What is envy and is it always a bad feeling: reasons, signs, ways to get rid of it

An ax of the soul, a destructive poison for the heart, the most disgusting passion, the baseness of nature, the friend of empty souls, the sister of competition, the mother of iniquities... There are so many metaphors about this feeling in the works of ancient and modern philosophers and writers! Every person has experienced envy at least once. Only for some it is just a short-term emotion - a prick, the pain from which passes quickly, and the wound remains almost invisible. But for others, it becomes a real pathology, corroding the soul and requiring the intervention of psychologists, and sometimes psychotherapists.

What is envy

We cannot speak unambiguously about envy; this concept is broad and very capacious. The simplest lexical meaning of the word can be found in Ushakov’s explanatory dictionary. Envy is the desire to have what someone else has.

A large psychological dictionary offers the following definition: envy is a feeling of annoyance caused by the well-being and success of another. In its extreme manifestation, envy provokes a feeling of hatred, anger towards a person, a thirst for his failure, fall.

Psychology believes that envy is bad, because it has a destructive effect on a person. He finds happiness for himself in someone else's misfortune.

Some people have a neutral or even positive attitude towards envy, because this feeling is a kind of litmus test. If envy arises, then something is going wrong in a person’s life. This feeling can help usher in positive change.

Reasons for the transition of emotion into pathology

To cope with envy, which becomes a destructive pathology, it is necessary to get to the bottom of its origins. Not a single feeling arises in a person just like that, out of nowhere. They are all grown on some soil. Therefore, the first step towards getting rid of a poisonous scourge is to find out the reasons. The following circumstances are most often the provoking factors.

Frustration

Inability to satisfy one’s own needs, discrepancy between desires and capabilities. In psychology, it is one of the strongest psychotraumas. Causes strong aggression against someone who does not have such a problem. The consequences are deprivation, neuroses and egodystonia. For example, one of my friends goes on vacation to the sea every year. The second, due to his financial condition, cannot afford it and begins to envy.

Need

It is a source of frustration, which subsequently develops into pathological envy. Lack of money, financial insolvency, low social status force a person to compare himself with others - the rich, the successful, those at the helm of power. As psychologists note, today the too obvious stratification of society, which is actively exaggerated by the media, is the cause of most psychological disorders.

Dissatisfaction with appearance

More than 75% of people have internal complexes due to their own appearance. Some are embarrassed by the shape of their nose, others hate their figure, and still others cannot look at themselves in the mirror at all. Reasons: congenital pathology (deformities, heredity) or acquired psychotrauma (contrived complexes due to suggestion by parents, peers, husband, etc.). Such people are capable of being very envious of those who fit social stereotypes of beauty.

Lack of personal achievements

Sometimes people, having wealth, family well-being, normal appearance, begin to feel emptiness within themselves. It seems that everything is there, but the potential remains unspent. It would be possible to make a more successful career, move to a larger city or abroad, send a child to sports, etc. Comparisons with former classmates, co-workers, neighbors, relatives begin - and envy arises.

Subjectivism

A person stews in his thoughts around the clock. Often, focusing on problems, he does not see the positive things happening in life. For example, if at work it is not possible to occupy a high position and earn more, all efforts are thrown into closing this gap. Even if everything is fine in the family, everyone is healthy, no one quarrels, the children are doing well in school or sports - all this fades into the background. There is no objective picture of life. Envy arises towards those who achieve career growth. Although, most likely, the latter also has his own difficulties, but in a different area - disagreements with his wife, illness of parents, misunderstanding with teenage children, etc.

Childhood psychotrauma, peculiarities of upbringing

The most common cause of envy. It completely takes over a person if, in childhood, parents:

• they praised him only when he achieved a certain success (if he finished a quarter with honors, won a competition, etc.);
• punished for the slightest offense by saying offensive words and using physical violence;
• forced to constantly limit oneself in desires;
• convinced that wealth and power are always bad;
• invaded personal space, controlled every step;
• They argued that you always have to pay for happiness with tears and pain;
• supported pessimistic sentiments.

As a result of such upbringing, there is no ability to sincerely enjoy life, deep internal complexes and a distorted value system are formed. While others, believing in success, make a career, create a prosperous family, and realize their potential. It goes without saying that jealousy of others’ achievements and envy arises.

If the cause of envy is psychological trauma, you will have to get rid of it with the help of a psychotherapist - perhaps even through hypnosis. It allows you to identify gaps in the upbringing and attitude of parents and correct distorted attitudes. If the problem is low self-esteem and internal complexes, a psychologist will help you cope with them. All other points can be eliminated yourself.

This is interesting! In 2009, Japanese scientists from the National Institute of Radiology (Honshu Island) conducted a series of studies under the leadership of Hidehiko Takahashi, MD and PhD. As a result, they said they had found the area of ​​the brain responsible for envy and schadenfreude. This is the anterior part of the cingulate cortex. It is noteworthy that it plays a major role in the occurrence of pain syndromes.

Types of envy

People envy in different ways, which is why psychologists distinguish different types of envy.

There are other classifications of envy:

1. Black and white. Black envy provokes negative feelings (anger, competition, dissatisfaction, hatred, desire to compare). White is an impetus for positive changes.
2. Male and female. It is believed that envy is more common in women than in men. Women's envy often borders on hatred. Quality also manifests itself in guys, but it is no longer envy, but a spirit of competition, a desire to win and prove one’s superiority.
3. Short term and long term. Envy can only arise once. For example, a woman envied her friend that she had a fashionable bag, and then bought herself an equally fashionable one or completely forgot about someone else’s bag. But envy can last for years. For example, to someone else’s social status, lifestyle or position.

Salieri's mistake. or About how envy is born and how to deal with it

Why do people envy each other? At first glance, this simple question suggests an equally simple and obvious answer: in our world, some people are completely deprived of those worldly blessings that others possess in full and even in abundance. Thus, the problem is that the world itself is unfair, and envy is just a reaction of the disadvantaged part of humanity to this fundamental injustice. That is why the poor envy the rich, the ugly - the beautiful, the mediocrity - the talented, the sick - the healthy...

It would seem that the answer to the question about the nature of envy is quite logical, but in real life for some reason this explanation does not work. After all, you can envy not only wealth and beauty, but anything at all. A middle-income man envies a successful businessman, looking at his luxurious cottage and expensive cars. But this same businessman, whose time is scheduled literally by the minute, and the number of tasks and worries significantly exceeds his natural capabilities, looks with envy at the ordinary employee of his company, who calmly goes home after a working day and immediately forgets about all official matters. A childless person envies those who have children, but a person with many children will, no, no, even envy someone who lives exclusively for himself. The old man envies the youth of the teenagers playing football under his windows, and the boys envy the adults and dream of growing up faster. Sometimes envy is directed at objects that are completely strange. Thus, in a well-known ditty of the post-war era, the absurd ability of a person to envy even the grief of others was ridiculed with bitter irony:

Life is good for the one who has one leg, He is given a pension, and does not need a boot.

It turns out a strange picture: every person is deprived of something and at the same time he himself is the owner of certain benefits that cause envy among others. But why, then, are people never completely satisfied with what they have? Why, according to an apt folk saying, does any piece in someone else’s hands always seem thicker and tastier?

The famous Bulgakov character Polygraph Poligraphych Sharikov believed that in order to achieve universal happiness, people need to “take everything and divide it.” Unfortunately, this simple recipe from a talking dog has never proven successful in human history. The fact is that only material goods can be divided. But how to distribute talent and intelligence, beauty and health equally among everyone? After all, even the most just social system will not be able to abolish the division of people into talented and untalented, smart and stupid. And if we reason consistently, we will inevitably have to admit that the causes of envy go beyond the scope of social issues, and resentment over the unequal distribution of goods between people, by and large, is always addressed to the One Whom the Church calls the Giver of all goods. That is, to God. It is no coincidence that the most famous literary envier, Pushkin’s Salieri, who cruelly suffers from the incomparability of his modest talent with the musical genius of Mozart, addresses his complaints not to the royal court or to music critics, but directly to Heaven:

Everyone says: there is no truth on earth. But there is no truth - and higher...

...Oh Heaven! Where is the rightness when a sacred gift, When an immortal genius is not sent as a reward of burning love, selflessness, work, diligence, prayers - but illuminates the head of a madman, an idle reveler?

And if the roots of envy go back to the area of ​​relations between man and God, it would be reasonable to find out what the Christian religion says about this property of the human soul.

The only criterion

In the finale of Nikita Mikhalkov’s film “A Friend Among Strangers, a Stranger Among Our Own,” captain Lemke, captured by the security officer Shilov, who was unable to go abroad with the stolen gold, desperately screams, looking into the sky: “Lord! Well, why are you helping this cretin, and not me?” Leaving aside the plot of the film and the historical authenticity of this situation, we must admit that the question itself was posed by the captain very precisely and directed to the right address.

“Lord, why not me, but him?” - any attentive person who has caught himself at least once in envy knows that this feeling ultimately comes down to precisely this kind of bewilderment and resentment against God. And it’s not so important what exactly “not me, but him” got: an academic degree or a new car, the ability to write poetry or a bank account. After all, each of us understands that there are things in life that we could not achieve even with the most desperate efforts, and not everything in our destiny is determined by hard work and diligence. For example, a boy born into the family of a successful businessman or politician, by the very fact of his birth in this particular family, has a number of enormous advantages over the son of a milling machine operator from the Likhachev plant. And for a person with innate absolute pitch, mastering the science of music is much easier than for a poor fellow whose ear, as they say, was stepped on by a bear in childhood. So why do some already have from the cradle what others are not able to acquire even with hard work?

If we do not reduce our fate to a crazy game of blind chance, then there is only one reasonable explanation for such inequality: the life of each person consists not only of his own efforts, but also of God’s plan for him, of those qualities, conditions and circumstances of life that God endowed him. Apparently, these conditions may be strikingly different from each other, but Christianity claims that God loves each of us equally and for each person at any moment of his life, He gives exactly those opportunities and conditions that are most useful for him in a spiritual sense. After all, neither money, nor position in society, nor creative abilities - in general, no external or internal qualities of human life are considered in Christianity as an unconditional good. The main question of the Gospel has a completely different meaning and focus: what should I do to inherit eternal life?

(Luke
18:18
). Where do talent and wealth, poverty and illness lead a person - to eternal life or to eternal destruction? This is the only absolute criterion by which, from the perspective of the Gospel, one can judge the value of everything that we have here on earth. Only in the perspective of eternity do all earthly conditions of our existence acquire one meaning or another.

For example, a talented person can come to faith and glorify the Lord with his art. Or he can destroy his soul by developing monstrous conceit and pride.

But a person without pronounced creative talents can also achieve the fullness of being and self-realization, or he can bring himself to extreme degrees of envy of people who are more talented and even, like Pushkin’s Salieri, commit a crime. The presence of artistic, literary, musical talents or their absence are only the conditions in which each person can realize his most important talent - the ability to inherit Heaven.

From the point of view of eternity, the fate of any person does not depend at all on the circumstances of his life, but only on how he realizes himself in these circumstances determined by God. After all, the Lord knows the spiritual structure of each of us and, out of His love, provides any person with the conditions of earthly life that are most favorable for acquiring eternal life. Therefore, the indignant question of an envious heart: “Lord, why not to me, but to him?” - always presupposes doubt precisely in this God’s love, in the goodness and benefit of His definitions.

Saint Basil the Great directly calls envy enmity towards what is given to us from God, resistance to God. There is nothing surprising in such a harsh formulation if we remember that, according to the word of Holy Scripture, it was through this passion that death entered the world, and the very first envious person was... the devil: God created man for incorruptibility and made him the image of His eternal existence; but through the envy of the devil death entered the world

(Prem
2
:23-24).

Two prayers

In Okudzhava’s song “François Villon’s Prayer,” the author’s naive wish sounds:

While the Earth is still spinning, while the light is still bright, Lord, give everyone what they don’t have.

This request to God expresses a certain idea that directly relates to the topic of envy. Indeed, why shouldn’t God give everyone everything and plenty?

After all, what is assumed here is no longer the primitive egalitarian “socialism” of Sharikov, when in order to give something to one person, this “something” must first be taken away from another. Here the reasoning is much more elegant and subtle: we believe that God is omnipotent, which means that He has no need to distribute existing goods and can fully satisfy all the possible needs of each person without the slightest damage to other people. Consequently, if God does this, then envy will immediately cease to exist as a phenomenon, since there will simply be no basis left for it in the souls of blessed humanity. So why hasn’t Almighty God given everyone what they don’t have yet?

The answer to the “Prayer of François Villon” is not difficult to find in the Epistle of the Apostle James: You desire, and you do not have; you kill and envy - and cannot achieve; you bicker and fight, and you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask not for good, but to use it for your lusts.

(James
4
:2-3).

God is truly omnipotent, truly loves people and, of course, is always ready to give each of us any blessings. But whether we are ready to accept them is a big and very difficult question. In fact, what would happen, for example, if the Lord, at the request of the poet, nevertheless allowed everyone striving for power to “rule to their heart’s content”? And at what terrible price would other people who find themselves under the power of those who perceive power as a source of their own pleasure have to pay for this “love of sweets”? Yes, here it’s time to ask God for just the opposite, to pray to Him so that the power-hungry, striving for power, will never gain access to it. The same can be said about wealth, and about fame, and about many, many other benefits that, instead of joy, can bring the greatest disasters to people striving for them.

In his current state of falling away from God, a person can even desire something that directly threatens him with death. According to the logic of Bulat Okudzhava’s poem, God should, in addition to power for power-hungry people, also issue coupons for free port wine to all hungover alcoholics, drug addicts - a guaranteed daily dose of heroin, and fatty meat lovers suffering from hypertension and cholecystitis - a mountain of fried chicken legs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Of course, these are the most striking examples of a person’s suicidal desires to get “what he doesn’t have.” But through them one can understand the general principle: if God does not give a person what he strives for, it means that God has sufficient reasons for this. Because He, unlike us, knows absolutely exactly who, when and what can be useful or harmful.

After some operations on internal organs, a person cannot drink for some time. During this period, the patient is injected intravenously with a physiological solution that relieves thirst, and yet he is very envious of those who have access to a basic opportunity: to drink plenty of ordinary water. Only a clear understanding of the harsh truth can help him in the fight against this envy: under no circumstances should he drink in his condition, otherwise he will simply die.

Asking God for something you don’t have is sometimes as unreasonable as asking a doctor for water for such a post-operative patient. Therefore, in the prayer of St. Philaret of Moscow there is a completely different request to the Lord: “Lord, I don’t know what to ask of You! You alone know what I need. You love me more than I can love You. Father, give to Your servant what I myself cannot ask for. I do not dare to ask for either a cross or consolation, I only stand before You. My heart is open to You; You see needs that I don't know. See and create according to Your mercy. Smite and heal, overthrow and raise me. I am in awe and silent before Your holy will and Your destinies, incomprehensible to me. I sacrifice myself to You, I surrender to You. I have no other desire than the desire to do Your will; teach me to pray. Pray in me yourself! Amen".

When the dragon appears

Envy is often called a person’s painful desire to get what seems attractive to him and what other people own. In a certain sense this is true. And yet this is not yet the envy that, according to the word of the Fathers, likens a person to demons. In moral theology, such a one-sided view of another’s success is usually called the sin of selfish desire. As with any sin, there is, of course, nothing good in it, and yet this is not envy in its full development, but only its threshold. There is a well-known parable, the content of which can be reduced to the following plot: a man was promised the fulfillment of any desire, but on the condition that his neighbor would receive the same twice as much as he himself. The man thought for a long time, and then wished... that one of his eyes would be knocked out and one of his arms would be torn off.

This is the main feature of real envy - the desire for harm to those you envy.

The mechanism by which this destructive feeling appears in the human soul is quite simple: looking at a person who has succeeded in something, the envious person first wishes for the same benefits for himself, then becomes upset at their lack. And when it becomes clear to him that he will never achieve these benefits, he begins to dream that the owner himself will be deprived of them. It is then that this terrible dragon matures in a person - the evil envy that St. Elijah Minyatiy spoke about: “Envy is sadness because of the well-being of one’s neighbor, which... seeks not good for oneself, but evil for one’s neighbor. The envious would like to see the glorious dishonest, the rich poor, the happy unhappy. This is the purpose of envy - to see how the envied person falls from happiness into disaster.”

This location of the human heart becomes a launching pad for contract killings; thefts and car thefts, deliberate arson and damage to other people's property are rooted in it. And also countless large and small dirty tricks that people do just to make another person feel bad or at least stop feeling good.

One might object: it is not at all necessary that envy expresses itself in real action of this kind. A person can just be quietly jealous,

in the soul, and not harm anyone.

Yes, for the most part this is what happens. Each of us is jealous of someone, but not everyone does nasty things to others or commits crimes. However, criminals did not immediately become capable of theft and murder; they, too, began with quite harmless, as it seemed to them then, boyish fantasies that “it would be nice to have sneakers like that, a jacket like that, or a cell phone like that guy over there.” . This is the tragedy of the situation that a person is not able to determine absolutely exactly what turn of fate will turn envy from dreams into a fierce beast that he will no longer be able to cope with.

And if this beast does not break out in the form of a crime, will it really be easier for the envious person? After all, in the end, such a terrible feeling will simply drive him into a premature grave, but even death will not stop his suffering. Because after death, envy will torment his soul with even greater force, but without the slightest hope of quenching it...

Exit from the maze

How to deal with envy? The answer is not so difficult to find if you remember that the essence of any sin is falling away from God. Envy, at its core, has a very true and adequate feeling of the loss of a person’s connection with his Creator. A person feels that he has lost something very important, without which his life is empty and miserable. Only he doesn’t know what it was.

And in search of the lost, as if in a labyrinth, he begins to rush between different goals, each of which inevitably turns out to be false. Because no earthly blessing can replace the Giver of all these blessings.

There is only one way to rid yourself of such a harmful delusion. St. Basil the Great writes: “We can avoid envy if we do not consider great and extraordinary from human things what people call wealth, or fading glory, or physical health, but we strive to acquire eternal and true blessings.”

And the only eternal and true good for a person is only that which no one can ever take away from him under any circumstances. Such a good can only be our communication with God, the union of the human spirit with the Spirit of God in mutual love, which will not cease even after our physical death. If you seek precisely this good, if you strive for it, trying to build your life according to the Gospel, then you will no longer have to envy anyone. After all, all the Gospel commandments, in essence, direct a person to a single goal - to make the main content of his life love for God and other people.

You can only envy those whom you do not love, for whom you feel, albeit slightly, but still dislike. And where there is love, or at least the desire for it, there is no place for envy. Thus, a mother cannot envy her child simply because she loves him, rejoices in his joys and perceives any success as her own victory.

Envy in literature

Many books are written about envious people, some of which have already become recognized world classics:

1. A. Pushkin “Mozart and Salieri”. A work about the eternal confrontation between two geniuses.
2. Christopher Priest "Prestige". What to do if your friend becomes more successful than you? What if he is to blame for the death of your lover? Another story about the eternal confrontation between art and science, reason and feelings.
3. Thomas Mann "Joseph and His Brothers" Joseph was Jacob's favorite son, which made his other brothers terribly angry. What will come of this?
4. Ian McEwan "Atonement". The feeling of envy can ruin a person's life and change his destiny forever. “For the company” his relatives, who are not guilty of anything, may also suffer.
5. Julian Barnes "The Sense of the End" The main character suffered all his life from feelings of envy towards two more successful and bright people. The feeling haunts him even in his old age.

Do you know works and films about envy? Share in the comments. Let's put together a cool selection.

Signs

Black envy simply paralyzes a person and does not allow him to exist normally. Signs:

• aggression;
• inferiority complex;
• gloating;
• injured pride;
• vanity;
• exaggerated desire for justice;
• greed;
• hatred;
• hostility;

A person with such feelings considers the successes of others to be the reason for his own failures. Tries to harm the object, to humiliate him.

White envy is an adequate feeling. An envious person perceives the success of another as the result of his efforts. There may be a desire to elevate yourself. Signs of this condition:

• empathy;
• goodwill;
• Delight.

It is difficult to recognize unconscious gray envy in yourself. Its signs:

• Bad mood;
• dissatisfaction with life;
• irritability;
• despondency.

Such a person is bored listening to the target talk about his successes, and is irritated by his boasting and lack of restraint. For some reason I often feel sad and sorry for myself.

Why do people envy others - reasons

If a person regularly envies others, then such behavior is not the norm. There are serious reasons for envy. Where envy comes from and how the habit of envying others is cultivated in a person, see the table.

What do you think provokes envy in a person? Share your opinion in the comments. Examples from your life and the lives of friends.

Do they envy you?

“The envy of other artists has always served me as a thermometer of success,” said Salvador Dali . Some people happily flaunt their achievements and juggle in front of familiar bright events in their lives. But most of us are in no hurry to talk about ourselves. How can you tell if your friends and colleagues are sincerely happy for you? Should they be trusted with their little successes, or is it better to never share them with anyone, and when leaving the house, just in case, wear an “evil eye” pin under your clothes?..

Article on the topic

Without envy and complaints, but with love: how to live to be a hundred years happy

Most often, envy is felt on an intuitive level. And the rule “the eyes are the mirror of the soul” does not lose its relevance to this day. When the interlocutor hears information that clearly upsets him, his pupils noticeably narrow, his gaze and facial expression change. Even if he smiles diligently at the same time.

Therefore, try not to let everyone in on your secrets. One or two close people is a sufficient circle of listeners. There is no need to report to others about the events of your life. If an envious interlocutor persistently asks you about something, try to switch him away from the topic that is undesirable for you. This is pure diplomacy, but it is necessary! Better yet, exclude those who envy you from your list of acquaintances.

How to understand that others are jealous

The main signs of envy:

1. There is a sense of insincerity in a person’s tone, even if he congratulates or compliments another.
2. Efforts are worthless. An envious person attributes success to favorable circumstances or luck.
3. An envious person constantly brags about his successes and deliberately exaggerates them.
4. The person notices that the envious person has begun to imitate him (clothes, manner of speech, hobbies).
5. Jealous people love to compete with others.
6. If a person fails or makes even the slightest mistake, the envious person will not miss the opportunity to demonstrate his joy.
7. They are always looking for a reason to gossip behind their envy's back.
8. Shows a clearly negative attitude.

How do you recognize the envy of others? Share your secrets in the comments.

Why is it dangerous and does it affect health?

From the point of view of etiquette, envy is condemned; even if it arises, it is customary to hide it. A person begins to become more emotionally invested in someone else’s life, while forgetting about his own. His affairs, plans and hobbies gradually collapse, and when a person comes to his senses, it is often too late.

Envy also negatively affects a person’s health and well-being:

1. Envy breeds passive aggression and develops depression.
2. Depressive conditions can cause breathing and bowel problems.
3. When a person is irritated or stressed, his skin produces more oil. The result of this is an increase in rashes: acne, various forms of rash, hives. If a person is prone to eczema or psoriasis, then the diseases worsen.
4. Envy develops tachycardia, provokes chest pain and heart failure.
5. Anger has a negative effect on the eyes.
6. Envy provokes congestion in the liver and gall bladder.
7. When a person is constantly in a bad mood, his immune system suffers and the likelihood of getting sick increases.
8. Constant melancholy can provoke insomnia and excessive fatigue.
9. The sexual sphere of a person’s life suffers due to stress.
10. Negative emotions lead to weight fluctuations and pinched nerves.

Consequences: how it poisons our lives

This is a dangerous feeling accompanied by anxiety. It needs to be taken seriously. The human body, like poison, is saturated with negativity. It corrodes the nervous system from the inside. What an envious character can lead to:

1. Development of chronic depression. Anxiety is accompanied by frustration, despondency, and a decrease in emotional background. Prolonged stay in this state leads to changes in the biochemical structure of the brain. An important hormone, serotonin, is not produced. Without it, there is no motivation, there is a loss of strength, and important processes in the body slow down. A deficiency of this hormone leads to depression.
2. The person falls into apathy. There is absolutely no energy to implement plans and goals. Inside there is nothing but devastation. There is no desire to do what you love and enjoy life.
3. Communication with people is deteriorating. Such people are avoided. It reveals their arrogant attitude towards others and their sarcasticness.
4. Conflict situations arise.
5. Low self-esteem is reinforced. Attention shifts to other people's achievements, and the chance of one's own success decreases.
6. An imaginary sense of justice develops. Constant disappointments.

Envy, like rust, corrodes and destroys souls. If you feed it with negativity and resentment, then it is impossible to overcome it. In contrast, it is worth putting strong, bright feelings. There are many ways to deal with this emotion. The most important thing is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take steps towards success. It is important to focus on your own development. Become friendly, wish people well, praise them, give sincere compliments.

How to deal with envious people

Envious people are not the most pleasant interlocutors. They can make a person nervous, worried, and feel awkward. How to communicate with them with minimal losses for yourself:

1. Limit communication time and keep it to a minimum.
2. If a person expresses envy openly, then you can honestly tell him how difficult success is, how much you have to work for it, and what you deny yourself. A person must understand that other people's achievements are not a happy accident or a generous gift. But there is a chance that the envious person will simply brush it off.
3. Follow the saying “Happiness loves silence.” There is no need to talk about the level of your bonus, your relationship with your significant other, or other achievements. This only creates the ground for envy.
4. In the presence of an envious person, you should behave neutrally. There is no need to complain about failures and mistakes. This will only feed the envious person emotionally; he will then use all the information against the person.
5. Show self-confidence, do not react to the caustic remarks of the envious person, or respond to them as politely as possible.

Experience your own powerlessness

A very important step in working with envy (as with any problem) is to admit that you can overcome it on your own. That is, in our case, you will neither reconcile nor act. Why? Any passion is a breakdown of a person’s volitional mechanisms. This is especially evident in the example of chemical addiction - there is a certain zone in which you are not able to control your own behavior. The main illusion that a person has in this situation is that he will now tense up, pull himself together, pull himself together, read another book and... improve.

An attempt to cope with one’s passion by a volitional decision when one’s will is violated results in an endless nightmare of rotation in the cycle of passion. This is self-deception. Until a person admits that his volitional mechanisms are broken, he will not be able to do anything. “Go, throw your passion at the feet of Christ and you will receive relief,” the Egyptian ascetic said to his disciple. It is very useful to face the experience of your own powerlessness. Admitting your powerlessness over passion is the first small victory over it.

Source: www.nsad.ru

Please note that the information presented on the site is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended for self-diagnosis and self-medication. The selection and prescription of medications, treatment methods, as well as monitoring their use can only be carried out by the attending physician. Be sure to consult a specialist.

Protection from the envy of others

If someone is jealous of a person, this can seriously affect his emotional state. There are several ways to protect yourself from the envy of others, see the table.

What to do if you yourself feel jealous

The Germans are sure that an envious person always suffers and cannot be happy. How to deal with your own envy:

1. Accept the world as it is, and not look for justice and answers to questions.
2. Stop criticizing people, especially stop unconstructive criticism. Not all people act as we ourselves consider necessary, and they have the right to do so. If you need to criticize someone at work, then do it as tactfully as possible, always rely on your colleague’s successes and positive emotions.
3. Engage in self-improvement. New knowledge and positive emotions will leave no room for envy in your soul.
4. Learn to rejoice in the achievements of others, sincerely admire people who managed to achieve something. They did it, and you can too.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others. It is much more productive to compare yourself with your former self than to regularly recognize your inferiority compared to more successful people. Goal setting and self-analysis will help here.

Vision angle

Yes, it is natural and normal to compare yourself to others. But how we perceive our personal and professional achievements (or lack thereof) depends only on us. Will it be black envy and condemnation of more successful friends (colleagues), or white envy, like an internal shot that triggers the work of thought in one direction: how and what to do so that I can have it too.

Psychologists have terms to designate two types of people’s reactions: extrapunitive and intrapunitive. With the first, we look for the causes of world evil in the actions of others. With the second, we dive into ourselves, turn on the mode of searching for answers, opportunities, reserves and motives within ourselves. With “white” envy, it is the second type of reaction that “works” for us.

How to get rid of a problem and benefit from it - practices

Any emotion is valuable, including envy. We do not encourage you to directly fight it, but to transform this feeling and make it work in your favor:

1. Exercise “Forgive and Let Go.” It is important to learn to let go of negative emotions (anger, resentment, anger, aggression). If you get rid of them, new, productive and creative feelings will come to replace them. Previously, we wrote about how to let go of your own anger and give vent to your emotions.
2. Exercise "Plus and Minus". There is a balance in life, which says that if a person loses something, he will certainly gain something in another area. If something bad happens, then you should look for advantages in this situation, it is advisable to record them in writing. For example, the owner of the apartment asked me to vacate the apartment, but I can find a better or more attractive option.
3. “Real Goal” technique. It is important to set only realistic and achievable goals. A prerequisite is that the result of an activity must depend on the person, and not on random circumstances. For example, next month I will write reports well, and I will definitely be praised at the meeting.
4. Exercise “What can I?” Envy is a marker that something is going wrong in a person’s life. It is worth thinking and deciding what can be done now to improve the situation. For example, increase income, learn something new, make peace with loved ones.

It is advisable to surround yourself with positive people who know how to be grateful and give these emotions to others. There is no need to treat envy badly. Every person experiences this feeling. It is only important to learn how to work with it correctly.

Do the exercises in writing. This will help secure the material. By unloading all thoughts from your head, new ideas and thoughts begin to come to you, which will help you see new solutions.

How often do you notice feelings of envy in yourself? How do you prefer to work with him? Or maybe there are envious people in your environment. Tell us about your experience in the comments.

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