To please your pride means to please your self-esteem. Strange, right? As if self-love is a separate animate unit, and not part of the personality. In fact, everything is simple: self-love is a person’s Ego. For some people it is so inflated that they become slaves to it, and their whole life turns into a search for pleasure for the Ego. However, even healthy people periodically have a desire to please their ego. Let’s take a closer look at what the expression “satisfying one’s pride” means.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is complete acceptance of oneself, the search for what will be optimal at the current stage of life, the choice of a favorite activity, the ability to abstract from what brings disappointment and unpleasant emotions. The concept is inextricably linked with self-love. Without it, it is impossible to understand the essence of respect, including for other people.
Self-respect is not the same as pride. The latter is the reason for illogical actions. Those who are influenced by pride strive to be respected and admired, but they treat others condescendingly at best. For them, their own aspirations come first. It would seem that this is normal, but only when the desires and aspirations of others are not ignored.
Respect involves choosing what is best for the person right now. This is a choice in favor of a healthy lifestyle, a dream job, a hobby you like; refusal of toxic relationships and communication with those who are completely uninteresting
Such people try to devote as little time as possible to uninteresting things, paying attention to what is closest to them. Those with inner pride (not to be confused with arrogance) will not waste energy on scandals or showdowns
Confident people don’t have to stoop to trying to rise up at the expense of the worst qualities in others, they simply don’t need it.
What does self-esteem affect?
This quality, at a minimum, allows you to save a huge amount of time, usually spent on useless quarrels. The futility of trying to prove your importance to someone, living someone else's life for others, becomes obvious.
This human trait also affects relationships with the environment. Anyone who is aware of his own strengths is ready to move towards his goal without hurting the interests of others, and is able to establish strong friendships or romantic relationships. Those who respect themselves realize that the interests of others are important and will never ignore or ridicule them. Therefore, such individuals are revered, people strive to communicate with them and maintain connections.
Hurt pride
A proud person is a person who is very easily deeply wounded even by an inoffensive word. Hurt pride can become a weapon in the hands of a competent manipulator. Some managers deliberately hurt the pride of their subordinates, which means for them an unacceptable failure, from which they can only recover by surpassing themselves. Thus, in some teams the level of labor productivity is increased.
Important! In such conversations, department heads do not insult or reprimand vain employees for their poor performance; this is achieved with the help of subtle psychological comparisons and hints that indirectly elevate competitors over the subjects. The easiest way is to hurt the self-esteem of a narcissistic newcomer; this condition is aggravated due to the already increased level of stress associated with the new environment and a strange team
Psychologists do not recommend arranging strength tests for newly arrived employees until their professional probationary period has expired, since such an attitude can leave the organization without valuable personnel
The easiest way is to hurt the self-esteem of a narcissistic newcomer; this condition is aggravated due to the already increased level of tension associated with the new environment and a strange team. Psychologists do not recommend arranging strength tests for newly arrived employees until their professional probationary period has expired, since such an attitude can leave the organization without valuable personnel.
Is there any benefit to self-love?
Everything is good in moderation. The same goes for your attitude towards yourself. A person must love himself, otherwise he will not have an incentive to develop, increase his level of education, provide himself with quality food, timely medical examinations, and develop his body. Only with self-esteem can you defend your interests in disputes, occupy a leading position in a team, and have an opinion that is significant for others. This is precisely the meaning that should be inherent in self-love: the desire to become an authority for others, to take a responsible approach to any work, to put effort into self-discipline.
Attention! Healthy pride borders on boorish narcissism, which destroys everything good that is in character, erases the lines of good and evil in relationships between people, and turns a person into a forced loner. Inappropriate overestimation of one’s abilities causes a distorted perception of one’s position in society
Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area
Inadequate overestimation of one’s abilities becomes the cause of a distorted perception of one’s position in society. Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves to be successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area.
Braggart
Should a Christian love himself?
Love is one of the essential Divine properties (see more details:). This means that God from eternity abides in Love for Himself. To put it differently, all the Divines are in mutual, heartfelt love, and at the same time, Each of Them nourishes love towards Himself.
Man is created in the image and likeness of God (see:). The ability to love is one of the features of this heavenly image.
Therefore, there is nothing reprehensible in a person’s love for himself, however, if we are talking about love in the correct understanding of the word, and not about a proud, selfish feeling, pride.
A person’s love for his own personality is not only allowed by God, but is also elevated by Him to a model of love for: “love your neighbor as yourself” ().
But what does the expression “love yourself” mean? To love yourself is to live the fullness of a God-like life, to love life itself as Divine, to have joy in the Lord, to strive to fulfill your highest purpose. If God loves a person, then does the person himself really have the right to treat himself with dislike (acting in defiance of the Almighty)?
There are many similarities between love for oneself and love for one’s neighbor(s), in particular the following.
Just as love for one’s neighbor implies the desire for his happiness, so love for oneself implies movement towards happiness. After all, man was created for, and not short-term, as is the case in the conditions of present life, but for the eternal and incessant.
The path to this bliss lies through the introduction of one’s life to the life of the Universe, to the life of Christ. He who does not strive for eternal happiness in the Lord does not love himself.
Thus, loving yourself means (among other things) doing what contributes to the eternal blissful life. This is facilitated by fulfillment, love for God and His creation.
Just as the love of one person for another is associated with the desire to protect him and not lose him, so love for oneself implies the desire not to lose oneself for the eternal Kingdom of Heaven: “whoever loses his soul for the sake of Me and the Gospel will save it” ().
Just as love in general implies, so self-love requires taking up your cross and following Christ ().
The commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” () indicates that ideally, love for one’s neighbor should not be inferior to the love that a person has for himself.
This rejects the idea of self-love as self-love, because self-love implies the opposite: a selfish, and often disdainful attitude towards people.
Women's pride
What, in turn, is the difference between a woman’s self-esteem and a man’s? First of all, psychologists note the fact that it is often unreasonably high, so it can be very easy to offend it, and this can be done quite suddenly by uttering just one “wrong” word. At the same time, a woman, being wounded, can turn into a real “monster”. They harbor resentment and revenge for a long time, are capable of being sarcastic, lying, showing off, and stooping to banal insults.
At the same time, it is very easy to hurt the pride of any woman with adultery. Not all of them are able to turn a blind eye to such things, no matter how men try to justify their search for sex “on the side” and make their infidelities seem less significant than the infidelity of the woman herself.
If there was cheating on the part of the husband. And the wife finds out about this, she is faced with a very difficult question: come to terms with this, learn to live and forgive, try to maintain the old relationship with the person who has always been near and dear? Or should you listen to your pride and nip everything in the bud? Psychologists recommend that women try to take a neutral position, relax, and not get excited, so that in the future they can make the right decision from their point of view, and not act out of the blue.
Will leave a more profitable option
In this case, the man approaches the relationship from a practical point of view; if such a situation has arisen and he has the right to choose, then the male will remain where he is more comfortable and comfortable. In this situation, a woman will have to prove that she is the best, and perhaps even compete for her lover. In the process of a relationship, a man one way or another forms his personal preferences for each passion (sex, figure, financial condition, personal qualities, culinary abilities), and by comparing them, he will make his choice.
What does it mean to “stroking one’s ego” in psychology?
Psychologists’ understanding of this expression as a whole is also somewhat different from that accepted in everyday life, as is the meaning of the word “self-love.” In psychology, this phrase characterizes the need to feel special and significant that a person experiences. And the actions he takes to achieve this.
In other words, to stroke one’s pride is both to ask for a compliment or praise, to show off in front of someone, or to perform actions that provoke attention from other people. In other words, experts give this concept a meaning characteristic of determining a person’s behavioral tendency. This tendency or type of behavior, in turn, consists of a number of emotional prerequisites and character traits.
Thus, to please oneself is to please oneself, flatter oneself and provoke others to similar actions. This understanding of this expression is not as negative as it seems at first glance. A person’s actions aimed at satisfying his own ego directly depend on the degree of “inflation” of this quality or, conversely, excessive underestimation of oneself.
Stretch your ego - what does it mean? Get approval for your qualities, appearance, character traits or actions from other people. Or a person may well please his own ego on his own, giving his own qualities and strengths more importance than they are. Simply put, overestimating your capabilities or any character traits.
Hurt pride
Each of the individuals is a person, represents something, has unique character traits and worldview. This is an absolute and indisputable fact. And yet human psychology includes some points that unite all people. Such features include pride, which is one of the characteristics of human character.
Is self-love good or bad? Psychologists give the following meaning to self-esteem: an individual’s defense of his social value, as well as relevance. In other words, self-love defines a character trait due to which an individual becomes smarter, more attractive, grows above himself, and maintains value in society.
Is self-love a good incentive to improve your life? Everyone will answer this question for themselves. Some are inclined to believe that self-love is good, others that it is an illusion of one’s own superiority, leading to hyperbolization of one’s own “I”. One thing is clear that each individual has his own personal motivation and without respect, as well as self-love, intellectual, spiritual and physical growth is impossible. And negative statements, judgments, and indications of shortcomings negatively affect the personality, hurting self-esteem.
Each individual reacts to criticism differently: some feel guilty, some become aggressive, some have decreased self-esteem, some get very irritated, but in any case, criticism does not fall on deaf ears and deals a blow to self-esteem .
Not everyone can accept criticism with dignity due to their individual characteristics and character traits, but it is important to be able to correctly perceive constructive comments. If it so happens that a person has been subjected to an unreasonable offense, then psychologists advise accepting it as a fait accompli, drawing conclusions and moving on with life.
Humans are very sensitive to social approval. When he is praised, he grows in his own eyes; when he is criticized, it is the other way around. A proud individual builds a certain scale of values in his head and tries to achieve it with all his might. This is good when a person strives for goals that are useful for himself and society, and it is destructive behavior when an individual deliberately takes the path of degradation. It must be remembered that pride itself acts as a catalyst for actions and desires, but not the main reason.
It is sometimes very easy to offend a proud person. All you have to do is say one word
In this case, there is heightened self-esteem, when a person exclusively concentrates attention on satisfying his needs and desires; by and large, he is indifferent to those around him. Such excessive self-importance leads to egocentrism
The desire to be first is considered normal, healthy pride. A physically and mentally healthy person is always endowed with this quality. In this case, it is motivation for professional and personal success.
Vulnerable pride is observed in women, so you should not intentionally offend them, since you can forever lose your good relationship with them. Women react sharply to comments about their appearance, way of thinking, and behavior. In adulthood, people are especially sensitive to words of flattery and compliments, so it is sometimes better to remain silent than to tell a lie.
It is important for the fair sex to feel calm and comfortable, so it is better to refrain from directly expressing shortcomings. If such a need exists, then it is better to express it in private.
In this case, your hurt pride will not suffer much, and you will maintain normal relationships.
Philosophical Dictionary (Comte-Sponville)
Self-love
Self-love
Amour-Propre
Self-love from another person's point of view; the desire to be loved, to be approved or admired; horror at the thought that another person might hate or despise you. La Rochefoucauld sees in self-love the main of our passions and the spring of all others. A more lenient and fairer Rousseau insists on the difference between self-love and self-love: “Self-love is a natural feeling, prompting every animal to take care of self-preservation, but in man this feeling is guided by reason and tempered by compassion, giving rise to humanity and virtue. Self-love is a derivative, artificial feeling that arises only in society, forcing each individual to attach more importance to himself than to everything else, prompting people to cause all kinds of evil to each other and being the true source of the concept of honor” (“Discourse on the origin and foundations of inequality between people”, note XV). The transition from one to the other is quite easy to explain. Of course, we live for ourselves, but only surrounded by other people and thanks to them. Therefore, it is not surprising that we like it when other people treat us with love. Self-love is the desire for this love, directed at oneself, but realized through other people. It is love for others for oneself and love for oneself expressed by others. To claim that self-love is unhappy love, as Alain does, means falling into a double mistake. In fact, self-pricks are nothing more than minor troubles against the backdrop of life's drama. Sometimes real grief can heal from them. Sometimes, perhaps, it is great happiness.
Reading time: 2 min
Self-love is an overestimation of one’s strengths, which is simultaneously combined with a jealous attitude towards one’s own personality and is expressed by strong sensitivity to one’s opinion about oneself. Self-love is noted in every individual, but is expressed to varying degrees. Overly proud individuals are overly sensitive to criticism and are incredibly worried when they are denied something. Injured pride can develop into fully conscious or unconscious revenge.
Male pride
In principle, a blow to pride is a painful event for any person, although some people know how to cope with it, so everyone has their own reaction to negative external psychological factors. In particular, male pride, unlike female one, is more pronounced, so the reaction of the stronger sex is much more acute. Because of this, they often become somewhat inadequate, uncontrollable and even aggressive. In order to avoid such situations in family life, you should learn to smooth out the “sharp corners” that arise, quickly resolve conflict situations and, if necessary, make concessions. It is very useful to find out what most often leads to irritation in men, and what actions on the part of a woman they simply cannot forgive.
Most representatives of the fair sex rely too much on their impunity, perceiving it as the right to say anything to men, without fear of incurring responsibility, and to achieve their goals in any available way. It is believed that a loving husband is able to forgive his soul mate everything. In principle, this is so, especially if such “antics” do not exceed certain limits. But at some point, a situation suddenly arises when a man becomes tough, is no longer under control and is able to greatly surprise his wife. That is why any woman should feel a certain line that should not be crossed in a relationship with a man under any circumstances.
Of course, first of all it is worth noting female infidelity. Let us emphasize that betrayal by a spouse, as a rule, for a man is completely different from his own betrayal. For example, if the spouse himself cheated, then he can quite rightly note for himself that his betrayal was only a need for intimacy, so his wife still remains his only and dear one. At the same time, it is often believed that betrayal on the part of a woman is more associated with feelings, based on sympathy, the need for affection and love. That is, the wife’s betrayal is a direct hint to the man that she no longer treats him as her only one, so the relationship is completely different.
So betrayal greatly hurts a man’s pride. There are cases when a man is able to forgive betrayal, but in the future he is still unlikely to forget the very fact of what happened, so the relationship will never be the same again.
Also, many men cannot stand situations where a woman takes the leading position in their relationship. Any man, no matter what he is, always wants to feel supported, necessary, irreplaceable. If a woman takes on the role of mistress of the situation every time a difficult situation arises, this greatly affects his pride. The same goes for comparing a man to someone else who is better than him.
Manipulation in intimate relationships is another easy way to hurt a man’s pride. All sorts of excuses in bed like a sore head and a bad mood, especially if they are too frequent, are just a reason to push him to cheat. Demanding that you fulfill your whims and buy gifts for sex is an even worse idea.
You can easily make a man angry if you put him in a negative light in front of friends or even close relatives. Representatives of the stronger sex want to be wealthy and reliable, almost ideal and irreplaceable for their companions, so ridicule or overly aggressive criticism from the woman they love is an excessively painful blow for them.
There are also a number of female actions and habits that easily irritate men.
These also include endless chatter on the phone, gossip, aimless running around the shops... Men can easily turn a blind eye to many of these things and not focus on them. However, you shouldn't overuse it.
Basic types of behavior of a woman
There are two ways to hurt a man's pride. We are talking about conscious and unconscious provocation on the part of a woman. The first and second options are radically different from each other:
- Deliberate provocation. This is the style of behavior of a woman who tries to keep everything under control. She sees everything and understands perfectly well that the man is unpleasant with her comments or sarcastic clarifications. By doing this on purpose, the girl achieves the complete destruction of the man as an individual, in order to establish her own unspoken rules. A woman mistakenly believes that she can keep her husband close to her for a long period in this way. The man will consider himself completely dependent on her and will not go anywhere. You will have to disappoint the lady, because sooner or later the guy will find strength in himself and will definitely break out from under oppression. The only justification can be a situation where a woman did not value the relationship and deliberately hurt the man’s pride in order to break up as quickly as possible.
- Unintentional provocation. We are talking about the wrong behavior of a woman who is trying to increase her self-esteem at the expense of her partner. She is confident that she is right and does not notice the moment when she begins to cross the line of what is permitted. At the same time, the girl sincerely loves the guy and does not understand what exactly she is doing wrong. Most often, such relationships end in separation, and both partners experience severe disappointment. To prevent this from happening, you should consider the most common mistakes in the behavior of representatives of the fair sex.
What is self-love?
Self-love is a feeling inherent in any person; full acceptance of one's own strengths and weaknesses. It is mistakenly equated with selfishness. In fact, it is precisely this that helps to achieve success, to isolate oneself from unnecessary things, to avoid dangerous situations, and not to suffer due to progressive complexes.
There are many myths around self-esteem that are not sought to be debunked. Such an attitude of an individual toward himself is often condemned and considered almost indecent. In society, people are more loyal to those with complexes than to those who are self-confident. The reasons are envy or the belief that confident individuals are fixated on their own desires, ignoring others, and are unable to experience strong feelings for others. The latter is typical for people, but the roots of such behavior do not lie in their attitude towards themselves.
Love is a fundamental feeling in our life. It is absolutely normal to experience her towards yourself, moreover, it is necessary. But it is worth distinguishing this feeling from painful narcissism, elevation above others, and narcissism. The listed traits have a destructive effect not only on the individual, but also on her loved ones.
Wounded pride.
Both notorious teenagers and respectable adult men and women suffer from it. The syndrome is common to those who have ego problems
It is easy to offend such people by carelessly making a sharp joke, criticizing their activities/appearance/choice of hobbies, even looking “wrong”. Wounded pride is a strong reaction to external stimuli that manifests itself almost instantly
This could be anger, resentment, a desire for revenge, or all of the above. It seems to a person that they want to humiliate him, insult him; he is going to assert his own dignity. The readiness to get into a fight after a harmless joke reveals a complex personality who tries to be inviolable, creates a “protective field” around himself and is afraid to leave his narrow comfort zone.
The inability to ignore potential irritants causes many problems: intrusive thoughts, attempts to see everything as a threat, difficulties in communication. When even friends avoid meetings so as not to see the sour face of a constantly offended, dissatisfied friend, this is a significant reason to think. Problems with socialization are not the worst thing. Much worse is an inadequate assessment of one’s own behavior and suppression of complexes, which inevitably leads to mental disorders.
How to fight?
Stop getting angry in response to jokes; do not pay attention to phrases said specifically in order to catch your pride. A person does not become ugly or untalented because someone voiced an insult out loud - his personality does not change in any way. Words, in fact, are not offensive: offense is just a reaction to something.
You should take it easier on what others say. Someone's words do not affect the internal state. But anger, self-indulgence, resentment out of nowhere - they influence, and noticeably. Those who deliberately say offensive things are trying to throw out accumulated negativity, and almost any reaction of the defendant brings him a fair dose of negative emotions. Ignoring or a neutral attitude is a proven defense that preserves nerves and composure.
Mistake No. 2. Ignoring a man’s decisions
If you constantly challenge or simply ignore the decisions of a representative of the stronger sex, a blow to male pride is guaranteed. A man always claims to be the head of the family, and this is normal according to all generally accepted canons. He is obliged to support his family and do the hardest work. But what to do if this function is constantly not performed by him, and the woman is forced to bear everything on herself? Even this serious situation does not give a woman the right not to listen to her partner’s point of view
If she neglects his advice and focuses only on her decisions, the guy will stop taking the initiative altogether. He will decide that he is being neglected as a man, and will go looking for those women from whom he can gain recognition
Never argue with a man about his point of view and do not impose your ideas. He sees the situation in his own way and has every right to do so. If the guy’s proposal is absurd and there is no way to agree with him, you need to use all your feminine charm and tactfully offer your option. By loyally explaining all the benefits of your choice, you can get a stunning result. The guy will decide that this idea came to him. You shouldn’t disappoint him, let him think so, and you can give yourself an “excellent” for the wise behavior of a loving partner.
Sick or wounded pride
Sick pride - what is it, is it possible to learn to cope with it? Psychologists agree that this is possible only after recognizing the presence of a problem. Wounded self-esteem does not allow its owner to adequately perceive criticism even from close relatives. Any attempt to make even the most diplomatic remark to a proud person turns into an explosion of anger on his part, insults and ends in an interruption of the dialogue.
Important! There is such a thing as “excellent student syndrome,” which begins during school years in children whose parents place high demands on their academic performance. Getting accustomed from an early age to the fact that living correctly means doing everything only “excellently,” students become unprepared for the defeats and failures that inevitably await them in adulthood.
Excellent student syndrome
When talking about what self-esteem is, first of all, we mean defining the self-esteem of a person with an unhealthy perception of disapproval from the environment. Especially such people keenly perceive comments or advice from a person significant in society, just as they react most vividly to praise from such a person. Praise from a well-deserved authority in a team is a source of nourishment for a proud person.
Error mechanism:
Many people have an established behavior orientation only towards the final result. Example: “I graduated from college (school) - there is no need to study further.” Or: “we won, and winners are not judged,” “I achieved, and this is the most important thing,” “I did everything I could,” “I have... and I don’t need anything else.” In all these phrases we see a lack of desire for further action. The process that a person worked on stops, an end is put. And the fact of achievement is recorded in the consciousness as final and good.
This fact and its assessment completely suit the person. Although in theory he probably understands that better is possible. Due to various reasons: - pity for the efforts expended, laziness, pride in what has been achieved and others, there is a reluctance to improve oneself and one’s results in the future. This is how a person forms an ideal self-image that completely suits him as an opinion about himself.
Hurt pride
Man is a unique and inimitable being. Even within their own society, each individual is a unique personality. We all have our own personal traits of appearance and character, a unique combination of qualities, advantages, and disadvantages. But at the same time, each person has something in common. In particular, we all have a sense of pride to one degree or another.
It is impossible to say unequivocally whether the very presence of pride is something good or bad. Psychologists consider this phenomenon as a special property of the human psyche, which allows an individual to preserve his individuality, things and qualities that are relevant to him. In other words, this is one of those properties that underlie an individual’s desire for development, self-improvement, and increasing his value in society.
But is the feeling of self-esteem really such a good incentive to work on yourself? In this matter, everything is not so simple, because the severity of pride and its manifestation in each individual is very unique. Some are inclined to believe that pride is a good reason for maintaining self-esteem in its adequate state, while others believe that it is nothing more than a negative quality that leads to an exaggeration of the importance of one’s own “I”. In any case, it is worth noting that both assumptions have a place to be, since pride is indeed capable of manifesting itself in various variations. Adequate self-esteem, as well as a positive assessment of others from the outside, contribute to more persistent self-improvement, but negative criticism, failures and condemnation can cause hurt pride.
In reality, not all of us can calmly tolerate negative comments about ourselves from the outside. All this depends on the character of the person, his beliefs and other unique factors of his psyche. Nevertheless, the ability to adequately perceive constructive comments, even if in a negative way, is a very important quality. We all react differently to comments in general: someone gets very irritated and starts a quarrel, denying them in every possible way, someone silently swallows the insult, someone’s self-esteem suffers greatly.
If you have become a victim of completely unfounded criticism or simply insult directed at you, then it is best to take the simple advice of psychologists: ignore, accept what the offender said as something that has already happened, move on with your life, without attaching much importance to such things, because they do not change you in any way and your personality. It is worth noting that in general, man is a social being and, therefore, is very dependent on social opinion. The slightest praise can elevate us in our own eyes, but criticism or insult can forever discourage further attempts to achieve something. In this case, pride should be considered as a kind of “catalyst” for decisions made and actions taken, but not as a motivation for their formation.
It is very easy to offend a person with inadequate, inflated pride. This is, in fact, their distinguishing feature. Sometimes one word is enough, even if it does not carry any intentional connotation or negative connotation, a narcissistic person is able to find them. At the same time, it is worth distinguishing between pride, which can lead to the development of egocentrism, and the desire to be first. The latter is a completely normal quality that is inherent in every person and should normally develop. Of course, if it does not go beyond the limits of adequacy.
What is self-love?
In the phrase “to stroke one’s vanity” there are two words that are equally important for understanding its meaning, figuratively speaking – equal. However, although both components are important in this sentence, it is still “conceit” that sets the tone, because it is it that is “amused”, and not vice versa.
What is self-love? It seems that the meaning of this expression is completely clear from its sound, the meaning of the constituent parts of the word. Loving yourself is the simplest and most basic, even key, meaning of this expression.
Other shades of meaning in which the word “self-love” is often used are:
- pride;
- disposition;
- self-esteem.
However, these meanings are not synonymous with self-love in the full sense. As a rule, when it comes to pride, it is about wounded or excessive pride. When talking about self-esteem, we mean the need for approval of actions or views, support.
When “self-love” is used in speech in the sense of “character,” then, as a rule, we are talking about indulging whims, some kind of one’s own whims, including immoral ones.
Selfishness. Synonyms
In the technical part of the story, we also need to indicate synonyms. And we will do this not without pleasure. So, the list:
- Narcissism.
- Narcissism.
- Excessive vanity.
- Egocentrism.
- Yakanie or yachtvo (two slightly clumsy, but used words).
- Narcissism (a psychological term that is becoming increasingly popular).
This is selfishness. You can take any synonym from the list, but remember the context. In addition, narcissism, narcissism, and narcissism are identical in meaning, but egocentrism is a more general concept. An egocentric person is not necessarily delighted with his own person, although most often he is. He puts himself above others. Yakanie and yachtvo may not fit the stylistic imagination - these definitions are too rough. Let's get to the heart of the matter.
Wounded pride
The bad thing about wounded pride is that the individual perceives critical remarks addressed to him painfully, and begins to treat people with suspicion. It is very difficult for a proud individual to learn to control himself and competently perceive criticism addressed to him. No matter how mildly criticism is presented, it is always difficult for people to perceive, and often individuals take it too close to their hearts, especially if the critic is inexperienced or the criticism is not constructive. Not many people master the art of constructive criticism, so they perceive it doubly very difficult and painful.
How to properly respond to criticism if it so happens that the individual has become its object? If a person has been criticized, then, first of all, he should convince himself that he really has something to criticize him for, otherwise he will behave aggressively. At the same time, if a person recognizes the right of other individuals to criticize him, then he can also count on the recognition of certain rights for him. For example, the right to be taken into account, not to humiliate his dignity, not to extend criticism to the individual. An individual also has the right to demand that criticism be made only in a private conversation and not in the presence of strangers and colleagues.
We offer some tips on how a person should behave in such a situation:
- if the essence of the criticism is not clear, then it is necessary to ask the person who is criticizing to clarify what he specifically means;
- it is important for a person to learn to separate the content of criticism from the form; if a person is not satisfied with the form, then one can answer this way: “the criticism is fair - I admit this, but I would like it not to become personal”;
- if a person does not agree with criticism, then he should say so, mentioning expressions that will emphasize that this point of view is his. For example, “personally, I think differently” or “everything was wrong”;
- always maintain eye contact and speak in a calm, cheerful voice, without raising your tone.
What does self-love mean? Wounded, sick pride is not just an awareness of personal negative aspects of one’s character, it is also a defensive reaction of the EGO to internal problems, as well as feedback on the world around us. As a result, with wounded pride, there is resentment towards those people who inflicted it. Offended pride is not a character trait, but acts, as already mentioned, as a defensive reaction of a person who has been offended. Often such an individual becomes impervious to criticism, becomes inadequate and incapable of self-analysis. This happens because the individual’s EGO builds a strong shell around its painful core, which is felt like a dull aching pain in the soul. Provoking factors in this case are lack of love, dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with the reactions of others and with oneself. Constant mental pain does not allow a person to live fully. Pointing out a shortcoming or expressing criticism to a person with heightened pride only provokes aggressiveness in him, and the consequence of such painful pride is inappropriate behavior.
Mistake No. 1. Comments in front of strangers
To the question of how to hurt a man’s pride without even noticing it, there is one answer: constantly making comments to a guy in the presence of strangers. Some women naively believe that for better effect and motivation to act, a man needs to be shamed in front of friends or relatives. For example, a guy doesn’t bring in a very large salary or forgets (or doesn’t know how) to fix the plumbing in the house. The girl voices her complaints so that her partner feels ashamed, and upon returning home he literally starts troubleshooting or looking for a new job.
It's safe to say that a man would never do this. Even if he considers the remark to be true, agreement will infringe on his male pride. He will fundamentally and demonstratively do everything the other way around, since strangers have learned about his insolvency, and his other half has become the initiator of the whole action.
How to get rid of self-esteem
Before you think about how to get rid of pride, it’s worth thinking about who a proud person really is. Anyone who strives to make themselves better, more successful, smarter, more attractive without harming others does not need self-esteem correction. Healthy self-love is not a sin.
You can stop being offended by criticism or remarks by becoming complete for yourself. By truly loving yourself for who a person really is, you can become emotionally self-sufficient, which will allow you to not take other people’s opinions too seriously. You need to be able to be happy here and now, because every person has a lot, but often does not value his achievements and benefits, as if everything he has does not matter. You can't offend a happy person. Anyone can become happy, taking their time and appreciating the true value of the peaks they have conquered.
Mistake #3: Remembering ex-lovers
A reaction that will clearly show that a man’s pride has been hurt will follow after the mention of a former lover. This can manifest itself in the form of upset, irritation and even aggression. Any man is an owner at heart, and it is terribly painful for him to realize that his woman was loved by other men. Memories that the previous one was good can provoke the emergence of inferiority complexes. Conversations about how bad things were with your ex-lover will be less painful, but still unpleasant. Constant comparisons will definitely lead to separation.
You should not voice your memories of something that has long passed, because it looks unconvincing. If it was so good with your ex, why aren't you still together? Or did his image become ideal after the breakup? You need to understand that such memories hurt your current partner and irritate his ego. Girls need to put themselves in their boyfriend’s shoes, and it is recommended to return to the past only when necessary. You won't be able to create healthy jealousy; you can only harm your current relationship.
