15 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship

Where did this status “everything is complicated” come from, because in a normal relationship everything should be simple and clear. Here is a man, and here is a woman, they love each other, they have common goals, interests and desires, they look in the same direction.

But what to do if everything is wrong in your relationship? If you are constantly haunted by the fear: “What if he is waiting for someone better, and for him I am just a convenient option for a while”?

The “Growth Phase” team, together with the psychologist of the “Woman’s Path” course, Alla Pilipyuk, has prepared a special project for you that will help you determine whether your relationship has a future.

From this article you will learn:

Main types of unclear relationships:
Love triangle.
He feeds you “breakfasts”.
Love at a distance.
You put in more than you get out.
Relationship with a foreigner.
How to understand that a man is not serious about you?
What should a normal relationship be like?

You accept each other's past

Each of us has a past. Accepting the fact that in the past your soulmate had a close and beloved person and this person was not you, naturally, is painful, but necessary.

Don't be afraid to talk about the past. You can’t erase words from a song, and if you flatly refuse to even hear that a person had someone before you, then you are simply cutting off a significant part of his life.

In a healthy relationship, as we said above, there are no taboo topics, no senseless jealousy, especially about what is left in the past.

Main types of unclear relationships

Incomprehensible relationships are complete uncertainty. It seems that you live with a man, and are nominally considered a couple, but he does not offer you anything serious. He either remains silent to all your questions, or promises you “mountains of gold.” Let's take a closer look at the main types of relationships that have no future.

Love triangle

Girls who are in the position of a lover often ask the same questions: “Do I have a chance to be loved? Will he keep his promise? How soon will he divorce his wife and put a ring on my finger?” Of course, there are chances that the situation will be resolved in your favor, but they are very low - about one in a hundred. First of all, I propose to figure out why you fell into the trap of a triangle and agreed to the role of a mistress.

Low self-esteem
. You deserve to be loved, to take the throne of your lawful wife, but you agree to much less - rare meetings and eternal competition with another woman.
There is a fear of loneliness
. What if you no longer meet such a wonderful man on your life path? It's better to meet on weekends than to cry in splendid isolation.
Unconditional love. And faith that he will turn out to be a real, worthy man and will not let you down. And if he said, I’ll get a divorce, then he’ll definitely do it.
Minimum responsibility
. At first, a woman can take this step consciously. Because he doesn’t want a family, children and extra responsibilities. But the relationship, which seemed like a temporary option, sucks her in like a swamp. It won't be easy to get out of them.

The mistress's position in the triangle is the most vulnerable. A woman gives her beloved man her youth, emotions, energy, and in return receives rare meetings, gifts and nothing more. Because there are no guarantees that he will leave the family. A man in such a relationship feels good and comfortable: he receives energy, achieves self-realization, raises his self-esteem and... returns home to his wife.

Even if he decides to break family ties and you end up in that same 1%, you will have to pay off the karmic debt. For destroying someone's happiness, someone else's life. But most often the woman just waits. Years pass, but nothing changes, and the resources of faith and energy are depleted. The mistress comes out of such a relationship like a squeezed lemon. She gave the man everything she could, but her hopes remained unjustified.

Scandals

Scandals must be avoided at all costs! And to do this, you need to stop enjoying them. What, you want to say that you don’t get any pleasure from scandals, that they happen on their own, due to various objective reasons? Don't deceive yourself, and especially not me. I am an experienced person, I know that a scandal requires not a reason, but a reason. It’s just that some people do not always realize that they themselves provoke quarrels and scandals in relationships because they want them to happen, because thanks to these scandals and quarrels, people feed on negative energy and throw out the aggression that overwhelms them on their partner, instead of pacifying it . People who are not burdened with moral and cultural education, as well as intellectual development, need to express aggression. Man is an aggressive creature, so if he is, let’s say, not entirely reasonable, not intelligent enough, he needs to vent his aggression somewhere, somehow. Let's assume that you are one of these people and it is difficult for you to catch up, it is difficult for you to become less aggressive and more patient with other people. So be it, it’s not a problem, to hell with this upbringing and intelligence - at least try not to throw out your aggression on those people who are truly dear to you. And as I understand it, your beloved man or your beloved woman is still a person dear to you, who clearly does not deserve to be growled at him or her. Close people should become saints for you! There is no need to make scandals with those with whom you are in the same boat. There are such absurd situations in which people argue with each other for no reason, and having understood these situations a little, you understand that the problem is not worth a damn, and there is so much anger, so much hatred, so many negative emotions and aggression around it, as if it were about the opposition of the worst enemies to each other, and not about people who should actually love each other. In general, dear readers, please note that it is not problems in relationships that provoke scandals, but scandals that create problems in relationships between a man and a woman. As soon as you begin to approach the issue of scandals from this position, and not from the position of who is right and who is wrong, you will reduce their number in your life many times over. But don’t forget that scandals cannot be completely avoided, so don’t strive for a non-existent ideal. A pinch of pepper should be present in any relationship - it gives them flavor.

Psychology of mutual understanding between a man and a woman - 5 main rules

Mature, long-term relationships take a lot of work on both sides. There is a foundation on which happy couples rest. It consists of five simple truths.

My winner

The girl has incredible power to give inspiration and energy. Sincere support can take a relationship to a previously unseen level. It is important for the chosen one that his beloved believes in him, notices even his smallest victories and reminds him of how strong he is. Don't underestimate your importance. One hint that you doubt his idea can make him abandon it.

Be the catalyst for his success. Come up with a few suitable phrases that help increase his testosterone and motivation. The more often you remind him of how smart, strong and charismatic he is, the deeper this thought will sit in his subconscious and the more important you will become to him. A man will always cherish a woman who inspires him to achieve achievements and is his powerful support. Feeling the flow of energy from the girl, he himself will want to become better, to achieve new heights. A certain energy exchange takes place, on which happy relationships are built.

Stop manipulating

When a child cannot get what he wants, he begins to be capricious, take offense and throw tantrums - thus, he forces his parents to submit to his weak will. A little miracle walking under the table can make adults dance to its tune. It is not surprising that the technique of such manipulation is postponed and strengthened in his mind as the most effective way to achieve his goal.

And then the child grows up. Desires change, relationships with the world and other people change, but the manipulation technique is only being honed. Even where one could simply ask, heavy artillery is now used - pressure on pity, on conscience, on a sense of duty, on pride - just to avoid refusal and long explanations.

Manipulation is a way to get what you want from other people without taking any responsibility for it. Asking is more difficult - you need to take the courage to clearly state your desire, and even get involved in reciprocal obligations that you so want to avoid. Therefore, hints, sighs, an offended or upset look are used - anything to make the person next to him want to do exactly what I want from him.

And although it seems that manipulation is harmless, it actually greatly complicates the relationship. Any manipulation is deception and self-deception. And any such dishonesty is the shortest path to the destruction of relationships.

Yes, in any person you can find those strings by which you can pull him. But why? Don't want to get rejected? But in reality it’s not so scary - you never know what we want and don’t get. Don’t feel like talking about your desire directly? Why not say, why not take a risk? This is also not as scary as it seems. Don't want to be held accountable for fulfilling your wishes? But isn't that fair? And is it really such a big problem to fulfill the wishes of a loved one?

Why are all these games needed if everything can be agreed upon? It is clear that it is scary to lay all your cards on the table at once - revealing your desires and passions to another person is scary. So what, hide like this all your life? Why not start slowly talking about your passions openly - because this is the only way to truly satisfy your desires and move on. Why do we need mutual trust if we don’t use it and don’t develop it?

There are so many grievances in ordinary families because of these fears and stupid shyness - “Oh, you don’t hear or understand me at all!”

- so maybe you need to sit down and calmly explain everything, and not expect that a person who, in general, owes you nothing, will understand the intricacies of your conflicting desires?

Learn to talk about your desires as simply and directly as possible. There is no need to beat around the bush - speak about your desire honestly and openly. Yes, sometimes this requires a bit of courage and a willingness to meet a loved one in the same way when he asks for it - so what? This is how adults live - they negotiate. They do not bargain and do not calculate the cost of each service, but they are not shy about asking and do not hesitate to fulfill other people’s wishes.

This only makes relationships easier. The ability to ask and the willingness to meet each other halfway in fulfilling desires makes communication easy and carefree. Why wait until the gentleman deigns to give you flowers if you can ask him about it? After all, he himself will be happy to please you. Why quietly hope that your friend will read your innocent erotic fantasy in her eyes, if you can say it directly? And she herself will be pleased that you see an attractive woman in her.

There is a limit to everything - not every desire is appropriate and not every desire can be fulfilled, but that’s why we are adults - we can negotiate. Take courage and learn to play openly. Stop fussing and manipulating each other. The more simply you can talk about your desires, the more likely you are to realize them, and the more open, joyful and long-lasting your relationship will be. Go for it.

Happy forever

Thus, falling in love and deciding to create a fulfilling relationship is something beautiful and magical at the same time. It's like an exciting adventure with another person who you know will be there for you through thick and thin. Remember that love is “a journey” that you should enjoy and get happiness and joy from being loved and loved.

What do you think is the most important element in a successful relationship?

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How to understand that a man is not serious about you?

He lives the way it suits him.

If you live separately, he always chooses the time and place of the date himself, so that it does not interfere with his plans. You communicate little, although his busy schedule allows him to spend more time with you. Even if in the end he invites you to live with him, nothing will change. He will continue to throw socks in corners, disappear on weekends with friends and watch football in the evenings. Simply because he is so used to it and doesn’t really want to take your wishes into account.

There is no “we”.

There are you and him - two strangers with different interests, needs and goals. There are no joint plans for the future, trips, or purchases.

Just listen to his speech: if only “I” and “me” are heard all the time, he puts his interests first. He can tell tales about a wonderful future as much as he wants, but he won’t do anything.

You don't know much about him.

You practically do not know his friends, colleagues and close circle. Parents also probably don’t know that their son has such a beautiful and wonderful you. and at the same time you can meet with him for a very long time and even live in the same territory. He just subconsciously understands: there is no need to introduce someone close to him that he can easily leave tomorrow.

You don't feel like there's a man next to you.

Let's remember what functions are inherent in it by nature itself? Provider, protector, helper. If a man is committed to a serious relationship, he will do everything to make life easier for the woman he loves. If a woman selflessly screws in a burnt-out light bulb or drags a broken computer to the other end of town, what masculine qualities are we talking about here? After all, it is much easier to withdraw yourself and return when you have already solved this problem.

He is inactive.

He just goes with the flow, pours another lie into your beautiful ears - and continues to see you only as a convenient option. From time to time he bribes you with his generosity - he gives flowers, gifts, takes you to expensive restaurants. Frivolous men love to manipulate your feelings, and if you hear the phrases:

Yes, I’m ready to do anything for you, just wait.
I don’t have the opportunity to rent an apartment right now, but in a couple of weeks we will be living together.
If you love me, you won't put pressure on me. I will divorce as soon as I am ready for this - I need to pick up my feet and run away from such a relationship.

If a man wants his beloved to be happy, he will do everything possible and impossible for this. Well, if your partner doesn’t have any special feelings for you, he will look for more and more excuses.

He tells you this directly

. The man makes it clear that he is not going to get married in the near future and children are not included in his plans. But deep down you hope to change him and rehabilitate him. “He will definitely appreciate how smart and hostess I am and will make a decision that is beneficial to me.”

Dear girls, this attitude is a huge mistake. The man has clearly outlined his intentions and personal boundaries, but you simply do not want to accept them. You are simply wasting your time in the wrong, abnormal relationships, and the guys who want and can make you happy are passing you by.

Solemn ritual

The consummation of the marriage received wide publicity. The very moment of intimate relations between those entering into marriage took place in the form of a solemn ritual. After all, the main purpose of this action was to prove that the bride is faithful to her husband, and therefore innocent.

In many nations, blood on a white sheet after the couple’s seclusion served as proof of the bride’s innocence. The very process of deprivation of innocence was accompanied by various rituals: chants at the marriage bed, the posting of special guards at the windows, and the preparation of ritual dishes that give strength. Such rituals were designed to ward off evil spirits and dark forces.

Love at a distance

Love at a distance is just an illusion of a relationship, since in essence the woman is alone. There is no strong shoulder next to her, no protector, she only regularly sees his photo on the screen and expects that someday they will be together.

It’s one thing if you already live together and the man leaves for work (study, personal matters) for several months. And it’s completely different if you are “in standby mode.”

Now imagine what he is doing at these moments? That's right, he continues to live his life and perhaps even with a very real woman. And you are just his energy supply. He makes promises to you, says beautiful words, but when it comes to actions, he backs away.

Sometimes you receive flowers and gifts from him, perceive them as a miracle and an illusion of a normal relationship.
He is present in your life sporadically and does not perform the functions assigned to a man by nature itself.

If you consciously enter into such a relationship, you are agreeing to less than you deserve. Perhaps your fear of loneliness and self-doubt speaks to you? But, girls, while you are attached to a virtual image, you lose the chance to find happiness with a real man.

Sex

Well, what can I say - sex is sex, without it it is difficult to imagine a full-fledged relationship between a man and a woman, unless we are talking about friendly relationships that do not involve developing into a more serious relationship. But friendship between a man and a woman, you know, is a rare phenomenon in life, and not because this friendship itself is somehow wrong, but because people of different sexes are not always perfect for such friendship. So whatever you say, sex is our everything! Therefore, there should not be a shortage of sex; one of the basic human needs must be satisfied constantly. And this need must be satisfied beautifully, efficiently, and interestingly. But I don’t recommend doing any stupid things. There are women who blackmail their husbands with sex. These, friends, are very stupid women who themselves do not understand what they are doing. With these rash actions they destroy the foundation of family relationships - undermining self-confidence, showing disrespect for a man for whom a woman’s refusal to have sex is a great insult, and sowing hostility in their own home. No blackmail, be it sex or divorce, is acceptable for a normal relationship! If you don't want to live in a constant state of war with your partner, eliminate all blackmail from your life. Otherwise, do not rely on an unhappy fate when you find yourself at the “broken trough” to which you will lead yourself. Normal, regular sexual relations between a man and a woman are a prerequisite for a normal and lasting relationship between them. There is no need to idealize sex, as people with sexual disorders do; sex is not the main thing, it is one of the main conditions for normal relationships. Therefore, take into account each other’s desires to the extent you can, and try to satisfy them in a timely manner. No matter what anyone says, in most cases, problems with sex inevitably turn into problems in the relationship between a man and a woman, no matter how developed and advanced people they are. Consider this fact in your life.

Joint goals and top 12 ways to look for them

Finding common goals, despite the complexity of the process, makes sense to strengthen relationships. If a couple manages to find a common goal, such an alliance becomes a hundred times stronger and more reliable than any other tandems that go with the flow and don’t even really know what they want from each other, except money and sex. And even the very process of such a search will already be rewarded with greater mutual understanding, mutual respect and mutual interest in each other as individuals. Even if you don’t yet want to overshadow the cloudlessness of your romantic relationship with some kind of goals, it doesn’t matter, just start a dialogue now, while you are ready to listen to each other endlessly and enjoy every minute when the two of you are together. And we will help you with this. Read more…

You put in more than you get

With you, a man lives with everything ready: you diligently iron his shirts, prepare a three-course meal and faithfully wait if he is late at work. And believe that he will soon appreciate and understand what a treasure is in front of him - and will definitely ask you to marry you. Years go by, but he is still in no hurry to offer the treasured ring.

You know, if you constantly hear from a man “Right now I don’t have the opportunity to pick you up from work (have a wedding, buy a gift)” - look for a partner who has these opportunities. Because otherwise you will sit there with “noodles” on your ears and wait for him to turn on “man mode”.

If a man is interested in a relationship, you see it.

He is trying for the sake of your future together. Comes home and tells what worked or didn’t work out for him
You make joint plans and set goals.
You feel an emotional impact. Even a simple “Thank you” for a delicious dinner raises a woman’s self-esteem.
There is a give-receive balance in your relationship. It is important. Because if you go out of your way for him, and the answer is silence, burnout occurs. You can continue to live in the same territory out of habit, but the most important things - love, trust, mutual understanding - will be lost.

Many men take advantage of women's naivety. They make promises, tell tales, bribe with periodic gifts - and things don’t go further than that.