September 25, 2014 Alexander Home page » Psychology
Young people, and even middle-aged people, first get to know each other, then date for a while, and if they agree on their interests and characters, they begin life together. Very often, sympathy and ardent love appear between two people, but it happens that something is missing in their relationship. For example, this is the absence of simple, sweet words or unpredictable surprises and actions.
What is romance, what is its meaning and role in ordinary life relationships
Every girl dreams of a romantic guy. Romance is an imbued state that requires an escape from reality; a person creates his own fabulous comfortable atmosphere and strives to make his soul mate the happiest. Dramatic and lyrical ideals, dreams, emotions, as well as elation, a certain step above ordinary everyday life, can play a huge role.
Girls are the ones who love romance in relationships. There are signs by which you can easily determine the lack of romance in a woman’s life: bad mood, sadness, tears, loneliness. After all, it is important for everyone that their significant other’s eyes glow with joy, and not with sadness. It’s better to let there be noise, fun, laughter, there will be little pranks, but your loved one will be satisfied.
Romance is a very pleasant feeling. If there is no romance in a relationship, then it becomes colorless and empty, quickly gets boring and deteriorates . Romance is the desire to believe in the best; a person should be able to enjoy the little things in life, be vulnerable and touching, fearless and courageous.
Romantic relationships can exert magical powers on any woman: a simple housewife and a business lady, a young girl and an elderly woman. A man should take the initiative into his own hands.
Why is it difficult for a man to show emotions?
A boy is told from childhood that he must be strong and courageous. The social purpose of a man is to provide and protect his family. Showing sentimental feelings is unacceptable.
As a result, a man grows up successful, confident, but does not know how to show emotions. He believes that tenderness makes him vulnerable and weak. Sensuality is allowed only in sexual games.
A man’s misconception that tenderness is weakness prevents him from building a romantic relationship. Attachment is regarded as a loss of freedom and causes a feeling of concern. The girl believes that she has come across a soulless guy.
Parental attitudes are not the only reason for refusing to show affection. Often these are psychological problems, the result of past experiences:
- unsuccessful relationship with an ex - the woman’s behavior and words lowered her self-esteem;
- tender feelings did not receive a response - the girl did not support, she laughed at the confession;
- If you haven’t found a soul mate, you don’t see the point in opening up.
If a guy has stopped sharing his experiences with a girl and avoids tenderness, it means that he does not find the proper response when communicating with her.
How important is romance for a woman?
The male sex usually does not understand that girls need to be given special attention, given sweets, flowers, small gifts for no reason. All this can help a real man inspire a romantic mood for both himself and his beloved. A girl should feel warm, cared for, and simply be desired and unique.
Women love to be surprised, courted, understood and supported. It is romance that should remind the fair sex of humanity that a woman is that same flower, she is tender, weak, vulnerable and touching.
What does romance look like?
Romance appears when a person wants to somehow express his love in an original way. To do this, he finds all possible ways to prove to his soulmate a special, careful and sensitive attitude towards her. After all, a sincerely loving person himself will be filled with joy and happiness if he sees all this in her eyes.
Unfortunately, women and men perceive and understand romance differently. For example, for women these are unexpected but pleasant surprises, gifts, actions that evoke positive feelings and emotions. After all, there is no girl who would not dream in childhood about a cute prince on a white horse, like in fairy tales. She really wants her loved one to move mountains for her, to speak warm and gentle words, to help with housework.
Romance in a relationship should appear not only on holidays - birthdays, wedding anniversaries, etc., but also for no reason . Therefore, even coffee in bed can be a good manifestation of love and tenderness, accompanied by delicious cakes and a small bouquet of flowers. The girl will always appreciate it. If a man is ready to do many things for her sake, then she will be imbued with all the affection and warmth of her soul towards her soul mate.
Every man will also be glad if some romantic act is performed for him. For example, you can cook him something tasty with your own hands and take him to work for lunch. A candlelit dinner or a trip to a picnic in the country will also be a romantic surprise for a man. In such cases, your loved one will see your concern and unpredictable actions for his sake.
Details
The difference between love and infatuation
If you look at the works of famous authors in literature, many are dedicated to the feeling of love, which the hero remembers as the one and only, and carries throughout his life.
But in real life it’s not quite like that; it’s all more complicated. Every person, even during his school years, experienced romantic feelings of falling in love with his classmate; perhaps at the institute some of them had romantic relationships. However, later in adult life the person connected his life with another person. This is due to the fact that at school and even at college people are still very young, they have no experience of communication, and therefore they mistake ordinary romantic feelings, falling in love, for love.
Falling in love is a strong sympathy, in most cases it occurs in teenage children and young people who have no experience in close relationships. And when a guy or girl looks at the object of his love, in his head he draws an ideal image that differs from the real person. When they begin to communicate more closely and intimately, the image built in the head collapses, and nothing remains of the feeling of falling in love.
When a person loves another, he wants to take care of him, give him various benefits and comfort. When feeling in love, the main desire is to spend time together with this person; they are not yet ready to live for each other.
The Chinese have a good proverb, “falling in love is when you pick and take away the flower you like. Love is when you bring water every day to water this flower.”
The feeling of love is characterized by awareness when a person understands that the one he loves is not an ideal, but he accepts this person for who he is, along with his shortcomings. Indeed, true love can take a long time to mature, this is also different from falling in love, and love is more difficult to destroy with various little things. So people who really love each other forgive each other many things.
If a marriage is made only under the influence of a feeling of falling in love, when a person has drawn an ideal image of his companion, in the future this can become the cause of an unhappy marriage or even divorce. In their youth, girls and boys fall in love and do not pay attention to each other's shortcomings. They are in a hurry to go and start their family, thinking that this is true love. However, when living together begins, everything quickly falls into place, and in some cases people realize that they are not suitable for each other.
Of course, the feeling of love also changes over time. The beginning of a relationship is characterized by passion and romance, in the future there remains affection and respect for each other. Because the relationship, as it were, matures along with the person, and people become stronger in the desire to be together, to further develop friendship and affection, and they have no doubt that their choice is the right one.
Psychology about love
Throughout the development of human society, psychologists have constantly explored and described the feeling of love. Among them there are quite interesting thoughts from psychologists.
For example, Robert Sternberg, a psychologist from America, believes that there are three main components in love: passion, attraction and responsibility.
Arthur Petrovsky, a Soviet psychologist, believed that people who love each other should be magnified and sincere, and their feelings are visible to everyone. And that if there is mistrust in a couple, love can no longer exist.
But the German psychologist and sociologist Erich Fromm argued that love is a mutually beneficial commercial alliance. In his opinion, loving people should fully give love and time to their partner, and receive the same in return. And that such an alliance will be successful if such an attitude is mutual between the partners.
Harry Sullivan believed that true love is possible only in those relationships where a person considers the interests of the loved one to be more important than his own.
As we see, most psychologists talk about the feeling of love precisely as an experience, and do not touch upon the physiological aspects of love. However, science considers love to be a physiological process. Scientists believe that attachment to a person is formed and remains when special chemicals are released in the brain that bring pleasure.
7 stages of love
The feeling of love is constantly changing, and romantic relationships go through different stages of development.
- Romantic relationship. Another name for it is the candy-bouquet period, when love and infatuation are very similar to each other. A man and a woman are happy together, they want to spend more time together and make each other happy. While their hormones are dominant, during this period they can see their partner in a more ideal light.
- Addiction. After a certain period of communication, lovers become satisfied with each other. Hormones in the body calm down, get used to it, perhaps even to sex. Men and women want to relax and get enough sleep. At this stage, partners begin to pay attention to each other’s character and notice some shortcomings. The feeling of passion subsides, and communication becomes calmer and more reasonable.
- Grinding in with each other. According to psychologists, if the stage is successful, then the relationship has a future. The couple begins to examine their partner's character and personality more closely, looking critically at shortcomings to determine whether this is acceptable later in life. At this time, conflicts are possible, you can see whether the couple knows how to find compromises, sometimes the relationship ends in separation.
- Patience. After the partners have seen all their shortcomings, you need to learn to live with it, that is, accept your partner for who he is. There will be fewer conflicts, because the main unpleasant aspects have already been identified. Partners learn respect in order to be calm about their character traits.
- The process of rapprochement. Partners show themselves completely as they are. Since there is trust between lovers, and there is no need to be shy. You can be frank with each other.
- Feeling of friendship. A true feeling of friendship, complementing love, appears if there are no omissions and secrets.
- Real love. When mutual understanding, friendship, and respect reign in a couple, it means there is true love in the couple. And such a couple who has gone through all seven stages of love will be able to create a strong and happy family.
Throughout the history of human development, people, scientists and philosophers have tried to study what love is. For a person, this was one of the most wonderful feelings, and it defied logic. Even in modern society, not everyone can clearly say where love comes from. At the same time, all people build love relationships, get married and create families, some manage to do this for the rest of their lives.
How to add romance to a relationship
You don't need to be a genius to do this. Just carefully read the recommendations listed below, choose the most attractive one and get down to business.
