The older we get, the harder it is to find new friends. And restoring relationships with old people, especially if you once quarreled and haven’t communicated for many years, may seem like an impossible mission. Everyone has their own life, new interests and social circle. What if the paths have diverged so far that they will never meet again? What if the resentment was so burning that it still hasn’t cooled down?
Nevertheless, if you really miss your friend and your relationship, you should at least try to restore it. Here's how to do it.
How to apologize to a friend
A quarrel between two friends can happen for various reasons. And if a person is really dear, then you need to look for ways to solve the problem.
If you offended her
The first thing you need to do is admit your guilt and tell your friend about it. Yes, you offended her and she is very offended. Therefore, you need to choose the right kind words that will melt your heart. When apologizing, explain that expressing your thoughts was just an opinion, and you did not want to lead to a quarrel with your thoughts. Say that you regret the situation and don’t want to lose it.
Of course, people are different. And if a friend is not one of those who likes to complicate everything, get offended for a long time, and beat herself up, then she will definitely meet you halfway. By the way, in many conflict situations you can check whether the friendship between you is real. Does your friend value you as much as you value her?
If I'm rude
Harsh words can greatly hurt a person. Therefore, with close people you need to control yourself and choose your words during communication. But if this has happened, and you have been rude to your close friend, then you need to act immediately. It is better to immediately admit your guilt and apologize to her.
What can we say:
- "I'm sorry! I don’t know how I could say that.”
- “I will not make such a mistake again and will never offend you in this way! Forgive me please".
- “You and I have been friends for more than one year, you understand that this is not what I meant at all. Don’t be offended, I love you.”
- “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry that I offended you.”
The tone should be calm and friendly. Show your friend that you are truly afraid of losing her.
If both are to blame
In this case, you don’t need to wait long for an apology from her. Come first and try to peacefully improve your friendship.
Adviсe:
- Talk. Come with a conversation and try to clarify the situation in a peaceful, friendly tone. There should be a heart-to-heart conversation that will help you make peace with your friend.
- A simple “sorry.” To waste time and not think day and night how to return friendship, you just need to say sorry. It could be: “Forgive me if I offended you. Let's forget this conflict. I don’t want this quarrel to ruin our friendship with you.”
- Approach with humor. If the quarrel was not serious, then you can quickly establish communication with the help of a joke. For example, you can approach your friend and act out a funny scene in which you and her play the leading role. Let him play along.
As a rule, the first person to take the first step is the person who is more worried about the current situation or the one who treats everything that happened more simply and kindly.
Causes
If a quarrel with your best friend upset you and you want to make peace as quickly as possible, but don’t know how to do it, think about the reason for your discord. After all, further actions will depend on it.
Things you might quarrel about:
- excessive touchiness (low self-esteem, internal complexes) of one of the friends;
- envy (one is the head of the department, the second is a gray mouse in the office);
- different views on life;
- pride, conceit, narcissism, high self-esteem;
- jealousy (and not only towards men, but also towards other women who claim to be a potential girlfriend);
- finances (borrowed and doesn’t pay back, only one person always pays for everything, etc.).
As practice shows, these are the most common causes of quarrels between friends. Which one came between you? Were you able to determine it? Let's move on to the next step of the instructions.
How to make peace with your best friend
There are many reasons that can lead to a scandal with a close friend. You can build relationships both in a meeting and on social networks.
When corresponding
If it is not possible to meet (perhaps she is far away or does not want to see you), then you can try to make peace with your friend via SMS. At least you can start with correspondence.
Attention! You need to write sincerely, everything that you want to say to her live. You can add positive emoticons to your SMS to convey your emotions.
When writing a message you need to take into account:
- Start your letter by saying that you sincerely want to settle everything. Don't bring up the topic that led to the argument. The purpose of SMS is simply to fill the void, convey all the emotions, tell her how much you miss her.
- Use a little humor. Learn to laugh at yourself and the situation. Try to joke around the problem that led to the scandal. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. After all, if you joke a lot, your friend may think that you don’t take the current situation seriously.
- The end of the letter should hint at a meeting. At the very end you need to write something like this: “Meet me after classes (lectures, work) and talk.” Be sure to add a friendly emoticon.
After sending a message, you need to wait for a response. Even an emoticon sent in response will indicate that she also wants to make peace.
At the meeting
A conversation in person will help you understand what is in each of your thoughts and who thinks what about the current situation. You need to remain calm and be sincere. There is no need to talk about your worries or make accusations. Talk about your feelings and experiences.
How to make peace with a friend when meeting:
- Invite her to meet in a place that is important to you two. For example, this could be an ordinary bench where you spend a lot of time together, or a cafeteria where you keep secrets. Grab a cup of hot tea and have a heart-to-heart talk.
- Give a meaningful gift. These could be keychains that symbolize your friendship. Keep one half for yourself, give the other half to her with the words: “Let no quarrels destroy our friendship.”
- Postcard. Send by mail or place in her mailbox a beautiful card with two friends on it. Write a suitable verse on the spread.
If your friend doesn’t want to go to the meeting and refuses to have a heart-to-heart conversation, then your friendship was not as strong as you thought. There's no point in humiliating yourself.
Evaluate your attitude towards this person
When such situations arise in our lives, we experience various emotions, it can be anger, resentment, rage and many others. It is important for us to calm down at this moment, and as soon as our well-being improves, we need to think about everything in a calm atmosphere. A good idea is to analyze the friendship. You can take paper and pen and answer the following questions:
- Do you feel that your friendship is beneficial for both of you?
- Are you usually happy to see your friend?
- Do you and your friend laugh a lot together?
- Did you sometimes feel manipulated by him?
- Do you often share problems with him?
- Do you always do what he asks?
- How well do you treat each other?
- Can you confirm that there is honesty, loyalty and trust in your relationship?
- How many friends do you have in total?
There is no need to answer them right away. You can add your own questions that you consider important for your specific situation. Take your time, let your feelings and emotions cool down. Try to answer them honestly. After this, you will be able to look at the situation from the other side and make the right decision. The answers to these questions will show whether you really miss him and whether it makes sense to think about how to restore your friendship with this person.
How to get your girlfriend back after a big fight
In most conflict situations, both are to blame. If the quarrel was serious, then it is better to wait a while for emotions to cool down a little. During this time, you and your friend will think about everything and even have time to miss each other.
After 2-3 days, if she has not taken the first step towards reconciliation, you need to start acting. You can start with an SMS “Hello. I miss". Next you need to offer to meet and talk. When meeting, in order to make peace with a friend, you need to be real and sincere. Take her hands, look her in the eyes and offer to discuss everything. In a quiet voice, without unnecessary emotions, tell us what you think about the quarrel. Explain that you don’t want to lose her, that you want to share all your secrets and experiences only with her.
What to do if your friend doesn't want to communicate
In this case, when a person close to you does not make contact and completely ignores requests for a meeting, then act like this:
- Write SMS on social networks. Surely interest will prevail and she will read the message. Talk about your emotions and feelings. Then all that remains is to wait for an answer.
- Leave everything for a while. Give her time to think and draw the right conclusions. When the storm subsides, you will definitely talk.
A strong quarrel can break a friendship forever. You need to start from the cause of the scandal and act as your heart tells you.
Cockroaches in the head, or why we want our friends back?
Before you make any persistent attempts to connect, think about why friends are important to you. A passionate desire to return the situation to normal is dictated by the fear of loneliness
, habit of a certain way of life or wounded pride.
In this case, it is better to let go and not try to restore contact. A relationship in which there is no respect and value for a person’s personality will not bring joy or benefit to any of the participants.
A friendship built on acceptance of the character traits, emotions, passions and shortcomings of a loved one can withstand the most difficult tests. In this case, all participants will make every effort to correct the situation.
You will definitely find a way to heal the wounds inflicted on the relationship, and your friend will take steps towards you.
Psychologist's advice
Friendships are rarely equal. Someone always becomes the leader. A strong and strong-willed person always takes the initiative in reconciliation.
Recommendations from a psychologist:
- If you are a leader in your friendship, then you must be wise, fair and kind. To make peace with your friend, show the maximum of your leadership qualities. Be active, take the first steps. Write a message, invite to a meeting. Of course, if the response is complete ignorance, then you should think about whether you need this friendship.
- If you have thoughts that you are not to blame for anything, and you don’t need to do anything to reconcile, then think about who you will spend your free time with, who you will trust with all your secrets. Therefore, draw the right conclusions and understand for yourself whether you need to put up with your friend or not.
Learn to forgive and meet halfway. You always need to find compromises, because every person needs a trusting relationship. The main advice that psychologists give is to suppress your selfishness in time and think not only about your feelings.
Sincerity and the ability to admit your mistakes will help reconcile girlfriends after any quarrel. But you need to understand that sometimes it happens that a scandal can become a “cumulative bomb.” In such cases, it is almost impossible to restore friendly relations.
Meet more often
For friendship to develop into a strong friendship, you need JA Hall. How many hours does it take to make a friend? / Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 200 hours of communication. Now you're essentially starting the relationship from scratch, so it'll likely take a year or two before your friendship gets to where it used to be.
And it will need to be fed all the time. Chat in instant messengers, have parties on Zoom, go to cafes and exhibitions together, travel, and so on. Naturally, all this should not be an obligation - if it’s easy and fun for you together, many hours of pleasant communication await you.
How to maintain friendship for many years
There are no ideal people and sooner or later conflicts arise between two friends. Different points of view, emotions, understatement lead to them. But if you follow a few simple recommendations, you can maintain true friendships for life.
So:
- Realize and admit your guilt in time. This will help quickly resolve the situation. Your friend will understand that you respect and love her.
- Know how to remain silent. When a conflict situation arises due to a bad mood, you should say that you do not want to talk in such a tone and your conversation will continue after she calms down.
- Overcome stress without harming those around you. It is important to deal with aggression and anger on your own. When you are in a bad mood and want to quarrel with someone, it is better to listen to your favorite music and come to your senses.
- Remind yourself of your feelings. Say that you love your friend and respect her opinion, that she is dear to you and is an important person in your life. Such kind words will lie deep in her soul, and when she needs to make peace, she will definitely remember them.
- Be able to give in. Often girls quarrel when they cannot share a guy or a dress they like. In such cases, you need to talk and find compromises.
- Learn to apologize. Most often, both sides are to blame in conflicts. The ability to ask for forgiveness and take the first step towards reconciliation strengthens friendship.
The most important thing in friendships is respect. You need to respect not only your feelings, but also the person close to you. If the person is not indifferent and the friendship is real, then you will be able to competently overcome any quarrels and avoid misunderstandings in the future.
Conspiracy over an old grudge between friends
When the offense is old, it is very difficult to take the first step. It's been years since the last time you were truly friendly, and now it seems like there's no way to get it back. You can rekindle the fire of friendship - you will need a friendship plot that can break the ice of misunderstanding and anger.
The ritual is performed on Friday evening on the waxing moon. You need:
- Three white candles and one church candle.
- A joint photo with a friend, if he is not there, write your names next to it on clean white paper.
- Mirror.
- A ball of red woolen thread.
The ritual must be performed exactly like this:
- Place the mirror on the table, or, if it is large, move the table towards it.
- Place the photo on the table.
- Place three white candles between the photo and the mirror.
- Light the church candle with matches, read, taking turns lighting the church white candles:
“Lord, bless, Lord, help. The angel walked from the throne to the church, and right up to the royal gates. At those gates stood the Most Holy Theotokos Mary and the Archangel Michael. They held a saber and a sword, with the sword they killed all human anger, and with the saber they cut out quarrels. Put, Lord, peace in place between the servants of God (names). Strengthen their peace and tranquility, close the gates so that their friendship is never broken. The Lord will remove that key, and no one will find it. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Lord Jesus, protect, Mother of God, save. Command the servants of God (names) to live in peace, in peace from this day until the end of time. Amen. Amen. Amen".
Actively imagine your friend, the years separating you. Ask him for forgiveness while looking at the photo. If you were wrong, apologize.
- Tear off a piece of red thread and tie the photo with it, saying:
“Best friend, beloved friend - forgive insults, forget quarrels. I forgive you, I ask for your forgiveness, your apology.”
- Place the photo under your pillow and go to bed. The situation will be resolved very soon.
