Who is the main man or woman in the family? What is the head of a family called?

Who is the boss in the family?

Who is the main man or woman in the family?
This question is usually asked by young couples. In this article we will talk about this. Traditionally, the head of the family should be a man. But it also happens differently.

If the family is headed by a woman

Usually, a powerful woman finds herself a calm man, who is quite happy with the fact that she manages him and earns money. Such a family is called matriarchal.

The advantages of such a family:

• A woman is building a career and at the same time financially independent;
• Little is required from a man.

Flaws:

• It is psychologically difficult for a woman to devote a lot of time to work and provide for the whole family;
• The husband does not feel needed and irreplaceable and this infringes on his manhood;
• Children adopt family habits. Sons grow up to be the same as their father, calm and quiet, while daughters grow up strong-willed and do not recognize a man as a leader. And this will negatively affect your personal life in the future;
• Because of. that the husband is not at all courageous, and the wife is never at home, eternal dissatisfaction with each other arises.

If the main man in the family

The husband provides for the family financially and decides all important family matters, while the wife keeps the house in order and raises the children. Such a family is called patriarchal.

Patriarchy (literally the power of the father) – domination, beginning, power. The father has a leading position in the family.

Source Wikipedia

The advantages of such a family:

• The wife behind her husband, as if behind a stone wall, completely relies on him and can afford to be weak;
• The husband can bring all his ideas to life and be calm about the family. He knows that they are always waiting for him there and that everything is in order at home;
• Children are proud of their father, and their mother is their best friend and adviser.

Flaws:

• Very often a woman has to quit her job, although she likes it, because housekeeping takes up a lot of time;
• A woman's interests often fade into the background;
• When making important decisions, women's opinions are not really listened to.

Equal family

In such a family, rights and responsibilities are distributed equally. Husband and wife bear equal responsibility for the decisions they make.

It is difficult for spouses to live in such a family; they must be able to negotiate. You need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to constantly sort things out.

Its advantages :

• If you know how to negotiate, there will be no conflicts;
• With complete trust of spouses in each other, they receive greater freedom in their personal lives. They choose when and where to relax, with whom to communicate, where to go;
• A good example for children. In such families, children grow up with business acumen and know how to find a compromise.

Flaws:

• Conflicts are possible when distributing responsibilities;
• Since such families are rare, misunderstandings may arise on the part of relatives;
• If spouses do not trust each other, they may become jealous.

What does partnership mean and is it possible under patriarchy?

Let's look into Ozhegov's explanatory dictionary:

partner, -a, m. 1. participant of some kind. joint activities. Business item, trade item, partner countries (states that are participants in some kind of union, bloc, agreement). item on fishing. 2. a participant (game, dance, performance) in relation to another participant. the partners agreed to a draw. n. ballerinas. ii f. partner, -i (to 2 meanings; colloquial). ii adj. partner, -aya, -oe.

The first meaning of the word is more suitable for our conversation, and there are no contradictions here, you can see for yourself. Already from the definition it follows that under patriarchy partnership is possible. The opposite is also possible; everything depends on specific people, and not on the presence or absence of power. However, I will present my thoughts on the contradiction of partnership and hierarchy with the distribution of roles.

The founders of the organization are partners

Let me turn to a business analogy. Let's imagine a commercial organization with two founders. The roles are clearly distributed: one produces the product (or manages production), the second sells (or manages sales). In this case, the first partner may have a controlling stake in the product, say, 60%, and the second – 40%. It happens in different ways, both 5/95 and 50/50, and all these situations have the right to life. In our example, there is no formal mathematical equality, but there is no discrimination either. Lack of mathematical equality does not mean discrimination, because happy is not the one who has a lot or the same amount, but the one who has enough! So they agreed when creating a joint stock company, voluntarily, it was beneficial for both. Roles have been assigned, and no one thinks of interfering in the affairs of others. Everything works great and everyone is happy. Although, there is a hierarchy and roles, as in any organization. Why not a partnership?

PARTNERS ARE NOT ONLY THOSE WHO SHARE THE COMPANY’S PROFIT EQUALLY, BUT EVERYONE WHO RECEIVES AT LEAST SOME PROFIT

I repeat, it does not matter that there is someone in charge, that the shares in the authorized capital are not equal and that roles and areas of responsibility are distributed. The main thing is that the company operates efficiently and makes a profit, and that the founders are satisfied with the result. Likewise, it does not matter that a man has priority in decision-making. It is important that they are happy with each other.

So, partner patriarchy implies that STRATEGICALLY IMPORTANT DECISIONS IN THE FAMILY ARE MADE BY THE HUSBAND AND DOES THIS IN THE INTERESTS OF THE FAMILY, and therefore in the interests of the woman. This format of relationship does not at all deny discussions and participation in decision-making by both spouses, but the last word remains with the man.

Here is one of the cinematic examples of the manifestation of male dominance in the family (series “Always Say Always”, season 5, episode 4):

In a critical situation, a man correctly but firmly told his woman what to do, and she obeyed him, even though she is a successful leader, the CEO of a company. At the same time, pay attention to how tender the relationship is between them and how relaxed and protected the main character is next to her man. This is correct patriarchy.

Or another episode from the film “Gingerbread from Potatoes”. In the story, a girl asked a guy doing renovations in a neighbor's house to enter into a fictitious marriage with her so that she could adopt a boy who had become an orphan...

And here she is a business leader, accustomed to commanding and building men. But that was not the case... And she did not resist for long, and then out of habit. After which she relaxed and experienced a real thrill from having a strong man nearby, capable of resolving issues and making decisions for her. Which I immediately told my friend about in joy. It all ended in a real family idyll. He makes decisions, and she is relaxed, content, and peaceful:

Many will say that this is a fairy tale, it doesn’t happen, but that doesn’t matter now. I'm just trying to demonstrate the idea, and it goes like this:

THE MAN IS THE CHIEF, AND THE WOMAN IS HAPPY.

The difference between a male leader and a male despot is significant. The head is responsible for everything, he is to blame for everything. The despot is not responsible (or pretends to be), and everyone around him is to blame. Do you feel the difference?

It is obvious that a man and a woman can only be happy together. It does not happen that in one family the husband is happy and the wife is unhappy, or vice versa. Thus, for happiness and harmonious relationships, a win- win strategy is necessary, the responsibility for the implementation of which lies with the head of the family - the man. Abuse of power will lead to decisions being made that are beneficial to the man and disadvantageous to the woman (and children), which means that the original essence of patriarchy will be violated, which can be expressed by the following formula:

FOR A WIFE, THE HUSBAND'S WORD IS THE LAW, FOR A HUSBAND, THE INTERESTS OF THE WIFE AND CHILDREN ARE ABOVE ALL

Who is the head of the family - a man or a woman?

When getting married, every woman dreams of a friendly and happy family, but not everyone knows how to achieve this. Marriage on its own will not make you happy; you need to work on it.

And, most often, the question of who is in charge in the family arises precisely at this stage. There cannot be two leaders in a family. There must be one who will make important decisions and be responsible for them.

The father is an example of masculinity for the son, and the daughter will choose her future husband based on the qualities of her father.

The example of a mother is the key to a successful relationship between a son and his wife, and for a daughter it is an example of raising children.

Be purposeful.

An important quality of a confident man. It will help you in any area, including in relationships.

Set goals and go towards them, strive and achieve. Don't stop, even if you don't succeed several times in a row. This is the only way to achieve success.

A girl shouldn't feel uncertain around you. If we are talking about relationships, she must clearly understand where everything is going. Make plans, talk to her about the future, this will give her a feeling of peace.

Otherwise, she herself will start trying to set goals while you are lying on the couch. It is important for her to understand what is happening and what will happen next. So she will try to solve it. And take on male responsibilities. For you, this is a direct path to rags.

Who is in charge in the house - husband or wife?

Many marriages are destroyed due to the fact that the spouses do not know how to build relationships. Two adults share responsibilities that help strengthen the family. And yet, the main responsibility for the family lies with the man. He earns money, provides housing for his family, and raises children. And family members should be grateful to him for this and respect him.

The woman mainly does household chores and also raises children.

If agreements are discussed in advance, there will be fewer conflicts in the family.

To solve family problems constructively, it is necessary to know the responsibilities of spouses, which always remain unchanged.

Husband's responsibilities

• Financial support for the family;
• Protection of wife and children;
• Devotion to them;
• Family leadership and control;
• Making important decisions.

Responsibilities of a wife

• Giving birth and raising children;
• Support your husband in any situation;
• Creating a cozy home;
• Establishing good relationships in the family;
• Providing moral assistance to the husband.

Why did a man become a tyrant?

When working through your relationships, you need to remember that your “aggressor” is a living person and a man you once loved.

Of course, you cannot justify or tolerate such behavior, but you need to understand that there is a destructive problem that builds a certain picture in a man’s head. For him, his total control is completely justified and logical.

The problem can be solved, but serious work is needed on both the man’s personality and the relationship as a whole. In addition, if you find yourself in a relationship with a controller, it means that you yourself have certain psychological complexes, for example, a victim complex.

Reasons for behavior:

• natural craving for dominance;
• inability to trust;
• experience of traumatic situations.

Is your boyfriend in control?

In the first case, the man’s behavior is determined by an unconscious desire for power. This desire may be caused by a person’s attempt to compensate for a feeling of inferiority. It is especially acute in men who do not meet certain parameters: short stature, thin physique, etc.

In the second case, the man, most likely, has previously encountered betrayal by girls and in a new relationship cannot fully trust his partner. This is the most favorable type, as it is the most easily corrected. Work must begin immediately after identifying the problem, since trust is the foundation of healthy relationships.

Traumatic situations may include infidelity, parental divorce, and social isolation during adolescence.

Head of the family

According to psychologists, a family is a small state ruled by a man who is fair, brave, and able to stand up for his loved ones. Only then will the family develop correctly.

But today in many families all household chores fall on the shoulders of women.

What will happen to such a family if a woman is in charge? First, she must get rid of the emotions that overwhelm her, because basically all women are too emotional.

Will she be able to protect her family from danger? No, only a man can do this. In a normal healthy family, the head of the family is usually the husband.

What qualities should the head of the family have?

• Each family member has the right to vote, and the head must respect each, but choose the fairest. If he listens only to himself, he will hardly be respected. The title of a tyrant who revels in his importance will take root behind him;
• Any man is obliged to provide his family with everything necessary so that its members do not need anything. But in modern life there are often cases when a wife earns money and supports both the children and the husband, while he lies on the couch and drinks beer;
• The head of the family must be competent in all family matters.

To be a true head of the family, this status must be supported by deeds.

How to let go of control

The controller is a person with a lot of psychological trauma. You can leave him to deal with them on his own, but then you will have to break up. Sometimes such measures help to achieve happiness in a new healthy relationship. But if a man is dear to you, and total control has not yet gone far, then you can use the following tips.

Know how to argue

Learn not to react by screaming to attempts at control. To improve your relationship, do not engage in confrontation under any circumstances. When there are prerequisites for a quarrel, just keep quiet. Let the man “let off steam” and express whatever he wants. Don't react with tears and sooner or later he will calm down. Then, in a calm atmosphere, remember everything he said to him. As a rule, this quickly brings the offender to his senses.

Don't show your tears

Tears are a manifestation of your weakness. In a healthy relationship, this is an indicator that partners need to reconsider their relationship, but in the case of a controller, it will be an indicator of remorse and loss.

The battle with the controller, influencing him with tears is absolutely pointless. If a man complains to you, then just hug him and tell him that you love him. This will work with lightning speed and will make your partner relax.

This exercise is useful for relationships, as it breaks the current pattern of behavior and tunes the psyche to produce new reactions.

Keep quiet

When the quarrel goes far enough, the controller no longer hears your arguments, believing that there are only two opinions: his and the wrong one. If you understand that you cannot convince him, so as not to spoil the relationship, there is only one thing left to do - remain silent.

In this case, you need to say what your partner wants to hear, and then act in your own way. Of course, this model of behavior cannot be called correct, but in some cases it helps to avoid a major scandal.

Home woman

Nowadays, it is not uncommon for a woman to take on the active role of “breadwinner”, while the guy takes care of everyday life. This model is good when the girl is active: she likes to build a career, be responsible for social connections, and the guy is an introvert, a “homebody.” It also happens that the man brings the main income into the piggy bank, but the woman makes all the responsible decisions, and she also manages large monetary expenses.

Unfortunately, sometimes this scenario depresses both. For example, initially a girl takes on more responsibilities in order to help her partner, take care of him, and solve his problems. Gradually the guy “gets the taste” and completely relieves himself of responsibility. What we have? A woman who feels like a “squirrel in a wheel” and a man who is gradually turning into a typical “couch whiner.” I talk more about this in the article “I am a woman, not a draft horse!”: what to do if a man sits on your neck?

A woman’s dominance works as long as she happily takes on the solution to difficulties and does not nag her partner for inaction. But if you feel growing irritation or fatigue: it's time to switch roles.

Tell me, have you met couples in which the girl literally “drags” the family on her shoulders? How do you feel about this? I'm waiting for answers in the comments!

Who should be the leader in a relationship and is there equality?

To begin with, you yourself must be ready to become a man with all that it entails. It is important to understand that it is not for nothing that historically the dominant role was given to men. Women have either PMS, hormones, or depression. She needs a strong shoulder nearby, that same “anchor” that will give her peace of mind and help her stay on course. Let's also talk about how to refresh relationships if you have already lost leadership positions. You definitely noticed that the girl is getting more and more impudent, and if you don’t take action, you will become her slave, whom she will use and leave when she gets tired of it.

You must be the leader, because otherwise, after 5-10 years of relationship, you will suddenly realize that your beloved has turned into a selfish monster. And you are to blame, because you spoiled her and missed the moment when you needed to show firmness.

Equality is also a difficult goal to achieve. In reality, the most you can achieve is to separate the areas of leadership. For example, you decide all financial issues and are responsible for the well-being of your family, so you decide whether or not to go on vacation somewhere, or whether to send your child to a private or public school. And your beloved deals with everyday issues: she makes decisions about what wallpaper and furniture to buy. This is conditional, but it is important to understand that there are more serious areas and those where the decision is not fundamental. Now, in order to have the right to decide the most difficult issues, you will have to let her make decisions in less important matters. This will maintain imaginary equality and everyone will be happy.

The Church's attitude to this issue

Who should be the head of the family? In Christianity, the answer is clear and simple: husband .

The Christian headship of the husband is perceived as a duty to care and think about each family member, to maintain well-being and peace in the family.

The Church takes the position that the wife submits to her husband, just as the Church submits to God. At the same time, the husband must also love his wife, and if necessary, then make a sacrifice for her, just as Christ sacrificed himself for the sake of faith. For the sake of the Church, Christ went to the torment. Is the head of the family capable of doing this for the sake of his wife? Many men still need to grow to this level.

The position of the church is that there can be no equality in the family. The inequality that God created in the relationship between men and women is not at all humiliating. No matter what century it is, a woman’s responsibility to give birth to children cannot be shifted to her husband.

The recipe for a harmonious life is very simple: love and respect each other.

How to deal with female manipulation

Girls are masters of manipulation! Either she sweetly flatters, then she stoops to blackmail, then she provokes and leaves you “on the extreme.” This attitude is unacceptable. If she was used to communicating like this before, then it’s time to take up re-education and show that you are not like others. Here are a few techniques on how to dominate in a relationship and respond correctly to manipulation:

1. Don't get emotional, stay calm and confident, and look straight into her eyes to show her that you're in charge.
2. Change the topic of conversation if you understand that the girl is smoothly leading to the topic she needs and is going to press for pity or make a scandal.
3. Ignore the frivolous problems, but don’t ignore the important ones. You are the main person in her life, so you have to find a balance.
4. If a girl starts to play around and tries to confuse you, talk to her directly: what does she want. Show that you are in charge.
5. Don't be manipulated by sex and tenderness. She loses just as much from the refusal of intimacy as you do. If this is not the case, then this is another problem, in which it is also important that you be in charge.
6. Don't go crazy when she openly flatters you. If you're in charge, don't fall for cheap tricks.
7. Don’t let a girl take the position of a “princess” who is capricious and doesn’t want to do anything. Sometimes a girl supposedly gives leadership, but in fact she simply shifts all the problems onto you, but in key issues he will achieve his goal at any cost. If you are in charge, then this should be in everything.

An example from the animal world

Men who strive for patriarchy often make the argument that in the animal world the male plays the dominant role, and the female and children fulfill the roles assigned to them by nature. Very comfortable position. Just say that they must listen to you, follow the established rules and follow the intended path, only because this is how the world was originally created.

At the same time, in the same world of wild nature, there are a huge number of examples from which it follows that a family is the interaction of two self-sufficient individuals who help each other and, precisely because of this, coexist harmoniously. Let's look at the facts.

• Penguins

Oh, if only the small and funny birds living in the permafrost knew that male dominance is the main way in building their own family. Until these interesting thoughts reach them, everything happens slightly differently.

After the female has laid eggs, her body’s nutritional reserves are sharply reduced and she needs to replenish them. To do this, penguins must go to the ocean in order to get food and survive in harsh climatic conditions.

During this time, the male does what many people simply do not think is possible. He, roughly speaking, is going on maternity leave. For several of the coldest months, papa penguin carefully incubates his future offspring. At the same time, he does not have the opportunity to move away, because then the eggs will cool down and the children will simply die.

After the chicks hatch, the mother and father alternately go to the ocean to hunt fish. It is for this reason that Emperor penguins are considered one of the best fathers in the wild.

• Wolves

In the wolf pack there is a clear manifestation of the patriarchal family structure. After the birth of the offspring, the female cannot leave the shelter for another half a year. At this time, the male is actively obtaining food for himself, his chosen one and small wolf cubs. At the same time, he manages to control all issues of safety and comfort of his own family.

• Arowana

And among the fish there are representatives of male dominance. It is the representative of the stronger sex who takes on the non-standard responsibility of bearing offspring. Arowanas carry thousands of young in their mouths, sometimes release them to swim and make sure that all the babies return to their shelter safe and sound.

Also, Arowana males are always busy building a reliable home for their large family. Agree that this is a shining example of a wise and caring father. He not only makes decisions, but also proves his leadership position through actions.