Love comes in different forms. It is foolish to think that there is one true way of love that motivates everyone. How many people there are, so many types of feelings, which are influenced by personal experience, worldview, character and the objective situation that develops between lovers. In this article we will reveal the types of love that the ancient Greeks spoke about, describing the versatility of the human soul. Can you find yourself?
So, 7 types of love:
• Ludus - consumer love
In such relationships between partners there is no true intimacy, only the desire to take what is to be. For example, intimacy, emotions, a sports trophy. A person by himself does not intend to invest anything, to share experiences and responsibility. He wants to play, enjoy attention, freedom and flaring passions. Love in this situation is superficial, people like the feeling of excitement, the anticipation of something new, a tick on the next list of victories. But, as soon as the result is achieved, they will switch to a new fantasy object.
THE ESSENCE OF PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS
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Love from a psychological point of view has no specific definition. It is impossible to speak scientifically about love, but about its manifestations, please.
In the USSR they tried to give a scientific definition of love, and this is what came out of it. According to psychologist A.V. Petrovsky, love is:
- tense intense feeling;
- caused by physical sexual needs;
- is expressed in the desire to receive reciprocal feelings of the same intensity from the object of love.
Agree, it sounds strange. Although the scientist tried to objectively cover the issue from all sides and wrote the truth. In simple words it can be described as follows. One person has a feeling for another person, and he is waiting for a reciprocal feeling on his part. If there is no reciprocal feeling, problems arise. These are what modern psychology of love and relationships studies.
Professional psychologists clarify: there are many manifestations of love. Problems in relationships arise due to the fact that people perceive and understand love in completely different ways.
Ordinary people perceive this feeling as:
- emotional impulse;
- habit;
- chemical reaction;
- desire for protection, care;
- and so on.
Each person has their own definition of love and reasons for being loved. This feeling is so multifaceted that it can combine many mental and emotional states from ordinary pleasure to sublime virtue.
Love is not only the sexual desire of one person for another, but also:
- care;
- respect;
- knowledge;
- responsibility.
A loving person always takes care of the one he loves. Examples: mother and child, couple in love.
Respect is a very important factor. Without respect, loving relationships between people turn into exploitation of one another.
What does knowledge have to do with love? It turns out that they are necessary to understand what is happening. It is knowledge that prevents the feeling of love from transforming and fading away.
A lover not only shows concern for the object of his love, but also bears responsibility for him. He tries in every possible way to protect his loved one from troubles, misfortunes and danger. This desire arises from a feeling of fear that something will happen to a loved one. Losing the object of one's love is unbearable for a lover.
• Mania - love as addiction
Present in many romantic relationships early on. The threat begins when the obsession with a partner drags on in earnest. Such love has a destructive effect on all participants because it is built on the desire to possess and control. As a result, feelings are sucked into a whirlpool, forced to suffer, torment, abandon oneself, and live in constant tension. One feels pressure and runs away. The other pursues with all passion, losing himself, tormented by jealousy. Such love is destructive, somewhat reminiscent of the relationship between a torturer and a masochist.
How is love different from passion and infatuation?
Differences between love and passion:
- Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
- In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
- Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
- Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.
Differences between love and infatuation:
- Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
- Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
- Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
- The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
- Trust is not typical for falling in love.
• Eros – passionate love
Similar mechanisms operate here as with mania, but without a negative emphasis - love is mutual, lovers want to possess each other, enjoy the joys of intimacy, idealizing the relationship. It is from eros that families are often born: the attraction is so strong that you want to constantly be close, stroke each other, bask in the rays of love. And partners run down the aisle in order to perpetuate these feelings. Alas, over the years, eros fizzles out, stumbling over children, everyday life, life crises and the emerging imperfection of a partner. True, some manage to carry passion through many years of relationships.
Characteristic signs
Symptoms:
- Lovers do not notice those around them.
- Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
- There are no doubts about the choice.
- There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
- Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
- The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
- Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
- Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
- Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.
It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.
• Agape – selfless love
This type of love can most clearly be seen between mother and child, when an adult accepts his child with all his heart, putting up with his imperfections, giving him all his tenderness, warmth and care. Unfortunately, in relationships between a man and a woman, agape can also have negative consequences - a imbalance in the energies of “giving” and “receiving.” When a lover is so devoted to his soul mate that he is ready to make any sacrifice for her happiness: forgive everything, accept everything, be an eternal donor and support, spitting on himself. This is bad because it depletes the relationship, the giver quickly runs out of steam, constantly bends, and loses boundaries. But in love, a two-way exchange of energy and preservation of the individuality of each partner is important.
Neoclassicism
Winkelmann considered the Apollo Belvedere
personification of the Greek ideal.
German Hellenism
German term griechische Liebe
("Greek love") appears in German literature between 1750 and 1850, along with
socratische Liebe
("Socratic love") and
platonische Liebe
("platonic love"), in reference to male-male attraction. The work of German art historian Johann Winckelmann was highly influential in shaping classical ideals in the 18th century, and is also often the starting point for histories of German gay literature. Winckelmann observed the homoeroticism inherent in Greek art, although he felt he had to leave much of this perception implicit: "I could say more if I were writing for the Greeks, and not in the modern language that was forced on me." certain restrictions." His own homosexuality influenced his reaction to Greek art and often leaned towards the ecstatic: "from admiration I pass to ecstasy...", he wrote of the Apollo Belvedere, "I am transported to Delos and the sacred groves from Lycia—places Apollo honored by his presence—and the statue seems to come to life, like Pygmalion's beautiful creation." His approach to art history, now considered "anti-historical and utopian", provided a "body" and a "set of tropes" for Greek love", a semantics of Greek love that... fuels corresponding eighteenth-century discourses on friendship. and love".
Winckelmann inspired German poets in the late 18th century and throughout the 19th century, including Goethe, who pointed to Winckelmann's glorification of the male nude in ancient Greek sculpture as central to the new aesthetics of the time, and for whom Winckelmann himself was a model Greek love as the highest form of friendship. Although Winckelmann did not invent the euphemism "Greek love" for homosexuality, he has been characterized as the "intellectual midwife" for the Greek model as an aesthetic and philosophical ideal that shaped the 18th-century homosocial "cult of friendship".
Idealization of Greek homosocial culture in » Death
David
Socrates"
18th-century German works from the milieu of classical studies "Greek Love" include academic essays by Christoph Meiners and Alexander von Humboldt, Christoph Martin Wieland's parody poem "Juno and Ganymede" and "A Year in Arcadia: Kyllenion"
(1805). , a novel about an apparent love affair between a man and a man in the Greek setting of Augustus, Duke of Saxe-Gotha-Altenburg.
French neoclassicism
Neoclassical works of art often represented ancient society and an idealized form of "Greek love." " The Death of Socrates"
Jacques-Louis David
is conceived
as a “Greek” picture, imbued with a recognition of “Greek love”, a tribute and evidence of idle, disinterested male communication.
• Storge – love based on a sense of duty
There is no romance or animal passion in such relationships. It’s just that two people have been together for so long, have experienced so much that they have become part of each other, “fused with roots.” Together they form a well-functioning mechanism, where each has their own role and a large share of responsibility. They will tear anyone apart for their family, because they are a continuation of each other. And even if their life is not seething with emotions, a sense of duty will not allow them to betray their partner, even if these two did not choose each other, even if they do not meet their ideals. The promise to be together through thick and thin is more important than any emotion.
What do scientists think about this feeling?
Love from a chemical point of view:
- When you fall in love, the body actively produces serotonin and dopamine. A person is addicted to love.
- If a man suddenly loses interest in one girl, he begins to court several women. There is not enough vasopressin hormone in his body.
- During the period of passion, human blood is saturated with a cocktail of various hormones. Intimacy cements relationships.
The last stage of love, from the point of view of chemistry, is the attachment of partners to each other. At this stage, the body actively produces the hormone endodiazepine. It silences anxiety and gives peace.
Love is different for each person. Some fear this feeling because of a tragic breakup that caused heartache. Someone gets the highest pleasure from it. In order for a relationship to last longer, be strong, and interesting, you need to constantly introduce novelty into it, try to develop feelings. It is enough to increase interest for passion to flare up again.
• Philia – friendly love
Who said that only passion or a sense of duty can unite? Sometimes people are so interested in being together - talking and being silent, exploring the world, creating - that nothing more is needed. In such relationships there is no physical attraction (or there was some, but it has subsided over the years). But there is harmony of souls, equality of thoughts, division of interests. The partner simply likes to be together - listening to music, watching movies, going hiking, raising children, doing everyday things, acting as a team. They have the same attitude towards life. Therefore, in partnership they receive support for their ideas, views and projects.
How to save fading feelings?
To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:
- Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
- Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
- Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
- Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
- Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
- Constantly share plans for the future.
- Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
- Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
- Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
- Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.
Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.
• Pragma – rational love
This type of love occurs when people seek a comfortable relationship. But not for financial gain (although not without it), but to meet an ally with whom you can confidently walk through life. In such a couple, love is not as valuable as a coincidence of views, role models, and worldview in general. So that both spouses look at life in the same direction and do not devalue each other’s achievements. She is a housewife, he is a breadwinner. And everyone plays their role. This is an important quality, because without pragma, spouses will not have understanding. For example, why he doesn’t want children, but she does; why she spends all her time in the kitchen and does not travel with him across the mountain prairies; Why does he spend his last money on development instead of investing in his family? Without a coincidence of views, criticism, quarrels, condemnation begin - and the family quickly becomes unhappy.
As you can see, there are a lot of types of love; everyone chooses something different in accordance with their values, age, and experience. But it’s best to alternate one with the other, without taking any one idea to extremes, developing passion, friendship, flirtation, and responsibility.
Stages of development
There are several stages in psychology:
- Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
- Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
- Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
- Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
- Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
- Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
- Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
- Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.
The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.
Philia
The pinnacle of manifestation of philia is selfless friendship and sincere affection. Aristotle believed that a person can experience philia for another for three reasons: the other is useful to him; the other is pleasant to him and, above all, because the other is rational and virtuous. Friendship based on the latter is associated with mutual trust.
For Plato, the best friendship is that which lovers have with each other. This is philia, born from eros, which feeds and strengthens it, transforming it from lust into the desire to better understand and get to know each other, and after this the world around us.
True friends strive to live together honestly and openly, changing themselves and helping each other change for the better, and, in essence, play the role of therapist for each other.
What is love made of?
Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposes a theory according to which love consists of three essential components: intimacy, passion and commitment.
- Intimacy is closeness and mutual support, partnership. It increases as lovers get closer and may not manifest itself in a calm, measured life. However, in a crisis situation, when a couple has to overcome difficulties together, it is clearly expressed.
- Passion is a feeling of sexual attraction. It reaches its highest point at the beginning of a relationship, but stops growing in long-term ones. However, this does not mean that passion is absent in a long marriage - it simply ceases to be an important motivator for the couple.
- Commitment is the willingness to be faithful to another person. This is the only component of love that grows over time in any relationship - both long-term and short-term - and becomes an increasingly significant aspect.
Love in Greek mythology
Sexual relationships and love were important components in Greek society, and this became evident in Greek mythology. For example, Aphrodite, the goddess of love, sex and lust, was one of the most revered major deities in the ancient world.
His figure became so important that it even came to represent many meanings: from beauty, fertility, protection of the home and ideal love to passion, voluptuousness and vice. In the same universe of gods, the god of Olympus Zeus stands out
It is known from stories that Zeus showed his seduction skills and teamed up with both goddesses and mortals. Therefore, the offspring of Zeus became important, being the father of heroes and representative characters.
In the same universe of gods, the god of Olympus Zeus stands out. It is known from stories that Zeus showed his seduction skills and teamed up with both goddesses and mortals. Therefore, the offspring of Zeus became important, being the father of heroes and representative characters.
Greek mythology became a platform for revealing fashions, customs and styles of romantic and sexual relationships. There are still stories that are still considered very important today. Here are some of the most important:
- Orpheus and Eurydice.
- Odysseus and Penelope.
- Perseus and Andromeda.
— Paris and Elena.
- Adonis and Aphrodite.
- Eros and Psyche.
How do we help?
We offer professional psychological assistance in the form of psychological consultations and long-term psychotherapy.
The difference is that consultations can be one-time in nature and devoted to a specific narrow topic stated by the client. Psychotherapy is long-term, in-depth work focused on the client’s personality. Psychotherapy with elements of psychoanalysis helps to identify the origins of problems, understand them, and carry out deep changes in character that inhibit personal development and interfere with a full life.
Depending on your personal preferences and recommendations of the psychologist, you can choose one of the proposed forms of work.
