Stages of grief
American psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross identified 5 stages of a person’s experience of a traumatic situation: denial, anger, guilt, depression and acceptance. Each stage has its own characteristic features, it is advisable to know them. Otherwise, a person’s behavior may be unexpected, incomprehensible and even shocking to you.
Denial stage
As soon as a person finds out that trouble has happened, he does not want to believe it for some time. Consciousness refuses to perceive the new reality and tries by all means to isolate itself from it. This stage can last from several minutes to several weeks.
The person continues to behave as if nothing had happened, and from the outside it may seem that he is not himself. What to do in this case?
There is no need to try to forcefully open his eyes. This way you will injure him even more. But it is also impossible to maintain the illusion that nothing happened. Try to avoid discussing sensitive topics and don’t ask him about anything. Just being nearby. At that moment when the brain is no longer able to fight reality, your presence is necessary. Under the influence of difficult emotions, a person can seriously harm himself or others.
Anger stage
This is the most terrible stage both for the person himself and for his loved ones. Strong emotions overwhelm you and literally knock you off your feet. A person may show verbal and physical aggression towards himself and others. It can be very difficult for those who have undertaken to support him.
First, you need to understand that the person is practically in a state of passion and has poor self-control. If insults and reproaches suddenly rain down on you, ignore them. He may scream, cry, bang his head against the wall - don’t be scared. Be nearby and provide tactile contact to the person - this way he can calm down faster.
It's good if you help him find an outlet for his anger. Offer to beat a pillow, beat out a rug, or play sports or active physical labor. But we need to try to protect people from using alcohol and psychotropic substances.
Stage of guilt
At this stage, the person becomes depressed and begins to blame himself for what happened. Even if the situation does not depend on him in any way, he finds reasons for self-flagellation. The reasons may be completely absurd - he did not foresee the disaster, he was in the wrong place.
The person needs to be listened to carefully and, with the help of logical arguments, convinced of the groundlessness of self-accusations. Tell him that you don’t see his guilt, that he’s screwing himself over. Emphasize his positive qualities, praise and encourage him. Even if not immediately, your words will definitely have an effect.
Stage of depression
It is characterized by feelings of depression and apathy. A person may feel a loss of strength, fatigue, and general despondency. The old life is left behind in the past, and there is absolutely no energy to build a new one. At this stage, it is very easy to do a disservice to the person and keep him stuck in depression.
If you see that your loved one does not get out of bed, does not want to go anywhere, and has difficulty performing household chores, you should not rush to do everything for him. This will make him have even less energy. The best you can do is try to get him going. To captivate with something, to interest, to awaken the desire to live. Try to infect him with some of your hobbies, remember what you used to love to do together.
If you succeed, the next stage of healing will come much faster. If depression has dragged on, I advise you to read our article “How to get out of depression.” In it you will find recommendations from professional psychologists.
Acceptance stage
Gradually the person begins to come to his senses. The grass is greener, the sun is brighter, and your favorite food tastes better again. At this stage, a person needs to rebuild his life brick by brick. Support him in word and deed. Tell him often that you believe in him, that he will succeed. Share with him the joy of first successes, encourage him in case of failures.
After serious life upheavals, people become stronger and stronger, new meanings and opportunities open up for them. Remind a person of this more often, and soon he will believe in himself and his strength. It will be easier for him to start a new life and leave the old one behind.
