How long does it really take to get over a breakup with someone you previously loved? There is no consensus among relationship experts. For example, some people believe that it will take you half the time you spent with your loved one to return to a “normal” life. What do you think about it?
This kind of thinking means that if you've only been dating someone for six months, after three months you won't feel even a little upset. But if you've been with someone for, say, 10 years, you're going to experience five long years of pain and grief, multiple attempts to get back on your feet and move on with your life.
Alternative
There's another theory: According to research conducted by OnePoll, everyone will spend an average of 18 months of their lives dealing with the pain of separation from the people they love. Don't you think such a period is quite short? One of my friends shared that between the ages of 18 and 25 she experienced more than five breakups, and given that most often the initiator of the breakup was others, this was a shock to her. This is the psychology of our life.
Relevance
Relationship expert Susan Winter shares, “The time it takes to get over a breakup depends on several factors.” She continues: “What matters is how central your partner was in your life, whether you were serious about the relationship, whether any promises were made, and whether you needed him or her deeply.”
Winter continues, “If your partner touched your heart and you were the perfect match, it may take at least six months (or more) to grieve and regroup. It may take a whole year to forget this person.”
But one more detail cannot be ignored. Which one? If your relationship was official, now you need to file for divorce or child custody. What does this mean? You will have to endure the time it takes to go through this entire process, be in touch with your ex, and even sometimes on a regular basis. In such cases, separation can be even more difficult and lengthy. Winter points out, "Every time you need to see your ex all the time, it's like the clock resets, which makes the breakup even more painful."
How to survive a breakup if your loved one leaves you?
Probably the hardest thing is to experience a double betrayal when your loved one leaves you and cheats on you with another woman. You are hurt and offended, because your pride is hurt, but on top of everything, you need to forget him, and in this case there is definitely no chance of a reunion. This situation is somewhat similar to unrequited love, which we will talk about later. But in this case, the person was still yours, you were making plans for the future, and everything ends abruptly when a homewrecking fate intervenes in your life together in the form of another woman.
By the way, read this article too: How to love your husband again. Advice from a psychologist. 3 main ways
But in this situation there is undoubtedly a way out. You can find it using the tips below:
- Change your usual look and give yourself an unforgettable weekend. Visit places you would never allow yourself in your life together.
- Change your image, change your hairstyle or radically change your hair color. You can return to your previous image, but that will come later. But now the new you marks a new milestone in your life, full of optimism and charged with new victories and the implementation of your ideas.
- Make a vow to yourself to never return to your past relationship. No matter how you are drawn back. Don't try to talk to him, don't beg him to come back. He made his choice and you don't need these humiliations. If you value and love yourself, you should not allow your feet to be wiped all over you. The man made his choice, I repeat these words again, and made it clear who you are for him in his life. If he valued and loved you, he wouldn't do this. Even if he later assures you that he stumbled and did not want to leave you. Maybe he's just trying to hold on to two chairs.
- Allow yourself to be happy for yourself. Fill your life with bright colors. Don’t sit at home, go on interesting trips, excursions, museums. Go with your friends to a cafe or restaurant, try a dish that you have never eaten in your life. You can try some extreme sports: parachute jumping, for example. Or maybe it's time to start learning foreign languages. This is a very useful skill that will come in handy not only when traveling, but also possibly in your future work.
- It's time to continue working on yourself, and now with great zeal and enthusiasm. Have you always dreamed of having an ideal figure? All in your hands. Join a gym, aerobics, dance or yoga class. Run in the morning. Buy a bike, go cycling. Buy rollerblades and skates in winter. You deserve to be happy for yourself. Live life to the fullest. And your happiness is already on its way to you.
Various parts
When it comes to how to cope with a breakup with someone you loved deeply, nothing can be said with absolute certainty. Especially if you have placed all your hopes, dreams and plans on this person. In this case, the pain may not go away even after a long period of time. This means that the recovery process will be long and difficult.
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Susan Winter continues: “If your ex was a dominant figure in your life, his absence can feel like you've been stripped of everything you wanted and that brought you joy. It cannot simply be deleted or erased like a file or folder on a computer. This is life, feelings, love. It's especially difficult if you were dependent on him financially, emotionally or socially."
Psychotherapist Leslie Wish sums it up: “It's more than normal to feel sad after the loss of a relationship. It’s impossible to immediately continue living your life as if nothing happened.” What do those who have experienced painful breakups say? Let's find out.
How to forget your ex QUICKLY? –Method 5
The desire to quickly get rid of thoughts about your ex speaks of a heavy burden for the psyche. If you want it quickly, it means you don’t want to suffer and experience this torment.
I said above that it is better to accept suffering as part of your life and then you will leave the relationship in an environmentally friendly way. It is in this case that you will be able to draw useful conclusions for the future. Which will not allow you to step on the same rake in the future.
But, if you still want to get out of the relationship quickly and forget as quickly as possible, and at the same time “as if nothing had happened.”
Jenn (25 years old)
“It took me years (!) to move on from breaking up with my first boyfriend. I think it took so long because our relationship lasted quite a long time. Moreover, this was the first truly serious experience.
Although we broke up after a dating period of approximately eight months, we continued to meet and call each other for approximately two more years. It was easy for me to cope with this realization when he was not around, but the moment I saw his name on the phone screen or met him in person, I seemed to return to similar feelings and experiences. I ended up having to start the “grieving” process all over again.
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It's been about seven years since we first broke up, and about five years since we officially ended all kinds of relationships. Now, when he calls and his name appears on the phone screen, or when his face appears on my social media news feed, I don't have the same reaction as I did before. It took me about five years to completely stop feeling anything towards him. At the moment I don’t even think he’s attractive: maybe my taste has changed.”
Victor (37 years old)
“I want to share my experience of overcoming bitter feelings. I was married to my high school sweetheart who once said something that really upset me. I cried for months, every day and almost all day. Yes, men also take breakups painfully. They also have feelings. But after we decided to get a divorce, within three days I stopped feeling any grief. It was as if I pulled myself together and said: “This is life, you can’t turn back time, and you can’t force a person to love you.” I'm 37 now and have been enjoying a wonderful relationship with another person for almost five years."
Amanda (31 years old)
“My longest relationship was five years. We lived together, and later he bought a house (which we chose together). We took care of him together and decorated him properly, but he deceived me and abandoned me. Moreover, he never wanted to get married.
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Six months later I found out that he had found someone else, married her, and they had a child. It took me probably two years to completely end the relationship and stop thinking about him. Especially the first year was incredibly difficult: I was full of emotions, I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I also felt a lack of intimate relationships. All this was difficult to overcome.
Perhaps you've felt something like this: you've met someone else, but you're still thinking about that person. Until you are finally happy in the new relationship you are in, you will not be able to move on and forget about the grief and unpleasant consequences of cheating and cheating. I'm so sorry that I wasted five years of my life on him. But in the end it led me to meeting my current partner!”
Results
Usually on the Internet they look for a magical way, an unusual method to quickly forget a loved one, find out the exact time frame for calming down, a formula for calculating the time of suffering that is needed to get rid of love addiction. In the end, either it all comes down to oblivion with antidepressants or with the help of endless alcoholic parties, or to changing partners. The pressure of unexperienced resentment then lasts for years, burdens new novels, and prevents you from being happy. And if you manage to meet the object of adoration, once again stir up old emotions, you only end up being rejected again.
Don’t deceive yourself, love addiction can and should be overcome. Share your stories in the comments, speak up and allow yourself to be happy.
Victoria (22 years old)
“I went through a shocking breakup on New Year's Eve two years ago. We dated for three years and I really thought we would get married. I dreamed about our wedding and children until one day my boyfriend turned into shit.
I was deeply depressed for a year. I didn't want to go out, and out of sheer desperation I started drinking too much. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep, I even stopped texting my friends.
I even used the services of a psychotherapist and began going to therapy: I took our breakup so painfully. The first year was incredibly difficult, but I got through the second much easier. I began to devote time to sports training and resumed my communication with friends. Moreover, I was no longer obsessed with my ex's account. I stopped thinking about who he was talking to, whether he was thinking about me, whether he was seeing someone else. This was something I had to go through on my own.
Now I don't feel the need to check his account every second and don't want to see him at all. I can look back on our relationship as a learning experience. I'm no longer upset about what happened. I am sure that even if you experience the same feelings that I had before, you will cope and feel complete peace of mind.”
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Advice to your stronger half
The male sex also worries about breakups. Although most men get through this easier than women , it is still difficult. At some moments there may be a desire to return the lady.
I want to forget the girl who left me
You will have to endure a difficult period. You will go through the 5 stages of breakups, and after that it will become easier. A bad option is to drown your sadness in alcohol and do dangerous things. Such actions will only worsen the condition.
No matter how painful it may be, you will have to let the person go. The girl chose her path. Imagine if a person who doesn’t love you and doesn’t need you lives with you for many years.
He will feel unhappy and you will feel guilty. We cannot and do not have the right to hold a person just because we love ourselves. Thank you for the time spent together and give the girl the opportunity to be happy.
How long does depression last after a breakup? Read about it here.
Is it possible to stop loving your divorced wife?
The tips above will help in this case too.
Of course, a wife is more than just a girl .
There are many memories associated with her, joint actions, perhaps children. It is completely impossible to forget her, because the person has become a part of your life.
The first thing that is necessary is to come to terms with the situation, to accept the situation as a given, inevitable . There should definitely be a final conversation where you thank each other and let go.
Unfinished relationships prevent you from building new ones, and you need to complete them first of all within yourself. If you have children, pay attention to them.
How to get rid of a very strong feeling?
Love goes through stages. In some periods it can develop into passion, and losing the object of adoration at this time is most painful. Start thinking about yourself, your development, work, study.
You definitely need to find a distracting activity. The best is intellectual activity or associated with active physical activity.
A letter will help you express your feelings . At the end of it, be sure to write that you are letting go and giving her and yourself the opportunity to start a new life. Strong love fades over time.
Try to keep meetings with the girl to a minimum, or better yet, eliminate them, because every meeting reawakens your feelings.
How to forget a girl? How to get rid of love? Find out from the video:
Ways to start living
How to forget the woman you love and start living ? So:
- Explore the stages of separation. Most people go through them, they are universal to the human psyche.
- Take a break.
- Give thanks and let go.
- Give yourself permission to date other women.
- Understand that a person is free in his choice and if you are not loved, you cannot influence it.
- Do not press for pity, do not try to return her if the decision on her part is final.
Leave your mistress and return to your family
Relationships with a mistress often become bright and interesting, but family life seems boring. Many men decide to go on adventures , especially during middle age.
Forgetting forever the passion that a mistress gave you is not easy. Here you need to decide what is more important to you – your wife, family, children or another woman.
The wife senses changes in her husband's mood, and sooner or later this will lead to a breakup. Do you want this? If you want to save your family, you will have to end your relationship with your mistress.
But how:
- Explain your position to her, tell her that you don’t want to lose your wife.
- Ask for forgiveness, because this woman is also going through a breakup.
- Give thanks.
- Break off the relationship immediately; if you do it gradually, it will not end.
- Start paying more attention to your wife - if you stayed with her, it means she is a worthy woman. Surround her with care, go on a trip together, remember the best moments together.
Understand that the longer your relationship, the more attached you and your lover become to each other. And three parties suffer from this .
The husband left for someone else and returned. How to forget your lover:
