How to increase self-esteem: where to start, techniques and trainings, advice from a psychologist

All people dream of a decent life: living with a loved one, making a career, taking care of children, having true friends. Some people do this by inviting the girl they like on a date, literally working hard at work, and finding time for travel and active recreation with friends. In general, they do everything to achieve their goals.

And others are embarrassed to approach the object of their sympathy, once again remind their boss about themselves, invite friends to a party, etc. And now we are not talking about those who are lazy to do this or do not have clear plans and guidelines for life. People with low self-esteem are doomed to this: they are afraid of rejection, failure, criticism, mistakes. They believe that they are incapable of generating interest and have no talent. For them, dreams remain dreams.

If you belong to this group of people, know that life can be changed for the better. Stop explaining everything by natural shyness, physical disabilities or pathological bad luck. You just need to work hard on yourself. There are various techniques that help increase self-esteem and become a confident, successful person. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how old you are now, you can start at 15 or 55.

Where to begin

If you are determined to improve your self-esteem, develop a strategy. This will help you formulate goals and achieve them in a short time. Where to begin:

Take basic self-esteem tests to find out the extent of your low self-esteem.
Decide whether you will do this yourself or whether you need to consult a psychologist.
Select effective techniques, special exercises, auto-trainings.
Enlist the support of your loved ones.
Set a goal for yourself to become a successful and self-sufficient person with adequate self-esteem in 3 months (the period can be any).
Break your goal into smaller tasks: give a presentation at work, go to the cinema with friends, ask a girl out on a date - this month; achieve a salary increase, go to a camp site, confess your love - the next, etc.

The most important thing at the beginning of the journey is to tune in to a positive result, to convince yourself that everything will work out. This is not easy for people with low self-esteem, but in order to increase it, this simply must be done.

You can read about the causes and signs of low self-esteem and its levels in our separate review.

How to learn to respect yourself

If a woman does not show herself respect, others will treat her the same way. Therefore, the development of such a skill must be approached with the utmost seriousness. How to do this correctly?

Understand your essence and nature

Both characteristics are inherent in every living creature from birth. It turns out that a person should initially be happy, have adequate self-esteem, respect the personality and body.

Everyone has the opportunity to independently determine their life path, make a choice between good and bad, bear responsibility for it, set goals for the future and achieve them. This is a gift of fate. Appreciate him and yourself.

You can start changing with simple actions: learn to live for others, without forgetting about your own dignity. You need to take care of others, pay attention to their interests and desires, but at the same time not relegate your interests to the background.

Exercises

It turns out that there are complexes of not only physical exercises for sports, but also psychological ones to increase self-esteem. By performing them regularly, you can feel the first results within a week. Here are some of them.

Exercise 1. I'm good

Write at least 10 of your positive qualities. Re-read them daily. After a week, create a new list, trying not to repeat what was in the previous one.

Exercise 2. I was able to

Write down 5 achievements you have achieved in life. This does not have to be a victory in the Olympics or a beauty contest. Simpler things are enough: found a job, graduated from college. Re-read them daily and learn to be proud of them. After a month, try creating a new list. It should contain other items.

Exercise 3. I am strong

Write down the 3 most difficult situations in your life. Don't describe them in detail, just identify them. For example, the death of a grandmother, dismissal from work, divorce. Remember how you were able to survive this period. Even if you felt bad, now it’s all behind you, which means you have that inner strength that can increase your self-esteem. Every day, replay in your head how you overcame difficulties and be proud of yourself.

Exercise 4. I am a hero

Write 5 cases from your life when you helped others: you were with your friend when her husband left her; prepared a classmate for a diploma at a university; We regularly bought groceries for our old neighbor, who couldn’t do it herself. Re-read the list every day and be proud of yourself. Update it after a month.

Exercise 5. I am no worse than others

To increase self-esteem, you need to learn to be friends with the mirror. This is one of the most difficult exercises for insecure and shy people. We need to overcome internal complexes and master this technique.

Get yourself in order. Stand or sit in front of a mirror. Smile at your reflection. Then you can choose to act: read a poem, sing a song, or just talk to yourself. The goal is to get used to it, look at yourself from the outside, learn to perceive your image objectively, and understand that you are no worse than others. Start with 5 minutes and increase this time every week.

Complexes of psychological exercises can be different. The main thing is the regularity and correctness of their implementation.

Challenge your inner rock star

Albert Einstein said: “We are all geniuses.” But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.”

Each of us is unique . And we all have different skills and inclinations. Someone may be a brilliant musician, but he completely lacks the makings of a cook.

No single quality can fully describe you. Recognize your strengths and use them to boost your confidence and rid yourself of negative thoughts.

Psychotherapist and certified sexologist Christy Overstreet advises asking yourself the following questions: Was there a time in your life when your self-esteem was high? What were you doing at this stage of life? If you find it difficult to recognize your unique qualities on your own, ask a friend to help.

Sometimes it is easier for others to see you than for you to see yourself.

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Trainings

Good results can be achieved if you sign up for psychological training “How to increase self-esteem” (variant names are allowed), which are organized by specialized specialists. They can be group or individual. As practice shows, if the situation is not advanced, the first option is preferable.

They usually last 1-2 hours and involve performing exercises in a playful way. For example, a psychologist can offer in a circle to all participants (usually there are 6-10 people):

define your mood in one word (color);
talk about your positive qualities (who has more);
advertise yourself using various means (who is better);
find 5-10 positive qualities in the person sitting opposite you (not just invented ones, but real ones);
play “I am the king”: each participant becomes a ruler for 5 minutes, makes decisions, makes laws, and the rest obey and worship him. Next, it is determined who coped with the role better.

This is only a small part of the techniques that psychologists use in group trainings. Usually a course of 4-5 such classes is enough to ensure your own importance.

During individual training, a psychologist may offer to take a test, perform some situational tasks followed by analysis of the answers, or exercises.

Change your job if you are constantly criticized

Excessive focus on work leads to serious emotional stress and emotional burnout. A man or woman will not be able to increase their self-esteem under such pressure. The most important thing is that the entire recovery should proceed calmly. If your actions and behavior are always criticized by your boss or colleagues, it’s easier to change the team and position yourself there in a new way. Remember, for your friends you have read a book. The more contacts you have with new people, the faster your confidence develops.

Autotraining

To get rid of low self-esteem, psychologists advise practicing auto-training. However, most people misunderstand this technique. This is not just self-hypnosis and working with your internal complexes. Initially, it related to therapeutic psychotherapeutic techniques. Self-education is only the second part of any autogenic training. Many people haven’t even heard about the first one, but without it, reciting the same affirmations is most often useless. We are talking about muscle relaxation, which consists of 5 main exercises.

Let's figure out how to properly conduct auto-training to raise self-esteem.

Part 1. Muscle relaxation

The task of this stage is to prepare physically for auto-training. To do this, you need to relax your body as much as possible and disconnect from the problems of the world around you. The German doctor Schultz (the founder of this technique) called this the switching point when the activity of the cerebral cortex decreases to a minimum. You need to achieve a state close to somnolence. This is the initial stage of hypnosis, intermediate between wakefulness and sleep.

To achieve this state, you need to consistently perform 6 exercises. But first, take the correct starting position: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.

Exercise 1. “Heaviness”

Goal: relieve muscle tone.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with heaviness and becomes leaden. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) arm (leg) is heavy.” You need to feel it physically. 21 days are allotted to master the exercise:

3 days work with the right leg;
3 days - with the left leg;
3 days - with both legs at once;
3 days - with the right hand;
3 days - with the left hand;
3 days - with both hands at once;
3 days - with all limbs at once.

Execution time: 7-10 minutes.

Exercise 2. “Warmth”

Purpose: to expand subcutaneous blood vessels.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with warmth, as if you are plunging it into warm, even hot water. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) hand (leg) is warm.” Feel it physically. The sequence and time for mastering the exercise are similar to the first.

Exercise 3. “Pulse”

Goal: normalize heartbeat.

Lie down on a flat surface. Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart or wrist to clearly hear your pulse. Imagine your chest filling with warmth. Instill this in your mind: “My chest is warm, my heart beats evenly, clearly, powerfully.” Feel it on a physical level. After your heart rate reaches a normal value for your age and health, you need to learn to control it: slow it down (do not drop below 50 beats per minute) and speed it up (do not exceed 90 beats per minute) using mental affirmations.

This exercise helps you cope with anxiety in stressful situations, quickly pull yourself together, and avoid sweating and panting during public speaking.

Exercise 4. “Breathing”

Goal: to develop uniform breathing.

Before this exercise, it is recommended to spend 5 minutes doing any physical activity to slow down your breathing a little. Then you need to relax as much as possible and restore it as quickly as possible by taking a deep breath through your nose and exhaling as much as possible through your mouth. At the same time, mentally every 30 seconds you need to repeat the phrase: “My breathing is even and calm.” After 2 weeks of daily training, you will be able to bring it back to normal in 1.5 minutes.

This exercise will help you cope with an attack of anxiety in a difficult situation.

Exercise 5. “Solar Plexus”

Goal: to establish blood supply to internal organs.

Close your eyes and imagine your stomach filling with warmth, as if you were placing a hot water bottle on it. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My stomach is warm.” Feel it physically.

Exercise 6. “Cool forehead”

Goal: to put your thought processes in order.

Close your eyes and imagine how your head becomes cool, as if you are in the cold or have put an ice compress on your forehead. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My head is cold.” Feel it physically.

The exercise will also be useful in stressful situations, which so often insecure and shy people find themselves in. Surely everyone is familiar with this state when the blood rushes to the head, the temples pulsate, and thoughts refuse to work. When you learn to take control of these processes, it will be easier for you to make informed and correct decisions - one of the key points for those who increase self-esteem.

For 3 weeks, practice all 6 exercises daily in the order in which they are given. At first this will take quite a lot of time, but soon you will be able to achieve a state of somnolence in just 5-10 minutes. And only after this can you move on to that part of auto-training that many people practice - speaking affirmations.

Part 2. Self-hypnosis and self-education

Before pronouncing affirmations aimed at increasing self-esteem, you need to prepare for this:

Ensure complete silence: close the windows, turn off the intercom and telephones, warn your family not to disturb you.
Leave the position in which you performed muscle relaxation: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.
Close eyes.
Feel complete relaxation and a state of peace.
Imagine a pleasant picture: forest, nature, sea, beach, rye field, space - everyone’s illusions will be different. The main thing is that the color palette evokes peace.
Turn on relaxing music: it can be classics, sounds of nature, white noise. It shouldn't be loud.
You can use aromatherapy. Coniferous and citrus scents are recommended.
You need to practice either early in the morning, when your consciousness is still clear, or in the evening, just before bed - this way the affirmations are absorbed better.

Schultz called this moment of auto-training catharsis (culmination). Only after this is it allowed to recite selected affirmations to increase self-esteem. They also have many requirements:

It will be better if a psychologist suggests them to you in accordance with your individual characteristics.
Do not type more than 10 affirmations at a time.
Sets of 10 affirmations need to be changed every 1-2 weeks.
It’s better to memorize them rather than read them on paper or from your phone, as this will disrupt visualization (you can’t open your eyes). Another option is to listen to audio recordings with them, but not with headphones.
They need to be spoken out loud, in a clear, even, calm voice.
Pronunciation schemes can be different: the entire list from beginning to end, and then repeat it from the beginning, or say each phrase 2-3 times. It's up to you.
There is an effective technique that recommends working with only one affirmation until it becomes entrenched in the subconscious, and only then moving on to another.

Be careful! Auto-training is contraindicated in case of vegetative-vascular dystonia, acute somatic attacks, epilepsy, tendency to delirium and unclear consciousness.

The most common mistakes:

using the future tense in affirmations;
use of verb forms “can” and “will”;
use of the negative particle “not”;
Irregular work with affirmations (not every day);
a vinaigrette of phrases: today - one block, tomorrow - another;
lack of action: if you read the af, but you yourself once again refused to read the report at work, auto-training will be useless.

The task of auto-training is to clear the mind of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. A person with low self-esteem is a glass of dirty water. Activities of this kind are a filter that gradually clears it of unnecessary impurities. Do this until it becomes crystal clear.

Affirmations that increase self-esteem (approximate traditional block):

I am worthy of love and respect.
I act independently, without regard to other people's opinions.
Everything about me is beautiful: from the smallest details to serious actions.
Mistakes and criticism are inevitable, but they are just part of my experience and help me become better.
I forgive everyone who once offended me. And I myself let go of the feeling of guilt. All in the past.
I am the master of my life.
Everything works out for me. I'm lucky. I attract love, happiness and success.
I can take care of myself.
I am confident in the future.
Nothing can limit me in my actions and actions.

Lifehack. When you select a block of affirmations for yourself, write them down on a piece of paper with your left hand if you are right-handed, and vice versa. This activates the work of both hemispheres of the brain, and the effect of phrases on the subconscious will begin from this moment.

If you carry out auto-training correctly, you can literally increase your self-esteem in a month and love yourself even in the most advanced cases without the involvement of hypnosis and psychotherapy. This is an effective technique that is available to absolutely everyone at home.

Lifehack. Print or write affirmations on bright sheets of paper with inspiring pictures and hang them in different places in your apartment where you visit most often. When your gaze rests on them, mentally pronounce the phrase, convince yourself that you have read it, and do it all with a smile.

For auto-training, the correct formulation of affirmations is of great importance. For people with low self-esteem, they often become traps that, instead of treatment, drive them into an even greater dead end.

This happened to one of the writers. When she was young, her books sold well, but after the crisis of the 90s, publishers stopped taking her creations into circulation. She fell into depression, during which she convinced herself that it was not the economic situation in the country that was to blame for her lack of recognition, but a lack of talent. She stopped doing what she loved and sat at the checkout counter at a grocery store. Nervous work with capricious customers, undervaluation from her superiors, low salary - all this led to her self-esteem falling even more.

At some point, she realized the need to change something in her life and began doing auto training on her own, resumed work on a book, and left the hated position of a cashier. A month later, a tragedy occurred: all the publishing houses she applied to refused to publish her new work. The result is cut veins. Although everything worked out, thanks to the doctors who arrived on time.

Psychologists and psychotherapists began working with the writer. They couldn’t understand why auto-training, designed to increase her self-esteem, led to disastrous results until they looked at the list of facts, “My books are being sold like hot cakes by publishers,” and stuff like that. She convinced herself of what she had not yet achieved. And when these beliefs collapsed in real life, her subconscious could not cope with it.

What does “The Way of a Woman” teach? Course to a new, happy life

The “Woman’s Way” course is aimed at helping every woman open up, realize her purpose and find happiness in relationships. You can:

Get rid of complexes, blocks, negative attitudes.
Learn more about male and female psychology.
Stop stepping on the same rake and understand the reasons for failures.
Attract a worthy man for whom you will always come first.
Reanimate relationships, take them to a new level.
Work through your inner state, become happy, calm, confident. Learn to love and accept yourself.

Yes, the Path will not be easy and you will have to make efforts, but the result is worth it. Offers:

Bodily and psychological practices.
Detailed video lectures.
Communication with experts, during which you will receive answers to your most pressing questions.
Practical tasks.
Meditations.
Constant psychological support for mentors and other participants.

Alla Pilipyuk, Growth Phase

Psychologist's advice

There is a universal reminder on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence that suits everyone. By trying to adhere to these 10 rules, you can quickly become a successful person who has overcome shyness and found the strength to adequately assess their capabilities.

Rule 1. Take care of your appearance

Get a medical examination, treat existing diseases - good health is the foundation of a beautiful appearance. Update your wardrobe by choosing clothes in bright colors. Go to the hairdresser and change your look. Buy yourself something you have long dreamed of. Men can buy stylish watches; psychologists say they improve self-esteem. For girls, jewelry can be such an accessory. Don't slouch or look at the floor, walk with your head held high and your back straight.

And stop paying attention to your physical flaws. Read about disabled people who have become models and beauty queens - this will be a good motivation to increase your own self-esteem.

Rule 2. Always smile

This may have to be done by force at first. But a couple of weeks of training and it won’t be as difficult for you as before. Smile even at those you can’t stand: people who radiate happiness attract success. This will give you a feeling of lightness and self-confidence.

Rule 3. Keep a success diary

Every day before you go to bed, make a few notes about what you were able to achieve that day. It could be little things: I smiled at the boss I hate, I did my morning exercises. Or major achievements: achieved a salary increase. Re-read your notes from time to time to track your progress. The main thing is to find positive aspects in your actions every day.

Rule 4. Don't be lazy

Work on yourself must be daily, otherwise there will be no results. There are people who achieve nothing not because of low self-esteem, but because of laziness. Don't let this be your situation. If you feel that you haven’t done anything today, it’s never too late to fix it: go for a walk with friends, watch a motivational film, do auto training.

Rule 5. Expand your social circle

To increase self-esteem, you need to loosen up. Become part of the community that surrounds you. With friends and a loved one it is easier to overcome your complexes. Go to holidays, exhibitions, communicate on social networks, establish contacts with colleagues and relationships with relatives.

Rule 6. Do only what you like

If you don't like the movie, don't watch it. If you don't like the book, take another one. If your colleague is annoying, try to communicate with him less. Learn to do only what gives you real pleasure.

Rule 7. Avoid bad thoughts

Avoid thinking and talking about any things in a negative way. Start with yourself: don’t criticize your appearance, don’t dwell on your own mistakes. Then extend this to others: every person has the right to leniency from you. Psychologists strongly advise against gossip.

Rule 8. Achieve your goals

Set the most realistic goals you can achieve by breaking them down into smaller tasks. Wrong wording: “I want a million.” Correct: “I deserve a salary increase.”

Rule 9. Learn to say “no”

The main sign of a person with low self-esteem is the inability to refuse. This creates a huge pile of responsibilities and tasks that are physically impossible to complete on time. The result is the formation of complexes (I can’t do anything), a depressed, depressed state, an exaggerated sense of guilt. Learn to say no and people will respect you in return.

Rule 10. Learn to accept criticism

Take criticism and your own mistakes as experiences that make you stronger. There is no need to become hysterical and burst into tears at every remark. Know how to correct what really requires correction, and not pay attention to what was said in a fit of anger and has no real basis. Learn to see the motives of people who say negative things to you. For example, a friend may say that you look bad out of envy. Your husband didn’t notice your new manicure only because he was tired from work and was exhausted. So don’t beat yourself up and objectively perceive all the information that comes to you.

These recommendations should be followed by both those who are trying to increase their self-esteem on their own and those who do this with the help of a psychologist.

Change your story

Everyone has a certain story that they have created about themselves, which shapes our worldview and self-awareness is based on it. In order to change this story, we must understand where it comes from and where we got the information we tell ourselves.

Whose voices do we hear?

Sometimes negative thoughts like “You're not like that” or “You're lazy” can be heard in your head so often that you become hostage to them.

To avoid this, start with affirmations. Why do you love yourself? Repeat this mentally every day.

Thomas Boyce, Ph.D., supports the use of affirmations. Research by Boyce and colleagues has shown that regularity in positive statements (for example, writing down as many different positive things about yourself as possible in a minute) can reduce depressive symptoms as measured by self-report using the Beck Depression Inventory. The more positives you have, the higher your level of progress.

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Special cases

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Regardless of the child’s age, parents need to contact a child psychologist and not hide anything from him about parenting methods and problems at school. Don't act on your own. Otherwise, help may be useless.

Working with preschoolers

Don't criticize. Learn to accept your child as he is, with all his shortcomings.
Don't raise your voice, don't scold. Make comments calmly, do not shout.
Hug him more often, kiss him, show him your love, give him compliments, praise him for every little thing.
The child is your own reflection. Do not engage in self-flagellation in front of him.
Don't let him compare himself to others. Explain that every person is good in their own way.
Ask his opinion, ask him to justify it, gently correct his point of view if it goes against generally accepted rules.
Create a cozy atmosphere at home, without quarrels and scandals.
Provide him with enough communication with his peers.
Talk to the kindergarten teachers so that they don’t focus on his mistakes and scold him in front of the whole group.

Increasing the self-esteem of younger schoolchildren

We take into account all the recommendations for parents of preschoolers (they remain relevant at this stage of the child’s development) and add a few more.

Find activities for your child in which he is most successful, enroll in clubs and sections.
Motivate him to participate in competitions, relay races, Olympiads, but only in those areas where he can achieve success.
Always be a support and protection for your child if he is right.
Teach him to say “no” to both peers and adults.
Keep him a journal (diary) of his own achievements.
Never compare with your classmates in terms of studies.
If serious learning problems are identified, talk to the teacher about how to improve the child's progress. Do not refuse tutors if necessary.
In the case when he does the wrong thing, do not swear, but give examples from life of what such mistakes are fraught with.
Don't put too high demands on him.

With teenagers

And again, cheat sheets continue to work on how to increase self-esteem in preschool and primary school age, plus we take into account additional advice from psychologists that concerns only teenagers.

No matter how difficult it may be to endure adolescence, you need to be patient and avoid conflicts with a teenager as much as possible.
Learn to respect him and his opinion, which you definitely need to be interested in even in small things, from choosing a toothbrush to decorating the interior of a room.
Teach him to take care of his own appearance, which in adolescence is important for the formation of adequate self-esteem.
Do not allow a teenager to talk about himself in a negative way, humiliate himself, underestimate his own data and successes, compare himself with someone.
Listen to his wishes: if he wants to lose weight, help organize proper nutrition and create a workout plan, and not allow him to drive himself to anorexia.
Cultivate in him tolerance and humanity towards others. Psychologists say that this is one of the most effective methods for increasing a teenager’s self-esteem.
You can teach him auto-training.
Encourage communication with peers, but at the same time monitor his circle of friends in terms of reliability and adequacy.
Introduce a healthy lifestyle: proper nutrition, daily routine, adequate sleep, exercise and the absence of bad habits.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem

According to statistics, women are much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem than men. They are too critical of their appearance, too keen on self-examination and are capable of turning a tiny fly into a huge elephant.

A few recommendations from psychologists:

Stop comparing yourself to others. Find the strengths in yourself that make you stand out.
Never speak badly about yourself, either alone, much less in front of someone. Stop yourself from even thinking about yourself in a negative way.
Take care of your appearance and health, which are interconnected. Looking well-groomed is half the battle on the road to adequate self-esteem.
Learn to respond correctly to compliments. Not “Come on, I’m ordinary” or “Why are you flattering me,” but “Thank you, it’s very nice.”
If you are constantly humiliated by your boss (husband, boyfriend, father, mother, girlfriend), either learn to fight back or stop communicating. Yes, it’s difficult: quitting your usual job, breaking off a relationship with a loved one, saying “no” to your own parents. But otherwise you will have to endure them all your life.
Find something that gives you pleasure and find time for it at least once a week: shopping, watching your favorite TV series, going to a beauty salon.

The main recommendation for men whose girlfriends or wives have low self-esteem: never compare them with others, give compliments and gifts more often. This is the best psychotherapeutic help in this situation.

Example from practice. A young man came to a psychologist with the problem that his girlfriend had too low self-esteem, and he could not raise it in any way. She had a difficult childhood when her mother left her small children in her care and forced her to work in the market from the age of 12. She never had beautiful things, she didn’t know how to take care of herself, and she wasn’t successful with her classmates. That is, the reasons for self-doubt were obvious.

Work began with a psychologist. The guy taught the girl to dress beautifully, take care of herself, helped her enroll in a correspondence course at a university, gave gifts, and was attentive and gentle. However, even after six months of painstaking work, little has changed. She was still too shy, unsure of her abilities, and still considered herself worthless.

And only then was it possible to find out the main reason why the course of psychological help remained ineffective: the guy reminded the girl almost every day about her unsuccessful childhood. And he did it without malicious intent, he wanted her to see the difference between the past and the present. But in fact, she only aggravated the situation, forcing her to relive those moments of humiliation again and again.

After identifying this error, the couple managed to cope with the problem, the girl blossomed, became a happy wife, realized herself as a good mother, and was even able to make a career.

How to increase a man's self-esteem

It is much more difficult to work with low self-esteem in men. Firstly, most often the reasons go deep into childhood, and they do not strive to advertise them, but carefully hide them, out of shame. Secondly, they themselves are more closed than women, and for psychologists it is trust that plays an important role. Thirdly, persuading them to go to a specialist is a big problem.

What should men do to increase their self-esteem?

Set a realistic goal for yourself, break it down into several tasks and gradually move towards achieving it.
Take every mistake not as a blow of fate, but as a chance to improve and become better.
Workout.
Update your wardrobe.
Find a hobby.
Expand your social circle.
Offer your boss some innovative ideas, give a presentation, or take on a new project with further prospects for career growth.
Help others.
Start a relationship, start a family, become a father.

Recommendations from psychologists for a woman/girl on how to increase self-esteem for her husband/boyfriend:

Encourage him in any endeavors, motivate him to take decisive actions and actions.
Enlist the support of his loved ones: talk to friends, parents, colleagues so that you all act together.
Don't nag him, don't insult him, don't humiliate him, don't criticize him.
Praise for any achievements.
Ask, take into account and respect his opinion.
Ask for help with household chores, studying, raising children.

And the most important advice is to love him. A man who has a loving and caring wife waiting at home is more likely to be successful in his career and does not experience problems with self-esteem.

Reasons for low self-esteem

In addition to the peculiarities of upbringing, psychologists identify three more main reasons for self-doubt:

Failures in childhood. For example, she did not take first place at the Olympics.
Inability to set goals. This happens when communicating with people for whom self-realization means nothing.
Atypical appearance. If a girl was overweight or wore glasses, and was laughed at at school, then she is unlikely to develop adequate self-esteem.

Movies

When you watch TV shows about a beautiful life, they plunge you into an even greater abyss of your own complexes. There is a constant comparison of oneself with on-screen characters in favor of the latter. It lowers rather than increases self-esteem. Therefore, while working on yourself, exclude them from your pastime. They have a worthy replacement. Firstly, various trainings, master classes and video trainings in the form of documentaries. Secondly, masterpieces of artistic cinema that motivate rather than destroy self-awareness.

Documentary:

Brian Tracy. Self-esteem. Psychology of success.
Depression and self-esteem. Jacque Fresco. Venus Project.
How to increase self-esteem? 10 proven methods.
Psychology of Personality. Low self-esteem. How to improve low self-esteem.
Self-confidence is the key to victory!

Artistic:

The Pursuit of Happyness.
Always say yes".
Peaceful warrior.
Never give up.
The man who changed everything.

Develop tenacity and perseverance

Tenacity and perseverance are the main strong-willed personal qualities that help achieve heights in different areas of life. The absence of such character traits is reflected in behavior. A person does not achieve results because he immediately thinks about the failure of the idea. He loses money, necessary connections, self-confidence. Then the problem gets worse, it becomes harder for a woman to implement her ideas.

The most important thing is to detect the problem in time and take measures to eliminate it. It is enough to set the smallest goal. For a girl, a desire may be to lose weight. During the week, you will have to tune in to a positive outcome of the event and make every effort to make your desire come true. If you are sure that you can cope with more serious tasks, try it, but psychologists advise starting small so that the action is accompanied by pleasure.

Books

To increase your self-esteem, read motivational and training books on this topic. If you work with a psychologist, he will suggest the list himself. If you study on your own, you can use a small rating of the best works written by well-known practitioners. Each of them is a real masterpiece that can change your self-awareness.

The main rule is to read carefully and follow all the recommendations that the authors give, take tests, analyze their results, and carry out the auto-trainings described in them.

Zimbardo F. Shyness. What is it and how to deal with it.
Levi V. The art of being yourself.
Mamontov S. Yu. Believe in yourself. Self confidence training.
Muir E. Self-confidence. A book for working on yourself.
Parfentyeva L. 100 ways to change your life.
Robert E. The main secrets of absolute self-confidence.
Santandreu R. How not to turn your life into a nightmare. 20 proven ways to escape the captivity of toxic thoughts to the shores of a new life.
Sergeeva O. M., Tarasov E. A. How to raise self-esteem and become self-confident. Tests and rules.
Frank P. How to become self-confident. Just 6 minutes a day. Training book.
Hibbard D., Asmar D. This book will make you confident.

Raising self-esteem is a long and difficult process. It is quite difficult to go through it alone, although it is possible. However, it will be better if you initially start communicating with like-minded people, find the strength to make an appointment with a psychologist, and enlist the support of your loved ones. These actions will force you to step out of your comfort zone and begin the path to the life you deserve, to those dreams that will now finally become reality.

What will work on self-esteem give?

In order to definitely get a positive result in working on your own self-esteem, to become self-confident, it is very important for a lady to consolidate her motivation and determine for herself what qualities a person with an adequate attitude towards herself has:

Confidence in your strength;
knowledge and ability to use your strengths;
knowledge and acceptance of your weaknesses;
absence of stress and anxiety;
immunity to criticism;
the approval of the environment is not important.

And this is just a small part of the qualities that a woman with normal self-esteem possesses. It's worth developing and growing, isn't it?

Watch the video of an independent psychologist to get rid of fears and increase your self-esteem.

Help others

Hershenson suggests volunteering to help those less fortunate . She argues that serving others helps one forget about one's own problems.

David Simonsen confirms this. Those who actively do something they can be proud of have an easier time recognizing their worth, he said. Doing things that you can respect yourself for is the single key to increasing your value. Help a homeless or animal shelter, spend time with your older brother or sister. This is something that is important not only for you, but also for those around you.

Indeed, what we do will definitely come back to us like a boomerang. To test this, try intentionally expressing positive thoughts and behavior towards those you come into contact with throughout the day.

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