How to be a happy woman? Representatives of the fair sex can ask themselves this question at any age - at 30 years old, at 40 years old, at 50 years old and older. The main reason for “unhappiness,” they believe, is the absence of a loved one nearby, their uselessness, and loneliness.
If you can’t find your chosen one for a long time or have to go through a divorce, many feel hopeless. Negative thoughts drive women into a dead end, which is why they stop enjoying every day they live.
What does psychology say about this? Is it possible to start enjoying life and become happy? Well, of course. Whether you are married, divorced, or have not yet had a serious relationship at all, you can always enjoy life . Experts say that happiness is nearby. You just need to look at it. You will learn further how to do this.
To be a happy person is to be satisfied with life
A logical question immediately arises: what is happiness ? The fact is that it is impossible to answer it unequivocally, because for each person it will be different. Social recognition and high social status allow someone to feel happy.
Some people need a fabulous amount of money for this. Someone will not be able to feel happy without a loved one nearby, family and children. In general, the measure of happiness is different for everyone.
Happiness is a harmonious state of mind, pleasure from life and oneself . If a woman accepts herself for who he is, she will be happy. The writer Ayn Rand, known for her great works “Atlas Shrugged” and “The Fountainhead,” argued that to be happy you need to be in harmony with yourself. At the same time, winning the love of others should not be the goal. Love does not equate to happiness, just as love relationships cannot guarantee inner harmony .
Philosopher Blaise Pascal believed that happiness is a feeling of satisfaction here and now. This is something that may not depend on material wealth or specific people. Happy people are those who enjoy the present moment.
According to the philosophy of Epicurus, happiness is a feeling of serenity, peace of mind . To achieve this state, you need to get rid of suffering. What causes suffering? First of all, fears and unfulfilled desires that prevent you from enjoying life. Epicurus also argued that there are three types of pleasures:
- natural, necessary;
- natural, not necessary;
- unnatural, unnecessary.
It is the first pleasures, which are easy to obtain, that can bring true happiness to a woman. All the rest can force a person to spend his whole life chasing what he doesn’t really need.
Epicurus, who lived and thought several centuries before the birth of Christ, very accurately described problems that remain relevant at all times. This suggests that human nature is always unchanged - it is not affected by generational changes, progress, or fashion trends .
Psychologists say that anyone can become happy - regardless of whether he has serious problems, what his mood is, what kind of people surround him, etc. You just need to listen to experts and people who have managed to achieve the main goal in life - to become truly happy.
Satisfaction is well-deserved happiness
When you are happy with what is happening, your brain releases a “cocktail” of four ingredients. The feeling of satisfaction is created by two hormones of happiness - dopamine and endorphin, and two hormones of the pituitary gland - prolactin and oxytocin.
Endorphin creates a feeling of bliss. Dopamine rises sharply at the moment when we anticipate pleasure as a reward for the work done. Through dopamine, the brain says: “I did it!” Oxytocin gives happiness the feeling of comfort that a baby experiences, for example, when being breastfed, hugged, and warmed. Prolactin adds a certain pleasant fatigue, which happens, for example, after sexual intercourse or when you have eaten heavily. In fact, contentment is happiness at the most fundamental level, which is formed in us from birth.
Interesting fact!
We can't be happy all the time. We need a break from happiness, otherwise we will not look for food, communication, we will not set goals and we will stop developing. Happy hormones, especially serotonin, are quickly destroyed. Nature made sure that we deserve these hormones every time we achieve our goals.
What makes a woman happy?
A woman is an amazing creature. Being at the same time fragile and tender, she has strong energy that helps her to bear responsibility for her family and surround her family and friends with care .
To be happy, five aspects of life must be in harmony:
- Physical. Few people would argue with the fact that a person needs to do what really brings him pleasure. For example, a favorite job, playing sports, helping those in need, intimacy, in the end - for everyone this is something different, personal. If certain physical activities are not to your liking, then they do not give you a feeling of happiness.
- Emotional. Man is an emotional being and dependent on his mood. Joyful people who perceive life positively with all its manifestations are definitely happy.
- Social. To feel that you belong to a particular social group, to feel needed, to have a so-called soul mate - without this it is impossible to feel happy.
- Intellectual. The opportunity to get an education (if a person really needs it), to find an interesting job, to do what he loves, to continue to develop is an aspect that occupies an important place in a person’s life.
- Spiritual. What can indicate happiness in this area? If you are calm, not fixated on material things, enjoy every day you live, and sincerely help people and animals in need, then you are probably happy in the spiritual aspect.
Many people believe that the main purpose of a woman is to seek happiness, love, support people dear to you, and create something new and beautiful. Feeling like a beloved woman, a wife, being close to a loved one, raising children is an important condition for achieving happiness .
Now it becomes clear why most people associate themselves with having a man in their life. And if for some reason he is not there, the search begins for the chosen one who is ready to build a life together. But what if these searches do not bring successful results for a long time and the woman continues to be lonely?
Obsession and failures in your personal life haunt you. It is difficult for her to feel happy without a man. Is everything so bad or is it still possible to be happy without getting hung up on relationships with the opposite sex?
Euphoria: life without pain
Euphoria is similar to a feeling of boundless happiness or delight in everything that is happening around. This state is associated with high levels of endorphin - our “internal drug”. Endorphin relieves us of pain and rewards us with a feeling of bliss. It also normalizes blood pressure, pulse and breathing rate.
Euphoria is not related to past achievements, unlike satisfaction. You will receive “free endorphin” in large quantities only during an attack of pain or after overcoming a stressful situation. In a healthy body, the effect of endorphin stops after 30 minutes. Many scientists believe that it is dangerous for a person to remain in a state of euphoria for a long time. He becomes vulnerable as self-control weakens.
Interesting fact!
Endorphin is the only happiness hormone that can be obtained from the outside. All known drugs, including alcohol and even nicotine, act as endorphins. But as soon as a person begins to inject drugs, the brain stops releasing “internal endorphin.” Therefore, drug addicts without a dose feel any touch as pain and suffer from a lack of painkiller “hormone of bliss”.
What is loneliness like?
There are two main categories of women who are trying to become happy without a man:
- Disappointed . They may desperately want to get married or at least have a close relationship with a man, but because of negative experiences they are afraid to trust someone . Most often, these fears are associated with the fact that previous relationships did not justify themselves, the woman was betrayed by her loved one, has negative examples of other couples, etc. Everything leads to the fact that she turns into a person who pushes away those who could really give them happiness .
- Free . These women stay single deliberately . The reasons may be different: the desire to first build a career and become financially independent, reluctance to listen to a man’s opinion and the ability to resolve all issues independently.
In general, happiness depends on the woman’s attitude towards herself and her life. After all, it often happens that a lady, exhausted by a long search for a worthy partner, still finds him, but continues to feel unhappy, feeling emptiness and lack of something important inside herself. This suggests the idea that you need to start with yourself, change internally, and not try to change others.
Attraction: happiness through the body
For some people, the path to happiness hormones lies through sexual satisfaction. A person can consider himself happy if he feels physical attraction and increased sexuality.
Attraction differs in chemical reactions from falling in love. When attracted, phenylethylamine or the “romantic feeling molecule” is absent. Instead, testosterone comes to the fore, which increases libido in both men and women, and at the same time gives strength to surpass all competitors. During intimate caresses, our brain receives a stimulus to produce oxytocin, which is why it is called the “cuddle hormone.” Oxytocin causes a feeling of trust in a partner, even a stranger. The only common hormone for falling in love and attraction is norepinephrine, which provides pleasant excitement and an increase in physical and mental strength.
At the same time, with attraction, the level of prolactin sharply decreases, so you may not feel physical fatigue and constantly want a new dose of happiness hormones. Attraction is another way to trigger the brain to release happy hormones. During sexual intercourse, the level of dopamine in the brain gradually increases, which ensures the brightness of emotions. Dopamine reaches its peak before orgasm and stimulates the release of happiness hormones - endorphin and serotonin.
Interesting fact!
The healing properties of endorphins underlie tantrism - the teachings of yogis about the way to eliminate all mental and physical ailments through sex.
How not to become lonely?
Loneliness is not the absence of loved ones or close people in life. It is rather a state of mind, a feeling of uselessness . After all, there are cases when a person is surrounded by a huge number of relatives, friends and acquaintances, but still feels lonely. There are completely different situations.
For some women, it is enough to have one single congenial person or rarely contact other people at all, but at the same time live in harmony with themselves so as not to feel lonely.
But, nevertheless, for those who do not want to be left alone with themselves, tormenting themselves with thoughts of painful loneliness, it will be useful to know about the most common reasons for this phenomenon among women :
- A woman is like a man . We are not talking about a woman’s masculine appearance, but about character traits. They always know what needs to be done, do not listen to other people’s opinions, often earn good money and can even understand the male part of housework. At the same time, a woman can be incredibly beautiful and well-groomed. Most men avoid such ladies, since compared to them they can significantly lose.
- Feminist sentiments . There is a growing number of women in the world who consciously refuse relationships with men or prefer easy, non-binding relationships. They want, first of all, to realize themselves in some other area - work, volunteering, etc. The reasons why women hold such views may be different.
- Excessive demands on representatives of the stronger sex . Some women believe that men owe them everything, but they themselves do not want to do their part of the housework. They believe that they deserve better, therefore, at the slightest disobedience or the inability of a man to fulfill their whims, they resort to manipulation or blackmail, threatening to break up (which, in fact, often ends such relationships).
- Selfish motives . Some representatives of the fair sex view men as a way to get some benefits. They carefully study candidates, can repeatedly enter into relationships, and choose an individual who is more worthy by their standards. Such searches often take many years, and it’s good if a woman still manages to find the right person. But most men feel this attitude towards themselves, which is why they are in no hurry to make such a woman happy and start a family with her.
- Female coldness . There is a type of woman who in psychology is called “snow queens.” They can be extremely attractive and even outwardly impeccable, erudite, intelligent, insightful and successful in their careers. But, at the same time, they are very unhappy in their personal lives. Without realizing it, they repel men with their coldness and unwillingness to think about anyone else but themselves. Because of their perfectionism, which they carefully groom and cherish, it is impossible for them to build harmonious relationships. Men feel uncomfortable around such ideal women, so they are afraid of them. Learn more about the habits of unhappy people.
If you recognize yourself, a friend, one of your relatives or close people in these descriptions, then now you understand what the reason for loneliness may lie.
How not to feel unhappy after a divorce?
A large number of women have had to go through divorce. Disappointment, dissatisfaction with life, fear of being alone forever - these are only some of the problems that bother them after this difficult stage of life. It is especially difficult for those who have lived side by side with a loved one for many years and have faced betrayal .
The very first thing you need to do is stop worrying and fearing the future. Yes, after a divorce, a lot changes for a woman: the rhythm of life, the level of responsibility and obligations, perhaps the level of well-being and the need to raise children herself. But you need to understand that happiness does not depend in any way on the presence of a man. After all, you had it, but it still didn’t bring you joy in the end?
To become cheerful, start noticing the joyful moments in life every day . You can even keep a notebook in which you will write down your dreams and desires - something that will definitely bring you pleasure. Even if these are very small desires, it doesn’t matter.
Try to do at least one of them every day. Fill your life with what you love and want . Just throw away the excuses that you don’t have enough strength, time, knowledge, money or anything else. Believe me: after a few weeks of working on yourself, you will want to please yourself. This is how happiness will become a habit.
And further. Always, no matter what the circumstances, remain a woman. Don't take on all men's worries . Do you need to fix something in the apartment, carry heavy things, or make a purely masculine decision? Hire specialists for this or ask your friends from the stronger sex for help. This will help you not to lose your feminine energy, which attracts men so much.
Love in the language of hormones
The formula of love was derived by scientists as a combination of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. Serotonin is released when we feel important to another person, oxytocin creates not only physical, but also psychological trust between people. And dopamine brings satisfaction from living together.
Please note that there is no endorphin, no phenylethylamine, or even norepinephrine in the love formula. The “loving brain” is not in ecstasy or in a state of romantic enthusiasm, and does not idealize its partner. Love for your brain is a state of harmony, calmness and self-confidence.
But then why does love cause suffering for some? Research by French scientists has revealed that painful experiences due to love arise from the fear of losing a person. Fear is chemically the exact opposite of the happy feeling of love. When we experience fear, the levels of oxytocin and dopamine are high, but the level of cortisol is off the charts. Cortisol helps us rewire ourselves and focus on the negative aspects of our loved one, devaluing them so we can look for another candidate. Cortisol can be considered harmful because it is what causes all the unpleasant feelings of loss. But if cortisol were not released at the moment of a relationship breakup, we would not be able to overcome the pain. But after overcoming our brain rewards us with a dose of dopamine and endorphin.
How to achieve inner harmony?
So, are you ready to be happy? Then you need to try a little and use a few techniques that won’t make things worse.
Learn to relax
The first thing to remember: don’t take on all the worries. You can entrust some of the household chores to your husband, children or some relatives. Also, do not overload yourself with work during non-working hours, do not think about work matters when you should be resting.
In order to effectively relax, you can use different methods. Many people benefit from massage, aromatherapy, a bath, a sauna or a visit to a spa. Even if you don’t have the funds for such procedures, you can always find a worthy alternative: a leisurely walk in the park, relaxing by the water, a hot bath with essential oils, etc.
Get rid of excess
The burden of unnecessary things and childhood grievances often prevents a woman from breathing deeply and letting something wonderfully new into life. Get rid of clothes you will no longer wear, throw away or give away some items you no longer need. Just don't put it off again and again. Don't regret and don't hesitate. By the way, the same can be said about unnecessary relationships that bring nothing but suffering, disappointment and problems.
Take care of yourself
Take care of your appearance and internal state:
- Plan your work and rest schedule correctly. Go to bed earlier and wake up earlier.
- Get rid of bad habits that make you feel tired and apathetic. Quit smoking, start eating rationally, give up bad habits. If you sometimes allow yourself to drink, let it be good wine in small quantities and on special occasions.
- Love your figure. If you are unhappy with the imperfections of your body, a lot can be corrected with proper nutrition, exercise (choose the most appropriate direction for yourself), and cosmetic procedures. By the way, this will help raise your vitality, be active and self-confident.
- If necessary, change your image - get a new hairstyle, try new styles of clothing, decide on fashion experiments.
- Choose a perfume or makeup method for yourself if you haven’t done so before. This helps many women always feel confident.
Find a new hobby
You can study psychology, start visiting exhibitions and museums, and read interesting books. If you have long wanted to learn the art of photography or makeup, take the appropriate master classes. Would you like to learn the secrets of creating origami, ikebana or beadwork? Sign up for these courses. Yes there are many options. Hiking, mountaineering, dancing, pottery, cutting and sewing - think about what you can do with passion without forcing yourself.
Motherly feeling
Women's happiness is unthinkable without the feeling of motherhood, which is provided by the hormone oxytocin. Previously, it was believed that it was intended only to stimulate labor, which is why its name, which literally sounds like “quick labor.” After a woman gives birth, oxytocin creates a whole range of emotions that we call maternal feeling.
In an animal experiment, it was proven that if the release of oxytocin is suppressed in female sheep after giving birth, the maternal instinct will not appear in them. Conversely, females who have not given birth experience maternal feelings towards other lambs if oxytocin is injected into their cerebrospinal fluid. This is also proven by the well-known expression that there are no other people’s children if the level of oxytocin is high. Read more about the study in the literature sources and bibliographic references section.
But let's not forget that there is also fatherly love, which manifests itself in exactly the same way as motherly love. Even the most brutal man with a very high level of testosterone, the moment he picks up a child, releases attachment hormones - oxytocin and vasopressin. Vasopressin is similar to oxytocin, but its levels are more dependent on genetic predisposition. As oxytocin competes with testosterone, the level of the latter drops sharply, and the man becomes more sentimental.
Insight
For the scientist, musician, and any creative or research profession, happiness means a surge of inspiration or insight. When our brain suddenly comes up with an interesting idea or finds a solution to a problem, we feel positive emotions. Behind them are three defendants: phenylethylamine, dopamine and acetylcholine.
Phenylethylamine works as a brain stimulant during insight. It increases acetylcholine levels, which improves our attention, concentration, learning ability and memory. Dopamine speeds up our reactions and increases physical activity. You've noticed that at the moment of inspiration, people often jump up from their seats, even start jumping for joy. But unlike falling in love, insight does not last very long. To again feel a surge of pleasant emotions, a person again immerses himself in work and seeks inspiration.
Types of Positive Thinking
Trying to convey the idea of positive thinking and looking at people, I saw the following: “Yes, everything is wrong with me, but my neighbor has even worse problems, and because I feel good (better) because my problems are compared to the problems of others not so bad - you can live.” Thinking is the cognitive mental process of identifying patterns and relationships in the world around us. This is how a person perceives the world around him. What he/she sees in him: obstacles or opportunities, losses or experiences, his/her own responsibility or the machinations of those around him, or even the Universe itself.
Good attracts good
In conclusion, I recommend reading the article “Habits of Rich People: How to Become Strong and Successful.” Just keep in mind that he equates optimism with positivity. But there are many tips for positive thinking. Also, do not ignore the work “How to love yourself and increase self-esteem.” It gives you tools for accepting the things you can't change and tips for changing the things that are up to you. And how to distinguish between these categories. Whatever you strive for, look everywhere for more and more evidence of your positive thoughts, train your mind to focus on the good, and you will attract the best into your life. Thinking positively every day is the key to a happy and joyful future. Explaining everything in detail
Another way to achieve peace of mind is an analytical and evaluative approach to a given situation, sincere belief in the best and awareness of the law of karma. I know that when negative things happen to me, it's just negative karma. This process can be accelerated or slowed down, but the karma must still be exhausted. And when positive events happen in my life, I understand that this is a reward for my good deeds and deeds. This helps you let go of all your worries and move on, working on yourself. In addition to these general exercises, there are deeper practices that require special concentration and imagination. For example, effective techniques from Christopher Hansard’s book “The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking” have become very popular.
Consciously think positive
Nowadays, more than half of all crimes occur precisely because of minor reasons. Harsh words, domestic quarrels, sarcastic remarks, showing off - these are the little things that lead to murders and attacks. A very important point in positive thinking is not to paint yourself vivid pictures about how good you are, how wonderful you are, how wonderful everyone around you is and how you love everyone, and they love you. To think in pictures is to leave your energy and parts of yourself to the imagination. In fact, when our attention gets stuck in what is not there (past), what is not yet (future) or simply in the non-existent present (imagination), the energy simply goes out and there is no benefit from it, only harm. It doesn't matter to our mind whether you are happy in the present or in an imaginary reality, it is happy when it fantasizes about anything! And when you return to reality (forgive the tautology), it will be painful because of the awareness of the discrepancy between the imaginary and the real, sad because of the useless waste of time and mental energy. Approach visualization mindfully and meditate. For life to really begin to change, raise your consciousness to a qualitatively new level, stop running away from reality, accept it for what it is, and start acting! Any action begins in your head, allow yourself to think positively. The world won't collapse if you become a little happier! Set a goal, make a plan to achieve it, and start thinking positively while achieving it! Start small and work your way up to big things. Feel small positive feelings within yourself, and then big positive thoughts will appear. Then you will understand how to think positively while overcoming all difficulties. In this practice of positive thinking, as in many other activities, experience and practice are important. After all, if you want to pump up your abs, you will do exercises to strengthen them and put a lot of effort into achieving your goal, so in this particular case, learning to think positively and do it well requires persistent practice.
Analysis of your time
Your daily routine directly affects your general condition and how you feel throughout the day.
Experts recommend a simple method for analyzing your day. Take a notepad or piece of paper and a pen. Write down every action and the time allocated for it throughout the day. This also applies to hanging out on social networks for a minute. In the evening you can see how much time is wasted. But these hours could have been devoted to loved ones or self-development.
