5 books that will help you become more confident in yourself

What is self-confidence? First of all, it is respect and a clear understanding of who you are, what you want and how you should not be treated. This is the ability to love yourself and pamper yourself when necessary, and also not allow others to create situations around you in which you will be uncomfortable. Self-confidence is a kind of philosophy: a vision of your own self, your goals and how the world should not treat you.

And if you still cannot answer these questions on your own, understand your relationships with the outside world and look into the depths of your soul, the right books will help you.

BeautyHack has collected 5 books that will tell you about the peculiarities of your self and help you become more confident in yourself.

"Gift of the Sea" by Anne-Murrow Lindbergh

If your goal is to learn to live in harmony with yourself, and also to find a middle ground between everyday activities and a constant feeling of chaos, then this book is for you.

The book “Gift of the Sea” was written by the famous writer, aviator and mother of five children, who, having once gone on vacation at sea, saw the world in a different light and discovered a new self. In the book you will find everything that will help you change your attitude towards people or things around you, treat many of your obligations differently, begin to appreciate your desires - all these are necessary conditions in order to finally gain self-confidence. The book will help you free yourself from everything unnecessary that drags you down and makes you doubt your own abilities, and will show you what really deserves attention in your life. In addition, the author wrote the book in such a way that, while reading “Gift of the Sea,” you will be transported to a small house on the seashore and can even feel the breath of the sea breeze (5 facts about the sea that you didn’t know, look here).

Developing Confidence in Children

The origins of self-confidence are laid in childhood; in the process of communicating with loved ones, a child learns whether he is good or bad, and forms internal self-esteem, which affects him in adulthood. A child's self-confidence largely depends on his parents. Children cannot critically perceive information; the words of adults are taken at face value.

Key tips for developing confidence in children:

Don’t say: “you’re bad, we don’t love you,” it’s better: “you shouldn’t do that, because...” or: “you’re a good girl, but you did it wrong, because...”; A child should always feel the love and support of loved ones to develop and improve knowledge and skills; Stimulate the growth of confidence by overcoming feasible obstacles, first with support, later on your own; Be sure to praise for achievements and successes, this is so important for children, you can also keep a success diary to increase self-esteem; Compare less with other children, each child develops at his own pace, has characteristics of the body, memory, perception of the world, rely on the positive, stimulate development.

High self-confidence is the key to success for a child, his activity in social life, achievements in studies and sports. Only faith in your own strength works wonders and makes it easier to cope with the difficulties of life.

The question “How to develop self-confidence,” regarding children, applies more to parents, they lay the foundations of their worldview and perception of themselves as individuals, be careful in words, expressions, and actions.

“Why are we wrong? Thinking Traps in Action Joseph Hallinan

If you step on the same rake and often make the same mistakes, so you are used to considering yourself not the luckiest person, then the book “Why We Make Mistakes. Thinking Traps in Action" will help you sort out all your doubts and finally start moving in the right direction with complete confidence in yourself and your abilities!

Numerous studies have shown that people make mistakes. But it is precisely the fact that not everyone is ready to admit they are wrong and correct their mistake that distinguishes insecure people from more successful ones. In this book, the author reveals the secret of what traps our consciousness hides, and tells in detail how to correct many mistakes or avoid controversial issues altogether. He examines all mistakes using examples from different areas of life, which will help you better understand yourself, learn not to doubt your actions and act thoughtfully and clearly in any situation, which means becoming more self-confident.

Why increase self-esteem?

The main advantage of adequate, strong self-esteem is a good relationship with yourself, trust and self-love, and self-acceptance. This means that you will be able to set goals for yourself and have enough motivation, determination and desire to achieve them and realize your potential.

You need to work with self-esteem in order to:

To accept yourself in the moment as you are, without trying to change;
To trust yourself, your feelings and rely on them;

To awaken your creativity, independence, motivation and thirst for life;

To be willing to admit your mistakes and correct them;

To be generous, flexible, able to dialogue and collaborate;

To improve relationships with others. Only by loving and forgiving ourselves can we love and forgive others.

Important

Only strong self-esteem will give you the opportunity to live the life you want.

"On the limit. A week without self-pity" Erik Larsen

A book in which the author suggests not to think for a long time about the meaning of life, but to immediately move on to action and become more self-confident with the help of “Hell Week”.

What is Hell Week? In the Norwegian army, this is the name for the special course that all special forces soldiers have to undergo during training. The author himself once underwent such training, so he is confident in the effectiveness of such a system and has developed his own “civilian” version for ordinary people who want to become more confident in their abilities and learn to always move forward.

Eric Bertrand Larssen invites you to take a 7-day, thoughtful intensive that anyone can do. This week includes strict adherence to the diet and rules of nutrition, regular physical activity and the rejection of everything that distracts you from your intended goal, as well as quality rest and complete immersion in yourself and a sense of your strength.

After such a course, the author promises that you will get a taste of life and find out what you are really capable of, and most importantly, you will become more confident in yourself and receive an impetus for changes for the better.

How to choose a book

There are several criteria for making the right choice.

What to pay attention to:

Subjects

There are women's and men's themes, classical psychology, a manual for parents and step-by-step popular guides.

Author

Individual books are reprinted many times and achieve large total circulation figures. The author’s popularity is based on the number of people who have overcome their complexes and fears thanks to the publication.

Cost and format

Having decided on one book or another, you need to decide on the conditions in which it will be mastered. It is clear that an expensive and voluminous publication is not suitable for reading on transport. Some techniques require careful study, with entries in diaries and introspection - such a book, training manual can be with many photographs, voluminous and have several parts. The soft binding and moderate number of pages of the book will allow it to travel with the reader to work, to the country and on business trips.

Review

If you have a wide selection on the topic you are looking for, you can use the information review of publications, navigate according to the opinions of readers, or read the content in announcements.

Errors in selection

The choice of a reliable tool for solving a problem should not be based on the point of view of “how much it costs,” but on the basis of reviews and expert opinions. For an ordinary person not immersed in the problems of psychology, an interesting book with practical advice reveals the meaning of self-control. Sometimes, inexpensive books give invaluable experience, thanks to which a person becomes happy.

"The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence" Anthony Robert

Do you think you have willpower? If you find it difficult to answer this question, then the book “The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence” is definitely for you!

Willpower is a person’s ability to think and, based on his conclusions, make independent decisions, and then act in accordance with the decision made. But according to Professor Anthony Robert, having the right mindset is not enough to achieve your goals. Therefore, in his book, he explains in detail what needs to be done to become a confident person. The author shares how to correctly assess your surroundings and the situation around you, and shows why this is where the key to self-development and qualitative changes in life lies (look for 5 fashionable books about women for women here).

Tips on how to increase self-esteem

The first step is recognizing the problem; if you have passed it, then it’s time to start working.
The psyche is formed throughout life and returning self-esteem to a normal state is impossible in a day, week or month - this is a long and difficult process that requires uncomfortable decisions, actions and exercises. Let's look at ways to increase self-confidence.

Getting out of your comfort zone with unusual actions

The desire for stability is a normal desire of any person. Where everything is familiar and understandable to us well - this is a comfort zone. But a confident and an insecure person have different ideas about comfort. To get out of the shell of a “downtrodden” person, you need to stop being afraid of new meetings, sensations and problems. Gradually try something new - go on a hike, talk to a stranger, buy a bike and start riding, sign up for a swimming pool, etc. The more barriers you overcome, the easier and faster the changes will come.

Work on your appearance

If you consider yourself unattractive, change your appearance and image. It may be enough to change your glasses to thinner and more attractive ones, do your hair, change your clothes, or lose an extra 20 kg of weight so that you and those around you see a new person. As a man, I can say with 100% confidence that just changing jeans to a dress or skirt makes a woman many times more attractive.

Make yourself like you.

Keep a diary of achievements

First of all, remember and write down in it all your successes that have ever come in life, and then record each new positive result. It doesn’t have to be 1st place at the Olympiad, every little thing is important - solved a crossword puzzle, learned 3 chords on the guitar, learned how to insert formulas in a Word document (or learned what Word is).

Every day add a couple of new successes to your diary.

Play some sports

One of the best ways to increase self-esteem. It’s enough to start doing 15-minute morning exercises and you’re already better than 90% of people, since almost no one “sinks” to such nonsense. And jogging or going to the gym will bring positive changes not only in the head, but also in the body.

Change your environment

This is hard to do, but sometimes it is necessary. If you feel that your acquaintances and friends are interfering with your changes and do not support your desire for change, start communicating with them less. When your self-esteem improves, you will have the strength to pull them out with you, or the desire to maintain relationships through new acquaintances will completely disappear.

At the same time as you break up, look for new contacts among those you want to become like.

Sign up for courses or trainings

It is important not only to gain knowledge and skills, but also to mingle in the company of people with similar interests and a desire for self-improvement. Losers rarely go to study; usually such events attract confident, positive and purposeful people

It’s even better if you attend specialized training on personal growth or self-esteem.

Psychological books and films

There is no need to read a textbook on psychology; there are a lot of works of art that are not only useful, but also interesting to study.

Repeat and listen to affirmations

Affirmations are short phrases that create the right attitude in the subconscious. They should be repeated in the morning and/or evening, they can be recorded on a voice recorder and listened to in a circle for some time. For example, “I know how to plan and follow a plan,” “I know how to earn and save money.” Various lists of affirmations can be found on the Internet.

Start planning

Planning is self-organization, and a person who knows how to organize himself cannot be insecure. Making plans is a great way to boost your self-esteem. A shopping list is a plan. A daily routine is a plan. Plan weekends, vacations, financial savings, large purchases.

Avoid criticism of yourself

We are all human, we all make mistakes, but this is not a reason to engage in self-flagellation. If you made a mistake, benefit from it - constructively analyze what happened, for what reason and, most importantly, what should or should not be done in the future to avoid repetition.

Let’s say you invested money in JSC MMM tickets and lost everything. You can say “what a fool I am” and continue to keep the funds in a 3-liter jar, or you can say “I haven’t studied the topic of investment enough and I need to study the rules, types of assets, find out what stocks, bonds, dividends are, figure out where profit comes from, etc.” .d.”. Instead of negative criticism, there should be a plan to correct the mistake or a plan to repeat it in the future.

"The Ultimate Course in Self-Love" Louise Hay

Probably everyone already knows that it takes 21 days to form the right habit. The author of the book “The Ultimate Self-Love Course” suggests using this method to learn how to raise your self-esteem and gain self-confidence.

To implement this plan, all you need is the discipline to set aside two hours a day and do a few simple exercises.

Psychologist Louise Hay is confident that after such a course you will not only increase your self-esteem, but also get rid of many fears, including self-doubt, see all the grievances you have accumulated and be able to finally cope with these emotions, and also reveal new facets its potential and opportunities for further growth.
Text: Anya Sherstneva

What is self-esteem and what does it depend on?

In order to understand what methods will help raise the level of self-esteem, you need to understand what it is.

Self-esteem is a person's ability to objectively assess their strengths and weaknesses. Although, it is impossible to give an absolutely objective assessment, because there are feelings that influence any assessment. Quite often, a person’s self-esteem may not correspond to his capabilities.

For example, a person with low self-esteem may turn out to be incredibly talented, and in addition, he will be quite productive in this regard.

But this will happen only if his level of self-esteem does not stop him from working. That is, he may consider himself mediocre, but this is not at all true.

And there are people whose self-esteem is so high that they do not notice anything around them. But, more often than not, this assessment is not justified by anything, because a person already considers himself the best, which stops him from further development.

In both cases, a person gives himself and his capabilities a far from objective assessment. But all this is not so scary, it is much worse when low self-esteem interferes with a full life.

In this case, you urgently need to work on yourself in order to feel your strength in any aspect of life.

A person who is able to evaluate himself relatively objectively will never compare himself with the people around him.

He perceives himself as an already formed personality who accepts all his shortcomings and has some characteristics. Therefore, a person who lacks self-confidence cannot be called a “personality.”

Often low self-esteem is just an illusion or an exaggeration of some minor shortcomings.

All this happens because of our own far-fetched complexes. This problem could have started in childhood. And even if the reason for self-doubt has already disappeared, a person can still perceive it as a problem.

There are two types of self-esteem, both of which are abnormal

Understated

A person tries to compare himself with others, trying to find differences that will indicate that he is somehow worse than others.

He does not even admit the idea that he is a significant person. The opportunity to see yourself as beautiful, smart and successful disappears.

As a rule, dislike for oneself gives rise to the same feeling in other people towards him.

Such people are quite self-critical; they are constantly dissatisfied with themselves, even if they reach certain heights. They believe that they will never achieve perfection, no matter how much effort they put in.

Overpriced

It seems that there is nothing worse than low self-esteem until you meet a person with the opposite problem - high self-esteem.

Such a person believes that he is somehow better than others, although in fact there is no visible reason why he can be considered “above” others.

Even if some task is completely beyond his capabilities, he will definitely grab onto it and will prove that he will certainly cope.

Most often, such people find themselves in rather uncomfortable situations, which, it seems, should slightly reduce their sky-high self-esteem, but for some reason this does not happen.

They do not see their shortcomings at all, which may turn out to be “a carriage and a small cart.” Disadvantages simply go unnoticed, which is why a person can remain at the same stage of development for many years.

The roots of the problem come from childhood, when parents inspired the child that he was better than everyone else. At this time, the thought arises in his head that he is already the best, which means he does not need to learn anything or develop in any area.

Causes of low self-esteem in women

The tendency to low self-esteem begins to form in childhood. The genetic factor is also important. Scientists have found that some children have a more excitable right hemisphere; this feature correlates with low self-esteem in the future. Genetics is only 10%, the rest is the influence of the environment on the child and the person’s assessment of his experience as an adult.

That is, all factors can be divided into external and internal. Some people tend to react more to the opinions of others, others listen to themselves. Adequate self-esteem implies a balance of these two components.

In a person prone to the influence of external factors, the level of self-esteem depends on:

The authority of the person appraising.
How often this opinion is repeated by a large number of people.
How many people have the opposite opinion?

If a woman has plenty of evidence that she is beautiful, then a few insults about her appearance will be ignored. If a girl begins to be called ugly en masse, then her self-esteem may worsen, only if internal mechanisms do not work that will help to re-evaluate the insult like: “yes, I’m ugly, but I earn a quarter more than the average person” or “yes, I I’m not pretty, but my husband and children love me very much.”

Undecided girl

If there is no internal mechanism for reinterpreting other people's opinions, then the assessment of a few people can be transferred to everyone else. Then the girl will develop someone else’s opinion to “I’m ugly, which means my husband doesn’t love me, maybe he’s cheating on me.” Fears will appear that will immediately begin to find confirmation, not objective, but subjective. For example, my husband didn’t answer the phone. A girl with high self-esteem will think “I didn’t hear”, while a girl with low self-esteem will think “he’s with his mistress.” A woman enters a vicious circle that will only worsen the relationship and create real conditions for further damage to self-esteem.

Thus, the reason for low self-esteem is the negative factors affecting the girl in combination with the lack of an internal system of coordinates and goals.

In short, there are other reasons for low self-esteem:

Inability to see success, dictated by perfectionism. There is no such thing as a perfect person, but people with low self-esteem often consider themselves bad.
Negative experience. If there have been failures in the past, self-esteem may drop significantly.
Inability to overestimate unpleasant situations. There is a cool technique in psychology - reframing, which consists of finding advantages where there seem to be none.
Reluctance to learn. A person who does not want to learn new things will sooner or later be faced with an insoluble situation. Self-esteem, as a result, will fall very low.
Other reasons. To improve self-esteem, you need to influence each of them.

Important! There may be other factors that influence a girl’s self-esteem in a particular case. It is recommended that you make a list of such reasons yourself.

Characteristic signs

According to psychologists, a person’s confidence is manifested in the ability to make an objective assessment of one’s present actions in comparison with past experiences and strive to surpass oneself. The desire to compete with others, internal fears and complexes, laziness - all this can be overcome with the right approach.

Signs of a confident person (behavior):

ability to make decisions independently;
the ability to express one’s own opinion and give arguments;
lack of fear of the audience, camera and other similar phobias of interacting with large numbers of people;
calm communication with other people without discomfort;
the ability to resolutely refuse and not offend the interlocutor;
desire to negotiate and resolve conflict situations.

A person feels comfortable performing new actions. Confidence provides inner support that promotes achievement.

Auto-training to increase self-esteem

You can increase your self-esteem yourself. Auto-training is well practiced here - these are verbal exercises to develop a positive attitude. This method is based on the following postulate: what you think about yourself is what you get. If a person constantly calls himself “stupid”, “loser”, “mediocre”, etc., then as a result he develops low self-esteem. To increase it, you need to praise yourself, encourage yourself, and not think badly about yourself.

Why do you need to increase your self-esteem? When it is adequate, it is easy for a person to evaluate himself and his capabilities. Many may notice how easy it becomes for them to accept criticism from others when they clearly understand what is true and what is a lie. Objective self-esteem helps you feel relaxed, calm and confident. You may not be perfect. But a clear and realistic idea of yourself helps you easily cope with any troubles.

In the process of increasing self-esteem, the key points are:

What do you think about yourself? This opinion should be the most authoritative and valuable than someone else’s. You must become your own authority.
What do other people think of you? Their opinion shouldn't be important, just let it be interesting. You shouldn’t isolate yourself from other people’s opinions, because then you can deprive yourself of the opportunity to hear an objective assessment of some people around you and, with their help, see your own weaknesses. But the main thing to remember is that having shortcomings does not make you a bad person. You are good no matter what you are, even if others don’t like something.
What are you like in reality? Your and other people’s opinions are grades, just like in school. Some people like you, some don't like you, which can rarely be connected with your real person. But what kind of person are you really? If we look at you from the outside, without knowing or communicating, what can we say about you? What can you do? What achievements do you have? Where do you benefit and where do you harm? Describe yourself from a non-judgmental perspective. You may be surprised that this “evaluation” is completely different from what you thought about yourself and what other people thought about you.

Realizing yourself can give you that freedom from the opinions of others that you have been dreaming of. But what if you, as a “real person”, are uninteresting, ugly, unpleasant, harmful? Now is the time to think about self-improvement. You don't need to change completely. You can simply start eliminating what is unnecessary and creating what you want.

Improve yourself. Compare your present self with your past self. Do not touch or look at other people. What kind of person do you want to be in reality? Work in this direction to adequately evaluate yourself.
Accept your flaws. If there are some negative traits you cannot change, then accept them. If they exist, it means they help in some way. Understand why you need certain character traits that you call shortcomings. How do they benefit you? It may turn out that you don't need to get rid of them. Being perfect does not mean being good in every way. Strive for excellence, where every quality, skill and talent you have brings you benefit, no matter how good or bad it may be.
Think positively. It does not advocate immersing yourself in illusions in order to escape from reality. Here it is proposed to look at the world with a sober look, while looking for positive aspects, benefits and benefits for yourself. When trying to find a way out of a situation, think about what you want to achieve, not what you want to escape from.
Do what you love. Interests and hobbies help a person realize that he is not so bad. If you know how to do something, have a passion for something, are ready to do something for free simply because it makes you happy, then you are useful, needed and interesting. Find your passion that makes you an interesting person.
Don't be afraid to ask for and accept help. If you need outside help, don't be afraid to ask for it and accept it. You are not omnipotent and all-powerful. Realize that you have limited strength and resources. This is fine! You continue to be a normal and good person, being limited in your capabilities! Learn to recognize this so that you can calmly accept help from others and give help to those you can help yourself.

You need to increase your self-esteem systematically. Don't expect that once you become confident, you won't have to increase your self-esteem again. This is an illusion that can upset you sooner or later. Constantly work to increase your worth, confidence and self-esteem.

“Ulterior motives. The true reasons for our behavior"

Doctor of Psychology Angela Ahola wrote a book about motivation from the perspective of neurochemistry, genetics and psychology. The result is a fascinating and practical guide on how to stop comparing yourself to others, communicate easily and naturally, increase your social status and focus on important things without looking back at the information noise.

Popular self-esteem exercises

The result will not appear immediately. It takes many months to perform daily exercises that will help overcome internal resistance. One such exercise is a journal. But it’s better to keep a journal of achievements instead of a diary. What self-esteem exercises will really help?

Journal of achievements. A person should write down all his achievements, all incidents in life for which he is proud. And create for yourself the image of a really successful person that you want to become in the future.
Find strengths in your shortcomings. If you look closely at yourself, you can see that behind your shortcomings there are certain character traits that can be refined and turned into advantages.
Look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you from the outside. This is a great exercise for raising self-esteem, which helps you accept all your sides, all your character traits, just because you are a unique person and worthy of the love of others.
Observing yourself from the outside. If you simply watch for a long time as your inner critic crucifies you as best he can, you will come to the conclusion that most of all accusations are unfounded and ridiculous. Then this habit will disappear on its own, simply because you consciously decided not to nag yourself in this way anymore.

These four exercises must be performed with full faith in success. You cannot quit working on yourself after the first week of exercise and complain that there is no effect. You will have to show willpower, get up half an hour earlier every morning and write everything down on paper. Visualization is also useful. But when you write down your observations of yourself on paper or on a tablet, you will really see some shifts, improvements in your perception of yourself.