One of the secrets to billionaire Peter Thiel's success is that he asks himself a rather unusual question. It sounds like this: “Which of my beliefs only a few agree with?” It is this belief that he considers true.
Almost a century ago, Mark Twain expressed a similar thought:
If you notice that you are on the side of the majority, this is a sure sign that it is time to change.
When you hear something or read about something, it's a good idea to train yourself to question it and consider the opposite point of view. In many, if not most, cases, when everyone is going to the right, it is smarter and safer to turn left.
The most common advice turns out to be the most harmful
Most motivation gurus tell us to live in the here and now. They say that only the present moment is important, so we should only do what brings us pleasure.
Although the content of this advice is quite tempting and, undoubtedly, somewhat justified, in reality, following it often does not lead to the desired result. In fact, in most cases it simply ruins our lives. Living here and now, people often get divorced, get into debt, and lose control over their health and over themselves in general.
Instead of living in the present moment, it is better to live for the future and “take care” of your past. Do it in a way that you want to remember. Time really does fly by very quickly. The present cannot be grasped, it can hardly be felt. By the time you become aware of it, it will already be the past.
If you don't want to regret your actions, this article is probably for you. There is no point in analyzing what happened a long time ago. But the immediate past is directly related to your choice in the present.
How were the last two years of your life? What about the last two months? What about the last two days? Think about it.
Today is tomorrow's yesterday. How can what you do today help you tomorrow? Will today's decisions motivate you for tomorrow's work? Or are you simply postponing the necessary changes to some abstract day in the future?
Living for the future and taking care of the past means understanding that you are shaping your past now, and it determines the future that you would like to see.
Why is this so, and what are the consequences of being separated from life in the present?
Humans, unlike animals, have the ability to think abstractly. In itself this is neither good nor bad. At some points this can help a person solve his problems, but at others it can interfere.
But now we are talking about those situations, and even more - about this way of life, when an excessive emphasis on abstract thinking prevents a person from living in the present and solving current problems as efficiently as possible.
While adding branches to the fire, I noticed one of the actions of the Shaman who was preparing the “table”. He took out a boiled chicken egg from the bag, which had turned into an icy piece of ice in the forty-degree frost, and, almost without looking, with one blow of a knife he split it into two equal parts.
Having sat down, I tried to crack a couple of eggs with my heavier knife, then three more with the Shaman’s knife. I couldn't crack a single egg smoothly and without crumbs. This made me think about some special skill of the Shaman.
-Have you often cracked eggs like this?
- I don’t remember. And you don’t bring them often.
- How did you learn to split so smoothly?
- I didn’t study. Something like this will come to mind.
- But how do you inject them?
- Look. (The shaman carelessly struck my knife not across, but along the last whole egg, which split into two equal halves.)
- What's the secret?
- We have different actions.
- What is the difference?
- When I act, I act completely . And you - in parts
.
— In what parts?
- For example, one part of you is not sure that you can handle the egg, the other thinks that cracked eggs will not go to waste in the cold, the third is generally in Magadan with the problems of your own eggs.
- But my actions may be more complex than your situational ones.
- Your actions can only be more diffuse. For example, instead of accurately hitting the egg, you hit your fingers hysterically. Such sloppiness makes a person weak and old.
- What should I do to learn to act like you?
- Doesn't matter. You can, for example, crack eggs. The main thing when you prick eggs is to prick the eggs, and don’t catch the crows.
Serkin "Shaman's Laughter"
Exhaustive, isn't it?
The ability for abstract thinking sometimes plays a bad joke on a person: it prevents him from living in the present, separates him from the reality with which he is busy right now, and turns his actions into ineffective ones.
I will give a few typical customer complaints, in which many, I think, recognize themselves:
“When I have sex, I sometimes think about how I look, what my partner thinks of me, whether he/she likes my body, whether the partner is happy enough with what is happening, whether it would be excessive to offer this or that, I remember previous partners, old grievances/comparisons/questions come up, I think about what will happen if it suddenly doesn’t work out...”
The result is erectile dysfunction, orgasm, dissatisfaction, fears, tension, and generally poor quality sex.
“When I’m about to express my idea to my boss/go through an interview, I think about what the boss will think of me, is it appropriate to talk about this and that, past failures come up, thoughts come to mind about what will happen if I don’t like/don’t like the idea I’ll pass the interview, what to do next..."
The result is a failed interview, an unconsidered idea, a lack of interest in your personality and devaluation of your proposals, general disappointment in yourself and a drop in self-esteem, which further deepens your fears at the next interview or when talking with your superiors.
“When I find myself in a new company, I try to imagine what I need to do and say to get people to like me, I think through my lines, imagine what I can be like, worry about what will happen if that situation repeats.” Last New Year, I felt like I was out of place in the company, I’m trying to analyze what I did wrong...”
The result is alienation of people, coldness, feeling superfluous again, sad thoughts, damage to self-esteem, despair and disappointment instead of positive emotions.
What are the characteristics of all these situations? A person is anywhere but in the present - in past situations, in dreams and plans for the future, in fantasies (that is, in general in an abstractly existing reality), in various assumptions “what if”….
The trouble is that the emphasis on this way of perceiving the world in most of us is brought up by our parents and our culture. How many of you were told in childhood and adolescence: “think with your head, try to foresee the consequences, maybe this or that!” – and give examples of their own or others’, often negative, experiences.
The thought itself is not so bad. Where you can think about the available information, estimate the chances, reasonably evaluate your capabilities and the reactions of other participants in the situation - this can be done.
But the problem is that this has a limit. Not a single, even the most advanced analytical tool can take into account all the variables of this world. No person can predict all consequences. Not a single action, taking into account all possible inclusions of reality, can be 100% predicted.
Reality is changing. Living in the present means constantly discovering something new. If your past experience says “I have an example of failure”, it means that you simply have such experience. This means that you can draw some conclusions from this experience, perhaps realize what you shouldn’t do anymore.
But this experience does not mean at all that the situation will repeat itself. Moreover, if you are open to changes in reality, then you can guarantee that everything will be somehow different. It will be the same as before only when you yourself expect the usual, albeit unpleasant, turn of events.
Many are misled by everyday and well-established actions: the road along familiar routes, where, it would seem, nothing changes, patterns of life that seem safe to some - “learn to do this and you will always have a piece of bread”, patterns of life in general - “raise a son, plant a tree and build a house,” etc. In some cases they actually work. But they don't work safely very often.
Remember how many of your plans were destroyed by some “force majeure circumstances”?
Starting from global ones - the death of loved ones, serious illnesses, sudden losses of money, business failures or political-economic crises, to a banal cold that happened “just” on the most important day, the no less banal being late for the train, or even an icicle suddenly falling on the roof of the car. .
The illusion of control is precisely what prevents us from living in the present, what sometimes forces us to “get trapped” in various mental constructs that seem designed to protect us from the vagaries of unpredictable reality.
In fact, trying to control events distracts us from directly reacting to the real world and sometimes makes the reaction itself completely ineffective.
After all, as we have already said, it will not be possible to predict everything 100%, especially based on the experience of others, and your own too. Trying to rely on your spontaneous reaction looks much more reliable. Which is only possible when you are in the present.
I don’t want to say that you don’t need to think at all.
The difference between conscious, genuine thinking and pouring from empty to empty is obvious: when you really think, you try to build the entire chain of a problem, a task - where it began, how it developed, how certain arguments that you use in your judgments are justified, there is does the question have a history (your personal one or in general in the history of people or culture, philosophy, science, religion), how does it relate to your feelings, what conclusions can you draw from your experience.
This is a reflection and should be treated with respect.
Fragmentary and unsystematic thinking is a completely different matter. Which is not inclined to delve into research, logic, history and analysis of your experiences. Unsystematic thinking is simply the mind jumping from subject to subject and the inability to concentrate on anything for more than a minute, two, three, and alas, as practice shows, this is what is usually called the verb “to think”….
The conscious process of thinking should be given its place and time. If, for example, you need to think about a personal problem, find a comfortable body position, create the necessary level of silence (or put on the music you need), prepare paper and pen to write down important things, ask not to disturb you, or get away from people somewhere for a while. nature, to a secluded place.
And don’t forget to agree with yourself about how much time you will think. If, for example, the allotted hour has passed and you haven’t come to anything, there is no point in continuing to “drive” the problem in a circle in your head. This means you are not ready to solve it yet.
And if you immerse yourself in the present, in the reality that is happening to you here and now, most likely the answer will come faster than if you continue to play a “broken record” in your head.
If you are engaged in intellectual work or periodically need analytical processing of this or that information that is important to you, is it necessary to completely disconnect from the sensations of the body? Perhaps they can also tell you some steps in solving your problems? After all, you are a whole. It is much more productive to work as a whole rather than as a part.
Why live more than half of your life in various “maybes” and “what ifs,” if you can go and find out how it will actually be, and if it’s not time to find out yet, just do what’s relevant right now, or relax fully?
And about what specific benefits we will receive in practice by living in the present - in the next article, which is available only to registered members of our site (registration form at the bottom right)
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Here and now: how to live in the present?
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By looking to the past, you will understand how you live in the present.
If you live only in the here and now, you act impulsively. In this case, your behavior is not a consequence of your conscious choice, but only of current circumstances. As a result, you often do things that you later regret.
Conversely, if you are mindful of the past and future and realize that you are creating your memories right now, you approach your life more consciously.
This may sound strange, but our memories of certain events are much more important than these events themselves.
Nothing lasts forever. You won’t even have time to notice how this day will come to an end. All you will be left with are memories of him. Perhaps we agree to certain things precisely for the sake of pleasant memories.
What would you like to remember about today? About the past year? From your whole life in general?
Life is a story that we write ourselves. The present moment is just the mark of a pen on paper. All we know for sure is that this pen cannot be stopped: it will continue to write again and again. In that case, why not take it in your hands and write your own story that will fill the book of our lives?
Important Details
✅ Practice begins and ends with the visual channel of perception. This is because our primary perception is visual. When we look closely at a tree, we do not imagine it in our imagination, but perceive it directly. It’s the same with sounds: while concentrating on sound or silence, the internal dialogue stops. It is impossible to both imagine and perceive things in direct experience. Thanks to this feature of perception, through the practice of “here and now” you pull attention from imagination and thoughts into the present moment.
✅ At the beginning and at the end, try not to look at distant objects. Hold things at arm's length to notice details. It is better to look at external objects rather than your body.
✅ You can listen to sounds with both open and closed eyes - whichever is more convenient. You may find it easier to close your eyes so as not to be distracted by external images.
✅ Maybe at first you will be distracted by thoughts - just return to observation and concentrate on the details of perception. You can do it.
Your memories determine how confident you feel in the present.
If your morning was productive, chances are your entire day will be successful. Conversely, if you hit and snooze your alarm multiple times to give yourself an extra 15 minutes and end up not getting anything done that you planned for the morning, the rest of your day won't be great either.
The emotions that memories of the past evoke in us largely determine how confident we feel in the present moment. So, if you do things now that will make you proud in the future, you increase your likelihood of success in the future.
Taking care of the past allows you to build your ideal future
In his famous book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey advises starting something with a clear vision of the end result. To do this, he invites the reader to imagine celebrating his 80th birthday. At this party, all your loved ones should tell you how wonderful you are, express their feelings towards you, and toast to you for living your life well.
Imagine that you have received many compliments from your loved ones. What exactly would you like to hear about yourself and your life? What would they have to say about your character and your role in their lives? What accomplishments of yours would they like to remember? How have you influenced them?
According to Covey, keeping these questions in mind requires making decisions in the present. And this is completely justified.
In fact, the concept of “living in the moment” does not take into account the very nature of time. The past, present and future are not clearly separated from each other. One of them smoothly passes into the other. A mistake in the present instantly becomes a mistake in the past. It also affects your future.
An optimistic conclusion can be drawn from this. We can build exactly the future we want. And, just as important, we can have the past we would like to have. And be proud of who we have become.
