A dark streak has come in your life, troubles are pouring in like from a cornucopia? You know, this is a great reason to look at your life from a different angle, see your shortcomings and start a new cycle, taking into account the lesson learned. This is called self-development, and now we will tell you how to go from troubles straight to happiness.
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Know that life changes
Read also: How to prevent fears about relationship failure
You know that life is diverse and changeable. At first, things are going well, then unexpected obstacles arise - and it seems that life is heading into the abyss. Everything you did before no longer brings pleasure, and at such a moment you begin to remember that life is still very similar to the color of a zebra from the zoo. People’s perceptions of such sudden changes are too different: some float along the river of life humbly, trying not to shy away, but to cover their faces with their hands when the river bed carries them onto a stone, while for others troubles give an impetus, and they more actively begin to achieve their goals. The further course of events depends on the choice you make while in the dark zone.
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How to deal with problems
How to deal with problems in your life correctly and overcome them with the least losses? Deal with the problem! What is going on in your heart - anger, sadness, resentment, confusion, etc. - only you can know. But be that as it may, you need to pull yourself out of a gloomy state. It is necessary to develop self-confidence - this will help you cope with difficulties.
If the situation was unforeseen and knocked you down, this happens. But if you are overcome by complex feelings and difficult emotions, then you need to get up from your knees as soon as possible. And you know that the black and white stripes in life replace each other, so the white one will come soon and your task is to bring it closer, you can open your eyes today and breathe freely, letting go of the problem, or you can be imbued with it and poison your life for days, weeks, or even months.
Keep calm
A light perception of life and optimism help not only to “relax and not worry,” but also to quickly cope with troubles. The advice is simple - you need to take an easier approach to unpleasant events on the path that leads to happiness. Of course, it's easy to say, but hard to do, you say. And you and I completely... disagree. This is only at first glance difficult or impossible. Let's think about it.
Whenever something bad happens to you, what do you do? You get upset, panic, start to worry, and thereby escalate the situation even more. And you just need to relax, take a breath and start thinking about where the way out is. Remember, you definitely have a friend who will say: “Relax, everything will be OK.” And, you know, everything will be exactly like that for him. Why? Yes, because he let go of the situation and got busy with something that would bring results that would cover up all the negativity that had fallen. And at this time you, like a fish on ice, will fight in panic and only aggravate the situation, which in fact may not be so critical. Therefore, here is our advice for you: when it seems that the situation is out of control, remember the words of King Solomon: “Everything will pass, and this too will pass.” Think about it, do you really need to be nervous?
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Anxiety: how to get out of the state of waiting for a blow. Psychologist's advice
“For some reason, everyone thinks that they can sleep through the night with trouble, and in the morning get back into full-time work. It's not like that at all. Your body is not a rubber band, it needs time to recover,” psychologist Katerina Demina talks about the causes of an anxious state and gives advice on how to get out of it.
An unexpected and not entirely clear message, after which the subscriber disappears from the network and becomes inaccessible. A strange tingling sensation in the left side that does not go away after rest and 30 drops of I don’t know what. A fairly calm conversation with a colleague, which ends with a hint of future troubles that “perhaps will not affect you, but if something happens...” All this triggers a powerful process of restless tossing, nightly thoughts, extra cups of coffee and forbidden cigarettes. Anxiety. Something threatens you, but you don’t know what.
“Over the past week, I have very acutely felt how paralyzing anxiety is. Previously, I had nothing to compare with, when in the house there is at least one uncontrollable teenager, one toddler and one student with ADHD, anxiety is more likely a constant factor than force majeure circumstances. It’s like you’re constantly carrying a huge heavy bag that doesn’t allow you to take off.
But the past year was a turning point, everything calmed down and seemed to return to normal. The teenager calmed down a little, the baby grew up and went to kindergarten, the average hyperactive schoolboy gained weight and suddenly stopped rattling so desperately. And I felt how much strength and energy I actually had.
And here I was again hanging between heaven and earth for several days, waiting for test results, and suddenly discovered by contrast. You toil, you can’t think about anything else, nothing gets started and it’s impossible, relatively speaking, to “engage in creative activity.” The most the resource can do is dull manual work. Peel the potatoes. I can’t even sew, because sewing is about the future and joy, creating something new, inventing.
And I thought: the whole country has been living in this incessant anxiety for almost a hundred years. When you don’t know where it’s coming from, why you’ll be killed or arrested, whether your loved ones are alive or not. You work, you get tired, you waste the invaluable time of your only life, you think that you have secured a calm old age, for example, and then enemies come and declare that “what was yours is now ours.” Or, in another story, when “everyone with a surname ending in -ov is outlawed from Monday.” It’s not even post-trauma, it’s a constant, relentless, exhausting expectation of execution.
And we still wonder why there is such devastation around us, in our heads and in our front doors.”
Olga, 34 years old
Anxiety is the fear of something unknown.
When a person is afraid of, say, dogs, then in the absence of a provoking factor (dogs or other animals), he is calm, relaxed, and focused. When the danger is not defined, not named, not indicated, you are simply on guard all the time, vigilant, on guard, preparing to fight back. It’s impossible to relax, your ears are on top of your head and your eyes are worth five cents. Just not to miss the signs of an impending disaster, to react in time, to take action. It’s as if there’s an ultra-sensitive alarm system turned on inside, which is set to maximum by default.
This condition is called “anxiety disorder,” sometimes doctors add the word “generalized,” that is, the entire mental space is captured by the experience of impending trouble. This pathological condition develops in response to prolonged stress or severe trauma that has not been properly experienced and healed.
“At first everything was fine: we got married, there was great love, even adoration. And for the first two years I was happy. Then I became pregnant, my daughter was born, and my husband and I became even closer, as it seemed to me then.
And then in one second everything collapsed. Within one month, my dad died of a heart attack, I myself discovered problems with the thyroid gland, and my husband had a mistress and a criminal case at work at the same time. I couldn’t even afford to mourn my father’s death properly, because I had to grab my daughter, hide, get money somewhere.
The husband turned black and pulled away completely. Mom just fell ill, her sister looked after her. I was stunned and completely confused. After a year and a half, this hell ended, life got better, they found treatment for me, my husband also returned to me, and we made peace. But since then I haven’t been able to sleep normally, I scream in my sleep, it always seems to me that someone is standing behind my back or at the door. I leave lights on everywhere and wash in the bathroom with the door open. I'm going crazy?"
Marina, 37 years old.
No, of course, no one is going crazy. At a certain moment, when the situation was acute and completely uncontrollable, Marina’s body went into hypermobilization mode: all resources were used to solve pressing and very serious problems. This allowed the woman to survive, not to collapse, not to end up in the hospital with something fatal; she quickly and deftly avoided danger, took care of the child, and supported the mother.
But when the real danger had passed, there was simply no one to cancel the mobilization order. And the psyche continues to search for a non-existent threat, and when it does not find a suitable object, it creates a phantom. There is no one behind the door, but it seems that there is.
In a state of anxious anticipation of a blow (which can come from anywhere), we turn off all other life programs: we lose interest in food, reproduction, pleasure, communication. All intellectual and mental strength is spent on containing anxiety: after all, you either want to burst into tears and climb into the arms of someone strong and adult, or curl up in a ball under the blanket and stupidly wait for this horror to pass.
You, of course, have heard about experiments with two-year-old children whose mothers left them in the playroom for different periods of time? Some children rushed after their mothers with a roar, demanding, knocking on the door. Others cried at first, and then calmed down in the arms of the teachers, but still did not begin to play freely, but sat and sucked their thumb.
And there was a third group of children who did not outwardly show their anxiety, but continued to do what they were doing before their mother left. And the researchers were just about to declare this group of children “quickly and well adapted.”
But when these babies had their blood tested and their heart rates taken, they were close to fainting, if not having a heart attack. The pulse and level of the stress hormone - cortisol - simply went off scale. And the most adaptive were those children who protested loudly and rushed to their mothers.
What can we conclude from this experiment?
First, it is extremely important to state your feelings out loud: “I’m furious!” Or: “I’m very scared!”
Not to mention experiencing (mourning) acute grief due to the loss of a loved one. If there is an opportunity to do this with the help of a friendly shoulder, that’s very good. No leverage - take 4-5 sessions with a crisis psychologist; excellent specialists work in free government centers.
Secondly, you need to take care of yourself so that the body receives the message “there is someone to take care of you.”
Eat, drink (especially drink!), sleep on schedule. If you can’t sleep, go to a neurologist and have him prescribe you sleeping pills for a month.
Thirdly, provide yourself with any physical activity outdoors.
The fact is that in the body anxiety is felt as “excitement minus oxygen”; we actually stop breathing normally when we get scared. The oldest adaptive reaction: pretend to be dead, freeze, don’t move, then the bear will consider you dead and leave.
It is necessary to breathe, to establish nutrition for the brain so that it can think and make the right decisions.
(Nootropics do not work, moreover, do not under any circumstances be fooled by recommendations “here, drink ***, you need to nourish your brain.” Nootropics increase anxiety and provoke aggression. But calming herbs work, but it is better to consult a doctor ).
If three months have passed since the traumatic event, and you still do not sleep normally, you have lost/gained weight, you flinch at every call or loud sound, it is difficult for you to think coherently and there is a feeling that you have no strength at all - welcome to a psychotherapist.
The sooner you start treatment, the faster your life will improve. In short, you have burned through all your reserves of good mood, strength, and endurance. They need to be replenished.
Unless, of course, you have the opportunity to get out of the city for a couple of months into nature and full board. Previously, people knew these simple rules and applied them strictly. Now, for some reason, it seems to everyone that they can sleep through the night with trouble, and in the morning get back into full-time work. It's not like that at all. Your body is not a rubber band; it needs time to recover. Take care of yourself.
Good advice, No. 9, 2018
Look at yourself from the outside
Read also - 7 types of dangerous dreams: why dreams can be harmful
An effective way to calm down is to look at yourself from the outside. It’s not for nothing that they say: all life is a theater, and all the people in it are actors. Try to imagine that you are playing a role and the audience is watching you. Who do they see on stage, a loser who gave up at the first possible opportunity or a fighter who strives for results? What situation did the hero actually find himself in - irreversible or temporary? This way you can assess the current difficult situation.
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Look ahead with optimism
Don’t forget that any, even the most deplorable situation, will only strengthen and harden you on the path to your goal. There is one wonderful phrase: what does not kill us makes us stronger. And it is true. Remember how nervous you were at school because you couldn’t remember some “super-important” chemical formula, how many tears and worries you had to endure. How I was worried at the institute that a guy from a parallel stream for all five years of study never asked you out on a date. Did you smile?
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Look at life philosophically
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Almost all problems that seem global eventually become a reason to smile, but only if you abstract from them and do not carry them with you for many years. Trouble is a great motivator to change your life for the better.
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Overcoming obstacles, a person develops if he draws the right conclusions. Remember that sometimes it’s worth waiting it out so as not to make more mistakes. We are not saying that you should sit back and wait for everything to settle down. Just switch, step over and move on.
Remember that everything is in your hands. Create your life!
Unfavorable periods in life
Even if the trouble in your life is too serious - divorce, problems at work, etc., then this is not a disaster. In our world, nothing is completely bad or 100% good. We put labels called “good” and “bad” on everything with our own hands. The reasons for failure in life can usually be overcome if you put in some effort.
Imagine a situation where the same event causes completely different sensations. For example, a rainstorm in the middle of summer can ruin the day of a young lady who forgot her umbrella at home. But if a couple in love gets caught in this rain in the park, then they will probably look for shelter together, and this is not without romanticism and is unlikely to upset them. But rain is just an atmospheric phenomenon, ordinary water, and we ourselves give it dark or rainbow colors.
