Envy is a feeling that corrodes a person from the inside and does not allow him to develop himself. Someone who is envious constantly thinks not about how to improve their life, but wants to get what someone else has. We must fight envy, as it hinders our own development.
Every person has encountered envy in their life. Someone is jealous of a new car they bought from a friend or someone else’s beautiful and smart wife. I want everything to be good along the way, just as I dreamed of. This feeling can hinder personal development, but it can also motivate.
What is envy
There will always be those who envy others. This feeling can be disguised as other conditions for a long time. Envy is a set of unpleasant emotions that arise at the sight of someone else's success and material wealth. The envious person also wants to take possession of them. Their absence leads to:
- irritation,
- bitterness,
- annoyance,
- despondency,
- helplessness,
- feeling of injustice.
Envy is grief over someone else's joy and joy over someone else's sorrow.
Archimandrite Rafail Karelin
In simple words, we can say that this is a feeling of annoyance caused by someone’s primacy, success, wealth, luck. There is a desire to possess what someone else has.
It's normal to want something that other people have. This feeling gives a powerful impetus to development. It is considered pathological if instead of motivation there is an abyss of negative feelings and destruction of oneself from the inside.
The main danger of envy lies in self-destruction. Annoyance, bitterness and resentment only cause harm. The consequence of negative emotions can be the release of large amounts of cortisol (stress hormone). It negatively affects the entire body, and health problems may arise.
Why do people around you steal your dreams?
Why do your dreams come true for everyone around you except yourself? Why is your friend’s new boyfriend taking her to Egypt, but you haven’t been able to get there for the fifth year in a row? Why did your colleague get a salary increase, but not you, even though you work more than her? Are you such an unlucky, unworthy person? Maybe they did something wrong?
In fact, it's the other way around. This is the Universe sending you signs and telling you that it heard you and understood what you want. But before you give it, she needs to check whether you are worthy. She specifically fulfills your wishes from other people and looks at the reaction.
If you are happy for those around you, then everything is fine. You, too, will soon get your wish. If envy kicks in, it means it’s too early to give you such a gift.
There is no need to envy other people. There is no need to waste precious time of your life on this. Get rid of such a bad habit that does not bring anything good. Learn to sincerely rejoice for those close to you and those around you. It is then that your long-awaited desires and dreams will also begin to come true.
Types of envy: “black”, “gray” and “white”
The hater compares himself, his life, etc. with another person and not in his favor. He wants to have what his rival or competitor has. Envy can be of several types. The most common varieties are white, black and gray.
White envy forces a person to achieve the good that he sees in another, using the most correct method. He strives for progress, learning and achieves his goals. This is the right behavior, it motivates people to improve.
White envy pushes one to achieve, stimulates active actions and the pursuit of goals. An envious person adequately accepts the successes of others, analyzes his own mistakes, acts in conditions of normal competition, and improves his personality. Such a healthy feeling is inherent only to a self-sufficient person. It can be described as follows: it is a fleeting sensation that makes you admire and stimulates action.
Gray envy is intermediate, but very dangerous and hidden. It is very widespread. It can be described as follows: a person hates all those who, in his opinion, are above him in various indicators and tries to pull them down, to fit them into the general level.
To envy in a gray way is to show the lowest, most base traits of human character, forgetting about self-respect and significance. The envious person has a feeling of uselessness, eating himself from the inside due to his own complexes and low self-esteem. It is used by people who are insecure, very touchy, and neurotic.
You can read: What to do with low self-esteem
The most negative emotion is black envy. At first it is quiet, silent gloating and inaction. It occurs in the family, at work between colleagues or in any group. Such ill-wishers are primitive and failed individuals. When misfortune happens to the object of anger, the soul of the envious person is filled with joy. It destroys the person himself from the inside.
The more successful you are, the more vulnerable you become! You will be overtaken by uninvited envy. They will find a flaw, and you will be judged by human rumor, cruel and insidious
Gulchehra Sharipova
How to deal with envious people
Envious people are not the most pleasant interlocutors. They can make a person nervous, worried, and feel awkward. How to communicate with them with minimal losses for yourself:
- Limit communication time and keep it to a minimum.
- If a person expresses envy openly, then you can honestly tell him how difficult success is, how much you have to work for it, and what you deny yourself. A person must understand that other people's achievements are not a happy accident or a generous gift. But there is a chance that the envious person will simply brush it off.
- Follow the saying “Happiness loves silence.” There is no need to talk about the level of your bonus, your relationship with your significant other, or other achievements. This only creates the ground for envy.
- In the presence of an envious person, you should behave neutrally. There is no need to complain about failures and mistakes. This will only feed the envious person emotionally; he will then use all the information against the person.
- Show self-confidence, do not react to the caustic remarks of the envious person, or respond to them as politely as possible.
Signs
Black envy simply paralyzes a person and does not allow him to exist normally. Signs:
- aggression;
- inferiority complex;
- gloating;
- injured pride;
- vanity;
- exaggerated desire for justice;
- greed;
- hatred;
- hostility;
A person with such feelings considers the successes of others to be the reason for his own failures. Tries to harm the object, to humiliate him.
White envy is an adequate feeling. An envious person perceives the success of another as the result of his efforts. There may be a desire to elevate yourself. Signs of this condition:
- empathy;
- goodwill;
- Delight.
It is difficult to recognize unconscious gray envy in yourself. Its signs:
- Bad mood;
- dissatisfaction with life;
- irritability;
- despondency.
Such a person is bored listening to the target talk about his successes, and is irritated by his boasting and lack of restraint. For some reason I often feel sad and sorry for myself.
Why do we begin to envy "in black"
An embittered envious person cannot imagine that anyone is better than him. The opponent simply stole the success. He begins to gloat. This behavior is usually characteristic of people with low self-esteem. Other people's troubles become an inspiration for him. Black envy is like a poisonous snake that has made its way into the brain of its owner, feeding on his life energy.
People delve into the shortcomings of those they envy, find them and rejoice. Then everything develops into slander and imitation. Such a person tries to slander and harm the object of envy. At the physiological level, it can lead to problems with the heart, blood pressure, and the development of peptic ulcers.
Unfortunately, envy can appear in a person from early childhood. You can often see how some children get hysterical if others get something more than them. There are a lot of envious people, even among smart people. This is a nasty character trait. The most common objects of envy are: appearance, success, popularity in society and personal life.
Are all people envious?
The predisposition to envy is inherent in human nature. The degree of expression of envy varies. But at the same time, it cannot be said that there are individuals who do not at all have this feeling. If they say they don't envy someone, it may well be that deep down they have feelings of envy, but have learned to control it well.
During the period of preschool childhood, the child’s character is still being formed, so his envy can be short-lived. Provided proper upbringing and parents' reaction to momentary manifestations of envy, it will pass without a trace.
Younger schoolchildren know that envy is bad. This awareness forces them to hide their envy and control their own emotions. Through art therapy, role-playing games and educational conversations, you can teach your child not to envy.
Psychologists have found that envy is more common among boys and girls aged 15–20 years. This is due to puberty and the need of boys and girls to correspond to the reference group in terms of external attributes.
At the age of 21–30 years, envy concerns the professional and family spheres. If a woman is not married before the age of 30, she begins to doubt herself and envy her married friends. If a man cannot get a prestigious position, he is angry with himself and his unpresentable appearance, envying his prominent comrades.
After 30 years, the feeling of envy weakens, because at this age, as a rule, every person has certain achievements in life. If an individual fails to arrange his own life, envy turns into a mental disorder. Psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists deal with such cases. People who are over 40 years old adapt to life and learn to control their envy.
As a rule, after 60 years the ardor of the most ardent envious people fades away.
Not everyone is able to admit their own envy, because everyone understands that this is a negative feeling that can put a person in an unfavorable light. To admit your own envy means to admit your inadequacy.
Can envy be useful?
Envy can be turned into soil for personal growth. It helps you realize your own desires. Sometimes it is worth learning from the person who causes this feeling. Ask him for a recipe, advice. The state itself does not bring you closer to the goal, but active steps and taking responsibility for self-realization lead to personal victory. Nothing cures envy like success.
Envy is a complex social emotion. Sometimes it can be a powerful boost to your career. Driven by this feeling, people can do things they never thought about. Often an envious person strives to get what the object of his envy has. This forces him to step out of his comfort zone, which is especially difficult for people who are not very communicative. To get the desired result, it is important to find like-minded people or people who will help you achieve your goal. New acquaintances appear that move you forward.
Sometimes envy gives courage and even recklessness, which is so lacking in the normal state. A person feels an influx of strength and confidence in the correctness of his actions. In such an elevated emotional state, even failure does not upset you. As a result, it strengthens and helps to move forward. Some employees deliberately compete with others, this helps keep their spirits in good shape and work hard.
Consequences: how it poisons our lives
This is a dangerous feeling accompanied by anxiety. It needs to be taken seriously. The human body, like poison, is saturated with negativity. It corrodes the nervous system from the inside. What an envious character can lead to:
- Development of chronic depression. Anxiety is accompanied by frustration, despondency, and a decrease in emotional background. Prolonged stay in this state leads to changes in the biochemical structure of the brain. An important hormone, serotonin, is not produced. Without it, there is no motivation, there is a loss of strength, and important processes in the body slow down. A deficiency of this hormone leads to depression.
- The person falls into apathy. There is absolutely no energy to implement plans and goals. Inside there is nothing but devastation. There is no desire to do what you love and enjoy life.
- Communication with people is deteriorating. Such people are avoided. It reveals their arrogant attitude towards others and their sarcasticness.
- Conflict situations arise.
- Low self-esteem is reinforced. Attention shifts to other people's achievements, and the chance of one's own success decreases.
- An imaginary sense of justice develops. Constant disappointments.
Envy, like rust, corrodes and destroys souls. If you feed it with negativity and resentment, then it is impossible to overcome it. In contrast, it is worth putting strong, bright feelings. There are many ways to deal with this emotion. The most important thing is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take steps towards success. It is important to focus on your own development. Become friendly, wish people well, praise them, give sincere compliments.
How to prevent outbursts of envy
Everyone tends to compare themselves with others. If you feel that you are beginning to desire what others have, then you are tormented by envy. You can prevent outbursts of destructive feelings in the following ways:
Compare yourself not with someone who lives better than you, but with someone who is several times worse off. Comparison will always be in your favor. And you will quickly understand what a happy person you are, how many advantages you have.
If you want to get what another person has, think about what to do. Perhaps very soon you will be able to become the owner of what seemed unattainable and haunted you.
Confident people are less prone to outbursts of envy. Look at yourself from the other side, list all your good qualities, be able to see your achievements. As a rule, there are many more of them than you think.
Learn not to envy, but to be happy for the person who is more fortunate in life than you. It has been noticed that being happy for others helps you to be focused on success. And it will definitely come if you make some effort and don’t sit idly by.
By working on yourself every day, you can get rid of outbursts of envy. If you cannot do this yourself, you need to seek help from a professional.
Protection from the envy of others
If someone is jealous of a person, this can seriously affect his emotional state. There are several ways to protect yourself from the envy of others, see the table.
| Don't share your secrets. | Tell your secrets and share your successes only with trusted people who will definitely not make this information public. |
| Stay balanced. | Do not give an envious person a chance to upset yourself. You can ask him uncomfortable questions yourself and answer him causticly. This has a sobering effect on the envious person. |
| Amulets and talismans. | Some people believe in the protective power of amulets. If it helps and gives you self-confidence, then it’s worth purchasing such a thing for yourself. You don't have to go to a magic supply store. Sometimes a simple ring or a banal bracelet is enough. |
| Calm. | Always remain calm and look your interlocutor in the eyes. There is no need to be embarrassed, shy away, or avoid the conversation. Let him see a strong opponent next to him, not a victim. It is enough to show perseverance to the end just once for the envious person to stop pestering you. |
| Manifestation of aggression. | If necessary, show aggression. This is the most extreme method and should only be used in exceptional cases. We are talking only about verbal aggression, there is no need to show physical aggression. |
What to do if they envy you
Every person is surrounded by several envious people. They can be recognized by certain signs.
Signs
1. The world-famous writer Oscar Wilde drew attention to the fact that:
Imitation is a sincere form of flattery
The very first thing that immediately catches your eye is imitation. An envious person, without realizing it, begins to copy your behavior, your style of clothing. Everything that makes him envious, he tries to repeat.
2. Insincere compliments just pour out of the mouth of someone who secretly envies you. However, false words of flattery immediately turn into condemnation as soon as you turn your back. Behind his back, such a person says completely different words, usually not the most pleasant and kind.
3. Envious people spread gossip to downplay your achievements. It becomes easier for them when they talk about you the way they want, at least to hurt you behind your back.
4. Even the smallest mistake or the most harmless mistake causes schadenfreude. Often an envious person does not hide the fact that he is happy about your failures. You recognize his malicious laugh immediately by looking at the smile that he cannot hide.
5. It’s easy to see your envious people when you achieve a certain success. The better it is for you, the worse it will be for those who are not happy with your success. Such people try to distance themselves so as not to be tormented and tormented.
6. For an envious person, everyone else is rivals who must be defeated. They are engaged in an invisible competition.
7. If they try to accuse you of something that you have nothing to do with, know that this is what envious people do. They like to accuse without reason, so that they can then play on the guilt of others.
8. Those envious people are terrible who not only weave intrigues behind your back, but destroy your friendly ties. They are trying to slander you behind your back so that your friends, colleagues and acquaintances will turn away from you. Then it will be easier to fight you.
9. “Friendly” advice from such people will not lead to anything good. By the way, the envious person has “advice” prepared for all occasions.
10. Envious people love to show even small success and multiply it. When you see those who talk a lot about how successful they are, know that you need to stay away from such a person.
How to protect yourself
There is no need to boast about personal achievements, husband or wife, children. Only those closest to you will be happy for you. The rest will be annoyed by your happiness and will not allow them to live in peace.
Don't talk about plans until they come true. Envious people have an “evil” eye, in other words, bad energy that can interfere with the implementation of your plans.
For people who strongly believe in signs: if you notice that people are looking at you enviously, sending negativity, you can carry out a “self-cleaning” procedure at home. The easiest way is water and salt. A pack of regular salt is added to the bath. Then you need to take a salt bath for 10 minutes, you can just lie in it. It is not recommended to stay in the bath for more than the specified time. After this, the salt water is washed off, and with it all the negativity received from the envious person goes away.
Orthodox people advise to forgive envious people from the bottom of their hearts. Then, on a spiritual level, they will receive what they deserve, and you will protect yourself from the consequences of their envy.
You can wear amulets. Today they are not paid attention to, although previously they were given special importance. The following can act as a talisman:
- a pectoral cross consecrated in the church;
- pin;
- any mirror decoration that will reflect envy and return it to the one who sent it;
- a metal object that absorbs a negative message.
Do not neglect simple but effective advice. They will create a defense that no envious person can destroy.
The main reasons for this feeling
Numerous studies have confirmed that people experience this specific feeling for the following reasons:
- Feeling deprived. If a person believes that he was deprived of parental attention or care in childhood, this will leave an imprint throughout his life. A wounded person perceives other people's goods as something that was taken away from him.
- Lack of goals, objectives and desires. A person who has nothing to strive for focuses on someone else's life. If an individual has nothing to do, he will poke his nose into other people’s affairs and in the future focus on what is happening. If a person does not live his life, does not want to change anything, he will certainly envy those around him.
- Biased self-esteem. Psychologists claim that envious people put themselves above others, consider themselves smarter, more talented and more worthy of the benefits that others receive.
Why do women envy
Many experts are of the opinion that female friendship does not exist. It is believed that every woman on a subconscious level is jealous of her close friends and sisters, because she perceives them as competitors.
It is envy that is the main cause of conflicts in women's groups, especially if there are beautiful girls in them. According to statistics, representatives of the fair sex experience feelings 2 times more often than men.
Why do men envy
Although the feeling of envy is more characteristic of females, some men periodically encounter this burning sensation. But, unlike women's, men's envy is weaker and short-lived.
The main reason for the condition is the innate need to be in charge, to have the best, the biggest, the most expensive.
