Who is a “strong man” and is it good to be one?

Many people suffer from their inability to fight back and their fear of conflict. They lack self-confidence, determination, sometimes healthy egoism and even toughness. Independence, independence, the ability to insist on one’s own - all these qualities seem like a pipe dream to them.

“It’s probably great to be a strong person,” they think, “he’s not afraid of anything, he can handle anything, he can handle anything, he can always protect himself and others, he knows what he wants...”

A tempting picture. But there is one “but”. She is completely unreal. No one person can always be the strongest. This only happens in advertising and adventure films. And in life, for any force there is a control. And it won't necessarily be another person. This could be circumstances, fate, a system (for example, the state).

Are there strong people?

“Okay, but I saw strong people with my own eyes - they are not afraid to act in their own way, boldly go into conflict, defend their interests. Are these weak people?

There are actually no strong people in the cinematic sense - that is, always strong - in life. But two categories of people can look strong.

First category: “I must be strong.” These are people who constantly force themselves to be strong.
The second category: “I can be strong” - people who have recognized that they can be different, including strong, and allow themselves to be that way in a situation where it is necessary.

It is these two types of people who are capable of showing healthy aggression, getting their way, setting goals and realizing them.

But even though they may sometimes behave similarly, they have completely different motivations and ultimately different results. And, of course, a completely different life.

Their most important difference is that a person with the attitude “I must be strong” does not have a free choice of what to be. He can only be strong. And a person who allows himself to be strong can also be weak - if circumstances require it.

What's wrong with always being strong?

To answer this question, we list the qualities of a strong person. Let's start with the positives. Such people:

Able to conflict and defend themselves
Able to be leaders and lead
They know how to win, fight, show aggression
They know how to compete, they have “breakthrough abilities”
Mobilized in critical situations

And also they:

Purposeful and efficient
Self-sufficient and independent
Brave and outwardly confident

These qualities help in life. But, unfortunately, they also come with weaknesses. Such a person also:

Does not know how to give in, provokes conflicts
Does not know how to admit his guilt, mistakes, wrongness
Difficulty changing your mind and listening to others
Closes eyes to other people's feelings, suppresses own emotions
Constantly tense, as he is ready to fight
He needs to prove all the time “who’s boss”
Does not recognize his own and others' shortcomings
Afraid of looking weak, of losing faith in himself
Doesn't know how to lose or be defeated
Suppresses fear and apprehension, even when it is reasonable
Suppresses doubts, does not like to think

What does the “I must be strong” attitude lead to?

Lack of self-acceptance, deep internal conflict.

We are all imperfect and a strong person is no exception. But he doesn't accept his weaknesses. He just doesn't agree that they exist. He suppresses in himself everything that seems inappropriate to the image. In especially severe cases, these are all feelings except anger: indiscriminately negative and positive. And also many qualities. As a result, a person cannot use his resources (all our qualities, both negative and positive, are resources), and is in constant tension. He is forced to constantly pretend that a huge part of his personality does not exist, and he spends a huge amount of energy on this ignoring.

Rejection of the world and people around.

Such people are categorical, have difficulty forgiving mistakes, do not accept other people’s shortcomings, and demand immediate correction of everything that, in their opinion, is “wrong” or “wrong.” Seeing weakness, they may stop respecting a person, even a close one. After all, in their opinion, the weak are pitied, not respected. In our imperfect world, something constantly happens not according to plan and no one can be strong and successful all the time, which means that a “strong person” is doomed to round-the-clock negativity and rejection of everything around him.

Inability to survive failures, mistakes, periods of weakness.

In this sense, the “strong man” is especially vulnerable. He is under illusions about his strength: it seems to him that nothing and no one can defeat him. And the situation when this does happen comes as a shock to him. The longer he got used to being invincible, the more stress he would get. He does not know what to do: he was not taught to make mistakes, to give in, to admit his guilt and failure. And most importantly, no one taught him to ask for help. For him, asking for support is almost the same as dying. I'm not exaggerating; emotions can really be very strong. This attitude robs a “strong person” of many opportunities, and sometimes simply puts him in a hopeless situation when he needs help but cannot ask for it.

Difficulties with personal relationships.

It is difficult for him to build close relationships, because he cannot tolerate manifestations of feelings, either in himself or in others - they seem to him a manifestation of weakness, a vulnerable spot. The “strong” person constantly puts pressure on a partner or friend. If he does not concede, there will be a constant struggle and testing of “who will win.” And if he gives in, they stop respecting him and either look for a new partner, or the relationship turns into “victim-persecutor” games. A strong person often plays the role of a pursuer, and not only in relationships.

Career problems.

It is difficult for such a person to obey and listen to others, so he has difficulty working in a team. It would seem that there is a direct path to management or to your own business, but even there you need to be able to sometimes give in and listen to others. So he often turns out to be a problematic and authoritarian leader, with whom no adequate person wants to work. And an entrepreneur can destroy his business just to prove something to someone. Well, “for dessert” - the desire to constantly prove one’s toughness can even lead such a person to criminal “professions”.

Why learn to be weak?

Each of us loses from time to time, makes mistakes, makes the wrong decisions and gets something other than what we wanted. Every person experiences psychological crises from time to time. And sometimes it’s normal to be defeated, just as it’s normal to be weak, unhappy, and not understand what to do in a similar situation. And most importantly, at such moments it is natural to need support and help, ask for it and receive it. Close, understanding people, an inspiring environment, God, philosophy, wise books - the options for support may be different, but there is always something that you can and should rely on.

It's best when you know how to be different: strong or weak, depending on the situation. When an opportunity arises instead of an obligation, life changes radically. We stop tormenting ourselves for mistakes, demanding impossible perfection, we begin to accept ourselves, internal conflict and tension go away. And at the same time, we are ready to change. We learn to accept the imperfect world and other people with their weaknesses and shortcomings. We no longer perceive failure as a downfall, but rather we rise from our fall and move on.

It becomes easier for us to build healthy relationships because we allow ourselves feelings, intimacy, openness. And because we are not looking for an ideal relationship with an ideal partner.

It is easier for us to listen to ourselves, to our fears and doubts, to our intuition and emotions. All this makes us calmer, returns energy, joy of life. We no longer try to control everything and are able to give in when necessary.

And at the same time, we retain all the advantages of a strong person. We are still able to defend ourselves and our rights, go to the necessary conflict, lead and win.

But our self-confidence becomes not imaginary, but internal, very real. Nothing threatens her, because we accept our various manifestations and are ready to forgive ourselves for them.

Attitudes from childhood are closely related to our self-esteem. If you want to learn more about yourself, take the Self-Esteem Test, which will help you find out if you have the “you have to be strong!” attitude.

Proactivity instead of passivity or reactivity

You accept that you are responsible for your own life. If there is a problem, you can weigh your choices and make a decision.

In comparison, a passive person typically feels overwhelmed or disconnected to the extent that they feel paralyzed and incapacitated to take any action. Likewise, a reactive person simply automatically reacts to things and makes decisions without conscious awareness.

Passive or reactive people are rarely aware that they are making decisions in their lives. Proactive people remember their emotions, thoughts and motives. They love to live their life, even if it is difficult.

Healthy Relationships

The foundation of a healthy relationship is boundaries .

You treat others fairly, which means you love and respect those who are worthy and do not waste your resources (time, money, energy) on toxic people or tolerate their abusive and harassing behavior.

If you encounter something that seems toxic or unhealthy, you make a decision about what to do rather than reacting emotionally or passively accepting it. You regularly review your relationships with other people and come to conclusions that will help maintain your boundaries.

Rational consciousness

See reality as it is. You perceive reality meaningfully using reason, logic, observation and common sense. In comparison, irrational people, even if they are quite logical, may come up with conclusions or connections that make sense primarily to them, but they lack objectivity and are not forward-thinking.

You will be able to maintain a high degree of awareness when you accept a situation, or deceive yourself by being unable to regulate your emotions.

It is important to be in the present moment, without being stuck in the past or dwelling in the future.

Louis Cyr (1863-1912)

0
Source:

The height of this Canadian strongman was only 177 cm, but his chest circumference reached 137 cm. The former Montreal police officer participated in wrestling and weightlifting competitions. He traveled around the world performing feats of strength, pulling four horses and pushing a freight car up a ramp in front of stunned audiences. His most famous feat was lifting on his back a platform containing 18 people - the weight of this platform was approximately 1967 kg. One day he lifted a stone weighing 211 kg from the ground onto his shoulder. He also set a record for lifting the heaviest weight with one hand - 123 kg.

Saying no

Strong people know when to say no. They know where their emotional responsibility ends and the other person begins, and vice versa.

They feel comfortable saying no to boundary violations, aggression, and unfair behavior, which ultimately benefits them. They do not feel shame or guilt for protecting their identity.

Are these points present in your life?
Is there anything you would like to add to this list?
What points would you like to work on?
What does a strong personality mean to you?

If you have questions or would like to schedule a consultation, you can contact me by going to the contact page . I will be glad to help you!

Helping others out of the kindness of your heart

Essentially, everyone is responsible for their own life. By default, we do not owe anything to anyone, just as others do not owe us anything.

Strong people are considerate and helpful. However, giving and helping others is an act of kindness, not an obligation.

You are helpful and caring, but you do not feel responsible for the well-being of other people, just as no one is responsible for you. You can be helpful and generous without guilt or obligation.

Don't try to please everyone

The truth is that no matter who you are or what you do, there will be people who don't like you. You don't like everyone either, so it's natural that not everyone will like you either.

Psychologically strong people do not become aggressive towards others , but they also recognize that social rejection is inevitable - and that is normal.

Focus on yourself

Instead of focusing on what you can't control or on achieving grandiose or anxious goals, you simply live your life as healthy and conscious as possible.

You don't play social games.

You do not follow ideologies or be swayed by social, political and philosophical narratives. You don't try to change everyone around you to suit your tastes. You don't worry about what your neighbor thinks or might be doing wrong.

You create a better life for yourself, one that is not aggressive towards others, towards yourself and your immediate environment.

Victor Delamare (1888-1955)

0
Source:

This classic strongman was born in 1888 in Quebec, Canada. Although he was only 165 cm tall, his feats of strength were legendary. The policeman dazzled audiences by climbing a ladder with a horse in tow or breaking a quarter with two fingers. He officially broke Louis Cyr's record with a one-arm lift of 140kg and performed a 91kg clean and jerk using only one finger. After Delamare's death in 1955, an autopsy revealed that the strongman had double tendons and a spine 10 cm thick - almost twice that of the average man. Some experts believe that he had greater stamina and strength than his hero, Louis Cyr.