How to behave in a conflict situation: behavior strategy

Analysis of the situation

First, it is necessary to analyze what happened and understand what reasons could lead to such a development of events. In addition, you must understand the degree of danger that threatens you at the moment.

There is no need to think that what happened was provoked only by the need to prove the truth or by the circumstances that arose at that moment, since the problem could be much deeper. Your opponent could have harbored a grudge against you much earlier or stored his discontent for a long time, which led to quarreling between you. Having understood the causes of the conflict, you can move on to the next step.

Instructions for taking the test

Below you will be given 30 pairs of judgments. You need to choose the one that, in your opinion, most closely matches your usual behavior. You don't need to think about the answers for a long time. There are no right or wrong answers to the test, and the more honest you are with yourself, the more reliable your results will be. It takes 15 to 30 minutes to complete the test. Once the test is completed, you will be able to review the test key and answer interpretation.

Opponent Analysis

When a conflict arises, you must clearly understand what kind of person you are dealing with.

1. If he is not confident in himself, then in such a situation he will try to hide as far and better as possible, without denying that he is right and insisting on his principles.
2. A confident person will be able to fight back in a verbal duel, since she is not used to retreating, including from a showdown.
3. The most difficult situation can be considered an argument with an overly stubborn and narrow-minded person who, due to his position in society, tries by all means to impose his position only because he considers himself the “master of life.”
4. It is also necessary to beware of conflicts with people who have mental disabilities or a low level of intelligence. The main reasons why you should not get involved with such individuals are the presence of aggressive behavior and the lack of a reasonable ending. In addition, there is a possibility that the conflict could escalate into a physical clash, in which you could get hurt due to an unshared opinion.

It's actually not that easy to control yourself during a conflict.

Being opposite someone who is aggressive, angry, or simply showing their bad mood.

When faced with a threat, people naturally respond with a fight-or-flight response. In such a situation, the level of hormones increases, increasing its activity. This is not the most necessary reaction in modern life, but it is something we must learn to cope with.

You can learn the skill of staying calm and dealing with disagreements and conflicts in a healthy way. This will make the current circumstances less stressful and will help avoid deterioration of the situation and complete destruction of the relationship.

Advice from psychologists will allow you to remain calm no matter what conflicts you face.

Which behavior strategy to choose?

If you have already identified which category your opponent can be classified into, then it is recommended to move on to selecting a behavioral style and understand how to behave in a conflict situation.

Psychologists say that there are five main types of strategies for behavior in conflict. Why do you need to know these strategies? As a rule, a person usually uses one of them - it depends on his character and position in the team. However, it is possible that under certain conditions he may use another strategy. To destroy dynamic stereotypes in this way means to develop as a person.

Avoiding a dispute

Using this strategy can be considered advisable if you do not have time to solve the problem. The showdown should be postponed, since the situation must be more carefully analyzed. It is recommended to use it for controversial issues with management. The choice of this style of behavior is reasonable when:

• you don't see a solution to the problem now}
• During the negotiation process, you begin to doubt that you are right}
• defending your point of view is more important for the interlocutor, not for you}
• there is a lack of time to resolve the conflict}
• it is more expedient to agree with the opponent’s opinion}
• you don't think the subject of disagreement is quite serious}
• dispute may cause more complex problems for you}
• there is a possibility that the situation will worsen due to the openness of discussions.

Rivalry

This strategy involves openly defending your position. It is applicable in situations where solving a problem is important for both parties to the conflict. The possibility of losing the dispute cannot be ruled out. The selection of this style of behavior should be determined by the following circumstances:

• high importance of solving the problem specifically for you}
• you have no other choice}
• public discussion when the opinions of others are not indifferent to you}
• you have great power or authority over the person and are confident in the outcome of the dispute}
• you represent authority for your opponent}
• a quick solution to the problem is needed.

Cooperation

This style of behavior is characterized by a long process of resolving the situation that has arisen, the outcome of which should lead to the satisfaction of both parties. In this case, the participation of all disputants and strict consideration of their interests is necessary. This strategy can be used when:

• desire to remain on good terms with your opponent, since he is a close person, friend or colleague to you}
• equality of the parties}
• sufficient time to resolve the conflict}
• the need to find a mutually beneficial solution to the issue.

This is the most constructive way out of the conflict. As a result, a new product, a new idea, a new team appears.

Device

Often people are faced with situations when they simply need to make concessions to their interlocutor. Psychologists call this behavior in conflicts adaptation. To prevent the dispute from becoming more serious, you should accept your opponent’s opinion, at least outwardly.

This strategy is best chosen when the issue is not fundamental to you. This may be a conflict with management in which it is simply vital to give in, unless, of course, you want to worsen your situation. By using this approach, you will not only maintain a good relationship with the person, but you will also be able to gain a significant amount of time in accepting a common position.

Compromise

Here you can defend your point of view on the problem, which is a positive thing. But you will also have to accept the other side's opinion, albeit partially. This strategy allows you to avoid serious development of the conflict and make a decision that satisfies not only you, but also your interlocutor.

This method of behavior is advisable to use when both parties are equal disputants and put forward equally reasonable arguments in their favor. If changing your opinion to suit your opponent's needs is not such a serious problem, then this method is ideal. The compromise obtained during the discussion will give you the opportunity to get at least part of what you want, as well as maintain friendly relations with your opponent.

Take a break

Usually we react to a conflict situation immediately: either with attack or defense. But if we take a short break before this to catch our breath and calm those hormones that fill our body, we will be able to respond more carefully.

Deep breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms us down.

We can also focus on relaxing any areas of our body that are under stress, such as the shoulders or jaw. This technique will only take a few minutes, but it will allow us to radically change our attitude towards the situation.

After which we will be able to choose the most rational model of behavior, and not behave like a cave dweller!

The second stage of resolving the controversial issue

This stage involves resolving a conflict situation. This must be done in accordance with the style of behavior you have chosen. In this case, you and your opponent will need to set your own limits, which each party will have to accept. At this stage, you will have to very quickly rebuild your judgment and maneuver the situation quite skillfully.

There are a number of rules that are recommended to be followed during the discussion:

1. Don't close yourself off from your interlocutor. The “hands on chest” pose is inappropriate here.
2. There is no need to look closely at your opponent, as this can lead to aggression on his part.
3. In no case do not answer in the same tone if it is harsh, since subsequently you will not be able to hear the interlocutor, and he will not be able to hear you.
4. You cannot immediately give a negative assessment to the opinion of the other side.
5. Don't interrupt. Make it clear in every possible way that you are listening and understanding what is being said to you, and be lenient with your opponent.
6. Accept the person for who they are and do not take profanity or other profane language coming out of their mouth personally. This will avoid personality clashes.
7. Exercise constant control over your actions, emotions, speech and facial expressions. If you behave calmly, passions can subside significantly.
8. It is recommended to show your opponent your feelings about his position, rather than immediately presenting him with an assessment of his opinion. This behavior will lead to more reasoned and detailed answers from the interlocutor. You absolutely need to clearly understand what the other party to the conflict means.
9. Do not use filler words in your speech; use only clear verbal expressions for your interlocutor, which he can easily understand. Do not under any circumstances show your intellectual advantage over him.
10. It is necessary to periodically distract the other side from the dispute, even for a short time. These methods can be considered the need to make an important call, a request to the interlocutor to move him to another place in the room, as well as anything else that you consider appropriate in such a situation.

Calmness and balance are your allies

Among other things, you should wait a little time with your response to your opponent’s opinion. All his demands or phrases should be ignored, and periodic pauses should be made in the conversation.

It is not at all necessary to immediately answer all the questions of the disputant - it is best to distract him from this through other questions that do not correspond to the given topic. This will allow you to more carefully consider the style of your behavior to resolve conflict.

When the other side calms down a little and stops arguing its position, you are advised to evaluate its opinion, but in such a way that it understands its importance too. Here you can suggest making some adjustments to the interlocutor’s idea, which will help in solving the problem. Fulfilling this requirement in any situation leaves the most negatively minded opponent unarmed.

Tools to help you analyze conflict

ABC

A tool that helps you see the situation from the perspective of different participants, determine their real needs and find common ground for further work on the conflict.

How does it work?

Draw triangles for each of the participants in the process.

Label the angles of the triangle with letters: A (attitude) B (behavior) and C (context).

Write down information about the parties to the conflict in each corner of the triangle.

In the process of analyzing a conflict situation, you will be able to formulate the real needs of each participant. Write them down in the center of the triangle.

You can then compare the needs of the parties to the conflict and find common ground that will help resolve the problem.

"Tree"

The tool is suitable for resolving conflict situations in a team, allows you to “dig” deeper, find the true reasons for the occurrence and recurrence of certain problems.

How does it work?

Draw a tree with roots, trunk and branches on a flipchart.

Give participants stickers of different colors, agreeing which ones will represent the root, trunk and branches.

Ask them to write their thoughts about the conflict on stickers and stick them on the tree: on the root - about the hidden problem, on the trunk - about the visible problem, on the branches - about the consequences of the conflict.

Analyze your tree all together and try to understand what is wrong and how to solve the problem.

Reasons for disagreement

It will be impossible for any opponent to emerge from the conflict without consequences if its causes and provoking factors are not analyzed. The nature of the conflict is in fact the true goal of the participants in communication, that is, the outcome of the conflict. Psychologists note that the following circumstances may be the precursors of a controversial situation:

• Objective reasons - they are usually associated with existing problems or shortcomings in a person.
• Subjective reasons - these can be people’s assessments of actions, events, and other people.

Conflicts themselves can be destructive, that is, they act in a destructive manner without a chance of resolution and a favorable outcome, as well as constructive, which can provide for rational transformations of existing circumstances. If we consider in more detail, the most common causes of conflicts are judgments and condemnations of other people, assessments of actions and people in general, etc.

How to measure customer satisfaction

Do you want there to be as few conflicts as possible? Regularly check what customers think about your product and service. This can be done by calculating CSI.

CSI (Customer Satisfaction Index) - customer satisfaction index. It solves three important problems:

• Shows the strengths and weaknesses of your service;
• Helps improve the product even after launch;
• Reveals the percentage of satisfied and dissatisfied customers.

Ivan Boytsov, head of the Mail.ru for Business platform, suggests calculating CSI as follows:

1. Highlight the most important parameters of your product or service. For example, price, level of service, quality, etc.

2. Compose a questionnaire in which the client can rate each parameter on a five-point scale. Include in the questionnaire a question about which parameter is most important for a particular client.

3. Send a questionnaire to regular customers and those who have just recently purchased a product from you.

4. Collect the results, calculate how many maximum points you got for each of the scales.
Then convert this figure into a percentage relative to the number of respondents. An example of a questionnaire for determining the CSI index.

For example, you decide to ask 30 clients how satisfied they are with the level of service in your company. Let's assume that 15 of them gave 5 points, 10 - 4 points, and the remaining 5 - 2 points. We count the total number of points received:

15*5 + 10*4 + 5*2 = 130 points. The maximum possible number on the “Service” scale: 30*5 = 150 points. We calculate the percentage of customer satisfaction with the service: (130:150)*100 = 86%

A good result is at least 95%. It shows that the majority of customers are satisfied with your company.

The parameter that customers have identified as the highest priority will indicate where to focus attention. The lowest index for one of the parameters will allow you to see the weak point in your product or service.

Lower the volume of your voice

Loud speech is perceived by the opponent as a signal of threat, which causes him to activate the fight or flight response. One of the easiest ways to avoid escalating a conflict is to talk to the person in a lower tone.

Also, try not to interrupt the other person, as this can make them feel like they are not being heard. Of course, we are always tempted to express our point of view.

However, the other person will be more responsive if they feel heard and understood.

Final Thoughts

In an ideal world, we would resolve all conflict situations in a rational and reasonable manner. However, in reality, we are not always able to behave like intelligent beings.

By doing your best to keep yourself in check, you are more likely to achieve the exact outcome that makes all parties happy.

If you nevertheless give vent to your feelings, simply apologize to your opponent. Then be sure to forgive yourself. We are all human and we cannot behave correctly all the time.

If you are dealing with someone who has become out of control and has become verbally and physically aggressive toward you, end the conversation immediately. Find someone who can support you if you need it.