Psychology of love: what kind of feeling is it, definition of the concept, meaning in relationships

The definition of love and what kind of feeling it is (in psychology) still has very blurred boundaries. Many people surround us, some we are indifferent to, others arouse sympathy, affection, annoyance or even hatred, and there can be many objects. But only at the sight of one person does the spirit freeze and “spread its wings.” Emotional excitement smoothly turns into attachment and further, causing a response not only on the emotional, but also on the physical level, deeply affecting the biochemistry of the body, expressed in the accelerated production of serotonin, the hormone of happiness.

Concept and functions

The concept of “love” has many interpretations. This is a chemical reaction, a habit, a spiritual impulse, affection, a desire for protection, care.

Psychologists cannot identify a single interpretation for this concept, since each person perceives it differently.

Love can be called an interested, attentive, caring attitude towards someone.

This feeling combines many positive mental and emotional states, which begin from ordinary pleasure and reach sublime virtue.

Main functions:

1. Caring is shown towards the object of affection.
2. Respect - without it, relationships will turn into ordinary exploitation of the object of interest.
3. Knowledge - a loving person constantly learns this feeling, develops it, not allowing it to fade away.
4. Responsibility - a person on a subconscious level protects the object of his adoration from all troubles.

All functions are interconnected. If any of them is not fulfilled, love cannot be called complete.

Stages of development

There are several stages in psychology:

1. Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of ​​the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
2. Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
3. Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
4. Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
5. Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
6. Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
7. Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
8. Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.

The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.

Example

In reviews of “A Military Field Romance,” released in 1983, one can notice: the most controversial image for viewers was the character of I. Churikova - Vera Nikolaevna, the wife of Netuzhilin, the main character of the film. Finding himself in a love stupor after meeting a fighting girlfriend, for whom he had feelings at the front, he rushes between her and his own wife. Guessing and understanding everything, Vera Nikolaevna is a devoted, selfless and forgiving woman.

Who is she - a truly loving wife or just a mature lady who has nowhere to go, as some viewers think? Probably, they simply failed to see the spiritual closeness that exists between spouses. At the end of the film, it is obvious: Netuzhilin managed to throw off the veil of love's intoxication, retaining real, deep feelings for his own wife. For N. Burlyaev, the actor who played the main character, it is the character of I. Churikova that is the ideal of a truly loving woman.

Classification

Psychologists distinguish several types of love:

1. Mania is a manifestation of feelings as addiction. This form appears at the initial stage of relationship development. The danger arises when mania begins to drag on and intensify. A sense of control over the partner begins to prevail in the relationship, which negatively affects the lovers. Such relationships resemble the connection between a maniac and a victim.
2. Consumer love is ludus. There is no real intimacy. One of the partners wants to receive something from the other - intimacy, expensive gifts, emotions. When the goal is achieved, interest disappears and relationships are destroyed.
3. Passionate love is eros. This type is similar to mania, but does not have negative preconditions. Lovers focus their attention on intimacy and want to get maximum pleasure from each other. Partners constantly want to be close to each other and can spend whole days in bed. Over the years, passion fades and shortcomings emerge. Most couples who grew up on the basis of eros are destroyed.
4. Love that is created on a sense of duty - storge. Such feelings are not built on animal passion or romance. People come to such relationships after years of living together. At the same time, the partners have grown together so much that they cannot imagine life without each other. For them, family comes first; they do not know how to betray.
5. Selfless love is agape. This type of feeling is clearly visible between mother and child. For a couple in love, this can be a bad and even destructive manifestation of love feelings. If one of the partners feels selfless, he can forgive everything, forgetting about himself. Slowly this will lead to the destruction of the relationship.
6. Rational love is pragma. Formed between people who are looking for comfort. They do not need financial gain, any achievements, they do not pursue sporting interests. Such partners are looking for a reliable ally in each other, a friend with whom they can go through life without fear.
7. Friendly love is philia. There is no physical attraction in such relationships. Harmony of the soul, division of interests, equality of thoughts reigns. Partners like to spend time with each other, communicate, watch movies, listen to music. Anyone can destroy such a connection.

Each type of love relationship is characteristic of different ages and has characteristic differences. In order for the relationship to be strong and not to be destroyed at the first difficulties, it is necessary to simultaneously and proportionately develop flirtation, friendship, passion, and responsibility.

Stages of love

No matter how strange it may sound, such an elevated feeling also goes through a series of transformations. Each stage has its own characteristics.

Love

The most romantic and exciting part. Characterized by intense passions, loss of critical thinking, and a search for similarities in various areas. The reason for this attitude is the production of a complex of hormones responsible for euphoria, cheerful mood and a feeling of happiness.

Saturation

The severity of emotions is gradually complemented by affection and the need to show care. Madness is replaced by warmth, interest in the outside world, professional achievements, communication with colleagues and friends returns. The boundaries are expanding again, but the beloved remains the center. To some this seems like a cooling off, but in reality it’s just a transition to a new level.

Disgust

Each person represents an entire universe with its own speed of rotation of the planets and laws of gravity. There will inevitably be a period when there will be a clash of interests. At this moment it will become clear what kind of feeling it is - love with its wisdom and forgiveness or uncompromising passion.

Humility

There comes objectivity in assessing a partner and acceptance of him with all his advantages and disadvantages. It helps to better understand the aspirations and desires of another, and gives an incentive to work on developing relationships.

Studying

A person is so multifaceted as a person that his inner world is a mystery, not to mention who is nearby. The time has come for discoveries and defining the boundaries of freedom, combining life rhythms.

Proximity

The degree of loyalty and trust increases, where individuality is more clearly manifested in unity. At this stage, a couple often decides to start a family.

Doubts

Typical for people who have lived nearby for more than 5-7 years. Achievements are analyzed, and the opinions of others become important. With harmonious relationships in the spiritual and intimate spheres, the period passes quickly and relatively painlessly. With urgent problems and mutual accusations, aggravation and rupture are possible.

Sexuality

Differences in preferences and changes in desires can lead to serious disagreements, affairs, and mutual cooling. I encourage my clients to find the initial spark by carefully fanning it into a searing fire. Unfortunately, there are no universal methods; for each couple I develop a unique program during a personal consultation.

Love

It is considered the crown of a relationship in which complete trust and mutual understanding are revealed. The danger lies in the loss of individuality when a partner is perceived as an extension of oneself. The most important thing during this period is respect and attention, constant care that does not turn into suffocating care.

Characteristic signs

Symptoms:

1. Lovers do not notice those around them.
2. Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
3. There are no doubts about the choice.
4. There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
5. Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
6. The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
7. Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
8. Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
9. Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.

It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.

How to save fading feelings?

To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:

1. Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
2. Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
3. Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
4. Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
5. Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
6. Constantly share plans for the future.
7. Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
8. Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
9. Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
10. Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.

Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.

Indicator - behavior

To truly love is to do everyday actions that speak more about the sincerity of feelings than words. When a partner is an asset, attention to detail comes to the fore:

Human needs human…

To smile just like that

So that my heart becomes warmer,

To worry: “There’s a draft there!”

Put on your slippers quickly.” (M. Boykova)

According to G. Chapman, each of us has our own love language, that is, actions by which the other judges whether he is loved or not. What is important here? Speak in your partner's language. Words are important to some, some value the time their lover devotes to them, gifts are valuable to a third, a fourth perceives feelings through assistance in business, a fifth through touch.

How is love different from passion and infatuation?

Differences between love and passion:

1. Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
2. In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
3. Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
4. Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.

Differences between love and infatuation:

1. Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
2. Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
3. Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
4. The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
5. Trust is not typical for falling in love.

What do scientists think about this feeling?

Love from a chemical point of view:

1. When you fall in love, the body actively produces serotonin and dopamine. A person is addicted to love.
2. If a man suddenly loses interest in one girl, he begins to court several women. There is not enough vasopressin hormone in his body.
3. During the period of passion, human blood is saturated with a cocktail of various hormones. Intimacy cements relationships.

The last stage of love, from the point of view of chemistry, is the attachment of partners to each other. At this stage, the body actively produces the hormone endodiazepine. It silences anxiety and gives peace.

Love is different for each person. Some fear this feeling because of a tragic breakup that caused heartache. Someone gets the highest pleasure from it. In order for a relationship to last longer, be strong, and interesting, you need to constantly introduce novelty into it, try to develop feelings. It is enough to increase interest for passion to flare up again.

A different vision of the world

The most important indicator of the sincerity of feelings is the transformation of the surrounding reality. The world becomes bright and spacious, and people and their activities are perceived as alive, beautiful and meaningful. What is love? This is the perception of the world through the prism of this feeling.

When love is unrequited and filled with suffering, then those around you seem gray and uninteresting. How is the world perceived? Dull, small and even pressing on a person.

The main indicator of the presence of genuine feelings is the attitude towards life. The lover enjoys every day, his existence is filled with colors. At the same time, kinesthetics are also important: you want to touch your partner and feel closeness.