These are those who live with mattresses. Next to them are rag-tag men who have shifted all responsibility onto their wives and relaxed. And wives have no choice but to suddenly stop being weak and grow eggs, which are necessary for any relationship. This is how strong women are born. This is how their idea of a normal family is distorted.
Don't let something like that happen to you. And don't let this happen to your girlfriend. You must be a leader. You must be in charge! Not her, not together, but only you! Understood?
And it's not that simple. It's not enough to pound your fist on the table and shout what you've decided. An authoritative leader does not order, but convinces people using ironclad arguments. The woman herself will be happy to follow you and your decision if it is balanced, competent, logical and firm.
This is what will give you all the rights to be the main one in the relationship. So, let's go!
Be confident.
Show your leadership, and for this you need to upgrade yourself. Yes, what did you think? What separates a man from a dick-bearer is his strong position.
Insecure, downtrodden and wrapped in complexes, you will not impress anyone. Only a strong man can take on the role of chief and leader in the family and in life.
Don't allow yourself to be treated with disrespect. Stop everything you don't like. Don't become a laborer.
At the same time, show yourself as a provider, a hunter, a protector for her. Convince her that you are a man and that she will be safe with you in any matter. This position will be visible in your actions, self-presentation, and gaze. This will help you achieve a lot in other areas of your life.
Should you strive to dominate?
In traditional unions, the guy should lead and his word should decide. But you shouldn’t put pressure on the girl with force and threats; it’s better to proceed from common sense and logic. Cursing and assault will drive a woman away.
If a man says that he is the boss in the relationship, but cannot decide anything, the battle for respect in the couple is lost.
Be self sufficient.
What it is? This means not depending on anyone. Not with anything.
Be able to earn your own living, rent, utilities, vacation. Be able to wash, iron, and buy everything you need for life yourself. Learn to cook some basic dishes.
You must not depend on anyone. Especially from a woman. Everything she does, you should be able to do yourself. This way you don't need any help. You are able to live peacefully without her or anyone else.
GuruTest
According to statistics, in 29% of Russian families the head is the husband, and only in 7% of cases does all responsibility fall on the shoulders of the wife. The rest cannot say for sure who controls the relationship to a greater extent. At the same time, the majority of Russian families consider their family model to be favorable.
Recently, more feminist views have come into fashion, which means that more and more women do not want to obey their husbands unquestioningly. However, we live in a patriarchal society, where a man can be offended by his wife’s reluctance to be behind him like behind a stone wall. Therefore, many representatives of the fair sex are ready to resort to cunning and become the head of the family in secret from him.
Who is considered the main one in a relationship?
The head of the family is a person who has both rights and responsibilities. It is he who makes decisions and is responsible for the well-being of the house. In many countries, by tradition, the head of the family is a man, and his word is often decisive in solving many problems. Initially, this was due to the fact that males have greater physical strength and endurance, and today society expects them to be leaders.
As a rule, people who occupy leading positions are not afraid of problems, are distinguished by their initiative in solving them, have a positive attitude and believe in the best. They are good at distinguishing the main tasks from the secondary ones, treat them with full responsibility, and often prefer to choose solutions that will ensure a comfortable existence in the future.
However, what many fail to consider is that a leader is not necessarily the one who has the final say. Quite often, the main person in a relationship can be hidden, for example, the head of the family is the husband, but all decisions are controlled by his mother, and then we can say that she is the main one.
Why become a leader in a relationship
A leader in a relationship must take responsibility for solving many problems. On the one hand, this may seem like extra responsibilities for a person, but in fact, leadership has many benefits. For example, the defining word on how best to manage money, where to go on vacation, what needs to be bought and at what price.
A true leader will not constantly say that his partner owes him something, and will not reproach him with the fact that he has to answer for a lot. He understands that being the head of the family is a voluntary endeavor, and each role in the relationship is equally important and irreplaceable.
The woman who leads the relationship plays a big role in the family. It is without her that many complex disagreements cannot be resolved; she helps to overcome difficulties. This guarantees her respect not only from her husband, but also from other relatives.
How to become the head of the family without your husband noticing
To begin with, you should understand that you should never openly dictate your desires and conditions to your husband; this is more likely to cause a negative reaction than a desire to listen. The wife's task is to become an informal, hidden leader. Psychologists have proven that the official leader in a team, no matter how ambitious and charismatic he may be, is always under the influence of a more hidden one.
In order to achieve this influence, it is necessary to establish optimal contact with your husband, be able to listen to his position and understand it, and also understand what to do correctly to achieve what you want. A woman needs to understand that her actions must be calm and careful, she must avoid excessive emotionality in reactions to her husband’s opinion. It is important to have your own point of view, be able to clearly express it and support it with convincing arguments.
To influence the decisions of your chosen one, you need to be able to understand his mood, read his gestures and facial expressions, and select the optimal phrases for speaking with him in words. When your husband understands that you are on his side, that you hear him and respect his point of view, he will be much more willing to seek your advice and opinion.
To become the head of a family and successfully remain in this status for a long time, a woman needs to have cunning and ingenuity. With the help of these qualities, she will be able to make it clear to her husband that he has made the final decision, but at the same time do it on her own.
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03.03.2019 03:13
Make decisions.
You make all the decisions. Yes, yes, everything that concerns you and you.
You can consult with her, that's good and normal. But in the end you have to do it your way. It's always up to you to decide. And be responsible for the consequences too.
This is a strong male position, any young lady will feel and appreciate it.
If the decision entails something unpleasant, you will answer. You will have to fix everything quickly and take responsibility for what is happening now. If you calmly and steadfastly withstand such moments, and not shout that this girl gave you nasty advice, you will quickly take a leading position.
If the decision brings positive results, you will only earn the woman's respect and trust. She will be proud that next to her is a man who solved and resolved the problems that arose. In the future, she will become even more obedient and flexible from this feeling.
How to Get Your Self-Esteem Back If You've Lost It
Like any behavior pattern, your composure must become a habit.
If you constantly apologized and lost self-respect, then you will change with difficulty.
Inner inertia will prevent you from being calm. And your girlfriend will be shocked that you have stopped being henpecked.
Don't back down and stick to your line.
It's better to become a man late than never. And even if you have behaved incorrectly for years, you can always change the way you behave today.
You can change and regain the self-respect you lost. No one will stop you if you want it.
Find Masculine Composure
If you look deeper, all I'm trying to tell you is that you need to be more calm.
Sometimes the right actions seem morally wrong to you.
You watch your girlfriend cry and be hysterical over some unintelligible bullshit, and at such moments your first instinct as a protector is to calm her down.
You think: “She feels bad. I have to calm her down. I’ll apologize to make her feel better.”
But as a rule, this does not help, but only inflames her ardor even more. Now she realized that she was right and could do anything.
At such moments, the best thing you can do for yourself, for her, for your relationship is to say: “Well, cry if there is nothing to do,” or something like that, and not pay attention.
The world around you can be cruel and unfair, and you need to have your head on your shoulders to do the right thing.
The best commanders of this world during wars made decisions that no one approved of.
They were told: “What you are doing is wrong, you will destroy everyone.”
But as soon as the commander turned out to be right and won the battle, everyone was silent.
What else can I say?
In my last article about relationships, one girl wrote: “You just met the wrong ones.”
I must warn you against this kind of argument.
Start with the little things.
Even things like what movie to watch, what wine to choose and what to cook play a role.
This is all important, because by giving the initiative to her, you gradually lose your masculinity in her eyes. Each time she will be more courageous in taking the initiative. One day this will transfer to global decisions, which means she is already playing the role of a man among the two of you. This means that she is already in charge and she is already a leader.
Moreover, if you agree to her proposals that you don’t like, your dissatisfaction will be visible in your behavior. The discomfort of not doing what you wanted will take its toll. And she will soon stop being interested in you.
And in general, do you really think that the main person in the relationship will ask the young lady what movie you will go to? Seriously?
Mistakes of men
The first mistake in gaining a dominant position is to gain respect through rudeness, anger and despotism. Being in charge because they fear you is a disastrous way to build a happy union. Unconstructive criticism, totalitarian control and a consumerist attitude towards a girl will destroy your couple.
The second mistake starts with little things - start giving in to her in minor situations, and this type of behavior will become common. Women's intuition will unmistakably spot a spineless slug, no matter how much a man pretends to be a hero and macho. To be in charge in a relationship with a girl, you need to become clear in your decisions and consistent in your reactions.
Dispose of her checks and manipulations.
Why do women do this? Two options.
Good - she tests you for weakness. She does this not to subjugate you, but to make sure that her choice is correct. From time to time, all young ladies do something similar to calm down. If you don't demonstrate your masculinity often enough, she will sometimes check whether the man next to her is strong or if you have relaxed.
Option two - she is manipulating you. Perhaps she is used to acting this way around other men. Or she tested you for weakness, you failed the test, and this option suits her. Such women are accustomed to leading a man; I wrote about this in detail in my article about henpecked men.
And remember that a wise woman will act as the “neck” while you are the “head.” She will obey you in small things and lead you when making important decisions. Don't get caught, she might try to fool you with tricks.
What do we have to do? Show your inner core and prove to her that you are a man.
Being a Goat Isn't Bad
Sometimes, without a kick in the ass, we become lethargic and unmotivated.
Like a third grader who can’t look up from his tablet to do math without his mother screaming.
Your girlfriend also doesn’t understand that you have your own affairs, your own worries, your own life, your own soul.
All the boys who had rows with their girlfriends, including me, note one thing in common.
After these scandals you feel empty.
It's like you've been sucked out, like your soul has been eaten. You just get tired of this woman and of this relationship, and you think about how not to send her to hell.
The woman doesn’t understand how much this gets on her nerves, and how frustrating it is to sort things out.
And she won't understand this without a kick in the ass (a figurative kick, you little misogynist!).
This kick is to turn on the cold goat and not indulge in snot, scandals and empty claims on her part.
There are times when you are simply tired of quarreling and sorting things out.
You've had enough.
These scandals leave nothing alive in you. It's like your soul is being drunk like juice through a straw.
If you feel this way, then you've sold your self-respect again, buddy.
Solution?
Don't react.
Look at older people, those who have been married for many years.
If the man is normal, then the relationship will all proceed according to the same pattern.
The woman grumbles a little, itches a little, shows off a little - and the man pretends as if she is talking to herself, as if she is crazy.
The woman sees that there is no particular attention to her nagging, and she calms down on her own.
The man is in a state of Zen Buddhism. He doesn't care about anything.
This is the wisdom of our fathers and grandfathers. Look at them often and learn. Life advice can be found not only in books with glossy covers.
Now compare this with how you treat your girlfriend, how you behave in conflict situations.
If you are inexperienced or suffer from the good guy syndrome, then you run to her every sneeze and catch her every breath.
Did she not like something?
Immediately “sorry.”
Or she says: “You don’t love me.”
“Sorry honey, I’ll try harder...”
You make these compromises, but inside you feel: something is wrong.
Deep down you know that everything is fine, they just decided to compost your brains.
But you refuse to trust your instincts because she speaks convincingly.
You have to understand one thing, friend: sometimes the best thing you can do during the next scandal is not “sorry” or “I’ll try.”
Sometimes it’s best to say: “Listen, are you kidding me? Stop fucking with my brains!” (say this word for word) - and end the conversation there.
If you have never been so honest, then it will seem to you that you are the last goat for saying so.
After you say this, something like an alchemical reaction will occur.
She may be shocked, resist and try to continue the conflict. You don't react anymore. You said yours.
After a couple of moments, she will begin to quiet down, because you told her exactly what she wanted to hear from you.
She wanted you to put her in her place. She cannot show this directly, because the whole essence of the game will be lost. But you made the right move!
You will feel harmony and masculine calm within yourself. You finally said what you really think.
Be purposeful.
An important quality of a confident man. It will help you in any area, including in relationships.
Set goals and go towards them, strive and achieve. Don't stop, even if you don't succeed several times in a row. This is the only way to achieve success.
A girl shouldn't feel uncertain around you. If we are talking about relationships, she must clearly understand where everything is going. Make plans, talk to her about the future, this will give her a feeling of peace.
Otherwise, she herself will start trying to set goals while you are lying on the couch. It is important for her to understand what is happening and what will happen next. So she will try to solve it. And take on male responsibilities. For you, this is a direct path to rags.
What does this mean?2
When I heard such a song “... But the one who loves is weaker, and the one who does not love is stronger.” And it is true. If a person loves his life partner more, if he is afraid of losing, then he will make any sacrifice. That is, if the wife loves more, then the husband has the control lever - he will be the head of the relationship, because he will yield to his beloved. And she can scream whenever she wants and throw hysterics, without fear that her loved one will turn around and leave. In general, the man is not the head here.
Another situation is that a man is simply a leader by character. No questions will arise here; of course, he will be the head. Why? Yes, because if he is a leader, then he is used to dictating in everything who should act and how.
By the way, control levers are not necessarily love. For some, this is money - a man earns more, is the breadwinner, which means he is the head. A woman earns more, which means she manages finances, makes decisions and dominates relationships.
Very often the child becomes the lever. That is, let’s say a man and a woman don’t live quite wonderfully. A man cannot tolerate the dominance of his wife, and she does not want to be number 2. The man would have left, but... the children. And while they still cannot decide on their own who to stay with, the man endures everything to stay with them.
It happens that the lever is an apartment, housing, other factors (where people come together without serious feelings). To prevent the owner of the property from asking to vacate the premises, you have to put up with his dominance. It happens.
And yet, more often than not, the one with the tougher character becomes the head of the relationship. It is common to think that this is a man, however, this is far from the case.
What to do if a woman tries to dominate
Any woman will prefer a dominant man who will shoulder most of life's hardships. Girls want to remain girls, weak and defenseless, and not drag a weakling around all their lives like a suitcase without a handle.
Remember, even strong women want to be a little overpowered! Otherwise, they get very carried away, and this is harmful to the female psyche. Just don't confuse strength with rudeness and violence.
Even a capricious bitch will become a good girl if a strong, self-sufficient and self-confident man takes on her. Otherwise, we have a clear imbalance: the aunt grows balls, and the man becomes a psychological castrato. Sometimes women deliberately start fights to test what your scrotum is made of. Show who really has a dick!
A woman who dominates intimacy and relationships holds the “steering wheel” in her hands. Their partners beg for sex from these girls and only have sex in a missionary position without light, ask permission to meet with friends and ask for pocket money. But does a real male really need this? Only a man should make such decisions and many others. Of course, the young lady may not like this; she will try to slow down the process of redistribution of roles. The main thing is not to fall for her babble. All female attempts to take the reins of power must be ignored.
If a lady is ready to make compromises in life together and in bed, this only testifies to her viability as a wise partner and a skilled lover. Femininity and, in a sense, helplessness do not mean stupidity or dependence. Men are terribly turned on by the contradictory feeling of dominance and touching care.
How to build a relationship with a man
For partners to live happily ever after, they need to learn how to build relationships. And for this there are certain rules that cannot be broken.
What are these rules?
If you decide to build a relationship with a man, you need to decide on your self-esteem. Understated or, conversely, too high, it will interfere with relationships. You must set a clear goal for yourself: what kind of person do you need for your life together and how do you imagine your relationship with your partner.
The first impression a girl makes on a guy is of great importance. It is unlikely that he will want to start a family with a frivolous person. Watch your speech. Do not use too bright cosmetics, choose comfortable and practical clothes and shoes. Don't forget that you are a girl, so the guy should take the first step towards dating.
Relationships between a man and a woman should be built on love, trust, respect, and honesty. Strong relationships are built on female wisdom. Don’t be offended over trifles, don’t make scandals, know how to remain silent where necessary.
How to avoid unreasonable demands
In order to build strong and long-term relationships, devoid of mutual claims, it is important to approach the issue of obligation consciously. And make a list of your “requirements”, guided by 5 steps:
- take the position of an adult;
- decide on the significance;
- change the formulation of the question;
- talk to the man.
How to distribute responsibilities in the family?
Take the position of an adult
This can be quite difficult. According to transactional analysis, a person, regardless of his age, simultaneously has three ego states: Parent, Child, Adult. Usually, when people make demands on others, they are not speaking from the perspective of the inner Adult.
A typical situation is “our relationship is not working out because he...”. This is followed by a long list of things the partner doesn't do or does wrong. That is, someone else is to blame for all the problems, he is “bad”. This is the position of the Child.
Or the requirements are an imperative code that is presented to another person from the position of the Parent, who addresses the Child: “you must make the bed, wash the dishes, come home on time, and so on.”
People can agree with each other only if both communicate from the perspective of an Adult:
- calmly talk about their needs;
- respect the needs of the partner and try to look at the situation from his point of view;
- they are trying to find a compromise, rather than defeat each other in an argument and prove who is right.
Decide on significance
Before making many demands, you need to understand what really matters to you? First of all, you need to understand yourself and abandon unproductive attitudes that people follow without thinking.
Change the question
Once you've figured out what's really important to you, make a list. It will be what you value in a relationship, what makes you happy. This is your ideal idea of yourself as part of a relationship. Start each point with the phrase: “I must...”.
When the list is compiled, cross out the first part of the phrase and write in red: “I want...”. Review each rewritten paragraph. Does it evoke a positive response from you, does it resonate with your needs?
Talk to the man
It's best to do this before your relationship becomes serious, you get married and have children. Without a complaint, not from the position of a Parent who gives a list of tasks, but from the position of an Adult, talk to the man. Convey to him what you want from the relationship. How you see his role, how you see yours. Think about whether it meets all your expectations and whether it suits you.
