategy is that people usually do not consider such an answer as a refusal. You simply follow the rules that you have created yourself or that exist in your family.
“I will consult with my spouse”
Sometimes you just need time to think things through. One technique you can use is to say something like, “Thank you very much! I'm going to consult with my husband first, and then I'll call you."
This approach is good when an aggressive salesperson is trying to convince us to buy something when we don't see the true value in the purchase.
“NO” because of a promise to yourself/other people
This is a personal promise strategy. In some cases, you can say: “Sorry, but I promised myself not to take on more responsibilities in the near future.”
Another option: “Sorry, I promised my mom that I would come see her this afternoon.”
Is the truth always born in a dispute?
Many of us are familiar with the expression “Truth is born in dispute.” That is, in the process of a dispute, people exchange opinions, supported by arguments, and find out the truth, which is the goal of any dispute. This expression is attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates.
But it turns out that Socrates looked deeper: he said that in a dispute everyone tries to prove that he is right, to defend his point of view. But since human knowledge is imperfect, rightness is a relative concept. He himself loved to communicate with people and from everyone he received the necessary knowledge that brought him closer to the truth. This allowed him to solve various problems without arousing aggression, resentment and hatred in people. After all, in a dispute it is important not only to prove the correctness of your opinion, but also to enrich yourself with knowledge of your opponent. Therefore, Socrates believed that it is not an argument, but a dialogue - and with a person, and not a crowd - that helps to form and defend the correct opinion.
That is, truth is not born in a dispute, since those arguing do not listen to their opponent, but at this time are thinking about their answer. They are preconceived to believe that they are right and everyone else is wrong.
As one of the greats rightly noted: “Dispute is the best way to bury alive the Beautiful Lady - Truth.”
And completely unexpected
Yes, courage also has its drawbacks. The right to express judgments must still be earned, and this is not so easy. To do this, you need to work hard, study and work again, gain real self-worth, and then you can show courage almost without risk. This is what wise people say, who have achieved something in life and know it. They are not afraid to express their opinion; on the contrary, they are asked to do so, and sometimes even paid well for it. Young people need courage, because they have little else besides it. And yet the forces must be balanced. You can only show courage in a measured way, otherwise it will be stupid bravado.
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What prevents people from defending their opinions?
His absence
To defend your own opinion, you need to have one. All kinds of opinion polls show that approximately a tenth of people fall into the category “I find it difficult to say”, “I’m not sure”, “I can’t decide”. People who do not have their own point of view and blindly obey the opinion of the majority are called conformists, or opportunists. They passively accept the existing order of things and adhere to the prevailing opinion.
In recent years, the term “office plankton” has appeared. Office plankton, in particular, is a passive and indifferent person who, in essence, is personnel ballast.
True, some would rather deal with a person who does not have his own opinion than, for example, with an “idiot” who defends his point of view too aggressively. Those for whom everything is “violet” are warned: “If you do not have your own opinion, then those who do have you do.”
Diffidence
A person has his own opinion, it seems to him not worth attention and insignificant. He avoids expressing it and is afraid of confident people. Psychologists believe that the “legs” of this problem “grow” from childhood. Insecure children grow up in families where no one ever took their opinion into account, they had no right to vote, they were not trusted and were constantly controlled.
The child carries this feeling of his own insignificance into adulthood. In any fundamental dispute, he will believe that someone else’s opinion is more important and correct than his own.
Incompetence
People who have not sufficiently studied the situation or issue, do not understand the topic, but at the same time stubbornly defend their point of view, look ridiculous. At the same time, it is much easier for an erudite person who is confident in himself and his knowledge to defend his opinion. As the German poet Johann Schiller wrote: “It is not difficult for a convinced person to convince others.”
This is how smart people play it safe
It is not at all necessary, when expressing your opinion, to chop the air with your palm and generally show aggressiveness. There is a family around you, not enemies. It is best to use soft formulations, like: “Isn’t it true that...?”, “Perhaps the issue needs further study...”, “Something has not yet been sufficiently studied, but...”
Just like getting ready for a date: how beavers wash themselves in the river (video)
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This creates the stage for continued dialogue, during which all participants can learn more.
And one more added bonus. By laying his cards on the table, a person partially relieves himself of responsibility for possible bad consequences. The concerns expressed largely shift them to the shoulders of the authorities. Let him have a headache now!
What should you not forget when defending your point of view?
There is no need to defend your opinion with vehemence or aggressiveness.
The English writer and diplomat F. Chesterfield, who knew a lot about disputes and negotiations, rightly noted: “Never prove your own opinion loudly and passionately, even if in your soul you are convinced that you are right - express it modestly and calmly, for this is the only way to convince."
Aggressiveness, shouting, and scandalous imposition of one’s opinion usually end in a break in the relationship. Moreover, “when passions run high, truth evaporates.” And the British writer Carlyle rightly noted: “As soon as we feel anger during an argument, we no longer argue for the truth, but for ourselves.”
Learn from your own mistakes
Many young people are sure: doing everything according to the rules is a guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to you. However, life destroys their stereotypes. Others, on the contrary, try to act in defiance of everything, seeking the right to do as they see fit. They smash dogmas and ridicule established truths. Sometimes this promotes progress, but often ends in tragedy.
You have to pay for mistakes and sometimes – extremely cruelly. By imposing their own opinions on children, parents want to protect them from disappointment and pain. But one thing they don’t want to understand is that life experience is often formed precisely from mistakes. Otherwise, their child will never succeed as a person.
What you need to be able to do to defend your opinion
Master the art of communication
They say that in a dispute, the winner most often is not the person who is right, but the one who knows how to argue - conduct a dialogue, that is, masters the art of communication and eloquence. At first glance, there is nothing complicated here, but if we try to find people in our environment who would serve as an example of calm and reasonable communication, then it is unlikely that there will be many of them. By the way, the heroes of modern TV series cannot serve as an example, most of whom, defending their opinions, shout hysterically in two or three voices and do not hear each other.
The art of communication includes the ability to manage a conflict situation, the ability to adapt to the interlocutor, oratory skills, and mastery of voice, facial expressions and gestures. And this art must be learned.
Use argumentation techniques
The technique of classical rhetoric is suitable for an overly aggressive opponent. The interlocutor is listened to carefully with an expression showing agreement with his point of view, and then his evidence is refuted with one strong argument. Accept positive responses. The conversation is structured in such a way that the interlocutor says “yes” to all our first questions. In the future, answering more significant questions, by inertia it will be easier for him to agree with our opinion.
Salami reception. The opponent is gradually led to obtain consent from him on the main issue, and only then on specific issues necessary to obtain full consent. Acceptance of refacing. The opponent is gradually led to opposite conclusions.
Mentally put yourself in the place of your interlocutor
We believe that he is wrong, but he himself is confident that he is right. When we identify the reasons why he thinks one way and not another, it will be easier for us to convince him and defend our own opinion.
Do not show offense or get irritated if they do not understand us and do not accept our opinion
Often in these cases, the opponents are close relatives who have had negative experiences in the past and now want to “spread straw” for their children and grandchildren so that they don’t get hurt. And only our confidence in our own rightness and examples of our successes will help to convince them.
Constant self-education
Forming your own opinion is not something that ends at a certain point and then miraculously freezes in place. This process, like our lives, is in constant motion. Moreover, it can be called a cognitive tool. And education is his food. But learning in itself is nothing without constant self-improvement.
Personal opinion can be formed from facts heard and read somewhere. But it’s much better if all this is confirmed by your own experience. It is better to test the knowledge accumulated by others in practice. And then the questions about whose advice should be listened to will disappear by themselves.
